How to Piss off the Akatsuki

Hime is an Akatsuki member, not really, mostly a servent, she comes up with an awesome idea, to piss off all the Akatsuki members, there will be a lot of drama and funny moments, and everyone is falling victim to Hime's evil plans...

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2. How to Piss off Sasori

Hello again. I’ve got a lot of evil schemes planned, and of course, Sasori is my first victim, let me tell you why I chose him first. Firstly, he’s the most boring person I’ve ever met, like really, all he ever does is make puppets. He sits in that little work room of his, and work work work, well, that’s going to change, and no more misses nice girl haha. Okay I think I’ve said enough, let’s get to it.

I walked towards my room in the Akatsuki hideout and grab a sheet of paper with writing on it, up the top it said, How to piss off the Akatsuki members in big bold writing; I look down the page and found my first victims name, Sasori. I grinned wickedly at the name on the paper and looked down right below it.

Operation number one piss off Sasori:

Keep on calling him Pinocchio until he gets angry

 

“Easy enough,” I said to myself as I folded up the piece of paper and shoved it in my pocket.

I walk out in the corridors and towards Sasori’s workshop; I grinned mischievously at myself and rubbed my hands together. I reached his room and knocked on the door, trying to keep a smile down and keep an impassive face. The door opened to showed Sasori with an annoyed look of his face.

“What?” he asked impatiently, tapping his foot on the ground, his arms crossed over is chest.

“Hi Sasori, can I come and watch you while you work?” I asked, pulling off a sweet innocent smile at him.

He looked at me sceptically and moved aside for me to get through, “Fine, but don’t touching anything or annoy me while I’m working, okay?” he narrowed his chestnut eyes at me. I nodded and sat on the bed near the work bench that had a still in-progress puppet. He moved back to his seat and picked up a screwdriver and started screwing in the rest of the puppets arm. I looked over his shoulder, quite bored from all this already. It was time to get this plan in action.

“Sasori?” I said, holding my breath as his stopped his work and slowly turned his head to me. He gave no replied, but a small sound, hinting for me to continue. “Can I give you a nickname, I think the name Sasori is a bit bland and boring, you need a better more exciting name, please.”

“No,” was all he said and turned back to his work. I frowned at this and muttered, “Pinocchio.” Sasori stilled and turned to look at me again, his left eye slightly twitching.

“What did you call me?” he asked in a dangerously low voice.

“Pinocchio,” I stated loudly, before I knew it, Sasori was up and out of his chair and right in front of me, a scowl etched on his face.

“Never, and I mean never call me that again you got that,” he growled. I looked at him dumbly but nodded my head, but secretly, I was smirking evilly and chuckling darkly.

“Okay Pinocchio,” I replied. This seemed to tick him off incredibly; he grabbed my arm roughly and dragged me to the door.

“Out, and don’t you think on coming back!” he shouted and threw me out of the room, I face planted the wall in front of me, I groaned and slid to the ground.

“Okay Pinocchio,” I said again. I stood up at faced him, I shivered at the look he gave me, a deathly glare that could even scare an old blind guy, don’t tell me how, but I just know. “c-could I just-” before I could finish my sentence, Sasori slammed the door in my face, causing me to clutch my now bleeding nose in agony.

Worth it, I thought to myself as I walked away from the door and back into my room again, I guess I would have to wait till tomorrow until he cools down a bit, oh well, I shrugged and climbed on my bed and instantly fell asleep.

XXX

Morning came quickly and I stretched out of bed with a loud yawn following after it, I smiled widely and pulled out the piece of paper.

Call Sasori’s puppets dolls

Well, now that’s something I’m going to enjoy, I laugh at the image of Sasori’s face when I call his puppets dollies. I walked to my wardrobe and pulled out the usual clothes, pulling them on and walking out of the room, I turned around and instantly bumped into something hard, I rubbed my nose, which still hurts from yesterday and looked up to be face to face with that almighty Uchiha Itachi.

“H-hello Itachi,” I stuttered out. He looked at me blankly, hints of curiosity flickered in them. I shifted nervously on my feet, waiting for him to reply, which is taking eternity.

“Hn,” was all he said, he walked past me, slightly brushing shoulders. Really, is that all they know how to say, hn, that’s probably that only word they have in their vocabulary. I turned my head back at him, but he was already gone, to be expected. I turned back around and continued my walk to Sasori’s room.

When I reached it, I was slightly nervous, will he still be angry? Wait, I know what I will do. I knocked on the door, waiting patiently for the door to open, I heard footsteps coming closer and closer, I looked up when to door opened and revealed Sasori, and let’s say, he did not look happy at all when he saw me.

“What?” he growled at me, I winced a little but smiled no less?

“I-I just want to apologise for yesterday when I called you Pinocchio,” I said in a low voice, rubbing the back of my neck and looking at him with sparkly puppy dog eyes. He twitches at the word Pinocchio; he sighed and looked at me suspiciously.

