Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


30. 'Trembling Hands'


Hey, just a quick note. The song which the chapter is named after is “Trembling Hands” by Temper Trap. I really love it, and find especially the chorus utterly amazing, and really explains how some characters are feeling at the moment, even if some are trying to hide it. You should definitely check it out! Sorry can’t attach a link right now, but just search for the song on youtube :) and sorry didn’t have time to proofread! Promise to do better in the next chap. And I’m back to long chapters, this one is 6000+ wordcount!

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)

p.s. don’t hate me, for anything that might happen soon…. and pleeease comment, I love ALL of you who comment, and of course like and fave! you're the best!




Chapter 24

"Trembling Hands"

Zayn's P.O.V.

What the hell was she doing here? What had I gotten myself into? Did we do anything? Questions ran through my mind, and I buried my head in my hands, as it occured to me I was in an awful position. I used to watch Friends all the time, and this situation was way too familiar. I was on a break with my beloved girlfriend, and now after being wasted, I may or may not have slept with someone else, and that had worked out perfectly for Ross and Rachel. Due to my lifelong search for irony, you must understand how thrilled I am.

Fuck! Damn Tequila, damn shots, damn lemons, damn salt, damn whoever made the first Tequila!

I got out of bed quietly, and tiptoed towards the door.

"Stay there!" I whispered to the sleeping person, and then shook my head for talking to someone who was sleeping.

I left my room, door unlocked and went to Harry's room next to mine and knocked on the door, searching for answers. But no one even answered the door. I then tried Liam's room but still no reply.

Where was everyone?

I returned to my room, found my phone in my discarded pants from last night, and went to the bathroom to call.

" 'Ello..." Harry replied with a sleepy voice.

"Where the hell are you?" I asked yelling in a whisper, if that's even possible.

"Mum?" Harry asked sounding confused, and I sighed.

"Do I sound like your mum Curly?" I asked annoyed.

"Oh it's you Bradford... Why are you calling so damn early?" He questioned, and I heard him getting up, as someone sounding like Niall told him to shut up and sleep.

"It's past noon!" I stated looking at the digital clock by the shower, "where are you guys?"

"Well, we all crashed at Lauren's" he replied with a yawn, "we left the karaokebar at like 5 or 6."

"Oh, when are you coming back to the hotel?" I asked, wanting answers fast.

"Well, we thought we'd just hang out here today, that's why we all crashed here. Just come whenever you're ready!" Harry said, and I heard a kettle boiling.

Lauren actually had a oldfashioned kettle? Nevermind, that wasn't the point!

"Sure, I'll be there in like an hour, text me the adress."

"Right, cheers!" Harry replied hanging up. Now I just had to get rid of the person in my bed. But first a shower. I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and a clean tshirt from my suitcase, without waking up the sleeping female, and went to take a shower.


* * *

Feeling a bit more fresh, and a little less hungover, I put on my clothes, brushed my teeth and pulled a beanie over my hair, not bothering to deal with it. I wanted to leave as soon, as I got her out. Just as I sprayed myself with perfume, I heard someone move around in my room. Great, she was up, I wanted to get this over with.

I walked into my room, greeted by a smile,I once found charming.

"G'morning Zaynie!" She said with that voice I hated.

"I don't see what's so good about it!" I replied angrily, tossing her jeans and tshirt towards her, "put on your clothes! I just want some answers, and then I want you to leave!"

She rolled her eyes and quickly got dressed, then sat in the couch crossing her legs and smiling at me.

"Stop smiling like that! This is nothing to be happy about!" I said crossing my arms.

"Explain how you are here!" I demanded.

"Well, I came here last night to talk to you, but the receptionist said you were out, so I waited in the lobby, and then at three o'clock you came tumbling through the doors, obviously out of your wits, and as the angel I am, I helped you to your room." She flashed me a smile, and I replied by glaring daggers at her.

"And then what?"

"Then... You were very friendly..." She drifted off, and got up walking over to me with a smirk, but I held my hands up for her to stop,

"What. Happened!" I said through gritted teeth. I would have punched her, if she wasn't a chick.

