Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


47. 'The Game Of Love'

Heey lovelies!!!
First of all, I just want to make it clear that my updates are on Tuesdays (like today), Saturdays are only once in a while.
Secondly, I wanted to make this 50-ish chaps, but there are a couple major events still to happen, so it will probably be more, and it will be a while before this comes to an end, and there will be a sequel following! :D
Lastly, I already know how this will end, and who she will be with but I still loove reading ur comments and you're rooting for, so keep commenting!! :D

p.s. sorry for typos, only proofread it once :P
Enjoy, xoxo. M. ;)


Chapter 41

"The Game Of Love"

Mag's P.O.V.

"Oh." Louis said, and I could practically see him put two and two together as his eyes widened and he swallowed a lump in his throat.
"B-but I... You... What?"
"Please don't make me say it." I begged, desperately avoiding looking into those hyponotizing blue eyes.
"D-do you have... feelings... for me?" He emphasized on the word me, as if he couldn't quite believe it, and I simply nodded, leaving him speechless.
I don't know what triggered me to tell him, but I just had a feeling that it was now or never. Apparently, based on his reaction, never would have been better.
"But then you kissed that girl and I..."
"Whoa slow down!" He cut me off,
"I kissed who?"
He didn't remember! That's why he had acted so normal, as if nothing had happened. He couldn't remember anything.
"Louis... How much of last night do you remember?" I asked, still avoiding his gaze.
"Not much. The last thing I remember is you singing karaoke with Skye." He replied, with a bit of panic in his voice. I would probably have reacted the same, if I found out, I had kissed someone then forgot about it.
"What exactly happened?" He asked, and I took a deep breath before explaining what I knew.
How I had seen them when I came out from the kitchen and then Zayn offering to drive. I let out the details from my talk with Zayn, since it was mainly about discovering my feelings for Louis, and I regretted saying anything in the first place.
"Oh God, I feel like such a twat!" He said, when I finished and buried his head in his hands.
"It's no big deal. You were drunk and shit happens. She might not remember either." I tried comforting him, but he gave me a weird look,
"Wait you think, I feel stupid for... Her sake?" He looked up from his hand, and I gave him a "well yeah" look.
He got up from the bed, and paced back and forth, drawing attention to the fact that he was still only wearing a towel,
"No you don't understand! I feel stupid because... Well... Because I... I'm in love with you!" He blurted out, as he came to a stop, and my head shot up, painfully facing those light blue eyes, that had turned my world upside down.
I couldn't believe what he had just said, and I was sure, I must have heard wrong.
"No you're not." I said sceptically, shaking my head, just wanting to hear him say the words again.
"I never stopped having feelings for you." He told me slowly, sitting back down next to me,
"How could I?" He continued caressing my cheek with his hand, and I leaned it into his palm for a second, then stopped myself.
"But why did you kiss that girl last night? Not that I even have the right to be angry." I said, looking away feeling stupid for how I acted earlier.
"I don't know, I was drunk out of my wits and the only reason why I drank so much, is because I was so upset that you and I probably would never happen."
My heart pounded harder with every word he said, but it was all going to fast. I had only just discovered my own, and his, feelings, and I didn't want to rush things only to regret it later.
Apparently Louis read my mind, as he cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him,
"What are you afraid of?" He asked in a voice, that made my heart melt.
"What do you mean?"
"I know you Mag... You're afraid of something, and I think I know what it is."
He stood up and dropped to his knees in front of me, taking my hands in his.
"I would never hurt you."
He spoke with such sincerety, that I just couldn't take it. I couldn't handle this.
"I... I'm late." I blurted out, and Louis looked at me with the most confused expression ever.
"W-what do you mean late?"
"Zayn... I'm suppossed to meet him in 45 minutes." I had no idea, why I started talking about my appointment with Zayn, but this conversation was going somewhere that I wasn't ready for yet, and I had to get out of it.
"I just told you, what I've been holding in for months, and you're worried you might be a little late for Zayn?"
Louis was definitely not pleased, he seemed angry even.
I should just tell him how I really felt, that I wasn't ready for this yet,
"Louis I... I'm sorry, we'll talk later!"
Coward! I thought to myself, as I walked into the bathroom, leaving him on the floor, on his knees in just his towel.
Why was it always for hard for me to deal with my feelings, when it came to Louis? What was it about him, that just made the words stuck in my throat instead of coming out?
I couldn't believe, I had even been able to tell him how I felt, but now that I knew he felt the same, I didn't feel relieved. Actually I felt more complicated than over. If he hadn't felt the same, we could have left it at that, but now I had to figure out how, or even if, we would make this work.

