Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

*WARNING*
A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters

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37. 'Taken'

a/n

Hello, um I have no idea how long this is, and I only got to proofread once, so sorry for mistakes :b anyways I really hop you like this, and pleeease prretty please with Harry on top comment!! :) like, fave and tell ur friends ;)

ENJOY, XOXO M. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 31

"Taken"
 

Louis' P.O.V.


"And to love!" Harry exclaimed, and we all clinked our glasses.
That was easy for him to say. He and all the others had someone of their own. Even Liam had left me now, because no matter what he said, it was so clear that he and Skye were totally into eachother!
 

I didn't want anyone to know, how I really felt though, so I put on my happy face and made sure that they all thought I was really falling for Lexy. She was great, it's not that I didn't like her, but she wasn't who I wanted, and she would never be more than a friend. If that.
She lived in Manchester, and we were going back on tour, so a few texts and calls once in a while, was all it would ever be.
 

When we went on our "date", she sensed that I was a bit glum, even though I tried to hide it, and I ended up telling her everything! Well everything about Mag, I left out the Harry part. She understood, and had never expected us to be more than friends. She wouldn't tell anyone how I really felt, but she wouldn't lie to anyone about us being a thing, and I couldn't ask that of her either.
If people made up their own assumptions, fine, but if someone came up and asked her about us she would say the truth; that we were just friends.
I was so totally messed up. Being in love with two people, who both were taken, and to make it worse it was a guy and a girl!
 

I was hopeless, a lost cause when it came to love, and it all started when I fell in love with a 16-year old curlyhaired, bright eyed, dimplesmiled boy from Holmes Chapel.
Since I had fallen for Harry, three years ago I hadn't fallen for anyone else (until Mag), and I would have been better off, had I never laid eyes on him.
If I hadn't fallen for him, I could probably have had a girlfriend now, and then I wouldn't have fallen for Mag either, so everything would be perfect.
But nooo, of course when it comes to Louis Tomlinson, everything has to be complicated.

As everyone was engulfed in their own couply conversations, I found my thoughts drifting back to that night a week ago, when we had shared a bed.

