My Rock

Louis Tomlinson is a senior in college. He’s popular, outgoing, and always willing to help anyone in need. Harry Styles is an introverted sophomore who receives constant harassment and bullying because of who he is. He doesn’t fit in, he’s shy, has no friends, and no real family to confide in; the fact that he’s gay doesn’t help matters. He’s just a blip on everyone’s radar, floating by, but a punching bag to those who loved reminding him how much of a loser he really was. When Harry was hospitalized months before for a suicide attempt, Louis was assigned to him through the Big Brother program. Will Louis be able to help Harry? Will Harry be able to let Louis in?

A/N: This is my fist fic. I give it a trigger warning because it deals with self harm and suicide attempts and thoughts… there is no actual death

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18. Not So Welcome Home

                “Please mum” Harry begged.

                “No, I don’t approve of your lifestyle, and I am not gonna subject myself to it.”

                “But mum Christmas is just not the same without you.”

                “No Harry, I won’t end of discussion. Bye!” Anne said harshly as she hung up the phone.

                Harry had been home most of the day by himself while Louis was out getting last minute ingredients and things for the Christmas dinner that Harry was about to prepare. Harry knew that he didn’t want to be alone right now. He always knew that his mum didn’t accept him for him and never would, but that has never stopped them celebrating Christmas together before.

                The monsters that once haunted him had now returned. He didn’t even give the thoughts running through his head a second thought. He went straight to the bedroom that he and Louis shared and to the closet where he kept that shiny piece of metal. He grabbed the blade, slowly walked to the bathroom, closed the door and slid down the wall. He felt like shit. All the confidence that he had gained over the past couple of months had disappeared, just like Harry wanted to. Harry twirled the shiny blade between his fingers listening to every thought that went through his head.

                “You are worthless. If your own mother can’t even be around her only son, that says something. There is no point in trying to be happy anymore, the more I try, the more I fail. Louis doesn’t even really love me. The only reason we ever started living together is because he felt sorry for me. But that’s exactly it. I am sorry. I am nothing. I am worthless and it would make everyone else happy if I was even around anymore.”

                “That’s it” Harry thought. “That’s what I have to do. I have to end it. It is the only way to stop being such a burden.” Harry grabbed the metal firmly in his hand, laid his arm across is leg and pressed the shiny metal down. He dragged it vertically from the bend of his wrist to half way up his arm. He sat there and watch mesmerized by the quick flow of blood dripping out of the fresh wound. He watched as it beaded and dripped. His vision became fuzzy. He knew he was about to pass out. This was it. This was the end.

                “Harry?! I’m home.” Louis called from the front door with an armful of groceries. “Harry?” Louis called again and waited for a response. “HARRY?” Louis called again, now with panic in his voice. He knew Harry was home and for him to not respond or to not come running when he called meant something was wrong. “HARRY?” Louis stood quiet for a second, trying to listen for any sound that would let him know that his beloved Harry was alright. All of a sudden he heard a loud thud. Louis went running to where the sound came from. He stopped at the bathroom door. “Harry? Love? You alright?” When Louis didn’t hear a response, he began to panic. He flung opened the bathroom door to see Harry lying there in a pool of his own blood.

                Louis quickly fell to Harry’s side with tears streaming down his face, placing Harry’s head in his lap. He couldn’t lose Harry. He needed Harry. His only instinct was to call 999. He reached into his pocket and dialed the number that would hopefully save his love’s life.


“999 What’s your emergency?”

“I NEED AN AMBULANCE, MY BOYFRIEND, HE IS BLEEDING OUT.”

“About how much blood has he lost sir?”

“I DON’T KNOW I JUST NEED AN AMBULANCE!”

“There is one on the way; you need to try to remain calm.”

“CALM! I CANT REMAIN CALM, HE IS DYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!”

“Sir, I need you to calm down and tell me if he is breathing?”

Louis exhaled and checked to see if he could see the rise and fall of Harry’s chest. “Yes, he is breathing.”

“Ok good, has the bleeding stopped?”

“I –I don’t know, I can’t tell where it is coming from.”

“Try to locate it, and if it hasn’t stopped apply pressure with a cloth to stop the bleeding.”

Louis looked around frantically to try to determine where the blood was coming from. He scanned Harry until he noticed the ten inch vertical gash from his wrist up his forearm. “I found it. It’s a deep gash. It hasn’t stopped” Louis responded has he ripped his shirt off to use it to apply pressure. “I have pressure on it now.”

“Ok good, now stay on the phone with me until the ambulance arrives”

                Not minutes later, the paramedics came rushing through the door of the flat, stretcher in hand. Louis got up and watched quietly as they picked his love’s seemingly lifeless body off the cold hard bathroom floor. The very second they laid Harry on the stretcher; Louis fell to his knees screaming. He didn’t know what to do. He felt helpless, he felt as he should have been there for him. He blamed himself.

                “Son? Would you like to ride to the hospital with him?” the paramedic asked as he knelt down beside Louis, placing an arm around him.

                Louis looked up with tears still streaming down his face, “Can I?”

                “Of course! But let’s get you a shirt and a jacket before we go out there.” Louis nodded and slowly got up and quickly changed before following the paramedic out to the ambulance.

                We have a sixteen year old white male with trauma to the left forearm from what looks like a suicide attempt. It is estimated that he lost about two pints of blood on scene. Bleeding was stopped on scene and one bag of blood was given transit.

                Louis stood back and watched as they rushed Harry into the trauma room. He stood outside the glass windows as they worked on Harry, hooking up IVs, heart rate and respiratory monitors. Louis was a wreck; he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t call Anne because she wanted nothing to do with Harry and well he wasn’t sure of Gemma and Harry’s relationship. He called the only person he thought to call.

                “Hey Miss. Teasdale, its Louis.”

                “Everything alright love?”

                “Umm, not really, I just didn’t know who else to call. I’m sorry.”

                “What’s wrong?”

                “I-it’s Harry. He umm tried to umm commit suicide” Louis barely mutters out before breaking into tears again.

                “Again?”

                “What do you mean again?”

                “Oh Hun, I thought he would of told you by now. Forget I said anything.”

                “No, Miss. Teasdale, you know me. You can’t just say something like that then quit. What do you mean again? I don’t care if you are violating some code. This is Harry we are talking about, my boyfriend, the love of my life. You just can’t keep this from me. I am begging you Miss. Teasdale.”

                A sigh was heard through the phone. “The day I partnered Harry with you, was his first day back after being out of school for a suicide attempt.”

                Louis’s mouth dropped. It all made sense to him now: the reason why he looked terrified when Louis  talked to him in the hallway that first day, and the reason he always wore bracelets, and that time at his house when Louis kissed his scars and promised to protect him. Louis realized that he broke his promise to Harry. He didn’t protect him if he had, they wouldn’t be here in the hospital. “I-I’m sorry. I failed. I didn’t keep my promise.”

                “Louis listen to me and listen to me carefully. This is not your fault. Those who have tried once are twice as likely to try again. You can’t save him from his thoughts, all you can do is be there for him and help change his thoughts. Now Louis, go be with him.”

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