I took a quick shower, trying to wash the worries out of my hair, and let it air dry as I dressed casually in ripped jeans, a purple t-shirt and Tally's pink Keds, that I had been using lately.
The only shoes I had, which weren't heels or ballerinas, were my faithful blue Converse and my favorite red Vans, by they had both gotten far too worn out by now. To be honest, they had been worn out for months, before I even came to London, but I had refused to let them go. Until Tally convinced, actually bullied, me into borrowing a pair from her, with the promise of going shoe shopping soon. Her Keds were the only ones that fit, since her feet were quite small compaired to mine. I only applied a little mascara and blush before pulling my damp hair into a ponytail.
It was just Zayn, and it wasn't a date. We were just hanging out, and tending our friendship. I hope it wouldn't be awkward, since we had never really been friends. Our relationship started only like three weeks after we met, and I tended to believe, that our rushing into things was one of the reasons for our breakup; we were both at fault. Except for the part where he hid the Twitter thing from me, drunkenly spent the night with Perrie and had the whole Zoe thing.
So Louis said he would never hurt me, because he knew Zayn had, but Zayn had also said he wouldn't break my heart "in a million years". Look how long that lasted.
No I wasn't going to rush anything with Louis.
I was looking forward to spending some friendtime with Zayn, I really wanted us to be friends, and since he said that he was fine with me feelings for Louis, then he must be over me. Right?


Louis' P.O.V.

I sat on the floor in Mag's room for 5 minutes, until I heard her turn on the shower in the bathroom.
As soon as I stepped into the livingroom, I dialled Zayn's number.
"You're a proper dick, you know that!" I practically shouted at him.
"Well good to hear from you too Tommo." He replied, and I imagined the grin on his face.
Stupid twat!
"Don't Tommo me! Why didn't you tell me what happened last night? You knew Mag was upset at me!"
"I thought you should figure it out for yourself."
"Why? You could have given me a warning at least!"
"A warning for what? Why are you making a big deal of this Louis?"
I didn't know if Zayn knew about Mag's feelings, so I decided to change the subject,
"That doesn't even matter! Why did you ask her out today?"
"I didn't ask her out. She was the one who suggested, that we hang out as friends."
"Since when are you and Mag BFF's?" I scoffed.
"Oh no Louis, that's your spot."
I could just hear the smirk in his tone, and he was just downright provoking me. But it worked. I was pissed off.
"Yeah, well don't be too sure of that!" I finally said after a minutes silence.
"What are you talking about?"
There was a hint of panic in his voice now, and I smirked myself.
"Tell you what, why don't you ask Mag?" I repeated his own words, and hung up before he could reply.
Why was he being such an arse towards me? I hadn't done anything to him.
If he was trying to get in the way of things between Mag and I, he should really just back off, and not forget where he belonged. He was her ex, and that would never change. Sure they might turn into good friends, but she would never go back to him, especially now that she had finally accepted her feelings for me.
I may not be the one who saw her first, and I wasn't sure if I loved her first, but I could definitely love her best.
I just didn't understand, why she suddenly ended the conversation, just as we were getting somewhere.
I had been waiting for months for her to say those words, and when she finally did, she acted as if she regretted it or something. I really hope she didn't though. This was all Zayn's fault. If she wasn't going out with him, we could have been together discussing us, and what we could be.
I had to find a way to convince her to talk to me, preferably today. I had to convince her that we should be together. She would finally be mine, only mine, and nobody would get in the way of that!


Harry's P.O.V.

