Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


56. 'Pizza in London/Coffee in Paris'


Hello loveliies, time for the next chaap, I really like this one!!

Pleeease remember to comment, they always make me happy even if it's just a short one! :) & like/fave.. love you lots!

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)








Chapter 50

 "Pizza in London/Coffee in Paris"


Mag's P.O.V.


So, here I was again. Back in London, all alone. Except I wasn't alone this time. I had Skye and, at least, four people to skype and call: Niall, Harry, Liam and Tally. The two others would only be present, in my thoughts late at night when I couldn't sleep. It was inevitable.

In the daytime, I would try not to think about them at all. This whole trip was about getting space and eventually the right solution would come to me. I hoped.



"Well look who the afternoon flight dragged in!" Skye stood waiting for me at the airport with a smirk, a new purple bowlers hat, a trendy red oversized coat and skyhigh purple stillettos.

"Well, look who's lost the biker boots? Is the G.I. Joe look banned at that internship of yours?" I asked, teasingly and she rolled her eyes,

"Oh come on! I switch on a three-day basis. Stillettos for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Boots for Thursday, Friday and Saturday!" She flashed a bright smile and I felt one form on my own lips,

"Aha... and did Sunday fall off the calender?"

"Ah! You see darling, like all other fashionistas, and God the Almighty, Sunday is for resting and comfy loafers!" She spoke with an upperclass British accent, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Of course! Nothing beats a lazy Sunday in sweats!" I said as we walked out to her car, and she turned to me with a fake horrified expression,

"Sweats? I think Anna Wintour, Christian Dior and Coco Chanel just turned in their graves! Anna Wintour isn't dead though... No, I spend my Sundays in the smoothy silkiness of Beatrice Van Der Woodsen's nightgowns and morning robes!"

With a final smile and laugh we got into the car, headed to her fashionabel loft apartment.



After dropping me off at her apartment, Skye had to head back to work at Van Der Woodsen "headquarters", and I had the rest of the afternoon to myself.


I spent about an hour flipping through autumn/winter "lookbooks" of all the high fashion labels, until I got depressed. Partially because of the sicklooking catwalk models, partially because of the couture I would never afford.

Instead, I opened my laptop and found myself once again on Twitter.

Apparently people had noticed me at de Gaulle airport in Paris and at Heathrow and speculations were many.


I started a casual tweet about enjoying being in London with Skye, but decided against it since Skye and Liam weren't known to the public, and I wasn't sure if she wanted that kind of publicity just yet. She was still unknown to the One Direction fandom, as I wasn't going to be the one to dramatically change that.


I really wanted to call Harry or Liam and hear about the show, but checking the clock, I realized it had only just started. All I could do was wait for it to be over, or wait for Skye to be home, which ever came first.



"Hello? Please tell me you didn't jump out the window yet! I bought pizza and cheesecake!"

I heard Skye's voice from the hallway, and realized I must have fallen asleep while watching a rerun of Desperate Housewifes. It was already dark outside, and of course I had 5 missed calls and a few texts.


"Nope! I'm still alive and craving extra cheese!" I replied, suddenly feeling very hungry followed by a bit sad, remembering Niall and I fighting over the extra cheese pizza that night. It seemed like so long ago when in reality it was less then half a year.

"Yeah well I've learnt that there's nothing a good amount of calories can't solve!" Skye said, placing the cheesecake in the fridge and the huge pizzabox on the table in front of me.

"Words of a genius! Got any coke?" I asked, as the delicious scent of oregano and melted cheese filled the apartment.

"Not the white powdery kind!" Skye replied blinking at me,

"I'm not that deep in the fashion industry! You want diet?"

"Hah! Yeah right!" I scoffed as she tossed me my can of Regular Coke. I never did anything diet!

"You know some of us, have to work to stay this fit," Skye said as she opened her Diet Coke, "this isn't exactly my everyday meal. You're so lucky!"

I merely shrugged as I helped myself to a big slice of pizza.


"Liam called by the way. Show ended like an hour ago, they tried to call you." Skye told me, halfway through our pizza.

"Yeah I know, I fell asleep." I replied casually as I felt her study my expression.

"But you didn't call back?" She asked in a non-accusatory but definitely curious tone.

"I'll call later." I replied, trying to end the conversation by looking very interested in The Kardashians.

"You know what? I get off early tomorrow. Come meet me at work and we'll go out shopping or something?" Skye suggested, and I nodded with a slight smile.


Retail therapy was the best kind and Skye did have an amazing style. I just hoped she wouldn't interrogate me during the whole session.