*** Flashback ***
(1 week ago)


"G'night... Babycakes!" I said smiling, and heard Harry grind his teeth, before he turned around staring right at me.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked angrily, and I looked at him in shock,
"What do you mean Haz? I just said goodnight?"
"You said babycakes!" He replied, sitting up crossing his arms.
"Yeah so?" I shot back, following his movement.
"Why would you use that name? We're not a thing anymore!" He said glaring at me, and it took me a while to answer.
"Well... I just like calling you it..." I replied, hesitating a bit before going on,
"Harry... I made a mistake..."
Harry cut me off before I could finish,
"No! No Louis! You ended things, and I moved on and am with someone else now!"
I rolled my eyes, and scoffed at his reply, making him angrier,
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh come on Harry! We both know why you're with Lauren. You know how jealous how I can get!" I said, not even knowing if that was the reason, but wanting to see his reaction.
He looked at me with wide eyes, like he couldn't believe what I had just said.
"You're incredible! I'm not with Lauren to make you jealous! I actually like her, and she wants me to be happy. Unlike you, who just wants me because I'm taken, and when you have me, you'll probably break my heart again!"
Harry avoided my gaze, but I could tell he must be close to tears, which made me realize exactly how much I had hurt him. I felt awful for ever doing that to him.
"Harry, I'm sorry..."
"It's too late Lou," he cut me off again,
"I'm with someone, and even if I wasn't, I can't be with someone who has feelings for another person."
I didn't even know, how I felt about Mag at the moment. When I saw how her and Zayn were together, I knew it would never be us, but even though Harry was happy with Lauren, it was different.
Zayn and Mag were madly in love, and had been from the start, but Lauren and Harry... They liked each other a lot, but it was far from love yet, and rather then floating-on-a-cloud happy, Harry seemed more like content.
"Harry, I don't feel that way anymore..."
For the third time, he interrupted me,
"Look me in the eyes, and tell me you don't have any feelings for her!" He demanded, and I looked him dead in the eye... But I couldn't do it. I tried to get the words out,but they wouldn't leave my mouth.
If I didn't know about my feelings, how could I say I didn't have any, I was still in the process of getting over her.
A sadness swept over me, as I looked at Harry not being able to speak.
The way we were sitting on the bed, across each other, on our knees reminded me of our first time together.
During the X-Factor we would be up all night talking to each other, making everyone furious when we were tired the next day. But when we got on the stage, we would fill each other with energy and give our all.
Just like in the recording studios for our first two albums. We would be staring intensely at each other while singing, which is probably how our vocals turned out so emotional and powerful.
For a second, I saw the young curly haired boy with his big grin and dimples in front of me, but then I was brought back to reality, facing a cross looked Harry, and I knew those times were gone.
After what seemed like forever, I looked down and sighed.
"That's what I thought." He said bluntly, and was about to lay down again, but my voice stopped him,
"Your turn."
He looked at me confused, so I explained,
"Tell me you don't have any feelings for me." I said calmly, even though my insides were burning.
He sat across from me again, looked thoughtfully at me, and then the most amazing thing happened.
He kissed me!
He actually kissed me. Not just a peck, but a full on, stomach-doing-somersaults, fireworks-exploding french kiss!
Of course I kissed back, but after a couple minutes he pulled back roughly, and looked at me with wide eyes.
It was just like the first time Edward kissed Bella, and I had no idea why he reacted that way. It's not like he had to be afraid of being able to control himself...
Wait a minute... Could that be the reason?
But why did he even kiss me?
At first I thought it would one of those things, where he kissed me to prove that he didn't feel a thing, but I felt a whole bunch.
I just didn't know if he felt it too, but it was so strange for him to react like that.
He quickly laid down, turning his back to me, and pulling the covers up to his chin.
I stayed in my position, before finally lying down, staring at his back, totally sure that his eyes still were wide open, even though I couldn't see them.
Before falling asleep, I decided that I had to let it go. I was going to put away all that glumliness, and show everyone that I was fine. More than fine, I would be cheerfulness in person! That would show Harry, that I didn't just want him, because I was miserable and jealous, and if he ever changed his mind, he knew how I felt, and he could come to me.
Operation "I'm Fine!" was in action!


*** End Of Flashback ***
Since that night, Harry had completely ignored me, while I went around with a smile on my face, convincing everyone how good I was doing. I was just looking forward to the tour, and getting my mind off things like curly haired boys. Only one day to go!

Liam's P.O.V.
Everyone was enjoying their champagne, and I with my coke, when I noticed Louis was totally spaced out.
"Louis! Is something wrong?" I asked curiously, and everyone turned to him, as he found his smile again.
"Everythings fine! Just peachy! So what are we doing?"
"Well first we have to eat something! It's 3PM, I've only had breakfast and now I'm feeling weird drinking champagne so early!" Lauren spoke up, and everyone nodded in agreement.
"Okay so we'll go for lunch, and then think of some games for tonight?" I suggested, and everyone agreed, then finished their champagne and got ready to leave.

Meanwhile I pulled Skye aside.
"Hey." I said pulling her in for a warm embrace, when we were out of eyeshot.
"What was that for?" She asked blushing slightly, and I leaned against the wall shrugging while I took her hand.
"I just missed you!" I finally said and she smiled at the floor.
"I missed you too!" She admitted, and I was once again amazed at how nervous and girly she could be, when she usually was so tough and full of confidence.
During the many phonecalls and skyping last week, we had spent half the time discussing the plan and the other half discussing us.
I didn't tell her what Lauren had told me,but I had gotten the courage to tell her that I really liked her.
 

I usually didn't like to do things like that over the phone and we agreed to talk more about it when she came, and now here she was!
"So... We have something to talk about." I said trying to look serious, making her raise her eyebrow cockily,
"Do we now?"
"Don't tease me," I replied with a soft voice and I noticed her cheeks getting redder and redder, "but I think some people will start eating the furniture if we don't go to lunch soon, so later okay?" I said winking, and she just nodded, looking like someone, who was completely lost for speech.
This was a very different Skye, than I was used to, but I liked it. It sort of made me sure that she really liked me, and that was exactly what I wanted to know.