She then frowned, sighed and crossed her arms,

"Fine! We kissed for a while, and then you passed out, and I was tired so I spent the night!"

We kissed?

"First of all, you should have left, after you walked me up. Secondly, you shouldn't have kissed me and third you should not have slept over! You know what, you shouldn't even have come to Manchester in the first place!" I was now shouting at her, but she just stood looking bored, like a teenager getting scolded by her parents.

"You invited me in, and kissed me first." She said, looking away.

"Why should I believe anything you say? Even if I did, you knew I was drunk! And you took advantage of me!" I hesitated for a second, and then took a deep breath before saying calmly,

"Just leave."

"But Zayn..."

"I said leave now! I have a girlfriend, and I want nothing to do with you!" I said raising my voice a little.

"I think we should talk..."

"Get the fuck out Perrie!" I yelled, startling her.

She stared at me for a minute, and then grabbed her bag,

"You won't get rid of me that easy!"

She stated, and with that she walked out slamming the door.

I usually wouldn't yell at a girl like that, but she had crossed the line. What was I going to say to Mag? If anything at all.


* * *

Mag's P.O.V.

I woke up, to the sound of a boiling kettle, and Harry mumbling, in the next room. Where was I? I opened my eyes, looking around the room, and as my head starting pounding, I remembered last nights events.

Mexican dinner, the club, Lauren's ex, vodka shots, tequila shots, a weird game, hiding from Zayn the fact that Louis and I once kissed, dancing with Zayn, Zayn punching that jerk, Zayn leaving, karaokebar, duet with Tally, duet with Lauren and Skye, duet with Harry and finally crashing at Lauren's place.

I remembered pretty much everything, except a blind spot between singing with Harry and passing out here.

I turned over in the bed, and noticed Tally was still asleep. Right, I slept with Tally in the guestroom, so Lauren and Skye could share the master bedroom, while the boys took the living room. I was starting to remember a little more. Until I got up and stepped into the livingroom.

Why was there sillystring everywhere, why was Niall sleeping in a curly lightbrown wig, why was Liam wearing a cape, with a wizards hat on his chest? But even more important why was Harry in the kitchen, with drawed on glasses and a lightning on his forehead?

I walked over to Harry, and sat by the table in the kitchen.

"G'morning. Fancy some tea?" He asked, making himself a cup, and smiling. I saw Niall get up and run to the bathroom, slamming the door, and I groaned rubbing my head.

"Or maybe an aspirin?" Harry chuckled, and I didn't even bother to answer.

"What time did we go to bed last night?" I asked, resting my head on the table.

"Well, we came back at like six o'clock... you passed out at seven, and the rest of us around eight I think, but I don't actually remember." He replied, handing me my tea. I looked at the clock that showed 12.30. Five hours sleep, great!

"Okay... What's with the Harry Potter theme?" I asked, and Harry looked at me confused, so I pointed at our surroundings and his face, surprised he hadn't noticed yet.

He looked at his reflection in one of the glass cupboard doors and his eyes widened.

"What happened last night?" He shrieked, as Niall came out of the bathroom.

"I'd like to know that too!" He added holding up the wig.

"The only people who will remember are Skye and Liam!" I exclaimed, and the three of us exchanged looks before running over to Liam jumping on him,

"Get up, get up, get up!"

Liam sat up in shock, looking confused, as Tally stormed out of her room,

"Who the hell is making noise?!" She asked angrily, eyes halfopen and her hair, a birdsnest.

"That would be Liam!" Harry exclaimed, and Tally glared at him evilly,

"You can't fool me Potter!" She said, making Harry glare at her.

"Morning babe! You look gorgeous!" Niall said cheerfully hugging her tightly.

"Yeah right, joke of the year!" She replied releasing herself and grabbing a box of Cheerios.

"No, I'm serious! You really are beautiful!" He said, following her example and grabbing a box of fruitloops, and they both started eating out of the box.

"Have some manners!" Liam said, suddenly grabbing the boxes away from them.