“Fine, your forgiven, now what do you want,” he went straight to the point.

“Well, I want to make it up to you, so I was wondering  if there is anything you need help with?” I asked.

He stood there, eyeing me suspiciously, he then turned to his room and scanned the area, and he looked back at me. “Well, I really do need my puppet polished-”

“Yes, yes I’ll do that,” I said with glee, making him looked at me more suspiciously. He moved aside for me to get through and showed me where his puppets were, he gave me the instruction on how to clean and polish them properly and left me to it, he walked to his work bench and went to his own work…boring. I looked at the instruction paper and the bottle of polishing liquid that had a cloth draped in it. I looked up at Sasori and smiled slyly.

“Sasori?” I called out.

“Hm,” was his replied.

“Why do you have so many dolls?” I asked, hiding a smirk that so desperately wanted to show. I saw him flinch, and took a ragged sigh.

“There not dolls, their puppets. I have so many because their collections, you could say like a hobby or whatever it is people call it these days.” He answered, setting off back to what he was doing.

“Oh, so how many dolls do you have?” I questioned.

He flinched again, “I have about 294 puppets in total, and once again, their puppets, not dolls.”

“Okay,” everything was silent, the air was a little tense and uncomfortable, but it was to be suspected since I’m the one causing it. I grabbed one of his puppets and started polishing it. “Hey Sasori, what’s your favourite doll?” I asked. I heard him slam his hammer down and whip around to face me.

“Call them dolls again and I’ll have to make you into one, would you like that huh?” he hissed.

‘But, they are dolls aren’t they? You play with them don’t you, you dress them up and make the all pretty and clean. Isn’t that what a doll is?” I asked in an innocent voice, batting my eyes at him and pouting slightly.

He gritted his teeth at me and clenched his fists tightly. Yep, that hit the spot. He shot up and I scrambled to my feet, backing away to the door as he glared intently at me.

“Your dead,” and with that, he sent one of his puppets at me, I screamed and bolted out of the room, unfortunately I ran into Deidara, who unfortunately strolled by looking bored as ever. He looked at me curiously as I got my footing back and pushed past him, not even giving him a second thought.

“Huh?” his blurted out, he looked at me bolt for my life away into my room, my only safe place. He looked back to find the source of this action and was met with an enraged puppet master. His skin crawled and he shrieked when the puppeteer turned on him, he also bolted out of there and far, and I mean far away has he could from the wrath of the angry puppeteer, he knew never to get on his bad side, and he made sure he would never again.

I scrambled under the covers on my bed and sighed deeply, a relieved smile graced my lips, safe. Well I better wait till tomorrow again, do not want to go out there for a while, not when Sasori’s on a killing spree. I shivered at the thought and eventually closed my eyes.

XXX

I yawned and got out of bed the next day and looked down at the piece of paper.

3: dress all his puppets in dresses

This one made me crack up laughing, oh hell he would be mad, not only that, he would probably destroy the whole Akatsuki hideout. I walked out, making sure to hide the piece of paper and headed to Konan’s room, I knocked and waited. She opened the door and found me smiling happily at her, which made her slightly uneasy.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Can I please borrow some dresses?” I asked.

“Why?”

“Just experimenting with some stuff that’s all,” I answered. She nodded and went back; moments later she was carrying like, 50 dresses and piled them onto me.

“Well, I hope your ‘experimenting’ goes well,” with that she left. Yeah, Konan is probably the only person I get along with better, not because we’re both girls, but that we have a lot of things in common, plus she doesn’t pry in other people’s business, that I’m thankful of because I’m certainly not going to tell her about the whole pissing off the Akatsuki thing.

Now, for the hardest part, dress Sasori’s puppets without him catching me, it’s going to be difficult because he’s in that room twenty-four seven a day. Then an idea flashed in my head, Itachi, Sasori never liked Itachi, so if I tell him that Itachi wants to fight him right away, he surely wouldn’t miss an opportunity like that. I quickly ran to my room, dumped the dresses on my bed and made my way to Sasori’s room. I was about to knock when the door flew open and there, stood a very angry Sasori.

“Go away,” he seethed out, smoke coming out of his nose with every breath he exhaled.

I waved my hands in front of me, sweat dropping while I was at it, “Oh don’t worry, Itachi told me to get you, he said he wanted to fight you right away,” I said.

Sasori stopped his angry fit in an instant and looked at me curiously, “really?” he asked. I nodded my head. After that, Sasori disappeared in a puff of smoke; the only thing I saw was the slight smirk on his face.

Ok this is my chance, I ran back to my room and grabbed the dresses, and I ran into Sasori’s room and got to work.

An hour later I was done, surprisingly; Sasori didn’t show up, which was a good thing. I looked at my work and nodded in approval to myself and walked out, closing the door behind me and into my room again…now all I have to do was wait.

