Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


51. 'Team Zayn'


Hey lovelies!

I just wanna say sorry for the short chap! I'm really busy atm, but I got everything I wanted for this chapter so yh..

Anyways it pretty much gives an insight on why Zayn is doing what he does and why the ppl on his "team" actually are on his "team" so try to think about what is said...... :) the "Nally" in the title is cus they're on his team..

Anyways remember to like/fave aaand COMMENT!!! LOVE YOU ALL!

Enjoy, xoxo M.



Chapter 45

"Team Zayn - Nally"


Mag's P.O.V.


I watched curiously, as Zayn removed his wristband, and the black ink became visible.

I examined the tattoo turning his wrist, my eyes widening as I took in every little detail. The black chain, ending in a red shaded half heart and the cursive letters following the chain around his wrist.

"half a heart without you".

I had heard those words before. It was from one of the songs off the new album, which he would occasionally hum the tune of.


It took me a minute to recover, pull my eyes away from the tattoo and look straight into his honey coloured orbs.

"Wow." I muttered, speechless.

"Is it too cheasy?" Zayn asked with a nervous smile, and I shook my head quickly.

"No it... It's... I don't know what to say. It's beautiful Zayn. Everything about it."

Especially the meaning, I added silently.

"When I first got it, I thought about you," he said quietly, still looking into my eyes,

"But now it's more like half a heart until I find my other half. I've finally accepted that we won't be together, and now I'm ready to move on.. with someone else eventually."

I smiled at him, glad that he was moving on now.

"It will be hard to find someone like you though." He added, and I looked down to hide my smile.


"I just hope that you'll find someone good enough for you. Not someone with the emotional range of a teaspoon."

I looked questioningly at him and he hesitated a bit before going on,

"I'm just saying Louis is all fun and that's great as a friend, but sometimes in a relationship you want the show of emotions, the romance and the quiet, cozy times... Not exactly something he is known for."

"Louis can be romantic..." I said quietly, not quite believing it myself.

Zayn raised an eyebrow and smiled sympathetically,

"I just want you to be happy, you know."


Red lights were flashing in my head, warning me that this was dangerous. That it was getting too intense, heading towards romantic. I was worried something like this would happen, when we decided to be friends. That I would find myself getting caught up in his sweet words and deep eyes. It took me time to finally get over him, I couldn't allow myself to get... Under him?

Stop it Mag, don't go there!

I had to get out of this room, far away from this situation, before I did something stupid. Like kiss those soft, plump lips...

No! What the hell is wrong with you?

You are not falling for Zayn again! You are taking it slow with LOUIS. L O U I S! Not Zayn, okay?

That sounded a bit familiar, but with the names switched around. Wow, I really was messed up.


"So no more hiding this, right?" I asked, nodding towards his wrist as I arranged tea, cups and cookies on a tray.

"No more... Not now." He replied with the sweetest half-smile, and followed me into the livingroom.


* * *


Zayn's P.O.V.


Step two of my plan was going great so far. I wasn't exactly lying about Louis, it was true that he wasn't the most romantic guy on earth and Mag knew it. The question was if it made a difference to her, or if she was already too caught up in him. In that case, my plan was far from finished. I had indirectly made her doubt his intentions, and he had on his own made her upset with him. Now I had indirectly showed off my romantic side with the tattoo, while at the same time implying that Louis couldn't give her everything she needed in a relationship, for example the romance that I could. Her subconciousness must've been on a roll just about now.


For now, I had to spend more time with her, before initiating step three of my plan. Make her rediscover her feelings for me, after pushing Louis out of her head.


"Zayn, can I have a word?" Tally suddenly appeared in front of me, as I was stepping out of the kitchen, and pushed me back in again, closing the door.


I watched Tally pace back and forth for a few minutes before I said anything,

"Tally? You brought me in here, was there a reason for that?"

She stopped her pacing and looked at me frustrated,

"I don't know Zayn, I'm getting so confused!"

"Okaay..." I replied, quite confused myself,

"About what?"

"About Mag, you and Louis! I don't know what to think anymore and... And what is that?!"