"Hey, food!" Niall said pouting.

"Liam's right, you should have real breakfast... Like McDonalds!" Harry said, and I just wished everyone would stop talking.

"You people are impossible! I'll make breakfast!" Liam explained, searching through for the cupboards.

"So who decided four hours of sleep was enough?" Tally asked pouring a glass of orangejuice for her and Niall.

"Harry woke me up, with that boiling kettle!" I said, nodding at the stove.

"And they woke me up!" Niall added downing his juice in one gulp.

"And those idiots decided to wake me up!" Liam finished glaring at us, mixing an awful lot of eggs to scramble.

"Why did you get up Potter?" Tally asked, as we heard Skye and Lauren mumbling from the guestroom.

"Oh right, Zayn called me wondering where we were, he should be here soon." Harry replied, and Tally narrowed her eyes muttering,

"Stupid bastard, who got nine hours of sleep!"

Just then Skye and Lauren walked out and we all started laughing.

Lauren was wearing a straight black wig and someone had drawn furrowed black eyebrows on her.

"What? Why are you laughing, and why do Liam and Harry look like extras from Harry Potter?" Lauren asked confused, and Liam groaned, pulling off the ridicolous cape, and I noticed Skye eyeing his biceps.

"You might wanna take a look at yourself darling!" Skye said, and Lauren ran to the bathroom, where we instantly heard a shriek.

"Skye! You could have told me, in the bedroom! I knew something felt weird!" Lauren exclaimed, throwing the wig on the couch.

"And miss out on these guys' reaction? No way!" Skye replied, and we heard the doorbell ring.

"Someone get that, I have to wash this off!" Lauren said, running back to the bathroom.

Liam was cooking, Tally was falling asleep on the counter accompanied by Niall, and Skye was laughing at Harry, so I got up and ran to open the door.


"Zayn! Hi..." I said, my heart starting to pound, but he looked... off.

"Hey, how was the rest of your night?" He asked, stepping in, and I raised my eyebrows replying,

"I'm not quite sure, but come look for yourself.

Zayn stepped into the adjoining kitchen/livingroom and his eyes widened.

"What did I miss out on?" He asked taking in his surroundings. Harry looking stupid, wigs on the couch, a cape on the counter, wizards hat on the floor and that ridicolous sillystring.

"Oh yeah, that's why we woke you up!" Niall said addressing Liam, "none of us can remember a thing!"

"I'm not surprised, considering the way you all drank last night! You must've spent at least 300 hundred pounds!" Skye exclaimed assisting Liam cooking, and he cleared his throat to explain,

"Well, we came back and Harry thought it would be a good idea to play charades. That went on for about an hour, until Mag went to get her phonecharger in Tally's room, but passed out on the bed. We continued the game, and when Lauren and Harry acted out Harry Potter, a couple Irish people decided we all should reenact Harry Potter, and everyone thought it was a brilliant idea, and me and Skye decided to go along.

Harry was... well obviously Harry, Niall was Hermione, which explains the wig. I was Ron, with my cape and hat, Lauren was Snape, only because she actually had a black wig. Skye and Tally however were dementors and had, very fashionable, capes withs hoods on. But instead of sucking out our souls, they decided to spray the place with sillystring instead. Apparently only Skye and Tally had enough sense to take off their capes, but the rest of us were too tired, or wasted and is why we woke up in wigs and capes."

"And drawn on eyebrows!" Lauren added, coming out from the bathroom, cleanfaced.

"Well I have glasses and a scar!" Harry said, and Lauren replied,

"Yeah but your scar is cool!"

"You look stupid!" Zayn stated simply, sitting next to me, in the way he always used to: like it was the only seat in the world. Last night he exploded at me, and now he was sitting next to me?

"Well you look like shit!" Harry replied throwing an orange peel at him.

"Stop fighting, time to eat!" Liam exclaimed and we all jumped up.


* * *

After we had finished an abnormally large amount of scrambled eggs, french toast and fruitsalad, Lauren realised, she hardly had any food left, and we promised to go shopping with her later.

