I Don't Fall In Love

It was May. I was home from my sophomore year of college and I was jobless and bored as hell. I was job surfing when I stumbled across a hair styling assistant job for One Direction when they were going on their tour in North America. What the fuck. Might as well apply.

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21. Left

I was in a white room, I think. I couldn't tell where the walls stopped or ended or if there were any walls. I looked down to see I wasn't wearing my shorts and sweatshirt from before I was wearing my mint dress and I was bare foot. The last thing I remember was I was starting to walk across the street. I looked around the room and couldn't be more confused. I then saw a figure walking towards me. I squinted my eyes and tried to see who it was. As the figure got closer I started to start to recognize who it was, but it couldn't be. Soon he was standing right in front of me, looking down at me slightly with those deep, dark blue eyes. 

"Luke?"I sighed in disbelief. He gave his signature smirk. "But...how?" I asked while still looking at him confused.

Luke shrugged,"this is your subconscious,Tessie." That voice, my nickname, I've missed it all so much it was unbelievable. "When you were crossing the street a car hit you and you automatically black outed and now you, as in your body, is in coma. The doctors gave you a 50 50 chance of coming out of the coma or dying. But that's up to you," Luke stated bluntly. 

"I decide whether I live or die?"I questioned him. Luke nodded yes. "What if I decided to just let go, do I stay here with you?" I asked again.

"I guess so,"Luke answered while shrugging his shoulders. 

I looked at the ground and pondered the thought of that. Dying. I missed Luke so much and seeing him, in front of me, made me want to stay with him. I didn't realize how much I was thinking about what to do until I heard Luke's voice snap me out of it.

"Don't," Luke stated. 

I quickly looked up at him and creased my eyebrows. "Don't what?"I asked. 

"Don't even think about letting go,dying,"Luke said while a serious expression. 

"But I miss you so much,"I admitted, letting a tear run down my cheek,"I want to stay here with you." 

Luke shook his head,"I know you miss me. I miss you too. But giving up everything you have now isn't going to be worth just dying because you miss me." 

"Nothing I have now compares to staying with you,"I sighed wiping some of my tears away.

"That's not true," Luke smiled,"you have a new job that I know you love because I know how much you like to travel." 

"I need you," I said. 

"You don't, not anymore,"Luke says matter of factly," he needs you." 

Suddenly we were both standing in a hospital room. I saw myself laying so still in bed with all these different wires hooked up to me. My face had a few scratches on it and so did my arm. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was 2:30,probably in the morning. My eyes next fell onto Harry who was sitting in a chair next to my side. His eyes looked tired and were focused on my face. One hand was supporting his head and another was placed over my hand. 

"Harry doesn't need me,"I confessed while looking at Luke.

"Trust me, he does," Luke said with a small smile. 

"If I left he'd easily be able to find some other girl. He has thousands that would kill for a change to be with him,"I stated back while looking back at Harry and then at Luke. 

"True but who's bedside is he at at 3am and will probably never leave? Who gets their favorite flower from every morning just because?" Luke questioned.

"Me,"I answered quietly. 

"Exactly,"Luke exclaimed,"and who is the only person who's ever made you truly and purely happy over the past month and a half?" 

"Him," I answered again softly. 

"So do you really want to leave that behind and leave him like I left you?" Luke asked while moving his head to the side.

The first week after Luke died I just spent in my room, in my bed, wearing his sweatshirts and shirts that he left in my room. My parents had to literally made me eat something but I refused to go anywhere or see anyone. It was the worst and most empty and lonely feeling and I would never want to wish that on anyone, especially Harry. 

I shook my head,"no but won't you be mad at me, like feel like I'm replacing you?" 

Luke smiled a little,"of course not. I want you to live your life and be happy, even if it is without me. Just because you're moving on with you life and starting to grow feelings for someone else doesn't mean you're replacing me, it just means you're learning to live without me. And that okay." 

"I want to fight, I want to wake up,"I said slowly, looking up at Luke. 

"Good,"he winked ,"I'll see you around,Tessie." Luke smiled and kissed my forehead. I closed me eyes and sighed. 

When I opened my eyes again he was gone and I was still in my hospital room just watching myself and Harry. 50 50 chance? I like those odds.

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