worthless but lovable

* i am re writing it so sorry if chapters are missing*

jess feels lonely she never had a boyfriend or never even kissed with somebody but that was all about to change on the night she decided to end it all... a boy comes a long it isn't just a boy its the towns bad boy she is afraid to fall and to be broken..... but isn't she broken enough? so why not have fun... (a justin bieber fanfic)

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4. pain

Chapter 3

 

Jess’s point of view

 

His pretend girlfriend? Is this dude crazy or something? Well he is because even if it is pretend he is crazy for wanting me to be his girlfriend. Ughh. “what if i don’t?” my voice a little bit shaking. “well, i can still have fun with you.” The evil smirk returning to his face. He stood up and i looked up at him while he got a gun out from under his belt. Of course the guy has a gun. I should be shocked but well i geuss i am not.  I really am not scared of his gun because of obvious reasons. On the other hand i do not want to lose my virginity to him. “ okay i will do it but please keep your hands away from me.” he laughed again. “let’s go upstair it is getting late”  I Looked at him  with a weird face but followed him upstairs. We entered his room and it was a big boyish room with an enormous bed. Well this must be a tipical boy room i geuss. Never seen one before if i might say.  Ugh me and boys. Still as virgin as ever never been touched and never been kissed. I looked around and realized something did i have to sleep in the same bed as him? “justin?” he turned around. “yeah what’s up?” i let out a nervous laugh. “Do we have to sleep in the same bed?” his expression turned into an amused one. “yes, you realize you are my pretend girlfriend.. we have to kiss and everything in front of my gang.” Oh no kiss him?

 

I can not kiss him! I don’t know if i can even kiss him, like a good kiss. Why can’t he just choose a pretty girl with a lot of experience. Not me, the fat, ugly , worthless loser. Oh shit i am such a failure. “have you never had a boyfriend or anything?” i looked at him feeling a shamed. “no i have never” i tried to hide in my big sweater as he laughed at me. “how old are you? Never had a boyfriend.. seriously?” my mood dropped feeling even more stupid “can i use the bathroom for a moment? And get a shirt to sleep in?” he nodded and pointed at the door next to me. throwing me a shirt.

I walked in there closing the door. Just moments away from breaking down. As i looked trough the cabinets. I had too.. just get a release. When i found one of his razor blades i sat down on the floor. I made 3 long cuts on my wrist. After a few minutes i got of the floor. i deserve this i washed away the blood and put on the shirt he gave me. shit it has short sleeves. Well he does not care anyway.

I walked back in the room to find justin in only his boxers. When he heard me he turned around. I hid my arms behind my back. Being ashamed of what i had done. When i looked up i noticed his amazing body. Trying not to stare at his bare chest i asked “can i please have a sweater” he smirked as if he knew that i was trying not to stare. “no just get under the covers with me” as i tried to get under the covers without him noticing what i did to myself he grabbed my wrist. I flinched. “did you do that to yourself” he looked at me with sad eyes as i sat down on the bed. He sat down next to me and grabbed both my hands. “why do you do this to yourself?” his gaze suddenly sweet. “ i am just a worthless person. I do not deserve to live. I do not deserve friends and i am the most ugly person on earth. Nobody will ever love me the way i want to be loved, that’s what hurts the most.” Tears now streaming down my face again.

He stood up and walked away. see he does not care about anything i do. I laid down crying. After a few minutes he came back with some bandaid. He picked up my wrist and wrapped the bandage around my wrist. Planting a soft kiss on my hand. “ you are not ugly and worthless. Tommorow we will change you into a better version of yourself. No selfharming anymore or i will be punishing you. Now lay down and sleep.” I got up and walked to my side of the bed. “wait” i turned around. “let’s practice the kissing. We want it to be believable for my gang” and before i could think about it. His lips touched mine. My first kiss! I tried to kiss back as good as i could. He leaned back. “that is not bad for a first time, lets get some sleep and don’t tell my gang mates that i have gotten soft.” I laughed. “i won’t, sweet dreams” i laid down and fell asleep as soon as my head touched my pillow.

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