Hurt

Jennifer isn't the type of girl with natural beauty you read about in fairy tales and see in movies. She's very self conscious when she's away from home because of the things she's been through, the things that no one knows about. Who knew that one day, she would end up telling someone these deep, dark secrets? And who knew, that all this would happen because she crossed paths with the famous boy band, One Direction?

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3. December

 

Today is December 1st! 

I opened my eyes from my sleep, and looked around my room. Everything was dark, and my nose was feeling colder than the rest of my face. I really didn't mind, I love cold weather. The first day of December officially puts me in a happy mood and I am READY FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

I rolled out of bed and opened my curtains and looked outside; the concrete sidewalks and streets were wet, and there was so much fog it was amazing. It reminded me of the setting for the first Twilight movie.

Since it was so chilly outside, I just felt like wearing something cozy and cute. I saw my new "Tomlinson" hoodie that I got a couple days ago and I was pretty excited to wear it, so I put that on. It's so soft~

I looked around for a pair of my black leggings and my spandex. I hate when leggings are see through and you have to wear spandex underneath, but I haven't found a pair that's completely opaque AND doesn't show your underwear line yet. Damn.

(Jennifer's outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/lazy_cozy/set?id=99141206)

 

I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my hair, and when I looked at how nasty and dirty my hair was I was so grossed out. So I threw it into a messy bun and hoped nobody would notice. 

I did my winged eyeliner, curled my lashes and put on mascara, and applied my subtle dark red lip color like I always did. It makes me happy when people compliment me on my lips because they say I can "pull off a bold lip without looking like a whore", and a lot of people tell me they like my lips since they're so full. I used to hate them, but I realized that once you embrace your features, they become more attractive to both yourself and others. 

 

On my way to school, I went over in my head the things I needed to do today. After telling my teachers about the photoshoot, they were all really happy for me and congratulated me, but since I was leaving a week before winter break started (next week) which is the week everyone takes their finals, I would need to take my finals this week. Since I don't have a lunch period, I have to do all my tests afterschool too...

Today I'm supposed to do my first period and eighth period class's finals, but I have first period off (which is why I don't have a lunch since I'm taking 7 classes), and I have dance last so I don't really have any tests to take today. 

I got out of the car to walk to my first class which was English, and I walk through the dirt. I hate walking in wet dirt with Uggs on, but I always had to take the shortcut to English in the morning since I was almost always late, and my English class is in the shacks outside, which we call the bungalows. Basically it's not in a building. I walked in right as Mr. Enders called, "Jennifer", so I walked by him and said, "Here."

Everyone looked at me and some laughed. While I walked to my table, I caught Sam's eye. I quickly looked away.

Jeez this is so awkward oh my god.

I've thought Sam was super cute from the first day I met him this semester, but I have never gotten to talk to him, although we accidentally make eye contact sometimes and it's just really awkward. He's on the baseball team, so he's pretty popular and a lot of other girls think he's cute too. One time he was looking at me and when I looked at him I was going to smile at him, but the second I turned my head he looked away and I kind of just sat there awkwardly. Damn. 

Like usual, we didn't do anything in English since Mr. Enders is super old and he doesn't notice anything, so I just snapchatted people and worked on some other homework I didn't finish last night for Chinese.

After English I walked alone to homeroom, because we get 15 minutes of homeroom after 2nd period, and it's a pretty long walk since I had to get from the bungalows to the main building's second floor - I'm unlucky enough for all my classes to be located in different places. Literally, no two classes are in the same area in a row. 

When I walked in I sat in my seat next to Gwen, and like usual she would not stop talking about her boy problems, but I never wanted to seem mean so I just pretended to listen and gave her some advice once in a while. Sigh. She never notices that that's all she talks about, but I guess it's not her fault since I'm just her "rant about boys" friend.

After homeroom, I walked to Health, which was all the way down the long-as-fuck hallway. There's always a crowd of people in the middle of the hallway trying to get through so I end up standing in the crowd for 3 minutes until it finally starts moving again. 

In Health class all we did was watch a documentary, and the classroom is super dark when the lights are turned off since we don't really have windows in that room, so I almost fell asleep. It feels like torture, keeping yourself awake when you really want to sleep. 

After Health, I walked to my Pre-calculus class. I really really hate math because I suck at it. But the good thing was that after Precalc I could go to AP Chinese, which was fun since the teacher is really good and she knows how to teach. Ms. Fang is a really nice person and she's funny too.