* * *
We got back from lunch, and were once again seated in the living room, to talk about our slumberparty.
"So I planned a musical night!" Lauren exclaimed, as she had been put in charge of entertainment.
"And I decided on what to do with dinner!" Harry, in charge of food, added.
"We'll have a buffet and everyone has to make something!" He continued, sounding very much like a father in a large family, talking to his kids, and we all looked at him obediently as he went on.
"Niall and Tally will make salad, cause it's easy and no one can argue with you over salad.
Lauren and I will make nachos with chicken, cheese and of course guacamole and salsa.
Zayn you'll make your curry chicken with rice, and I don't know about the rest of you?"
He said writing something on a notepad and looking at the rest of us, trying not to laugh at his "dad" acting.
Mag suddenly spoke up, bouncing in her seat,
"Oh oh, I'll make my spaghetti and meatsauce! It's my specialty and everyone loves it!" She said with a proud smile, and father-Harry nodded, smiling approvingly and writing on his paper.
"That's great Mag! I just had an idea of making this an international buffet! We have curry, Mexican and Italian so far. Liam and Skye?" Lauren asked, taking on the motherly roll, making it hard for Skye to hold back a fit of giggles.
"Lauren... You stayed with me for a month last summer! You know what I'm gonna make!" Skye said smiling.
"Oh yeah... Skye will make her beef Wellington, so that settles the local course, Liam you'll help her!" Lauren ordered pointing her finger at me, and I simply nodded, knowing I would start laughing if I opened my mouth.
"So... Curry, Mexican, Italian, Wellington... That leaves... Louis?" Harry said, looking up from his paper at the older boy, who was lying lazily on his stomach in the couch.
He lifted himself up a bit, supporting himself on his elbows and shrugged,
"How about cereal?" He suggested, making Lauren and Harry look sternly at him before Harry said,
"Fine, you'll be assisting wherever you're needed!"
Louis groaned rolling his eyes, and turned over on his back, so "mom and dad" couldn't see him mimicking them, and Niall was awfully red in the face from holding back a laugh.
I felt a bit sorry for Lauren and Harry, because they had put a lot of effort into planning tonight, but it was impossible to take them seriously in this way. Especially seeing as they were the youngest of us all.
"Why do you all look like that?" Lauren asked, finally noticing our faces, and the room fell silent.
"Excuse me, but she asked a question?" Harry added, and that was the last straw, we all burst out laughing.
Niall had been holding it in longest, and fell on the floor, while Tally layed on the couch pounding the cushion, but that could also be due to the amount of drinks the two of them had at lunch.
"You two are acting like bloody extras off 7th Heaven or something!" Mag exclaimed through laughs.
"No we're not, what are you talking about?" Harry said, looking offended.
"Oh right, whatever you say 'dad'!" Zayn replied, making Lauren and Harry roll their eyes and go into the kitchen where the rest of us followed after the laughter was gone.

* * *
You would think nine young friends making dinner would be a blast, you know, fooling around, making jokes, stealing food from the others, teasing, minor food fights and stuff like that?
Well, you're absolutely right!
Especially in Lauren's not-so-big kitchen, where we were constantly bumping into each other, and some of us had to sit on the counters while cooking, it was the best last night ever, and I knew there was more to come later. I just couldn't wait to be alone with Skye and finally be enlightened.

Luckily, we had finished our course first, due to the others' foolishness, and went to set the table, seperated from the others by a half wall. They were so loud anyways, they couldn't hear us if they tried.