A buzzing noise woke me up, and I forced my eyes open, remembering what a genius I was, for not drinking too much the previous night. I only had a slight hangover, nothing an aspirin couldn't cure.
I looked around the room, and found the source of the buzzing. Lauren sat up next to me, reaching for her phone and switching off her alarm.
"G'morning babe." I said sleepily, supporting myself on my elbows.
"Good morning Harry. Sorry about the alarm."
"Don't worry about it. What's it for anyway?" I asked, hoping she would just lay down again, and spend all day in bed with me.
Of course, I had no such luck, as she got up and searched through her bag, before pulling out a towel,
"Well, I wanted to make sure we would get up, and actually make something out of the day before I have to leave tonight."
"Oh... Yeah, makes sense," I replied with a yawn, laying my head on the pillow, "what time is it anyway?"
"Already 1PM, my train leaves at 6! I'm taking a quick shower. Now get up you lazy bugger, you know I don't take long to get ready!"
She threw a pair of my jeans at me, landing right on my face and I glared at her,
"That's because you're too lazy to match your outfit or cover yourself in make-up, and you still always look amazing!" I told her in a harsh tone, making her laugh,
"Was that supposed to be an insult, because it certainly didn't work! I had no idea my boyfriend was that much of an idiot!"
"Hey! I'm tired, and it's winter!" I replied and she gave me the oddest look before rolling her eyes.
"Such an idiot..." She mumbled, and I threw my jeans at her, just as she walked out, making them hit the closed door.

After laying in bed for 5 minutes, complaining to myself about having to depart from my girlfriend once again, I decided to get up. I pulled on my jeans and walked into the kitchen, where Louis had just hung up the phone on someone, looking quite upset.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked, pouring myself a cup of tea, before realizing it was cold, and started to make a new batch.
"Nothing... Everything.. ugh nevermind!" He replied, stomping off to his room, slamming the door and I decided to leave him be.
He was probably just hungover, or maybe he realized his stupid mistake last night. I still hadn't totally forgiven him for being an intolerable jerk, but I didn't want to spend my free day with Lauren, being upset over Louis. Besides it wasn't my job to be his babysitter anymore.

Five minutes later Lauren stepped out of the shower, hair curly as ever, looking pretty casual but to me she was drop dead gorgeous. I looked her up and down studying every detail of her flowy yellow top, faded denim jeans, white tube socks, dark brown boots and light blue scarf. Like a said, totally unmatching but absolutely perfect and I loved how she wore so many bright colors, since they really complimented her tanned skin colour. Something all the girls, except Skye, had in common. How did we all get so lucky to find these amazing, bubbly, full of life girls, almost all at once? Of course mine was the best of all four, but I was pretty sure Niall and Liam felt the same. Zayn and Louis, though... well I wasn't really sure how that whole love triangle thing was going, now that Mag and Zayn were speaking again and Louis had messed up. I thought about what Tally had said, that Mag actually loved Louis. There was a fair chance she could be wrong, I mean we're talking about Tally here; that girl saw hearts everywhere, but what if she was right? It could go one of two ways. Either they would talk it over, he would apologize for being stupid and they could be together with Zayn being happy for them. Sounds pretty perfect, huh? Or Mag would feel insecure, worried about being hurt again or hurting Zayn's feelings, Louis would subconciously pressure her and Zayn would try to interfere not willing to accept that she was moving on.
As much as I hoped for the first option, I knew the second was more likely.

"Hello? Earth to Harry!"
Lauren snapped her fingers in front of my face, bringing me out of my deep-in-thought trance.
"Sorry... You look wow by the way!" I said, wrapping my arms around her waist, and smiling down at her.
"I look wow?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at me.
"Yeah... I look at you, and then I'm just like... Wow!"
"Okaay... thank you.. I think?"
"Fine I'll rephrase. You look stunning!" I said and received a huge grin on her face, as she pulled me in for a kiss.
"Thanks, now go get dressed!" She commanded.
"I am dressed?" I replied, and she looked me up and down.
"You most definitely are not! I am not letting those birds or butterfly out anywhere!" She said sternly, pointing to the tattoos on my naked stomach, and I thought of Modest and the irony of what she said, but decided to stay quiet. That was all in the past.

