7th of May

Potentia has just moved. She now lives all alone for the first time. She wants to escape the everyday-life, and just be by herself. Caspian is trying to win her heart, but her past is filled with struggles. Will she ever be able to trust again?

We read the diaries of the broken Potentia and the passionate Caspian.

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1. A little change - Potentia

7th of May

I’ve just moved the last vases into the living room. It’s a big relief to finally be done. The whole room is lid up by the sun. It’s shining through everything today. The whole living room looks white and clean as fresh snow, before it has been walked on. Everything’s quiet. It’s so calm and quiet to be alone. At least I’m not all alone. I have my guitar with me. I’m looking forward to the cold winter nights. Making a warm cup of tea and laying on the couch under a ton of blankets. Then it will be nice to be alone. I can play the guitar all night and sleep all day. That’s the dream.

The house sure is nice! I’ve always wanted to live in a house made entirely of trees. It’s so unique to look at. And the smell. Don’t even get me started on that. Everywhere inside smells like pine trees and sweet lemon tea. I’m going to have the best Christmases in this house.

I still need to clean the furniture though. I guess that can wait until tomorrow? I just don’t feel like cleaning tonight. I’m so exhausted. My legs are hurting, and my knees are killing me. I’ll just go early to bed tonight.

 

8th of May

I haven’t slept well, but I guess it’s alright. I usually don’t sleep well in new places. The sound of the boiling water for my tea is giving me the biggest headache. I can barely keep my eyes open. I should probably stay in bed today, but I also want to go outside and look around. I’m having a terrible dilemma, laziness or fresh air, I can never choose between those two.

There are a few boxing in the kitchen and the dining room. I really need to clean this mess. Paintings, vases and records everywhere. It will look lovely with the wallpaper. By looking at the house, I think an old lady used to live here. I wonder if she lived here for a long time. Whoever lived here must have been really lonely, since I can’t see any houses or roads nearby. I am prepared for loneliness though. I just really like spending time alone. It’ll be nice to live far away from everything. I’m going to need to cook a lot using berries and fruits from the woods, because I can’t seem to find any grocery store. Maybe there’s a village here somewhere. I’ll just finish my tea, and then I will go outside and look around a little bit.

This is such a lovely place. I can hear birds singing in the trees, there’s a lovely little pond not far away and the nature. The nature. I have never been this close to it. The trees are gigantic and they are everywhere! The ground is covered in leafs and tiny rocks. This place is absolutely beautiful. When I look at the sky, the trees cover it up a bit, but the sunlight shines through and makes a beautiful pattern on the ground. It’s in this perfect circle in the middle of the trees. This is my place.

 

9th of May

It’s getting late, so I’ll hurry. The Moon is up and I hear the rain popping on the windows. All the vases look really scary at night. I really should consider putting flowers in them. The whole world is scary at night. A beautiful house becomes the witch’s old house in the forest. It makes me sad to think about the lonely person who lived here before I did. I just don’t understand – there must have been someone else living not far away. I mean, this place is so beautiful, why would anyone live here by themself? I can ask myself that question.

It’s almost midnight but I’m not tired at all. Sleeping in the attic really is nice though. I feel so private and secret. I don’t even know my own address. I just know where my house is placed; a few meters away from the lake in the forest. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I just want to grow old here. It would be a dream. Is that wrong? Is it wrong to move far away from everything? Is it wrong to be alone on purpose? I remember 5th grade. How they threw food after me at school. How they made fun of me for having curly hair and pimples. How they made my life miserable. I was so confused. I didn’t know why they did it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? I can’t imagine that, because I was so quiet. Why am I even thinking about that now? It’s midnight and I’m thinking back at when I was about twelve years old. I was such a mess. I was a wreck. I remember looking in the mirror, hearing they’re voices.

We can’t all fit in the sofa because of Potentias’ legs.

Have you considered losing weight?

She’s totally sucking her stomach in, you can see it.

You’re getting braces? They will match your pimples and glasses.

You weigh how much?! Oh Lord, that’s a lot!

It was horrible. It was a living hell. Being forced to meet those people every single day because of school, made me cry. I cried a lot in the bathroom at school. I would lock the door, cry and look at my hideous body. Squeezing the fat around my stomach. Trying to purge every day but failed miserably. At night I would cry of panic, fear and depression. How would I ever be able to continue living like this? How was I supposed to continue going to school and being happy? It was impossible for me to believe that anything would ever get better.

 

10th of May

When I was a kid, I used to wake up in my mom’s bed. She would stand in the bathroom with the door open, doing her hair and brushing her teeth every morning. I would sneak down the stairs as quiet as I could while holding my breath. I sneaked up behind her, trying to scare her even though she stood in front of a mirror, looking at me. I would scream “Booh!” and she would jump. I did that every Saturday morning. Now, I wake up alone in the attic of my old house far, far away all by myself. I can’t figure out if I’m happy about this. I think I’ll go outside, follow the paths in the forest and see what I find.

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