Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

*WARNING*
A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters

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19. 'No More Drama?'

Chapter fourteen

"No More Drama?"

 

Harry's P.O.V.

Tomorrow was the day, we were finally going on tour, since we had done our London concerts. It would be fun with Mag, as long as Zayn didn't monopalize her. It was easier for me now, to not be jealous with her around, since I had talked to Lou. He had started spending more time with me, and we were both happy and cheerful again, which made the others relieved, though they didn't know what was wrong in the first place.

"Let's go harry!"

Liam yelled from the livingroom. We were going out to eat, and I had spent ages getting ready wanting to look nice for Louis. I was determined on winning him back as more than a friend, and maybe he would finally be my boyfriend. I was gonna make Louis fall in love with me again!

Everyone was waiting for me, all looking nice, especially Louis, and I felt my heart race when he smiled. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but his smile was so adorable, it melted me everytime.

***

At the restaurant Zayn and Mag were really couply and I watched Louis' reaction closely, but it didn't seem to annoy him quite so much like before. We were all having fun and excited about the tour, and I wished it could always be like this.

No problems, no drama. No crazy stalkers or love triangles. Nobody hacking our twitters and hating our loved ones. Of course there are pros and cons to everything, but despite the cons, I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world.

I was doing what I love with people I love, and had the best fans in the world, who made everything else worth while. And I had the love of my life next to me. I was absolutely sure Louis Tomlinson was my one true love, and he knew it too. He knew it before, and I would see to that he remembered it.

"Um guys, I was wondering if one of you can drive home, I'd like to walk home with Lou, if that's alright?" I exclaimed mostly to Louis, as we left the restaurant.

"Yeah definitely," Niall said excitedly with a big smile, "you guys hardly ever let me drive, just give me the keys!"

The others just looked at me confused; Zayn and Liam had this look in their eyes and looked back and forth between Louis and I. Lou also looked surprised himself, but it was the perfect oppurtunity to talk things through before the tour, where privacy was almost non-exsistent. Everyone agreed, and Liam reminded us not to come home late.

It was a beautiful evening, a little chilly, but not too bad, and I wanted to hold Lou's hand, but I knew I couldn't. Not yet.

"What's up Haz, why the walk home?" Louis asked me, and I suddenly was very nervous.

"Um... I just have some things on my mind, that I would like to talk about."

"Oh really? Like what?" He asked casually, and I had wished I had thought this through.

"Well... About us, me and you." I said, and he stopped to look at me, but for the first time since we met, I couldn't read his expression.

We stood and stared at each other, for what seemed like forever, until he finally broke the silence,

"Harry... There's nothing to talk about... There is no... Us."

I could see how hard it was for him to say that, and I wasn't going to accept it as his answer.

"I think it's time we stop the charade Louis. Not to the public but to ourselves, we both know there is more then friendship here."

"No harry, there WAS. I know that we were in love, and we had a great thing, whatever we had going on... But I just don't feel it anymore. I'm sorry Harry, but..."

I interrupted him,

"No Lou! Just stop! You still feel it, I saw it in your eyes the other day, and I felt it in the way you held me! You may still be in love with Mag, but you have feelings for me to!"

"What is this, Twilight?" Louis said mockingly, making my feelings rage, "am I, Bella or something? Look Harry, we both have to move on. It was hard enough hiding our feelings before, and I realized it's never going to work, so I got over it, and it's time you do to!"

"But I can't!" I almost yelled, right as the rain started to pour, "I love you Louis, and I know you feel the same, why won't you admit it?"

Louis stood there looking at me, us both getting wetter by the second.

"I don't love you like that Harry, not anymore." He stated blankly and my heart shattered to pieces, "I used to, I'm not denying that I had feelings for you once, but those feelings are gone. I'm sorry Harry, but feelings come and feelings go..."

"Stop!" I shouted full of emotions, causing a few looks from across the street, "Just stop please... How can you say that about what we had?" I asked, tears building up in my eyes, "You were, and still are, my one true love, but apparantly to you, it was just temporarly? Then why did you act like we were gonna be together one day? That Larry would become real? We were going to be forever Louis... Forever."

The tears were flowing from my eyes now, just like the rain from the sky, and my body failed me, as I sunk down, sitting on the curb, my face buried in my hands. I couldn't believe what he just said. Feelings come and go? Was that how he felt about us? But he had loved me so much. All the times we would talk about getting together, once we didn't have to hide anymore. Didn't he mean any of it?