I know, I was putting off the whole calling them back thing but I was nervous, mostly about Louis. I didn't know if Zayn had the chance to give him my "message", and I didn't know how he would take it now that I had left.



Louis' P.O.V.


"I can't go out there."

"What? Come on Lou, of course you can!" Harry said sternly, as we sat backstage shortly before the show.

"She left Harry. What if she never forgives me? What if she's had enough?" I asked, staring into space like I had been for a while now.

"Louis, listen to me. First of all she went to London, not home, well not her old home at least. That means something. Secondly she's staying with Skye, and that means even more. If she wanted to cut you off and end all this do you really think she would stay with Liam's girlfriend?"

"I don't even know when I'll see her again. What if she meets someone else? We were so close to our goal."


I couldn't stop the tears from falling once again. My eyes were already bloodshot from last night and earlier that day, and I wasn't sure how long I could hold it on stage. I didn't even know if I would be able to manage a smile, but I knew I had to try my best. I had brought this upon myself. Sure, Zayn held a great deal of the blame, but I should have told her about it instead of keeping secrets.


"5 minutes guys. Lou, you ready?" Liam asked concerned and I shook my head.

Of course I wasn't ready but I didn't really have a choice did I.

"We'll call her right after the show, okay?" He tried to cheer me up, failing miserably.

The only thing that could cheer me up, was Mag walking through that door, straight up to me, saying that she would never leave me.


The worse part of this would be performing the songs that reminded me of her.

Like "C'mon C'mon". I sang that to her in the club before, the first time I kissed her.

"Change My Mind" reminded me of her, because I used to feel that way with her, when we were just friends, and it was the same with "Last First Kiss".

Even "Teenage Dirtbag" reminded me of her because I knew how much she loved that song when she was younger.

But one song meant more than all the others.

"Loved You First". That song always reminded me of her, since she was the first girl I really loved with all my heart. I may not be the first guy to love her, but I literally loved her first. And I meant it when I said, I would never love another in the same way. She really was my first, my last and my everything. And I knew she would want me to go out there and give it my all, so that's what I would do.

For Mag.



"What do you mean she's not answering?" I asked Liam, after he had tried to call Mag a couple times.

"Do I really need to explain how a phone call works?" He snapped back, clearly agitated because I had bothered him ever since we stepped off stage, 30 minutes ago.

"Well try again!"

"Louis, why don't you call her yourself if you're so desperate?" Niall suggested and I looked at him as if he was stupid,

"She's mad at me, one of the reasons she left! She wouldn't answer my call anyway!"


I grabbed a hoodie from my room and pulled on my beanie and converse. I just wanted to take a walk, and it was getting dark outside so hopefully I wouldn't run into any fans.


With my hands in my pockets, and shuffle on my iPod, I walked through the unfamiliar streets until I got hungry and found a small café that, fortunately, was almost empty.

After ordering a coffee and pastry, I took a seat, wondering if I should call Mag or not.

It really annoyed me that she didn't answer Liam's calls. What if something had happened? After comtemplating it for about fifteen minutes, I decided to text her.


To: Mag my love <3

hey ! hope ur good, show was great !


I stared at the text for a while, deleting and typing again several times, before finally clicking send. I just didn't want her to think it was weird or awkward of me, texting her so casually, since we hadn't talked after she got so pissed off last night.


I also decided to leave out the part where I almost broke down several times during the show. I had really tried my best for her, but some things were just too hard to hide, and I started to admire Zayn a bit, for performing perfectly, after his breakup with Mag.


While I was checking out some new music, I heard someone entering the café and casually looked up.

A girl walked up to the counter, but not just any girl. She seemed really familiar with her jetblack hair and piercing blue eyes. The sleeves on her leatherjacket were slightly rolled up revealing several tattoos, and then it hit me.

It was that drummer girl from Tally's band that had done Zayn's new tattoo!

I just couldn't remember her name.

Ashley? Amanda?



My head turned to another young blonde girl that just walked in and joined, Ada apparently, at the counter.

"I've been looking for you for ages!" The blonde girl exclaimed with an American accent.

"I left you only 10 minutes ago, I was starving!" Ada replied after placing her order.

"Yeah yeah... Hey, why is that dude staring at you?" The blonde girl asked and I noticed them both look at me and quickly looked down at my phone.

"I have no idea." Ada replied in an uninterested voice.

Great, she caught me staring at her! I was just curious, and now the blonde girl was walking straight up to me! What kind of person just walks up to a complete stranger?


"Hey! Um... Do you know my sister?"

Oh, she was her sister! They didn't look alike at all, apart from the blue eyes.

"Sorry... I think I've seen her somewhere." I replied, hoping she wouldn't cause a scene and make anyone recognize me.

