worthless but lovable

* i am re writing it so sorry if chapters are missing*

jess feels lonely she never had a boyfriend or never even kissed with somebody but that was all about to change on the night she decided to end it all... a boy comes a long it isn't just a boy its the towns bad boy she is afraid to fall and to be broken..... but isn't she broken enough? so why not have fun... (a justin bieber fanfic)

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2. worthless

Chapter 1:

 

Jess’s point of view

 

I was standing on top of a high building and my feet were glued to the floor. In front of me stood my best friend with tears in her eyes. As I looked in her eyes her facial expression changed. you will never be a good person, you will always be the worthless person that you are today. As I took in her words I felt tears streaming down my face. I wanted to scream but no words came out of my mouth.”

 

I woke up after a nightmare. One of the many nightmares i had every night since i became depressed. Normally i would wake up crying but now i was just feeling numb. I tried to lie back down and fall back asleep but it did not work. The only thing i could do was lie awake and think about the horrible things that i  had done in my life. After a couple of hours I was still thinking negative thoughts and it only got worse. After a while i started asking myself all kind of questions. Why do i even excist. I'm just going to be alone forever. I am worthless, ugly and fat.  

After a day of laying on the couch watching lame romantic movies, because that is one thing that helps me get away from reality. It was beginning to get dark again outside and i was spending another Saturday night alone. The most important thing of my evening was deciding whether i would read a book or watch another movie about true love. I would probably start crying again because that’s how pathetic i am.  After half an hour of self pity i decided to read a book. The book was about a girl who killed herself and send some tapes to the people who were kind of the reason. I know not that smart to read such a book while being depressed but i could not help it.

Two hours later  i finished the book. I still had like 4 hours till i could go to bed and i had absolutely no idea what to do with myself. After a while sad thoughts started to take over my head again. When is this going to stop?  The boys at school don’t like me and i can not do anything right. I wish i could end it all right now.. Wait..? i can! Why keep on living in this world where nobody likes me? I think i am ready to end all the sadness and the pain.

I stood up from the couch and put on my coat. I opened the door of my dorm room and walked into the dark night. When i finally reached the drugstore i walked in and bought as much pills as i could find. This will do i thought as i payed the cashier and walked outside. I was shocked because i could buy all those pills without questions. I started my walk home while thinking about things that i would never have to see again.

After ten minutes  came into a dark ally.  It gave me the creeps and i didn't like it, but i walked further anyways. I tried to walk as fast as possible. when i suddenly heard a noise from behind me. I looked around and saw a dark figure. I could see it was a tall boy he had dark scary eyes and a scar on his face. As far as i could see he wasn't bad looking in his black leather jacket, but i still did not feel safe. Not that i should care i would kill myself anyway.

The tall boy walked closer and looked me in the eyes. His gaze felt strong and i could not move. When he reached the place where i was standing he stopped and smirked. “ what is a beautiful girl like you doing alone in this dark place? His voice was deep and i could not stop but notice how big his eyes where. “I am not beautiful. Seriously are you blind?” i mentally slapped myself for being so rude but who cares anyway?. He pushed me up against the wall and put my hands above my head. Suddenly i felt soft kisses on my neck.

When i realized what he was trying to do i panicked. He was going to rape me! i tried to get him of of me but i wasn’t strong enough. After a few attemps I tried to scream but he put his hand on my mouth. “don’t scream just work with me and this will all be over soon” he put his hand away and looked me in the eyes. “ please get over with it and kill me after it so i won't have to do it myself.” I heard myself say tears starting to stream down my face. I would die anyways why not  give him his fun and me more pain.

His eyes suddenly softened. He let go of my wrist but still held me against the wall. “Give me the pills” his voice almost as broken as mine was before. “no i need them please.” I almost begged him not to they were my only way out. “Give them to me!” now he was just full on screaming. I gave him what he wanted and looked down at my feet. “you are coming with me.” with those words said he pulled me with him untill we reached his black range rover. 

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