We were hanging out in the living room, when my phone rang. Louis. I wasn't sure if I should pick up or not, but right before the last ring, I quickly slided the icon to answer,


"Hey Mag... Um I hope you don't mind me calling..." Louis replied, sounding a lot more fresh than any of us in the room.

"No it's fine... What's up?" I asked, feeling weird being so casual, after our conversation yesterday.

"Well my mum and sisters are in town, and they want to meet you... You coming by the hospital today?" He asked sounding hopeful.

I hesitated, not quite sure what to say, but then an idea formed,

"Yeah, and I can bring Tally! She surprised us yesterday, she is staying with her friend Lauren here for a couple weeks, and last night we all went out with Lauren's cousin Skye, she's really cool and Lauren is really sweet. And now Niall and Tally are officially together. Oh by the way, you'll be sharing rooms with Liam, when you..."

"Woah, slow down!" Louis interrupted chuckling, "you can tell me everything when you get here, and I'd love to see Tally! I guess Niall will be coming too?" Louis questioned, and I nodded, before realising he couldn't see me, and replied,

"Probably! We'll be there in a couple hours, we crashed at Lauren's and Niall and I have to go change at the hotel."

"Okay, sounds good..." Louis said and hesitated before adding, "I'm looking forward to see you!" I felt my heart twist and replied with a quick goodbye before hanging up. At least I wouldn't be alone with him.

I then noticed everyone in the room was staring at me, and it occurred to me, I had mentioned almost all their names.

"Louis' family are in town, so I'm going to the hospital to meet them, and I said I would bring Tally, cause I figured you might want to see him." I explained, and she nodded smiling.

I then remembered the agreement between me and Liam last night and turned to him,

"You going along Li?" I asked trying to sound casual, and I could see Liam knew what I meant.

"Oh yeah, I'd like to talk to Lou!" He replied, and I let out a relieved sigh.


Harry, Liam, Niall and I drove back to the hotel to wash up, while Zayn stayed with the girls, as he already had showered. We then drove back to Lauren, to drop off Harry and Niall's suitcases and pick and Tally, before going to the hospital.

I was feeling incredibly nervous, both for having to face Louis, and meeting his family. I just hoped they would like me.


* * *

Louis' P.O.V.

I couldn't wait for Mag to come! Just being able to see her, was enough to make me happy. Lottie and Fizzy took the twins to go shopping, accompanied by one of the female crewmembers, so it was only my mum here, and she had gone to get coffee. I was excited about her finally meeting Mag, and hoped they would get along.

Finally I heard a knock on the door, and a blonde head popped in.

"Hey Niall!" I said happily, and he walked in followed by Tally, Liam and Mag, all looking very tired.

"Wow! You all look... awful!" I exclaimed, "I wish I could have gone along!" I added pouting, crossing my arms.

"We already talked about going out again, when you get out of here." Tally said cheerfully, and then they explained everything that had happened.

It was a lot of information to take in.

"Well, I'm really happy for you two, you're perfect for each other, and you better make me best man!" I said to Niall and Tally winking, and they just smiled at each other, "and I can't wait to meet Skye and Lauren, they sound like fun! Oh we can reenact Twilight next time!" I added and they all groaned in response. Except Mag of course.

We talked for a while, until there was another knock on the door, and my mum walked in.

"Mum! Look who's here, you know Niall and Liam of course... This is Tally, Niall's girlfriend, and Mag..." I drifted off, not quite sure what to say. She wasn't Zayn's girlfriend at the moment, and I couldn't say my friend, cause she was friends with all of us. I realized I had been silent for too long, so I just ended up smiling.

"Hello Ms. Tomlinson!" Tally said very politely, and I was surprised at how... proper she could be.

"Oh please, call me Jay! It's nice to meet you. And you Mag," she walked over to the shy brunette, "I've heard so much about you! I've been looking forward to finally meet the 'most amazing girl' Louis has ever met!" She said, quoting me, and the others raised their eyebrows, as I blushed crimson red.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you too Ms... I mean Jay." Mag said, blushing and I thought it was so cute, how shy she was when meeting new people.

