Is There Anybody Out There?


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6. Walking around.

I got out of school and I walked. I didn't care where I was going, I just let my feet take me on an unfamiliar route.

Headphones in, I walked and walked for hours on end. Not with a particular place in mind, the only motive was to get as far away from the school as possible. I ended up coming to a bridge, and under that bridge was a river. I sat there for a while, just watching the water flow in front of me. 'So peaceful' I thought. For once in my life, I was looking at peace, something calm... something... soothing.

 

I got home at around one the next morning. Daundering in, going straight to my bedroom. I sat there for a while, thinking. Flowing around my head were the thoughts, the thoughts that made my mind un easy. The thoughts that haunt me in the night. It stared at me in the eye, its pull, luring me towards it.

 

I stripped down to my underwear, sat in front of my mirror and started slashing away. Slashing, slashing and slashing until My thighs and arms were almost unrecognisable. Dripping of blood, I stood up. Feeling it all run down my body, I tensed my muscles, hoping it'd flow faster. That didn't work.

 

I stood there for ages, just looking at my blood. Watching in fascination, as it dripped down my cold body. My blood was surprisingly cold, not as warm as it usually is. After a good hour and a bit of watching myself drain, I decided I'd better start trying to stop the flow and clean it up. I stopped the flow, cleaned it all up, put some cream on all of them and then shoved a tubi-grip on my arm. I then lay on my bed, looked up at my ceiling and started gently sobbing to myself.

 

How could I get this bad? How did I get this bad? Why can't I stop? Why do I have to do this to myself to feel alive? Would anyone even care if I was gone? Would anyone even care if I no longer roamed this delusional shit hole of a world. This society is majorly fucked up. They don't care, they don't care until it's too late. Until I'm gone, they don't care. The watch me, they taunt me, they make me.

 

Ugh, too much is flowing through my mind. I need to sleep. I have to sleep.

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