"Wait a sec... You're from England... What brings you here?" She asked suspiciously and I raised my eyebrows.

Did this girl always invade strangers' privacy?

"Work." I replied casually, rolling up my sleeves as a habit.

As soon as she took a look at my tattooed arm, her eyebrows scrunced thoughtfully before her eyes widened.

"Hold on! I know those tattoos... Ada, get over here!" She called out, and I looked at her weirdly, as Ada came over to the table with her coffee and pie.

So I wasn't the only one who drank coffee at 10PM.

"Take a look at those!" Ada's sister said nodding towards my arm, and Ada took a hold of it, studying it curiously.

"Oh, you're in that band! Remember, the Zayn dude?" Ada talked first to me, and then to her sister.

"You recognized me by... my tattoos?" I asked surprised, and a bit impressed.

"Yeah, that's how I recognized Zayn when he came to the parlor! Our sister Ally is a huge fan of you guys, so she tries to impress Ada and I by showing us all your tattoos! By the way, I'm Abigail!" Abigail spoke really fast but luckily I had experience in speedytalking from Mag.


"You did Zayn's tattoo didn't you?" I asked Ada.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Well Niall, our bandmate, has this girlfriend Tally, who's on tour with us and the other day we were watching videos with this band she was in last summer, and you were their drummer for one of their gigs." I explained, and her eyes widened in recognition,

"Oh yeah! Tally... Irish chick right? Killer guitar skills!"

"Yep that's the one!" I replied with a smile.

"This is actually so weird! We've met two guys from your band, that we don't even know, all thanks to your tattoos that we only recognize because of our sister!" Abigail said, and it was actually a funny situation.


"She will freak out when she's heard that we met you!" Ada said with wide eyes and Abigail quickly joined in,

"You should have seen her when I told her that Ada did a tattoo on Zayn, and now we also met Luke!"

"Um... It's actually Lou... Louis." I corrected her with a friendly smile and she laughed embarressed,

"Sorry... Ada and I aren't exactly fans... I mean I dig your tattoos and all, especially the stickguy on the skateboard and the bird, but I'm dedicated to the 80's!"

I chuckled at Abigail's statement about my tattoos and wasn't offended at all. It was nice to talk to someone unrelated to the band,

"Well you should check out the new album when it's released! It's more rock influenced and a couple of the songs have an 80's rock vibe. I actually think you'll like track four! Just keep in mind that it was written by me and Liam!" I informed her, and her and Ada exchanged a look.

"Now there's a name I know!" Ada said and I looked at her questioningly,

"Liam is Ally's favorite! His face is all over her room, her phone and her laptop! She usually makes a cake for each of your birthdays, but for Liam she went all out! She held a freaking birthday party with dinner, decorations and a huge cake! She even invited me over and she forced us all to sing to her... um... Liam doll and cardboard cutout." Ada explained and I couldn't help but laugh at the... dedication of some of our fans.


"Ally is actually the reason we're here in Paris." Abigail said and I asked for further explanation,

"Well her 16th birthday is tomorrow and our parents wanted to do something really special for her sweet sixteen but instead of a big party, she begged for this one week trip to Paris. She knew you guys would be here and she was just hoping to randomly meet you somewhere! Ada and I bought our own tickets, thanks to Ada being the best tattoo artist ever, and since I turned 18 last month, our parents let us go around pretty much on our own. We're only obligated to join the birthday dinner tomorrow."


Wow that Ally girl was some fan! She didn't sound like psycho crazy or anything, just a hormonol teen maybe?


"So... Louis?" Ada said, as if she wasn't sure of my name, so I gave her a quick nod to continue,

"What brings you out on town drinking coffee alone at 10PM?"


I sighed deeply, thinking about the whole Mag situation, and wondered if Zayn had felt this way, when Ada did his tattoo. He said that she had helped him through a hard time and I knew he meant Mag, as soon as I saw that tattoo. I had a feeling that these girls were really good listeners, one of the perks of being a tattoo artist.

"Can I just ask... what's the thing with you and Zayn? I know you two have talked alot since you met." I asked.

"Well, he told me his tattoo involved a bad breakup that was his fault but that had broken his heart, but we didn't talk much about it. While I did his tattoo we talked alot about music, tattoos, books and stuff and I realized I had actually helped him get his mind off things and that he really needed that. We exchanged numbers and we would talk regularly. He never said it, and neither did I but I know that he really needed to talk to someone far away from all that stuff and I really enjoy our conversations."


Everything she said made so much sense. Except for the part, that he had fallen back into his Mag trance as soon as I messed up at Liam's party.

