7th of May

Potentia has just moved. She now lives all alone for the first time. She wants to escape the everyday-life, and just be by herself. Caspian is trying to win her heart, but her past is filled with struggles. Will she ever be able to trust again?

We read the diaries of the broken Potentia and the passionate Caspian.

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4. Little blackbird in the woods - Caspian

25th of May

The moon is up there shining again, and I’m laying here admiring it again.

Today was a different day. It was different in many ways. I woke up feeling beaten up as usual. I drank some nice, warm tea while sitting in the backyard with the chickens. They haven’t gone outside the yard for a while now.

When I went back inside, I started doing the dishes. The warm water on my hands reminded me of the warmth of the girls red hair. I don’t know when I last saw her. Was it a week ago? Was it a few days ago? Was it yesterday? I just felt like I hadn’t seen her for a long time. Has she even figured out I live here? Does she know I have seen her? I have so many questions but no answers.

Anyway, I did the dishes not only to do the dishes, but also to enjoy the water. The warm and soapy water. It was like feeling the girls’ hair in the shower. I felt like I was washing her hair. As I did the dishes, I spotted something outside my window. I heard a sound of a bird of some sort, and it was. A little blackbird was sitting outside my window. I searched my cabinets for some berries. I didn’t know what a bird like him would eat, but I found a raspberry. It really seemed like he enjoyed it. I gave him a few more berries and continued doing the dishes.

 

27th of May

I went to the market a few kilometers away. Luckily I had been able to fix my car this morning. The market was crowded. Where did all these people come from? I haven’t seen any houses near mine, except for the girls’. Does she even know there’s a market?

I went to the market to get some seeds, because I wanted some more flowers to grow for the girl.

I considered buying a card for her, but what would I write in it? I couldn’t write a card for a girl who didn’t know who I was. I continued buying flower seeds. They were very cheap so it didn’t harm to buy a few extra. A little boy was sitting next to me. He was sitting on a brown blanket while he was playing a recorder. He had a tiny bucket with a few coins in it. He seemed a bit poor. I asked him where his parents where, and he said they were busy. His mother went from house to house every day to clean for other people. She would do their laundry and cook dinner. His father would also go from house to house. He would take care of peoples’ pigs and cows, feeding them and making sure they were healthy. The little boy said his parents never went home, only at night so he never got to see them. He said he had a younger sister who was only two years old. He had to take care of her. The little boys’ story touched my heart. I grew up being poor and hungry as well. I bought some bread and milk. I gave it to the boy and told him to run home to his sister and feed her. He looked at me in all seriousness. I don’t think he was used to people offering him things like food or money. It didn’t seem like he earned that much money. I told him not to worry about me. I told him that I had plenty of food at home for myself, so he could visit me anytime he wanted to get some food. I told him where I live and he gave me a hug. He packed all his things; blanket, bucket and ran as fast as he could. That was the first time I had thought about another person except for the girl.

 

28th of May

Today, I went to the forest where the trees form a circle. There were already lots of flowers but I decided to let some more grow. I planted the seeds as fast as I could. I didn’t want the girl to see me. For so long, I had wanted to talk to her, but what was I supposed to say? I couldn’t talk to her, but I also couldn’t continue admiring her from a distance. I had been watching her for so long now. I was unable to hold back my thoughts and say how I felt. Maybe if I wrote her a note, I would make her happy without her knowing it was me? Just to let her know she is wanted. I decided to do it. Today, I wrote her a note. It was the first time I communicated with her. I was terrified. How would she react? If I wrote her a note, she would know I had seen her in the circle before. She would know I had seen her. I was confused. I couldn’t figure out if it was a mistake. Not only to write the note, but to have seen her to begin with. I had to take the chance. I had to try and see if she would care about me, if she knew who I was. I wrote her a note. I did it. I can’t believe I did it. I feel so stupid. I couldn’t just go back and take the note, what she already had read it? It was the point of no return. I went home, and here I am. Now, I’m sitting by the kitchen table, wondering if she will read my note.

 

29th of May

We meet again, moon. It’s a beautiful night tonight. I think I might be able to finally get some sleep, because today was an amazing day.

This morning, I went to the forest. I went to the spot where the trees form a circle. I wanted to plant some more flowers when I saw a note. It was a little purple note sitting on one of the purple flowers. I noticed my note was gone. The note I wrote for her. I picked up the note and read it. Immediately, I realized the note was from her. I recognized the enchanting scent of lemon and pine trees filled my lungs. Her handwriting was beautiful. The note she left me said:

 

How would you know that?

 

I don’t know how to reply. Now she’s going to know that I’ve seen her. That I’ve admired her for almost a month. She’s going to know that I know where she is. That I know where she goes. That I know how much she loves those flowers.

It’s eleven o’clock and I’m laying here in my bed, wondering how to reply to a note from the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I’m just afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of doing or saying something completely wrong. Maybe I should go for something safe like:

 

I have seen you a few times. It seems like you really like flowers. Do you?

 

Tomorrow, I will leave this note for her.

 

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