After I got fully dressed, meaning I pulled on a white t-shirt, I walked into the living when Lauren was talking to Mag, who looked like she also was going out.
"Morning Mag, going somewhere?" I asked grabbing my keys, and handing Lauren her thin leather jacket I had grabbed from the room.

Mag hesitated a bit and looked down, while she answered,
"Um... Yeah, I'm hanging out with Zayn."
Oh, that was new.
"You two working out the whole friend thing then?" I asked, slightly emphasizing on the word friend.
"Yup. He started talking to me last night, and I think he's ready to move on as friends. So I suggested we could hang today. It's not like a date or anything."
I nodded at her reply, hoping that she was right. The last thing we needed was Zayn messing with her head.
"I'm happy for you two," I said with a smile twirling my keychain around, "that you're friends again, that is."
"Yeah... Well anyways I'm actually late so could you give me a ride to his place?" She asked, but before I could reply, there was a knock at the door.


Zayn's P.O.V.

On my way to Harry and Louis', I wondered if I should just have waited for Mag at my place. She texted me, about being late and it didn't take long before I had decided to take the 10 minute drive, and pick her up myself.
I just hoped she wouldn't think it was too date-like, since we were just going out as friends, especially because I had picked up flowers on the way.
What was I thinking?
I looked at the white roses laying on the passenger seat, for a moment, before tossing them in the backseat, as I parked in front of the apartment. Well, obviosly I didn't toss them, they were lovely roses, but they would probably die anyway if I took them home and tried to take care of them. Besides, white roses in a young straight guy's apartment? I wasn't Harry! Or Louis... Stupid Louis. Having the nerve to practically scold me, when he was kissing another girl last night! How could he even be mad at me wanting to be friends with Mag? I had no problem with their friendship, when I was with her... Okay maybe a slight problem, but that was different. Louis and Mag weren't even a couple, and I had seen him as a threat back then, because I knew he had deep feelings for her. Maybe that was his problem. Maybe he thought that I actually still had feelings for her, and would slowly try to win her back. Because if he did, then he was right.
I couldn't let him know that of course, no one was going to interfere with my plan, and definitely not Louis. He himself had hid his feelings for her, for a long time and used his position as a friend to get closer and closer.
Well, Tommo... Two can play that game.

I knocked on the door, which was quickly opened by Harry who gave me a slight smile and nod, before walking into the livingroom.
"Hey Mag, you look nice." I said, smiling and she blushed slightly, looking down as she responded,
"Thanks. I didn't know what we would be doing, so I just went for casual."
"Casual's great." I replied, really wanting to say that she always looked gorgeous and perfect, but that would be considered inappropiate, since we were "keeping it friendly".
"Well, we better be off baby. It's 1.30, that only gives us 4 hours!" Lauren suddenly broke the silence, pulling on her jacket and heading for the door, before Harry stopped her,
"Yeah, hold on I just want to talk for Zayn for a minute."
He nodded at me to follow him into the kitchen, where he spoke with a hushed voice,
"Zayn... I'm gonna make this quick, and get straight to the point. You and Mag... This is strictly as friends, right?"
"Of course," I lied through my teeth, "why wouldn't it be?"
"Well, you moved pretty quickly from not being near any of us, to hanging out with her again. I just want to be sure that you don't have any unresolved feelings?" He was whispering now, constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure we didn't have an eavesdropper.
"I know it seems a bit strange, but I just realized that I have to move on at some point, and being friends with her is an important part of that. I have no hidden intentions."
Other then making her mine again.
"Good. Because the last thing she needs is someone messing with her head. She has enough to think about with this Louis business."
Harry knew that I knew about their mutual feelings for each other, since it was clear to pretty much everyone, except them selves, but I decided not to comment on it.
"No worries mate." I falsely reassured him with a smile, and we joined the girls again.

"Now can we go?" Lauren asked impatiently, tapping her foot.
"Sure babe." Harry chuckled, and the four of us left in our two cars, going in opposite directions.