"Did he ever tell you the name of the girl?" I asked, and she thought for a second,

"I think he mentioned it randomly on another occasion. Mag, right? I only remember cause my best friend back in Washington was a girl named Mag."

"Yeah Mag... Well switch bandmember Zayn with bandmember Louis and there's the story. The bad breakup that was my fault but broke my heart. Except it wasn't a real breakup cause we were never a real couple, but we were so close before this happened. Also it was more Zayn's fault than mine." I told her, still feeling resentment to that quiffy poser boy!


"Wait! Is it the same girl? The Mag chick?" Abigail asked, and I nodded while cringing inside at the use of the word "chick" about Mag. She was anything but a... chick!

"So what, is it... I mean, was it some sort of love triangle thing?"

"It was more complicated than that," I told her thinking of the whole situation from the start, making myself dizzy,

"It started from the first week we met her and I could write a book about the whole thing!"

Ada gave me an understanding, sympathetic look that I actually welcomed at the moment.

"Like I told Zayn that day at the parlor... It's fine if you don't want to talk about it. We can talk about something else, like your tattoos. Now lose the shirt so I can see that writing above your chest!" Ada said winking at me jokingly and I laughed loudly, feeling happy for the first time since last night.


I spent quite a long time talking casually with Ada and Abigail, or Abby, and I could understand why Zayn talked to her so much.

They were really good at keeping the conversation flowing, they were funny, interesting and most importantly kept my mind off everything. It was really a relief, but I knew it had to come to an end.

"I love talking to you girls, but it's getting late. Got a show tomorrow!" I said, and Abby checked her watch widening her eyes.

She really did that a lot.

"You know if the tattooing ever falls through, you could start a group therapy thing, specializing in broken hearted band guys... or girls." I said jokingly, although it was actually true.

"I expect you and Zayn to be regular customers then." Ada winked at me, making me laugh but she was probably right.

"Well say hi to Tally from me, I may only have known her for one summer but damn I loved that girl!" Ada said, and I nodded knowingly.

I saw a striking resemblance between Tally and this girl. I had to stop calling her a girl, she was 22! Half a year older than me even.

Before I was about to leave, a thought striked my mind and I turned to the two girls,

"What time is that birthday dinner tomorrow?"



Zayn's P.O.V.


"Have you tried calling him? It's almost midnight?" I asked Liam, as I started to worry about Louis.

It didn't exactly go well the last time he stormed out angry, after a concert, late at night.

"Maybe he's making some memories!" Niall said, making a pun with the name of our new album, and I could kill him. The look I gave him said it all and he raised his hands in defense,

"Well he did write the song!"

He then went on to humming the tune, and just as I was about to physically harm him, Tally caught my eye and I stopped myself.

My hair had seen enough superglue for a lifetime.


"I just got a text. He grabbed a coffee and lost track of time while talking to an acquaintance. He'll be here soon." Harry said and we all looked at each other confused. What acquaintance could he have met here in Paris?

I just needed to talk to him ASAP! I needed to apologize and give him Mag's message, no matter how mad he was at me.

Even if I had to yell it through his door, I would get him that message.


Ten minutes later, the door opened and Louis walked in,

"Hey guys!"

"Louis, do you have any idea how worried we were?" Liam scolded him, and I expectated Louis to retaliate but instead he apologized,

"Sorry, I didn't realize how late it was... Well I'm off to bed!"

We all looked at Louis weirdly, but he was completely oblivious as he walked towards his room, closing the door gently.


"What was that?" Tally was the first to speak after witnessing Louis' weird behaviour.

"Someone looking a lot like Louis Tomlinson... He didn't even roll his eyes or anything! I thought he was pissed!" I said, wondering if it was safe for me to go in there.

"Maybe he just needed some time to calm down. But we really should get to bed." Liam said and motioned for the others to leave the room.

"Mind if I sleep here tonight?" Harry asked turning between me and his current roommate, Liam,

"In Mag's room?"

My heart stinged at the mention of her name, but I ignored it. This was about her and Louis not her and I.

"I don't mind." I replied shrugging,

"But I have to talk to Lou."

I walked over to his room and knocked on his door.

"What?" He said after a minute and his voice was totally different than five minutes ago.

"Louis, can we talk?"

"I don't want to talk to you Zayn!" he replied, but I wasn't giving up that easy.

"I have a message from Mag."

No response.

I took a deep sigh before going on,

"At the airport... She told me to say that she's sorry... and that she loves you."


A few minutes of silence passed before Louis opened the door with bloodshot eyes, tearstained cheeks and a picture in his hands.

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