"Louis, I'd like to speak to you alone a bit." Liam suddenly said, "if you don't mind." He added looking around the room.

"Not at all. How about the rest of us head to the cafeteria?" My mum suggested, and Niall and Tally jumped out of their seats,

"Food!" They said in unison smiling, making my mum chuckle and Mag roll her eyes, like always.


"You're probably wondering why I want to talk to you." Liam said seriously, and I let out an exasperated sigh,

"A lot of people have been having one-on-one conversations lately, but with you, I actually have no idea." I confessed, and it was true. What would Liam have to say to me?

"We have to talk about Mag." He said looking me in the eyes.

Oh no, this couldn't be good.

"Louis... I have noticed that Mag is under a lot of stress. She tries not to show it, and I don't think she even knows herself, but I can see it. She told me about what you said and she is torn between you and Zayn, and it's not healthy to be so worried all the time, both you and I know the feeling! I talked to her, and we agreed that during this month she will use the time to figure out what's best, but you have to give her the time! She needs to have a clear head, or else she'll never be able to decide!"

"What, I can't even talk to her?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Of course you can talk to her, we all spend time together, but... You cannot make her more confused about her feelings! She knows how you feel, she knows how Zayn feels, and that's enough for her to make an informed decision. If you keep trying to convince her, she will just get more confused. I will talk to Zayn about this to. Just promise me, that you will stay on a friendly level don... y'know... do anything stupid."

I sighed deeply. I really had to wait a whole month, to found out how she felt? Maybe I should just stick to Harry. I still loved him, even I wasn't deeply in love with him.

"Fine, I'll behave!" I promised Liam, and put on my best innocent smile.

He left after another five minutes, and said he would find the others, and I was consumed by my thoughts. I took out my good old fashioned notepad and pen, which I had been writing in the past couple days. I flipped to an empty page and began to write.


Windows open, wind is blowing

Mind on turbo, tears are flowing

Rain is pouring through the sky

Lightning flashes, thunder cries


Broken hearts heal, they say

As souls suffer in dismay

Love can hurt, love can burn

Everyone will have their turn"


I put down the pen, and sighed, as I flipped through the inkfilled pages. It usually was a help to put my thoughts on paper, about Harry and Mag, and I had even written earlier today, but right now, it just made me sad.

Mag would never chose me. No matter what she may or may not feel for me, her feelings for that Bradford Boy weighed deeper, and I could never change that. I felt my self sinking into despair at that realization. I just couldn't see myself getting over her!

Damn it!


Harry's P.O.V.

Zayn, Skye, Lauren and I were on our way to do a bit of shopping in her local supermarket, as Liam had practically emptied her kitchen, making food for us.

"I hope you don't expect me to feed you every day! I usually don't spend so much on food, most of my pay goes to staying in the fabolous flat of mine!" Lauren exclaimed, sounding like she was in love with that damn place. Which she probably was.

"Well that explains it." I muttered, loud enough for her to hear.

"Explains what?" She questioned curiously.

"How you're so skinny." I stated with a smile, keeping my eyes on the road, and I could almost hear Zayn rolling his eyes. A habit he had definitely picked up from Mag.

"I am not!" Lauren replied, and I saw her blushing in the rearview mirror.

"Yes you are, look at yourself!" I fired back, as I pulled in to the parking lot.

"Not THAT skinny... I'm pretty normal." She finally agreed, and I jumped out of the car, opening her door.

"Nothing about you is normal." I stated with a smirk examining her outfit, and she was about to reply, but I quickly added,

"But I like it! It makes you special. It's what makes you..."

Skye instantly cut me off,

"I swear, if you say beautiful, I will slit my wrists!"

"Oh lighten up cloudy Skye!" I said grinning at my genius nickname and I feared the blonde would punch me.

"Well stop flirting with my baby cousin!" Skye said putting her hands on her hips and staring me down.

