A life worth living

My life before I ran away looked perfect, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, a decorated officer as a dad and a stay at home mother. But if you looked closer you could see the imperfections. You would see that the beer in our fridge would only last for a couple of days. You would see my mother, always trying to keep my dad happy. And you would see the burns on my skin, where the cigarettes had left there mark. But you would have to look hard, to see these imperfections. They weren’t on the surface, they where kept hidden like a deep dark secret.

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11. A life worth living

A life worth living?

Leila’s P.O.V

Jason and I had become good friends; I think I was freaking out because I hadn’t had a friend in a while. I had just taught him how to steal a wallet, and he thought it was so funny and had stolen a bunch to show off. “Ok, I get it your great. Now lets take a break.” I laughed, and he sat down on the curb next to me. He smiled, and toke a sip of the coffee he just bought.  He looked down on my jeans, I felt a little uncomfortable by his stare but didn’t say anything. “A life worth living?” He asks referring to the phrase, in big black letters on my left leg. “TJ?” He asked again, it was the name signed under the phrase. It was like a movie all coming back to me, memories I had repressed for so long all flooding back in.

FLASBACK

His laugh was like music, I remember. He was beautiful, I could never stop staring at him. Every time he caught me staring I would blush and look away.  I was in love with him, no doubt about it, I was in love with TJ. He would mesmerize me, and everything he asked from me, he got. There was no limit, of what I wouldn’t do for TJ. He was my best friend and I was his. I think he knew I had feelings for him, even though I never told him. We were sitting in the ally, cuddled up under some blankets. We had lit a fire to keep us warm. It was Christmas night, and we were freezing. But no matter what, we had each other. I remember feeling safe, and happy. “A life worth living” he suddenly blurts out. “That is what we have to remember, is our life worth living? If not, we change it.” He got out a black marker and wrote it on my leg and signed it. We both laughed and smiled. “So is your life worth living?” I asked TJ. He looked me in the eyes, our face were inches apart. He kissed me. I felt fireworks, I was happy, nothing in the world mattered except for him and me. When he pulled away, he looked me in the eyes. “It is now.” I had never felt any happier; my dreams had finally come true. We stayed up talking about what we wanted to do, he would become a teacher and I would become a painter. We would live in an apartment right next to the ally, so we never forgot where we came from. We both had always wanted a dog, so we talked about getting one. Walking together in the park, drinking coffee at a café, maybe one day have kids. We planned everything that night, and we really believed it would happen. We both fell asleep soon after that. I remember waking up next to him, feeling happy and relieved that I finally found someone to trust. That is when I felt how cold he was, and that is when I tried to wake him up but failed. Police said it was the cold, I just remember feeling broken.

FLASHBACK OVER

“TJ?” Jason asked again, I had apparently been silent for some time. “He was an old friend” Was all I could say. I could feel the tears wanting to flow, like they did back then. But I didn’t cry, I just felt broken all over again. 

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