Hurt

Jennifer isn't the type of girl with natural beauty you read about in fairy tales and see in movies. She's very self conscious when she's away from home because of the things she's been through, the things that no one knows about. Who knew that one day, she would end up telling someone these deep, dark secrets? And who knew, that all this would happen because she crossed paths with the famous boy band, One Direction?

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6. Loss

 

I stood speechless for about 10 seconds. My eyes opened wide. Was I really staring at Harry Styles? What? Is he real??? This felt so weird, because I've never actually met a celebrity before, and Harry freaking Styles is standing in front of me. In the same hotel as me, and I'm all gross with my hair in a bun and in a big hoodie and leggings. This is so embarrassing.

"HI. HI I'M JENNIFER. Uh oh my gosh sorry I'm so awkward, you're Harry Styles! Woah, how what this is happening" I stuttered. WHY AM I SO AWKWARD FML FML FML.

Harry smiled. He's so attractive holy crap. His hair was curly but not as curly as it used to be, and he wore a brown leather jacket over a black hoodie with black skinny jeans. He said, "Hi Jennifer, I'm Harry. Don't worry about it, why are you nervous? What are you doing?" He pulled me in for a hug. My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest and I was afraid he would feel it. I still couldn't really talk right but I managed to get some words out.

"Oh I have dance class, well not now obviously but like I take dance, like back home, I'm not from here by the way. Oh wait duh you can probably tell I don't have an accent HAHA yeah my dance teacher told me to stretch while I'm away and I'm jetlagged but I couldn't sleep and I thought everyone was asleep so I decided to come out to stretch and stuff. So yeah. Um, is it okay if I take a picture with you guys?" I looked over Harry's shoulder. I saw the rest of One Direction; Zayn, Niall, Liam, and Louis. There was also a bodyguard with them dressed in a black suit.

"Of course! That's quite funny actually, you have Louis' name on your sweater," Harry laughed.

I probably turned bright red but I hope the hallway was dim enough for him to not notice. 

"Oh my gosh I still can't believe I'm actually meeting One Direction. What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

Harry responded, "Oh we're here in Manchester for a concert and this is the hotel we're staying at. Are you on this floor too? Because all our rooms are on this floor," I nodded in response. 

"Cool! Now how bout that picture? Paul, could you take it for this lovely girl?" Harry asked. His bodyguard whose name I guess is Paul nodded politely. I took out my iPhone 5 and handed it to him. Why don't I have a professional looking camera? This is so embarrassing. Oh well at least my phone's quality is pretty good.. I hope. 

Louis, Liam, Zayn, and Niall all walked over to join me and Harry. I hugged all of them and they all greeted me politely and smiled. 

"I like your sweater," Louis chuckled. I smiled awkwardly and buried my face in my hands.

"Ooohhh man this is so awkward, is it creepy to have your name on my sweater the day I meet you?" I sputtered. He laughed.

"Of course not! Don't worry about it, it's quite flattering actually."

We all stood in a line in the super wide hallway with me in the center, Louis on my left and Harry on my right. Harry is so tall, woah. Harry and Louis both put their hands on my waist and I put my hands on theirs. After Paul took a couple pictures for us, I hugged them all.

"Thank you thank you thank you guys so much! This is amazing." I could not stop smiling. Paul handed me back my phone, but his face looked grave.

"Um, while I was taking your picture someone sent you a message. You might want to read it." He said quietly, looking worried.

I took my phone back. I was so confused, what happened? The five boys just stared at me questioningly. I looked down at my phone and saw a new message from my friend Gracie. It read, "Hey Jennifer, did you see the news? A senior at Colm High School passed away this morning in a car crash, his name was Kevin Wan. Did you know him? Aren't you guys friends? Respond as soon as you can, okay? I'm worried :(" 

I dropped my phone and my hand clasped my mouth as my jaw fell open. The five boys immediately looked even more worried. Harry bent over and quickly picked my phone up. 

"Are you okay? What happened?" Harry asked. My eyes began to turn red, and then water. He read the message and his face dropped. 

"Was he.. your friend?" 

My eyebrows crinkled together and still not taking my hand away from my mouth, I nodded. I looked down as tears began to stream down my face; why did this have to happen now? I hated it when people saw me cry, but that was the least of my worries. One of my friends just died.

