Let love decide

Jane never expected something excited would happend to her. She just moved to London and wanted to forget her past. But one day she meet Harry Styles and then the rest of One Direction and thats where exciting things start.
But what happens when love destroys everything?

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9. Chapter 9 - Can't stop thinking

 

Can't stop thinking

*I'm so sorry for nor updating but my laptop made some problems and then my internet didn't function anymore. I hope you'll enjoy it. And please comment. They make me so happy. Critisim always welcomed if its not to harsh! Lots of love. xx*

 

 

I had a quick shower and changed into some other clothes. Nialls clothes were comfy but it just didn't feel right to wear them at the moment.
I unpacked the rest of my cartons and was happy with the result. It was still a mess but a mess where i could find everything, if you know what i mean.

I laid down onto the couch and opened twitter on my phone. I hadn't checked it for ages. I mean i hadn't the time for it either. My site load and i waited. I wasn't sure what i wanted to tell Harry but i had to be honest.  To be honest i'm afraid of his reaction. I don't want him to be mad at me or anything.

I had no laptop because i had no money for it. I saved money for a long time for my phone and i get the old TV from my brother. I sighed. I had no money and i didn't want to complain all the time but i'm just unhappy with the situation now.

I looked down at my phne again and was suprised. Wow, i got a lot of tweets. And i've got 2000 new follower?! What the..?!

Suddenly the ball rang and i closed my twitter.

I stood up and went down the little hall. I opened my door and saw Harry there. He looked unhappy and sent me a cold glare.

He passed by and muttered a 'hey'. I bite down my bottom lip and shook my head.

I followed him into my living room.

"So why do you want to talk?", he asked really disinterested. I let myself fall next to him and played with my thumbs. The silence was so awkard but i really don't know what to say..

"You.. you are so nasty.. I mean what have i done?", i whispered and lifted my view. I looked into his green eyes and wanted them to look back at me. To have the warmth again. But he tried to avoid my glance.

"I don't know whats you problem.. You let me alone standing in the club. I was there for you. I hate clubs. I hate the music and i hate to drink but i wanted to try it for you. You left me for more than 10 minutes alone and flirted with a blond girl instead. Is this okay? You seem to be angry at me but you have no wright to. I.. I wanted to get you to know. I thought there is more in you than this boyband guy. This womanizer everybody talk about. But maybe i was wrong", i said and looked down at my hands again. The tears began to form and i knew he'l saw me crying soon. And i hate crying. I always try to be strong or at least seem to be but i'm not. I wanted to yell at him, to blame him for his behavior but i simply can't.

"Jane,,", he started and i heard how hurt he was. I lifted my view again and saw how he fiddeled with his curls. I tried to ignore how cute he loos. I wanted to protest but he didn't let me.

"I'm sorry for leting you alone in the club but do you ever asked yourself how i feel? You were gone immediatly! You just let me alone and then you didn't even reply to any of my messages! Instead you nearly slept with 3 of my best mates!?", he explained and started to sound angry.. At first he was hurt but in the end he yelled at me. My mouth dropped and i saw into his eyes. Full of fury now.

"You told me you wanted to get to  know me. You told me you don't even give a shit about the band!", he yelled.

"What do you want to hear?! That i'm sorry for being freinds with your friends? God Harry chill down a little!"

"Maybe you should let us alone! You just destroy everthing", he screamed and i gasped.

"You know what Harry, you're right maybe i should let you boys alone..", i whispered.

I have enough of it. Enough of Harry. I don't want him or anything. The tears run down my cheeks slowly and i just want him to go.

I felt his hands on mine. I felt the sparkles again and gasped. I pull back in shock.

"Harry, i never meant to get you hurt or anything", i sob.

I looked up and saw how near his face was.

