Hospital Whiteness

I remember how dizzy I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of the loud sirens were fading. The ambulance was shaking, driving so fast, the doctors could barely keep their balance. I had this big, white mask over my mouth, helping me breathe normally. I ignored the whole situation and just disappeared into a half sleeping condition. My mother stood on my right side, held my hand. Black tears of mascara were pouring down her face. You could see the look of her face was screaming. She was almost screaming, but held it back. She held my hand tighter and tighter, in hopes of it would keep me awake and sane. I was scared, but at the same time, I was too exhausted to stay awake in the situation.

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7. One step closer to the answer

I turned around and hid at the staircase. I looked down and saw Dr. O’Riley searching for me. How did he know, where I went? Should I hide or go downstairs and ask him? I had to choose fast.

I looked over at the window across the stairs. There was a picture of my mother on the windowsill. Her brown, short hair matched her green eyes. She smiled all the time. I hoped she was smiling wherever she was. Or at least she would smile, when I had found her.

Dr. O’Riley stood at the end of the stairs and looked up. He saw me.

“Mary, what are you doing here?” he asked confused. I was surprised because I thought he knew.

I got up, and ran down the stairs while saying:

“I’m looking for my mother, she must be here.”

I looked around again. Dr. O’Riley just stood there and looked at me with fear. It scared me a bit, but I had to look for my mother.

“So it’s true?” he asked. I stopped and stood still. My back was facing him, while I was facing the garden outside as I looked through a window.

I was angry. Why all the questions? I needed answers!

“What?” I mumbled. I didn’t even care. I no longer wanted to listen. I was done. I did not trust him or the nurses.

“That… that you don’t remember?” he said quietly. I walked a few steps closer, until I shouted:

“No, I don’t! I don’t know what any of you are talking about, and I don’t know, what is going on.”

He sighted, like he always did. In that low voice of his. I could hear how frustrated he was, just like I was, but I still couldn’t trust him.

His voice was rusty and deep. He sounded so old when he spoke.

“Look, Ms. Patricksen. I need you to go back to the hospital. I will explain everything”, he said.

I turned around. I gave him my most none-expressional face I could. Just to show him, that I didn’t care anymore.

“Fine. I’ll go with you”, I answered.

“As soon as we have found my mother”, I continued.

He walked a few steps closer to me. He acted like I was insane. But that was alright, because I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I remembered so many things, but not what had happened, or why I was put in a mental hospital.

“Mary…” he said calming. He knew I didn’t listen.

“Your mother is not here, and she is not coming back.”

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