"Stop calling me that!" Lauren said stomping her feet, exactly like a three-year-old.

"How old are you anyway?" I asked Skye curiously, realizing she hadn't told any of us.

"What do you care?" She replied glaring at me.

"It's a common question!" I said surprised at her sudden change in mood.

"I'm too old for you anyways!"

"But not too old for Liam apparently." Lauren muttered, and Skye shifted her glare to the curlyhaired girl instead.

"Are we gonna stand here all day, or go shopping?" Zayn finally butted in, and I had honestly forgotten he was there. Skye stomped madly towards the entrance in those heavy bikerboots, followed by Zayn, while Lauren and I fell back a bit.

"Are you flirting with me Styles?" She asked tying her curly hair in a ponytail.

"I just said you were skinny... and admired your style." I stated simply. I really did like her outfit.

She was wearing a pair of very cool slighty ripped jeans with leather patches, a pretty red sweater and of course one of her many scarfs. She was always dressed casually, yet she was very creative with the way she styled her outfit, and I really did admire her sense of style.

"Oh, well thanks?" Lauren said insecurely, and I smiled at her, while we walked into the market.


"No, not those, get the cheeper ones on the lower shelf!" Lauren insisted as I grabbed a bag of pasta.

"It's just pasta?" I said, wondering how it made a difference.

"Yeah, this is just pasta, but do you have any idea how much money you save, if you buy all your foods in cheaper brands?" She said, grabbing a few bags of the "cheaper pasta". She sounded like a housewife, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"What's so funny?" She inquired moving on to dairy.

"Nothing... I guess I never really think about prices when I go shopping." I replied and realized, how arrogant it sounded, which Lauren must have noticed, as she just raised her eyebrows without a reply.

"So... um what was the thing you said with Skye and Liam?" I inquired to change the subject.

Lauren frowned slightly, and looked nervous, but didn't answer. Instead she looked at two different kinds of yoghurt, very concentrated. Aha, she was pretending that she hadn't heard me. I knew how to fix that. I stepped closer to her, and wrapped my hand around hers, holding one of the yoghurts, and lowered my head down to hers, as I almost whispered in her ear,

"Strawberry is always a safe choice."

She gasped slightly, and almost dropped the yoghurt, if I hadn't been holding her hand.

She looked at me and blushed, as I smirked and put the yoghurt in the cart.

Now that her eyes were on me, she couldn't get away without answering.

"You mentioned something about Skye and Liam before?" I asked, getting to the point, before she could avoid it.

She bit down at her lip, and avoided looking at me, so I stopped walking and grabbed her shoulder turning around to face me,

"I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about." I assured her.

She hesitated for a while, and looked around cautiously before answering,

"Okay, but if Skye finds out, I told you she will kill me, so keep your mouth shout!" She said seriously, and I nodded.

"I know Skye always comes off as this tough girl, totally against mainstream, and she isn't exactly a fan of you guys... She likes a few of your songs, and that's pretty much it, but... Before I moved to Manchester, our families lived close to each other in London, we would always watch the X-Factor together, like every week and we did it every year, until like two years ago.

Anyways in 2010, the last year we watched it together, she recognized Liam from 2008, because at that time she grew a slight crush on him, and in 2010, well... that crush escalated! When you guys suddenly became so massive, she pulled back because she didn't want to be in that fangirl-category, it's really not her style, but I know she still has a major crush on him. She just tries to hide it. I promised her, I wouldn't tell you guys, but apparently she had no problem revealing my secret crush."

Lauren finished, but I was slightly confused. What secret crush was she talking about?

"You have a secret crush?" I asked curiously, and she looked at me with wide eyes.

"You don't remember?" She asked surprised, and I shook my head.

"At the club? We were playing a drinking game? You revealed that you've kissed Louis?"


"I what?" I yelled out in shock. " I don't remember anything from the club, except that we ran into your ex... then I remember Zayn punching him and leaving, but everything else is gone!" I exclaimed.

"Well... I remember everything before the karaokebar, especially the thing with you and Louis." She said, slightly frowning.