 

Harrys P.O.V

 

I can't stand her being hurt. She was so innocent and fragile. But i can't let her in. You know what i mean? Let her anywhere near me. Girls always cause trouble. Especially when nearly everyone of the band likes her. I wanted to kiss her. Her soft lips looks so inviting. She seemes so innocent. And i know she want me to. I wanted so badly. But i can't. It would only mean trouble with the band. She was a troublemaker. A pretty hard troublemaker. Her green eyes looked at mine. She was so pretty and hot. Ugh. I can't hurt her.

I don't want to be mad at her but i can't forgive her either.

"Maybe it's the easiest if we just drop the subject and start new again", i whispered and  she just nod.

I knew i can't walk away from her either. The boys like her to much. And me too.

"We should try to be friends i guess?", i suggested. Her breath increased and i know i should bring some distance between us but i think i simply haven't the intention. Before i start something i would regret. Because when i started once to kiss her i know i couldn't stop.

 

Janes P.O.V.

 

I didn't want this moment to end. Him sitting in front of me. His green eyes starring in mine. No words destroing this moment. He seems so vulnerable. I know i should beg away but i can't. I could feel the sparkels between us and his breath over my lips. If he would just kiss me.

"We should try to be friends i guess", he said. I feel how his words hurt me. I wanted to answer but suddenly the door rings and i jumped in shock. I gave Harry a sorry look and stood up.

I went to the door and opened to find a lot of flashing cameras and my name was screaming.

I put one hand over my eyes.

"What the hell?", i menotied to say and here the people screaming at me and flung questions at me.

My eyes got big when i heard them asking things about me and Harry and the other boys.

What?! I stood there in confusion and narrowed my eyes.

I didn't know how to react so i just pushed my door close again and let the paps there standing like idiots.

"Harry?", i yelled and run into my living room. He gave me a questioning look.

"Paps.. evereywhere", i gasped and bite down my bottom lip. That was definetly not how i want things to be.

"Maybe i should go then", he said and stood up. He diladed something in his phone and let me there standing like the fool who i am.

He gave me one last glance before he dissapered. I heard the door close.

I punched my tiny fist against the wall and felt the tears in my eyes again.

I slid down the wall and start to cry. 

I should know it from the moment i saw him. Harry wasn't good for me. Even was one of the boys. I know i should be distant to them from now on. 

 

*~*

The next day was strange. There where pictures with me and Harry in the newspaper. Me standing in my door and looking like an crying idiot and Harry  waliking out of my house, looking like a fucking model. He tried to ignore it and to my luck nobody at work mentioned it. I'm sure Melody would but she was ill so she can't. I recieved tons of texts from the boys, but ignore them. I don't want conact to any of them. The next day was the same and i felt like shit.

These two days were shit. I had sleepless nights. My thoughts weren't clear. I always thought about the boys and want to be with them. And laugh with one of them.  They make me forget about everything. Every shitty detail of my life. But i know i can't. Harry was right. I would only destroy them. How i destroy everthing.

I wanted my life to be simple from now on. My life always has been difficult. From my birth on. Maybe that's the challenge in my life. My life itself is the challenge for me.

I walked down the streets from London and heard some music. I finished working and get some things for my new home and some clothes.

The paps dissapered with Harry and i was happy with that. I didn't like the attention.

I noticed Starbucks at the corner of my eyes and decided to make a little stop there.

I get my hot drink fast and get out of the store again. I was late afternon and already dark. My brother always told me to be at home before it gets dark but i'm a big girl. I can look after myself.

I nearly was home when i suddenly heard some girls following me.

I turned around and saw them glarring at me. I narrowed my eyes and tried to ignore them.

"Hey!", one of them suddenly shouted.

"Yeah?"

"You are the girl Harry hanged up with, aren't you?" I shook my head in confusion and narrowed my eyes even more. What the hell?!

"Liar", the blond one spit and shot me an evil glare. I swear, if  glares could kill, i would be die.

"Am i?", i asked them and knew they'll became unsure from now on.