I waited, and waited, and waited and finally I had enough. What the hell was taking him so long, I thought? I stormed to open my door until I heard a manly, high-pitch scream. I stifled a laugh, yep, that must have been him. I jumped when I heard angry footsteps making their way over here. Oh no, not good, think Hime, what can I do. Then my door swung open.

“What the hell did you do to my puppets?” Sasori angrily yelled at me, making me flinch. I looked at him.

“What puppets?” I asked weakly.

Sasori growled at me and pulled out one of his puppets that wore a pink fluffy dress with a big bow tie around the middle section. “This!” I looked at it for a moment, and inwardly giggled to myself, I choked and faked shocked.

“I didn’t do that, but I saw Tobi sneak in with a big brown box,” I hinted, looking offensive at him. From what I saw, he looked quite embarrassed.
“Tobi huh, well…sorry for disturbing you,” and with that he left. I stood there, shaking and then burst out laughing, rolling around of the floor a clutching my stomach. Now that was a classic.

I started laughing hard when I heard the sound of Tobi screaming for his life and repeatedly said “Tobi is a good boy though”. Well I guess I had my fun today, and climb into bed.

XXX

I looked out the window, watching the sun arise from the depths of the Earth. It was so beautiful watching it, it made me feel like a princesses, I giggled to myself at the thought and pulled out the sheet of paper in my pocket. One last way to piss off Sasori and I can choose my next victim. What I read was something that made me grin evilly.

4: blow up Sasori’s puppets and blame it on Deidara

Yep, so going to love this one, besides, I need to pay back Deidara for what he did to my cereal.

                                                    Flashback

 

I yawned loudly and walked into the kitchen, Kisame, Kakuzu and Konan were already in there having breakfast. I said my good mornings and walked into the kitchen, only to be stopped by a hand on my shoulder; I looked up and found Deidara grinning at me.

“Let me make you breakfast yeah,” he said and ushered me to sit down. I eyed him suspiciously but shrugged my shoulders and waited.

Once he was done, he came up to me and places a bowl of cornflakes in front of me, not what I expected, I was going to make eggs and bacon, but this would have to do. I thanked Deidara and picked up my spoon, I dipped it into the bowl of cornflakes…the next thing I knew, BANG! And I had milk and cornflakes all over me. I blinked once, then twice, still recovering from the shock. Then I slowly turned to Deidara who was cracking up laughing in the corner, followed by Kisame. Kakuzu was lightly chuckling while Konan just sat there eating her piece of toast.

“Deidara!” I yelled out.

                                                   End of Flashback

 

I chuckled darkly; this was the perfect way hehe. I went over to Deidara’s room and knocked on his door. He opened it and grinned down at me, leaning on the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, which had no shirt, which I started blushing furiously. Why did he have to have a good looking body, I thought? I returned the smile with a sweet one of my own.

“Dei-Dei,” I cooed out. I saw his cheeks tint pink a bit, his grin faltered a bit.

“Yeah,” he asked nervously.

“Can I please use some of your detonating clay?” I asked, twirling a bit of brown hair between my fingers.

“Why?” he asked, eyeing my sceptically.

“I just want to blow up some stuff,” I shrugged. He sighed and nodded and handed me a little bag of detonating clay.

“Be careful yeah,” was all he said. I nodded and walked away, grinning widely.

I approached Sasori’s room and leaned on the door to hear if anyone was inside…nothing, all was silent, I smirked and opened the door slightly, it creaked loudly. I popped my head inside and scanned the room, no sign of Sasori, good. I walked in and made my way to his collection of puppets. I pulled out the bag of clay; I looked at it then at the puppets, then back at the bag, then back at the puppets. I crouched down and placed the clay in the empty holes of the puppets. Once I was done, I had sure to scatter some clay around so it looked like clay did it, which means, that Sasori would go to Deidara and beat the crap out of him.

I heard footsteps coming this way, I ran out and into my room, I quickly made the hand signs to detonate the clay, then the only thing that could be heard was the very loud sound of an explosion. There was a lot of commotion happening, Tobi screamed “Tobi heard a scary sound!” the Deidara yelled, “Yeah, I heard my wonderful art going bang haha!” then heard Kisame go “WTF!”  I laughed and poked my out of my room, all I saw was smoke, and then I saw Sasori rushing past me into his room.

“No, my beautiful creations, who would do such a thing to them!” Sasori yelled, looking at his once before beautiful puppets now in ruins. He looked around the room and saw a bit of clay stuck to the wall. He seethed with anger, “You just crossed the fricken line pal,” Sasori whispered then stormed out of the room, on the hunt for Deidara.

I gulped and leaned against my door, I heard a high-pitch squeal from Deidara, and a lot of loud banging noises and more screams and then, “I didn’t do it, I swear, spare me please.”

Poor Sasori, I might have gone over the top a bit, but that was the most pissed off face I have ever seen in my life. I looked down at the piece of paper and ticked off Sasori’s name, how to piss of Sasori, complete.

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