Tally's voice reached its earsplitting highpitch as her eyes now focused on my wrist, and she grabbed ahold of it staring wide-eyed.


"Is this the tattoo you've been hiding?" She asked bluntly and I nodded.

"Why are you showing it now?" She added, her eyes never leaving the ink.

"Because I'm finally ready, getting over Mag..."

"The hell you are!" She scoffed, surprising me.

"You think I'm stupid, Bradford Boy?" She said glaring at me, using that nickname I hated.

"I don't know what you..." I started, but she interrupted me,

"Cut the crap! Niall and I know exactly what everyone is feeling. You know why? Because we observe. Did you know for example that Liam is upset about Skye being so busy that they hardly have time to talk every day? Or that Harry acts awkward around Louis, everytime he's been on the phone with Lauren?"

I shook my head, not realising any of these things, because I was so caught up in my own thoughts.

At the moment, we all had our own worries, so we barely noticed the others' problems. I guess Niall and Tally didn't have problems so they actually noticed every single one of us.


"Niall and I have been making observations since Liam's birthday. When you and Mag started talking together, and Louis kissed that bimbo!"

I eyed Tally warily, not liking the sound of this.

"Nialler chops and I both want the best for Mag, so we've been watching you three closely, and among other things I have come to the conclusion that you are not over Mag. At all. In fact, you still love her."


My eyes widened and I tried to keep my cool. Both Harry and Louis knew about my feelings but if too many people knew, Mag would find out and I'd have to blow off the whole plan.


"You and Niall are crazy! I don't have feelings for Mag... We're just friends and I accept that..." I was starting to panic a bit and Tally cut me off,

"Zayn, stop! I don't have a problem with it."

"You don't?" I asked in disbelief and she shook her head,

"Look, I know you love Mag and so does Louis and I'm pretty sure that Mag actually loves him... Well at least, she did. The thing is, I hate what you did to Mag, especially because it involved my boyfriend's ex, but we have moved past that.

Louis has his faults too. When he's in doubt, he does stupid things and those aren't signs of a reliable person either. I also know the whole story between him and Harry, which doesn't exactly make him look better. Then there's his temper, which might not be as bad as it once was, according to Niall, but it's another thing to worry about. Running out of tour busses in the middle of nowhere and breaking things?

Let's face it. Louis, as much as he loves Mag and she loves him, isn't the most reliable person on several points, and that is exactly was Mag needs!

Reliability, security, someone who she doesn't have to worry about in any sort of way.

I just said that she loves him, and I believe she still does but lately... I'm not sure how much she trusts him. In fact, I think that is the biggest factor keeping her from being with him."


I did my best to disguise the smug smile, creeping onto my face, because I knew exactly why she wouldn't trust him as much as before. I almost felt guilty for planting those thoughts in her head, but apparently others also saw him as unreliable. Maybe not in the way I had told her, but still.


"So what's your whole point with all this?" I asked, knowing Tally well enough that she didn't say things just for the sake of saying them.


"Well, I have this idea that you're up to something. You obviously don't want Mag to know about your feelings, not yet at least, and I think you're working on her subconciousness. Implying different things, without saying them directly. That way, she will think that she came up with the thoughts herself and you won't be the bad guy."


Wow. She was good!


"And do you have a problem with that?" I asked cautiously, still not sure of her intentions with this conversation.


Tally sighed deeply, looking thoughtfully out the window for a long time before speaking,

"I don't think Louis is the best boyfriend for Mag, at least not at the moment, but I'm not sure if you are either and no I certainly don't approve of your methods. I won't exactly help you either, unless Mag comes to me for advice."


"Are you going to tell her about what I've been doing?"


"I'm not like that Zayn. I won't tell her anything, but not for your sake. Can you imagine how Mag would feel if she finds out that she is being sort of... Betrayed again? Especially by you. It wouldn't be in anyone's best interest that she finds out what you're doing, but I don't think you should continue either.


I'm on your side here Zayn and so is Niall, but if you want to win her over yet again... I would strongly recommend that you do it the right way, and not sneak around like this. If you truly believe you're a better man for her than Louis, you have to prove it. Not get her to think that Louis is this and that, just to put yourself in a better light."