"Stop being a bitch and accept the fact that you're to ugly for him or you'll regret it soon!", she yelled.

I didn't know what to respond so i just turned on my heels and let them standing there.

I don't have the nerv to have a bitch fight woth some little fangirls right now.

Suddednly i felt grip at my hand holding me back. I turned around again and tried to get hold of her grip but this girl was strong. They pushed me in a dark corner and i fall back at the ground.

"What the fuck is wrong with you girls?", i wanted to know and tried to stand up. Suddenly i notices her. The blond one. It was Lessie. Long story short. We used to be best friends but one day we had a uge fight and she started to make my life a hell. She changed sice then, but in a more bad way.

"OUR problem? Only because you have the nervs to ask shows how naiv you are! Just let your dirty fingers off Liam, Niall, Louis, Harry and Zayn and everyone is happy okay?", one brunette said with a bossy tone. I stood up and shot them a death glare. When there is one thing i hate, then it's people bossing me around.

"You know what, first of all you can't tell me what i have to do. Two, i don't even meet them the past few days. Three, even when i fuck each of them at the same time, none of you have the right to judge me because none of you knows me!"

I saw the shocked expression in their faces when suddenly everthing happend fast.

One of them pushed me down and hold me tight. One grabbed my hands. I gasped at their hard action.

Lessie got my coffe and opened it.

"So again slowly for you stupid bitch! One, we do what we want to", she command and turned the cup on top of my head. I heard myself screaming and felt the hot liquor streaming down my face. One girl closed her hand over my mouth.

"Two, you should behave or something even bad would happen", i heard her speaking but can't react. I felt her feet hitng my belly and i gasped.

"And three, little Jane, i knew things who nobody sould know about you so don't try to battle me", she whipered and her friends let go of me.

I falled down on to the snow and saw their food dissapear. I heard some pounding into my ears and knew i should stand up soon. I saw the snow falling down at me and heard myself gasping as it turned dark from the blood at my wrists. I can't remember how they made me bleed but it still happened.

Worse of all Lessie was right. She knew things about me no one should know. I could end it and stay here. Freezing. Bleeding.

I slowly stood up and noticed it was dark right now.

I got home somehow and noticed a dark figure at my front door. I opened my frontdoor and looked up.

It was Liam. I narrowed my eyes at the sight of him.

"Hey", he whispered with a raspy voice. His eyes widened at my sight and i just gave him a tierd smile.

"Don't ask here. I think you want to come in?", i wanted to know and knew the answer. He just nod.

When we arrived at my flat Liam get into my living room while i changed. My jacket was full of coffe and i had to change my pullover and jeans. Everywhere was blood and coffee.

I made a messy bun and decided to shower after Liam leaves. I hope that's soon.

"Do you want something to drink?", i asked and made myself a cup of tea. He shook his head and i let myself drop onto the couch.

"Jane, what happend to you?"

"Nothing.. just some girls who want to cause trouble", i shrug. Liams eyes get wide and he nod as if he wants me to talk even more but i just didn't want to talk about Lessie. I wanted her to be an old chapter in my life.

"Why are you here?", i ask instead. Now it was his time for shrugging.

"I missed you", he whispered and feel his hands at the side of my face. I lean in into his poalm and sighed.I didn't know why i did this. Maybe i'm done fighting with myself.

"And?"

"And nothing. I sent you messages but you didn't react so i decided to come here. The rest of the boys wondered too where you have been but no one managed to come here, so i did", he explained even further.

"I was kind of busy.. The job and London", i murmered and looked down at my lap.

"You know, you can always talk to me?", he said.

I nod and looked back into his eyes. I noticed the symetrie from only two days ago with Harry. But Liam wanted this. He wanted to come over. He cared. Unless Harry. I looked into his hazel brown eyes. I know i wanted this. He lean in and i felt his breath on my lips. He gave me some seconds to beg away. But i can't. I can't resist him. I closed my eyes when his lips crashed on mine.

 

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