"That was just a drunken mistake once!" I quickly said, feeling slightly guilty about lying, but I didn't want to get into anything about the Louis situation.

"Oh... well, that makes sense." She said, trying to hold back a smile.

"Hey, what about that secret crush?" I asked, remembering what she had said, and she looked nervous again.

"Oh look, it's Skye and Zayn!" She suddenly exclaimed, spotting the two, "hey guys! We've been looking for you." She said running over to the two, and I sighed pushing the cart over to join them.


* * *

"Zayn, do you remember anything from the club last night?" I questioned, as we were hanging out, after getting back from shopping, while the girls put everything away.

We did offer to help, but Lauren insisted, that we had no idea, where everything should be.

Zayn shifted in the sofa uncomfortably,

"No, I don't recall anything after ordering that damn Tequila!" Zayn said with an angry tone. He had seemed sort of pissed off all day, but I had no idea why.

"Why are you so upset?" I asked, whispering so the girls wouldn't hear us, and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"What happened last night? Why did I go back alone?" He asked, and I told him what I could remember, about Lauren's ex and why he decided to leave.

"Did something happen when you went back to the hotel?" I asked, a little worried. Zayn hesitated, and looked over at the girls, then he leaned in and whispered,

"I woke up today... next to... next to Perrie!"

"What?!" I exclaimed loudly, and he quickly shushed me, and checked that the girls still weren't listening.

"What happened?" I asked, in a lower voice, but very seriously. I couldn't believe it!

"I have no idea! She told me, that she had waited for me at the hotel to talk to me, and then I came there, totally pissed so she walked me up... Apparently then I passed out, but she stayed the night. I threw her out as soon as she had explained what happened!" He explained, and I opened my mouth to say something  but closed it again. I just didn't know what to say.

"So... so nothing happened... before you passed out I mean?" I asked, after finally getting my brain to work.

"Well... according to Perrie, we kissed but I don't remember a thing!" He replied, and I didn't hesitate at all, before saying,

"You have to tell Mag!"

"But I was drunk! I don't even know if it's true... that we kissed I mean. It didn't mean anything!" He exclaimed, looking terrified, and I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Zayn, don't tell me that you weren't going to tell her anything!" I raised my voice slightly, and he gave me a look before motioning for me to go with him to the guestroom.


"You have to tell her Zayn!" I said one more time, this time not having to lower my voice. I was so upset, it wasn't even possible for me, to talk without raising my voice.

"But what if she never forgives me? It could ruin everything! I want to get back with her, not push her away! We're on a break and I don't want to change that into a break up!" He replied, and I stared intensely at him.

"Exactly! She is still your girlfriend, and if this is so big that you think she would break up, that just proves that it is big enough for her to know! She has the right to know... If she loves you and truly thinks you are meant to me, then you'll work it out... If not... then I guess you have to face the facts." I explained, thinking of the facts I had faced myself.

"But at the moment, she isn't sure if we're meant to be, this won't make it better. It's not like I cheated on her."

"You don't know, what would have happened if you didn't pass out." I informed him, and he stared at me, before sitting on the bed deep in thought.

"Look you're one of my best friends," I said, sitting next to him, "and as your friend I won't tell Mag anything... for now. Because she is also one of my good friends, and as that I will have to tell her eventually if you don't."

Zayn stared at the floor, and I knew he was in a very bad situation. I knew how much he loved Mag, and he would never have never have brought Perrie up, had he been sober. Never-the-less, as his girlfriend, Mag had the right to know that he had spent the night with his ex, even if he was drunk and it wasn't on purpose. That was my opinion at least. Perrie herself had tried justifying her cheating by using the drunk excuse, and that was one of the reasons why I was surprised, that Zayn had also used it. Being drunk is never an excuse for anything.

"Fine, I'll tell her," Zayn finally said, "just give me some time."

I patted him on the back and nodded,

"Just don't take to long Bradford."

"Fuck!" He exclaimed, getting up and leaving the room, at the same time Lauren entered.