I thought about what she had said, and she was right in so many ways. I had to come clean with Mag, and tell her how I really felt. Have a heart-to-heart with her, preferably after the show tonight.


"One more thing," Tally added before going into the livingroom,

"Mag isn't the only person you'll have to convince, and whose trust you'll have to regain."


I followed Tally into the livingroom, where Niall and Mag were watching Disney with Gabby, while Melissa looked busy on her laptop. It was funny how Mag and her sister looked so different, and yet so alike. Just like their personalities.

Melissa was a lot more tough, streetwise and adult-like (she was also 4 years older), but they still had undeniable similarities. Someone could say a random word, and they would both start singing the same song which coincidentally had that word in it. I had noticed a lot of things like that yesterday and I found it pretty adorable.

But then again, anything connected to Mag, was adorable. Everything about her was perfect. I would do anything for her. I just wished, I hadn't blew it before really realizing that.


I truly believed that we were meant to be, and I couldn't care less what stupid Harry or Louis thought.

I was the one who noticed Mag that day, and it was fate that brought me to her. It was fate that made me walk through that park and approach her. It was me who loved her first, I may have had my chances but I sure as hell wasn't going to just stand by and watch someone else stand in my spot. Next to her.


After a couple hours, we had to leave and get ready for tonights show. I was certainly going to miss this place.

"You ready, Mag?" I asked, as I adjusted Harry's beanie on my head, after saying goodbye to her sister and niece.

"I'm not going to the concert..."

"What?!" Tally, Niall and I asked in unison, all three heads turning to her.

"I'm gonna hang out here some more," Mag replied quietly, fidgetting nervously. Another cute habit of hers,

"I texted Liam saying, I would meet you guys after the show. Paul already agreed to take me to the airport."

"Airport?" Melissa asked curiously, handing a pleading Gabby her iPod Touch.

"Yeah, we're flying to France tonight, after the show." I replied my eyes not leaving Mag.


This was the first show, she wouldn't be at. She had been with us from the beginning of our tour, at every single show, even last night in the audience. It wouldn't feel right, to not have her nearby, to not see her encouraging face before going on stage or those shining eyes and bright smile after coming off.


"But I know you guys will do great, like always! You really are incredible you know... I think that right there pretty much proves it." She chuckled nodding towards Gabby's room which was plastered with One Direction posters and filled with merch. I saw our younger faces smiling back at me everywhere from the cover and pillow on the nicely made bed to the beanie bag in the corner and the clock hanging on the wall. It was quite weird actually, but kind of cool in a way.


"Well it's all thanks to the fans!" Niall exclaimed with his wide smile, and Gabby ran up to give him yet another hug.

"I guess I'll see you at the airport then." I said to Mag, wanting to give her a hug as well, but I was seeing her in a few hours.

"Yeah, see you later guys have fun!" She replied to all of us.

"Okay, Gabby they have to go!" Melissa told her daughter, who was busy snapping pictures on her iPod of Niall, Tally and herself.

Pretty good for a 4-5 year old, but I guess that was normal nowadays.

"I love you!" Gabby said hugging Niall tightly, and none of us could resist the smile on our faces.

"I love you Gabby! Be good to your mum. I'll be seeing you again, I promise!"


I knew for sure that he would keep that promise. One way or another, we would be meeting Mag's family again.


* * *

It felt like forever, waiting for Mag at the airport when actually we had only been there 30 minutes before she arrived with Paul.

"Hey, how was the show?" She asked smiling, walking straight up to me.

Still upset at Louis, maybe.

"Amazing! Would have been better with you backstage." I replied, suddenly realizing how that sounded as she gave me an awkward smile and nodded.

We had a little time before our flight, and I thought now would be as good a time as any to talk to her.

"Mag, I really want to..."

I didn't get to finish as I was rudely cut off by none other than Louis 'annoying' Tomlinson

"Hey Mag can we..."

"Guys, come on we got to get going!"

This time it was Liam calling us to board the plane.

I guess it would have to wait, and I would definitely get to her before Louis!

And is there a better place to talk about love than the city of love? Paris.

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