"You look really good today!" I said cherfully, setting the plates down, and she blushed smiling at the table, muttering a thanks.
"I'm really happy, you convinced me to come today... I missed hanging out with you... Guys." She said, adding the last word as a second thought, making me chuckle.
"You're really nervous, why?" I asked bluntly, and her face was now crimson red as she avoided eye contact,
"What are you talking about?"
I layed down the last plate, and stepped over to her stopping inches from her, smiling down at her small beautiful frame,
"Usually you're like... well yourself, you know when we're with the others. But when we're alone... You start blushing, talking in a quiet voice and don't even dare to look me in the eyes."
Skye bit her lip, and was still looking down, as I continued,
"But I really wish you would, so you could realize that you don't have to be nervous around me. You don't have to think about how you act or what you say or how you look. I like you for who you are, both the outgoing Skye and the shy one... But there's one thing I don't like about the shy one... She won't let me see those beautiful eyes."
I sensed a smile sneaking onto her lips, which she was still biting down on so hard, I was afraid she would draw blood.
"Look me in the eyes Skye." I said, tracing her cheek and tilting her chin up, so her gaze was locked on mine.
"I promised myself to not fall for anyone, before going away... turns out, I won't be able to keep that promise. But here's a promise I can keep.
I never have my eye on more than one girl at once, and as you can see right now, my eyes are on yours, and your eyes right now, will be the picture I take with me on tour. You're the only girl I'll have my eye on, no matter how far away I am."
Skye's blue eyes were still locked on my brown ones, and I inched closer to her face, but was suddenly interrupted by Mag and Zayn entering the room, holding a dish and giggling. They stopped, when they saw me and Skye, and Mag had a huge grin on her face.
"Sorry, are we interrupting something?" Zayn asked, as he placed the dish on the table.
"I don't know, how about you leave again and we'll find out?" I replied, half joking, half wanting to kick their asses for horrible timing.
Thankfully they left without a word, but with ear-to-ear smiles.
I turned to Skye again, but before I could do or say anything she pulled the back of my neck and smashed her lips against mine, releasing a party of butterflies in my stomach, causing my heart to beat loudly against my chest.
When she pulled back, I was short of breath, heart still pounding, and we just stood there smiling at each other.
"You're wonderful!" I said carressing her cheek.
"You're incredible!" She replied taking my hand, entwining our fingers.

* * *
Harry's P.O.V.
After the succesful buffet dinner, we were all sprawled out in the living room, changed into more comfortable clothing and waiting for Lauren to tell us about what she had planned.
 

"Alright, so like I said this will be musical night, and first activity is... songs in a hat!" She said enthusiastically, while the rest of us just looked at her with uninterrsted faces, so she went on,
"Okay... Everyone writes a song and we mix them in a hat, then you pick a song to sing, but you have to sing it to someone in the audience and it can't be your partner!"
Now we were a bit more intrigued and mumbles were heard amongst us.
"Does it have to be one of our songs?" Niall questioned.
"No, it can be whatever you want, as long as we can find the instrumental on youtube, and of course it has to be a song that aims at a person so not like... I don't know... Viva La Vida or something like that. Oh and everyone gives points for each song, and we'll find a winner in the end." She replied handing us all paper and laying pens on the table.
I knew exactly what song I wanted to sing, but I have to be able to pick it, so when I was sure noone was looking, I folded my paper but made a little mark on the side, so I could recognize it.
One everyone had finished we grabbed Louis' hat off his head, ignoring his protests and Lauren threw all the papers in and mixed them around.
 

"Who starts?" Lauren asked, very excited and Tally threw her hand in the hair,
"Me! I want to start!"
She picked a song, unfolded the paper and widened her eyes,
"What, seriously? We're not all professional singers!" She said looking at all of us, trying to figure out who had wrote her song.
She went to Lauren's computer, opened Youtube and found the instrumental version before turning to Skye,
"This one is for you!" She said, and I instantly recognized Toni Braxton's Unbreak My Heart, and started laughing under my breath.

"Wow Tally, that was... Interesting," Lauren said after Tally's very emotional version of the sad song, "who's next?"
 

Everyone was picking random people to sing their songs to like when Niall sang "As Long As You Love Me" to Zayn and Liam sang Usher's Caught Up to Tally.
Eventually it was Mag, Lauren, Louis and I left, and Louis was going next. Everytime someone picked a song, I was afraid it would be mine, and I would hold my breath until the song started playing.
Louis picked a song and smirked in a way, that could only mean he picked exactly what he wanted, and I wondered what it could be.
"This one... Is for Lauren."
 