Harry quickly told the four boys quietly what happened, and they all looked so sorry for me. It was actually really sad. They all hugged me and apologized. Harry pulled me in for a closer hug, and after several minutes the other four boys said they'll leave us alone for a bit. They went back to their rooms, but I was oblivious to everything happening around me. My head was spinning as I tried to tell myself to accept what was happening.

Harry and I just stood their in the middle of the hallway, awkwardly, while he patted my back and told me everything was going to be okay. He was really tall, so instead of resting my head on his shoulder I just cried onto his chest. I'm such an ugly crier. I choked on my tears and I realized I was getting his sweater really wet, so I let go of him. 

"You don't have to comfort me, you should really go get some rest. I'll be okay." I said to him. In the middle of my sentence, my voice cracked because I knew I wasn't going to be okay. I could feel my heart breaking, as if someone was squeezing it. Why did my friend have to be taken away from me? Before turning around and walking back to my room, I broke down again. Instead of acting strong, I backed against the wall and curled into a ball on the floor. I wept and whimpered, and I could feel Harry just staring at me. He sat down next to me on the floor and started to talk.

"I'm really sorry about what happened to your friend, Jennifer. Please don't cry, it's heartbreaking. But don't worry, once you finish I'm sure you'll feel much better. I can't believe this is happening to you, and I'll be here for you, don't worry. You should really go get some rest though, I'm sure you're exhausted." He said soothingly. 

It's been about 15 minutes, so my crying has lessened a little bit. I took a deep breath and said, "Thanks. I'm really sorry for bothering you." 

I didn't dare look at him. This was so embarrassing. Instead, I just stared straight ahead into nothingness, thinking about Kevin's smile. He was such a funny guy, and he was always laughing. Now I'll never get to see his smile again. It was so hard to imagine him lying cold and lifeless on the pavement. As I stared off and thought about Kevin, my eyes started to get glassy. Then, before I knew it, tears brimmed my eyes and began to roll down my cheeks. I didn't make a single sound. I tried to blink back my tears but they just kept running and running, like raindrops on a window.

Harry put his arm around my shoulder and just sat there with me. I was starting to lose control of my calmness, so I buried my face into my knees and just let the tears fall. I bawled my eyes out, and Harry sat there in silence the entire time, rubbing my shoulder. He was really warm, which was good because I started to get cold. After another good 10 minutes of grieving, I gasped for air and stood up. 

"Thanks Harry. I'm just going to go back to my room and maybe sleep. Thank you so much for being here. I don't want to keep you up any longer, you should really go back." I said to him calmly without looking him in the eye. He replied softly, "Don't worry about it. Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I nodded. He pulled my in for another hug.

"Good night, love. I hope you feel better and I'm so sorry for everything. Stay strong, you'll make it through. I'll be here for you." I hugged him back and quickly turned around, speedwalking to my room. I put my phone into the pocket of my hoodie and ferociously tried to wipe the tears off my face, but they just wouldn't stop. 

Stop it Jennifer. Suck it up. Stop crying. Stop. 

I finally made it back to my room and closed the door behind me, since I had left it open before stretching so I wouldn't need to bring my key card. I thought I was going to sleep at first, but instead I went online and searched up the story of Kevin. He and his family were stopped at a red light when a speeding car came out of nowhere and hit them from behind. His mother and sister were in critical condition, and Kevin was the only who didn't make it. I spent a good half hour looking at pictures of him and crying. Then I went on Tumblr and wrote a nice long post dedicated to him, and asked people to reblog it and remember to cherish every day of their lives. Fuck reckless drivers. One of them just took my friend away from me. What will time in jail do? Nothing. Nothing brings a life back. 

I began to play How To Save A Life by The Fray, and cried the rest of the water inside of me out. This pain felt like torture. I finally crawled into bed, exhausted, and closed my eyes. Instead of falling asleep, I felt my pillow get wetter and wetter. I checked my phone. 150 people had reblogged/liked the post I wrote, which was way more than anything I've ever posted, and that made me feel a little better because at least my followers cared. That night I cried myself to sleep.

Goodbye Kevin, I'll see you in a couple of decades, wait for me.

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