"So where to?" Mag asked, as she buckled her seatbelt, and turned on the radio.
"I just thought we could hang out at my place, watch a couple films maybe?" I suggsted, and she laughed lightly, making me glance at her questionly.
"So you took the 10 minute drive to pick me up, only to drive back again to where I would have come anyway?"
Just then I realised how ridiculous it was and couldn't help but laugh myself.
"In my defense, I just now came up with the idea of going there." I tried, but Mag nodded slowly,
"Oh yeah... Of course." She said, voice laced with irony making me smile even more.
I missed this. Joking around with her, hearing her laugh because of me, just being next to her.
My joy was short lived though, when the following silence made us both aware of the song that had just started playing on the radio.
Kiss You.
Of course, "our song" would be playing right now. And by "our", I don't mean the boys and I... I mean Mag and I. I would never forget, when I first saw her sitting in that park, the song blasting in her earbuds, as she smiled and nodded her head to the beat. She had been so caught up, that she didn't even look up when I sat down next to her. That song was the beginning of "us", really; I had even put it as my ring tone, but of course I changed it when we broke... No, when she broke up with me.
The tension was suddenly thick, and I quickly changed the station, thanking God that it wasn't a long drive, since the rest of it was spent in unbearable, awkward silence.

* * *
After watching one of Mag's favorites films "Blow" (she was crazy about Johnny Depp), Mag switched to a channel showing some comedy sitcom, and I got the feeling that she wanted to talk about something.
"What's up?" I broke the ice, knowing how nervous she could be at times.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Always." I replied, with a soft smile, and she hesitated, as usual, before going on,
"Remember what you said last night? About Louis not having kissed that girl, if he truly liked me?"
Seriously? She was talking about Louis with me? I know, I told her that I was fine with her liking him, but if that meant talking about him and their situation, I really wished I hadn't anything.
I nodded for her to continue, hoping this conversation would end soon.
"I was thinking... I mean, I was pretty upset with him, but then I realised, first of all he was out of his mind drunk, and secondly, he knew nothing about my feelings, so I couldn't really allow myself to be mad at him, you know? Anyways, I decided to talk to him about it and... well, I ended up telling him how I feel and he said that..." She drifted off, staring at the wall, and I had a feeling where this was going.
"What did he say Mag?" I pushed, knowing that was what she needed to go on.
"He feels the same about me." Her voice was barely a whisper, but it was loud and clear in my ears.
"He actually said that?" I asked, trying hard to conceal my anger and frustration.
"Yeah, he said that he is in love with me."
In love? So, she was on love with him. Of course, she just said that last night!
"And then what?" I asked in the calmest voice possible, and I was glad she was avoiding eye contact. The fire in my eyes, was impossible to miss.
"Then... Then I chickened out and told him I was late to meet you, and ran to take a shower."
Well, that was unexpected! I could hardly contain my smile, but quickly regained my cool,
"Oh? Why is that?"
"I don't know," she finally turned to me and I made sure to look interested, but not emotionally involved,
"It was all too much. I don't want to rush anything and also... Well to be honest, I didn't know how you would feel about it, I mean I don't want to upset you or anything, now that we're just starting to be friends."
I tried not to smile too much at how she still cared about me and was concerned, not to mention the fact that she blew him off for me, even it just was an excuse. No wonder he was so pissed, when he called.
I thought hard about what to say next, it was vital for my plan.
"First of all, like you just said, we're starting to be friends, which means I am finally able to be just friends with you. I understand, accept and respect you moving on, now that I am ready to move on myself. Not that I am finding someone else any time soon, but I'm ready to move on from "us" as anything but friends, you follow me so far?"
Mag nodded, with a curious look, and I went on with the harder part of my plan,
"Anyways if you want to move on with Louis, I'm totally fine with that. As long as you don't feel like it's going to fast. I don't want to feel obligated or anything... But on another note..." I drifted off and pretended to think a while,
"No it's nothing." I waved my hand in front of me, and Mag's curiousity grew,
"What is it?"
"I really shouldn't." I replied, looking up at her through my lashes.
"Zayn... Please, tell me?" I could hear the seriousness in her voice and knew this was the right time.
"Well... It's just... Are you sure he's not... Playing you?"