Okay, pretty random choice, I thought... Until the instruments started playing.
Oh so the song was for Lauren, of course! And I'm sure the fact that you're singing exactly that song to her, has nothing to do with the fact that she's my girlfriend and sitting right next to me.
I glared at Louis, hoping no one would notice and he glanced at me for a second, before turning to Lauren, right as he started to sing,

Hello, hello, I know it's been a while

But baby, I got something that I really wanna let you know, yeah.

Something that I wanna let you know, oh, oh, oh

You say, you say to everybody that you hate me,

couldn't blame you cause I know I left you all alone, yeah.

I know that I left you all alone.

Yeah, now I'm back at your door

you're looking at me unsure.

I should've seen it before.

You're all I think about, baby.

I was so stupid for letting you go.

But I-I-I know you're still the one.

You might have moved on but girl, you should know.

That I-I-I know you're still the one.

I know it's saying too much but I will never give up.

I was so stupid for letting you go.

But I-I-I know you're still the one

I-I-I know you're still the one.

Hello, hello, I'm really hoping you'll forgive me.

I keep talking, begging, tell me what I wanna hear, yeah.

Girl, just tell me what I wanna hear.

I tried, I'll try to start again and find somebody.

But I remember all the times and all the words we said,

yeah I can't get it out of my head, yeah.

Now I'm back at your door.

You're looking at me unsure.

I should've seen it before.

You're all I think about, baby.

I was so stupid for letting you go.

But I-I-I know you're still the one.

You might have moved on but girl, you should know.

That I-I-I know you're still the one.

I know it's saying too much but I will never give up.

I was so stupid for letting you go.

But I-I-I know you're still the one

I-I-I know you're still the one.

Hey you, you're still the one

Hey you, you're still the one

Hey you, you're still the one

Hey you.

You're still the one.

I know it's saying too much

But I will never give up

I was so stupid for letting you go.

But I-I-I know you're still the one.

I-I-I know you're still the one.


Everyone clapped after Louis' performance, and I wondered if they noticed him looking at me again, right after the song, just like he did right before.
I had to give him points, so I tried to push all my thoughts aside and gave him 8 out of 10 cause he was very good, but it wasn't perfect.
I decided to go last, and hope that fate would have me sing my song.
Mag sang "Bleeding Love" to Liam, and when Lauren finally picked "Another World", it was hard to contain my excitement. She sang to Niall, and since everyone could only be picked once, I would be singing to Louis.
It must have been fate, that he was the only one left, that I would sing particularly this song to. It was just what he needed to hear, and I stared at him intently before finding the instrumental version.
"Louis", I said simply, as I pressed play, and judging his expression as I started to sing, he just knew that it was me, who had put this song in the hat.

Now that you can't have me
You suddenly want me
Now that I'm with somebody else
You tell me you love me
I slept on your doorstep
Begging for one chance
Now that I finally moved on
You say that you've missed me all along

Who do you think you are
Who do you think I am
You only loved to see me breaking
You only want me cause I'm taken
You don't really want my heart
No, you just like to know you can
Still be the one who gets it breaking
You only want me when I'm taken

You're messing with my head
Girl that's what you do best
Saying there's nothing you won't do
To get me to say yes
You're impossible to resist
But I wouldn't bet your heart on it
It's like I'm finally awake
And you're just a beautiful mistake

Who do you think you are
Who do you think I am
You only loved to see me breaking
You only want me cause I'm taken
You don't really want my heart
No, you just like to know you can
Still be the one who gets it breaking
You only want me when I'm taken

Thank you for showing me
Who you are underneath
No, thank you, I don't need
Another heartless misery
You think I'm doing this to make you jealous
And I know that you hate to hear this
But this is not about you anymore

Who do you think you are
Who do you think I am
You only loved to see me breaking
You only want me cause I'm taken
You don't really want my heart
No, you just like to know you can
Still be the one who gets it breaking
You only want me when I'm taken

Now that you can't have me
You suddenly want me...

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