Hospital Whiteness

I remember how dizzy I was. I could barely keep my eyes open. The sounds of the loud sirens were fading. The ambulance was shaking, driving so fast, the doctors could barely keep their balance. I had this big, white mask over my mouth, helping me breathe normally. I ignored the whole situation and just disappeared into a half sleeping condition. My mother stood on my right side, held my hand. Black tears of mascara were pouring down her face. You could see the look of her face was screaming. She was almost screaming, but held it back. She held my hand tighter and tighter, in hopes of it would keep me awake and sane. I was scared, but at the same time, I was too exhausted to stay awake in the situation.

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2. Confused and forgetting

I took a deep breath. Already? I sat on the bed and looked at the door. The door opened wider, and a tall, bearded man walked in.

“Mary, this is Dr. O’Riley”, the nurse said.

“Hello, Ms. Patricksen”, he said and took my hand. He shook it and sat on the other side of the bed.

“I am your personal doctor and psychiatrist while you’re here”, he said. “Don’t worry, your mother has been told everything, and she has agreed to let me help you”, he said.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I didn’t like the idea of help. Especially because I didn’t even see, what the problem was.

“I’m sorry, but can somebody please tell me, what is going on? I don’t even know, what happened”, I said.

I looked at both the doctor and the nurse. They looked at each other very confused. I already knew that it was bad.

The doctor looked at me and said:

“You don’t remember what happened?”

Then I was scared. I shook my head a bit and sat up straight.

“Do you know, where you are right now?” he asked.

I didn’t answer, simply because I didn’t know.

“Why do I not remember, what happened?” I asked.

The doctor and the nurse looked at each other again. The nurse lifted her shoulders to say that she didn’t know. The doctor sighted and looked down.

“Don’t worry about that Ms. Patricksen, I’ll go and figure it out”, he said.

“Excuse me; will you meet me at my office? We have to find out, what we’re going to do”, he said to the nurse.

He walked out of the room with the nurse and closed the door. I sat there, speechless. Was it really that bad? The way they spoke scared me. They spoke in a tone that said, that I was the problem, and that it was way more serious, than I thought. My head was spinning and my pulse was rising. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. What had I done?

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