I Don't Fall In Love

It was May. I was home from my sophomore year of college and I was jobless and bored as hell. I was job surfing when I stumbled across a hair styling assistant job for One Direction when they were going on their tour in North America. What the fuck. Might as well apply.

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16. Selfish

I entered the very spacious tour bus and looked around in awe. It was pretty much like a house but a lot more narrow. The boys begged for me to be on the bus with claiming I'll always keep them in check, which is true. 

"Dibs on top bunk,"I yelled while racing towards the bed with the boys hot on my heels.

As I started to climb up to it I felt a pair of hands gripping my waist pulling me down. I turned and saw Harry smirking at me.

"Sorry,doll,top bunks mine. But you can have the one under me,"Harry suggested. 

Yeah that was not going to work. I am a persistently stubborn girl and I always finds way to get what I want. I nicely wrapped my arms around Harry's neck and widened my light brown eyes making them look sad. My puppy dog eyes have gotten my out of 2 speeding tickets and a few having to pay for appetizers. 

"Please,"I asked softly while pouting my lower lip a little. Harry's face just remained hard but I could tell he was starting to crack. I saw Louis coming to walk past me out of the corner of my eye. 

"Aww come on Haz, you can't say no to that face," Louis said while pinching my cheek.

Harry rolled his eyes and just looked at me again. He let out a huge sigh of relive. "Fineee,"he groaned and I smiled and gave him a sweet kiss.

"Thanks,"I smiled as I set my laptop and phone down on it.

Harry leaned in close to me,"but I hope to be spending time on the bed with you."

I looked at with a smile and rolled my eyes,"Harry you only a tiny bit taller than me I don't think both of us could fit." 

Harry just smirked and whispered in my ear,"I guess we'll just have to get super close together then." 

It was only a forty minute drive to Miami but with traffic it was said to be extended it to 3 hours. The boys were playing video games and I was sitting horizontally on my bed with my legs straight and crossed at the ankles. It was really cool on the bus and I was only wearing jean shorts and a tank top so I stole one of Harry's sweatshirts. It smelled just like him, heavenly. I was on my laptop scrolling through tumblr and listening to my Ed Sheeran pandora station a little too loudly. I switched to twitter and noticed one of my friends from home post a twitpic and he tweeted "I can't believe its been a full month." I opened a picture and it was of a time we all took a trip to the lake. Luke had me on his back and we were all about to jump in. I looked at the date, the 14th. My heart sunk and I shut my lap top and placed on the bunk under mine. I plugged my headphones into my phone and pressed shuffle. I buried my head in my pillow and begin to cry.

I turned my head to the wall and took a deep breath. All the feelings and emotions I've tried to surpass just came all rushing back. I am the world's biggest bitch was the first thing I thought. It's only been one month...30 days, since the love of my life passed away and I'm over here touring the country with a boy band and kissing,cuddling,and growing feelings for another guy. Just like Luke didn't mater, just like he didn't happen. Like he wasn't the one who saved my life and didn't even bother with his own.How the hell could I be so selfish.

I didn't notice that I was sobbing until I felt like there was no more air. My breath was sharp and the tears just wouldn't stop flowing. I felt a hand on my back and call my name. I knew it was Harry when he called me doll next. I couldn't look at him, I was falling apart and he was part of the reason. 

"Tell me what's wrong,"Harry said clearly because he paused my song with my headphones. I didn't answer,I just continued to sob. I felt his hands grip my waist and turn me on my side to face him. I just pulled the sleeves to sweater to cover my hands and covered my face, not wanting to look into those eyes that started the problem. 

"Please,"Harry whispered,"talk to me." I just shook my head,still not bringing myself the look at him. I heard him sigh and walk away but I heard him come back shortly after. 

"Tessie?"I heard Louis's voice ask. He quickly became one of my best friends, like a brother to me. 

I wiped my eyes on the sleeved and uncovered my eyes. His eyebrows were resting on the edge of the bunk with his chin on his hands. He gave me a small smile before saying,"move over." 

I scooted over so my back was fully against the wall. Louis crawled into bunk and laid on his side and placed his head on his hand. "Tell me all about it,"Louis sighed while looking down at me.

I told Louis everything I was feeling to why I was so sad because it's been a month since Luke's death and why I was feeling so horrible about Harry. He listened intently and nodded occasionally. 

"Wanna know what I think,love?"Louis asked. I just nodded. "I know how much you loved Luke,I can tell. But,no matter what you think,eventually you have to move on. It doesn't mean that you forgot Luke or that you're being selfish it just means that life is moving on, and you have to,too. Harry really likes you Tess, I can tell. Just give him a chance and give yourself a chance to let someone else in." 

He was right. What he said made total sense and I should really listen to his advice. 

"Thanks,Louis,"I smiled while kissing his cheek.

"No problem at all,Tessie,"he smiled back  while poking my nose and getting off the bed. "I'll go get him." 

I stayed pressed against the wall and curled up,waiting for Harry. I saw him slowly round the corner with a weak smile on his face. 

"Are you okay?"Harry asked while placing his arms on the bed and resting his head on it.

"Yeah,"I whispered. 

Harry smiled climbed onto the bunk and laid on his side. I lifted my head so he could put his arm under it. His hand rested on my waist and pulled me close to him. 

"Remember what I said,"I began to to ask while gazing into those perfect eyes,"about not falling in love."

"Yeah,"Harry answered while rubbing my back. 

"I think I might have lied,"I whispered to him while biting my lip. 

Harry sweetly kissed my lips while I snuggled into the crook of his neck.

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