"Hey, what's going on?" She asked, sounding worried.

"Zayn just has some personal issues." I replied, as she sat on the bed next to me.

"Oh... well don't we all." She said with a slight chuckle.

I sat looking at her, and caught myself admiring her. Her dark brown eyes, amazing curls and plump pink lips. She really was beautiful.

"Hey, you never told me about your secret crush." I reminded her, and she blushed deep red.

"Harry..." She said drifting off.

"Do you want to say something, or was that your answer?" I asked, flashing her a big smile.

"I think you know." She replied with a slight smile.

We sat there smiling at each other, and I started playing with her curls, which she responded to by playing with mine.

Soon the playing turned more into tangling as I pulled her closer and crashed my lips upon hers.


* * *

Maggie's P.O.V.

It was not at all awkward or scary talking to Louis' mom as I had expexted, Jay was really sweet. We talked about everything that had happened lately, I told her the little about myself, that Louis hadn't already told her, and she told me some embarresing childhood stories of him. I felt relaxed in her company, something I hadn't been for a while.

"So, you and Zayn are together right?" She asked, and I felt that tense feeling sneaking up on me.

"Actually, we're on a break right now." I said for what felt like the hundreth time. Maybe it would be easier to just get back with him, so I wouldn't have to keep saying it? No, no easy way outs this time.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that." Jay replied, and strangely enough it didn't feel awkward talking to her about Zayn and I's relationship. I really felt like I could just talk to her about anything.

It was funny how, now that I wasn't with my family, I had almost a whole substitute family here. My older brother Harry, my younger brother Niall, my responsible serious father-like Liam, even Tally was starting to feel like a sister, and now there was Jay. I was actually more comfortable talking to her than to my own mom. Even Louis had stepped in the place of my best friend from home , Camilla. But of course the circumstances with this new family was very different and weird.

My older brother Harry was in love with my best friend Louis who was in love with me, and my younger brother Niall was dating my sister Tally. Oh and my new mom Jay was also my best friends mom which would make him my... stepbrother? Who was in love with me. And who my older brother was in love with? Yeah, this whole substitute family was a little too "bizarro-world" for me! I would go back to seeing them as individuals rather than a unit.

Jay and I talked for a while about my relationship, the break situation and my insecurity. She even gave me some advice on how to deal with insecurities and low self-esteem, which I found very helpful, and I was so thankful to finally knowing how to approach the whole thing. Thanks to her, I was now sure, that I would be able to sort everything out.

"I'm really glad we finally had this opportunity to meet. Although I would have wished for it to be under better circumstances." Jay said with a smile, and I realized we had talked for two hours!

"Yeah me too! And thank you for your advice. It was really needed." I replied, fiddling with my empty papercup.

"Well I hope you and Zayn work things out. Even though my own son is quite fond of you."

I looked up at her in surprise. She knew how Louis' feelings for me? As if she read my mind, she said,

"I'm his mom. I saw the way he looked at you, and I can hear it clearly when he talks about you. Already from the first time he told me about you on the phone, I knew. Even Lottie noticed it, when he told me earlier that you were coming, and she got it from just one sentence."

I bit my lip, not quite sure what to say. She knew how he felt, and she knew that I knew. What could I even say?

"I never wanted to hurt him." I finally said, unable to think of anything else.

"We don't chose, who we fall in love with. It just happens. And everything happens for a reason." She said getting up, smiling and I knew there was something more to what she said.


Zayn and Louis. Louis and Zayn. Zayn Malik. Louis Tomlinson. Maggie Valerie Malik. Maggie Valerie Tomlinson. Zayn Tomlinson. Louis Malik.

I curled up the paper I was writing on, and tossed it in the bin. I had gone back to the hotel, after the hospital, and promised the others I would come to Lauren's for dinner later. Now I was in my new room, Harry's old one, and thinking about... well pretty much everything. Talking to Jay had cleared up my mind, about my insecurity. But insecurity wasn't my only problem.

I had a bigger problem.

The problem of my possible feelings for Louis Tomlinson.

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