After Chinese, I went to Intermediate choir, which was my 6th period class, and saw Leon, Jeremy, and their group of friends sitting in the front of the room, like always. When I walked in, they all made a ruckus just to say hi to me, and the whole room just stared at me. It's really hard having a bunch of senior friends in a room full of freshmen, sophomores, and juniors because then they judge you for your friends being so loud even though you know they just want friends like that too. 

I really don't like the girl who sits next to me in choir because she thinks she's really good at singing. I'll admit, her vocal range is impressive and so is her falsetto voice, but when she really starts singing she gets off key easily. We're both altos, since neither of us can go as high as a soprano. But during the songs that we sing she always sings the soprano part, as if she's really good at it or something. Then the high parts come along and she can't hit those notes so she goes back to being an alto. It's really annoying because part of being a good singer, especially in a choir, is to sing in harmony. Sing your part and contribute to the group, instead of trying to stand out. Jeez.

After choir, Jeremy surprisingly enough walked me to my AP Psychology class, since it's pretty far. It made me pretty happy, so I walked into class smiling, and Victoria and Kathy gave me suggestive looks and I laughed and told them to stop. My teacher is pretty oblivious to everything, so this was another class I struggled to stay awake in.

After AP Psych I was pretty pumped to go to dance class since I was really good at it, being a dancer outside of school and all. All we did was spins and spotting, so nothing really big, but I did get pretty sweaty.

Yay! Done with the school day, finally. I gathered my things and began walking to the bus stop from the dance studio, and it felt like it was sprinkling because of how foggy it was. I couldn't get over how much I loved this dark weather. 

 

40 minutes later I was finally home. I had piano class the next day, and my piano teacher was on vacation so I had a month off to practice. The bad thing was that since the garage was still being remodeled and my piano was moved next to the main gate, I was really unmotivated to practice, therefore I have not touched my piano for a month. The thing about pianos is that they're made out of wood, and the thing they can't stand most is moisture. Living in San Francisco, it's hard to keep my piano dry, considering how humid and moist the air is. The piano is too heavy to carry upstairs, so I didn't have anywhere to put it. My poor baby is completely out of tune now and it sounds like it's dying, since it's been left out here for like 2 months now, and its' all dusty because the workers who do the remodeling are careless and couldn't care less about my piano. As disgusting as my piano and my piano bench now was, I forced myself to sit down and practice because I had class tomorrow and it would be so sad if I completely didn't touch my piano for a month.

I practiced for about 2 and a half hours when I really couldn't stand the dustiness and how cold it was getting downstairs, so I covered the piano up and went upstairs. Normally I would practice for way longer than 2.5 hours if I hadn't touched my piano for as long as a month,  but I hated being down there alone. I'm just really grateful to be born with musical talent, because it's really helped me while I was growing up.

Thank goodness I've already taken and passed my 8th grade exam of the ABRSM (Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music), or else my piano teacher would murder me for not practicing. Usually my classes are more laid back since she understands that we're remodeling and it's inconvenient to practice, and not like I have anything to prepare for anymore, but it still makes me feel bad if I don't do a good job.

 

Genuine Fashion & Co. ended up mailing me the plane ticket and directions for where to go and stuff, so I was really getting excited. My parents said they would drop me off at the airport and see me off this Friday afternoon, so that's in 4 days! I was starting to get sad and nervous about leaving my family again, but I told myself to suck it up since this trip would be fun and it's not like I'm leaving them forever. Oh crap, I still need to call my dance teachers telling them I'll be missing group dance for two Sundays and my private lessons on Thursdays once... 

 

 

Two days had flown by and it's now Wednesday night. Piano class yesterday was embarrassing, since my piano teacher could tell I didn't do shit over break.. I hate disappointing her. I did, however, tell her about my trip and she seemed genuinely happy for me! I also took my finals for English and AP Psych on Tuesday, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do too well. Today I finished my finals for Health and AP Chinese, which were both pretty easy for me. The last final is tomorrow's Precalc tomorrow, and I already know I'm going to do horribly but I'm actually studying, which is really unusual for me. After middle school I pretty much didn't try in school, but after getting shitty grades freshman year, I pulled myself together and told myself I would do well. I mean, yeah I still procrastinate and get like 3-4 hours of sleep every day but at least I'm putting effort into it.

Okay Jennifer, pull through! Just gotta take your final tomorrow, rest up at night, then you're on your way to Manchester, England to do your very first photoshoot! Once I post pictures on Facebook, everyone is going to be so surprised. 

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