Mission "get back at Tommo and get back my girl" had officially begun!

"What?!" The shock was clear on Mag's face, and that was exactly the reaction I wanted.
"Why would he even do that? Louis is not a player at all, and he definitely wouldn't do something like that to me... I'm his best friend!" Mag sounded very confident of her own words, and it was time to break some of that confidence,
"Maybe he isn't aware of it himself, but it seems strange that he makes out with a random girl, and then the moment he finds out what you feel, he admits to feeling the same, don't you think?"
Mag bit down on her lip, deep in concentration.
"But he was drunk... He told me he kissed her, because he was frustrated about his feelings for me..." This time, she spoke with much less confidence, but she was still in doubt.
"Well, it wouldn't be the first time he told little white lies about his feelings..." I muttered, loud enough for her to hear, and she snapped her head up at me,
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm just saying that he lied to all of us, including yourself about how he really felt for a long time, and let's face it... He isn't exactly the most reliable person when it comes to sort-of-relationships, just look at him and Harry."
Mag's eyes were filled with emotion, but I could see, which was dominant.
"Are you saying I can't trust him?" She looked me in the eyes, and I almost felt bad for doing this. But then I remembered how much it hurt to see them together as just friends. How bad would it be if they were a couple? She belonged with me!
"I didn't say that... You have to ask yourself if you can?"
It took a while for Mag to finally reply,
"No... No, Louis wouldn't... He would never do something like that to me..."
She seemed to add the words "would he" in her head, not daring to say them out loud.
It was time to turn this around.
"No, you know what, I really shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it, okay?" I said, and she continued to stare at the wall, while slightly nodding,
"Yeah... Yeah, okay."
This way, I washed my hands and any doubt she had from now on, was not my fault. Technically, I wasn't the bad guy here.

* * *
Niall's P.O.V.

After spending a couple hours at Liam's party, Tally and I went to Harry and Louis' to say goodbye to Lauren.

"I'm still surprised about Skye's gift!" I exclaimed, as I used my sparekey to open the front door.
"I knew all about it, but promised not to say anything! She just digged into whatever savings she had left to afford it, and the look on Liam's face was priceless!" Tally replied as we stepped in.
Skye had bought a weekendtrip for her and Liam to Hawaii, for some of our freetime in America, later in the tour. Despite telling her not to buy anything, he was clearly ecstatic!

Louis was pacing around the livingroom, deep in thought.
"Lou... You alright?" I asked, and his head snapped up,
"Oh it's you... I'm fine... Fine... God, where are they?" He exclaimed, pulling off his beanie and running his hands through his hair.
"Who?" Tally asked confusedly, just as we heard a call pull up, and Louis ran to the window.
"Them." He replied, and adjusted his beanie again.
A few seconds later, Mag and Zayn had barely made it through the door before Louis was standing right in front of Mag.
"We have to talk!"
"Um, can we talk later Louis, I have to..." Mag was cut off by Louis smashing his lips onto hers, making Tally and I's jaws dropped, but before we could even comprehend the scene in front of us, Lauren came bursting through the door, Harry quickly following.
"Lauren, just let me explain!"
"Not now Harry, I... I have to pack, just leave me alone right now!" Lauren snapped, walking to his room as slamming the door in his face.
I took in my surroundings.
Louis was holding Mag's face in his hands, looking at her intensely, as she stared at him with wide eyes speechless. Zayn stood glaring at him, while Harry stared desperately at his closed bedroom door. Tally had wide terrified eyes, looking back and forth between the four.
"Why is it that every time we're about to leave, this shit happens?" I muttered to myself.
And why is it always, the same four people?

* * *
He shoulda, he shoulda, yeah he should (not) have kissed her! Sorry, couldn't help myself was listening to the song :P
Soo, was it a good idea to kiss her like that? And is Zayn playing fair or being a jerk? And what's happening with LAURY?? aaah
Please like/five and COMMENT!! LOVE Y'ALL!
xoxo M. ;)

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