I sat there crying in the rain, when I felt a hand take mine. I looked up, into a pair of blue eyes, full of love and emotion. I knew that Louis still loved me like before, he just had to realize it, but I had to help him get there. Our eyes were locked on each other, and no words had to be spoken. The look he gave me was enough, and that evening, sitting on a curb in the pouring rain, we shared the most passionate kiss in my life.

My mind was blank, but my heart was pounding. My body was numb, but at the same time burning up. I didn't care if anyone was looking, I didn't care if anyone recognized us. All that mattered were our lips connected, fulfilling the love, that started in my heart, three years ago.

We had kissed before, sure. Even deeper kisses than now, but it had never been so intense, and passionate. We were both boiling over with emotions, running through our body, synchronizing in our lips creating a perfect calmness in the midst of chaos. I wished we could stay like that forever.

When we pulled away, I had stopped crying, and the rain washed away my remaining tears.

"I'm so sorry Harry, I didn't mean that. It's just been diffucult for me lately, and all my feelings with you and Mag got mixed up, and I was so confused... But when I saw you crying, I felt something inside me break, and I realized that I still love you, and I always have.

I tried to deny it before, mostly to myself, constantly saying Larry wasn't real. I'm tired of pretending Harry."

 

Maggie's P.O.V.

"Zayn baby, can I ask you a question?" I asked as we were laying on the bed, which we had been since we came back from the restaurant.

"You can ask me anything babe." He said, while caressing my arm, sending shivers through my whole body.

"Um... I was just curious... You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... Why did you and Perrie break up?"

I saw how he opened his eyes, which had been closed, and he got a weird expression on his face.

"Well... Perrie cheated on me. She never told me, I found out from Harry, and that was it for me. I can't be with someone who betrays my trust."

I was shocked by his answer. Him and Perrie seemed so happy, how could she cheat on him? How could anyone cheat on him, he was so amazing, and I considered myself the luckiest girl in the world to have him as my boyfriend.

"Oh Zayn, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have asked." I said, trying to comfort him, but not really sure how.

He turned to me, looking me in the eyes, so intensely, I actually held my breath, and said,

"Don't be sorry, you have the right to know. Besides the minute I found out, what I felt for her was gone. But it was actually for the best," he smiled at me and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, "or else I wouldn't have met you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. When I saw you in the park that day, I just knew you would be mine. I love you Maggie. It may sound crazy after only a month, but I really do."

The sincerety is his eyes, made me think it must be a dream. I knew he loved me, there was no doubt about that now, but did I love him? Yes, I was madly in love with him, and he was so incredibly wonderful, it was hard to believe. I missed him, when he wasn't around, and when I saw him my world was so much better. I didn't want to be without him. It was like we had been together for years, and everything felt right. But what made me sure of my feelings was, when I looked in his eyes, I felt something that could never be mistaken, when it's real. When you actually feel it, there's no doubt.

"I love you too Zayn."

* * *

"Oh My God!"

Zayn and I looked up, hearing Liam scream from the living room, and we hurried in there.

"What's going on Liam?" I asked concerned, as he sat staring at his phone in disbelief. Niall who came in from the kitchen, looked over Liam's shoulder, and dropped the bag of chips in his hand, his jaws dropping to the floor.

"Wow!" Was all he could say, and me and Zayn looked at each other confused.

"Give me that!" Zayn grabbed the phone from Liam's hand, and we looked together.

He was on twitter, some girl had posted a picture of someone kissing, and at first I didn't understand the problem, but then I looked closer, and I grabbed the phone from Zayn.

"No way!" I exclaimed with wide eyes.

If I hadn't seen them in the same clothes, an hour ago, I might not have been sure, but that was definitely Harry and Louis. Sitting on a curb, rain pouring down, kissing. Kissing very passionately. And the caption?

"Do my eyes decieve me, or could it be our very own Larry?!? Omg omg omg! Be still, my heart! @Harry_Styles @Louis_Tomlinson"

I looked at the boys, and we all just looked at each other, lost for words.

"Is this... Are they...?" I said, not quite sure how to end my sentence.

Zayn looked thoughtful, Niall looked confused and in shock, Liam however looked very upset. I didn't know what to think. Was Larry real, had it always been real, or did it just happen today? But how could Louis be in love with me, if he was with Harry? I was actually happy for them, but I knew management probably wouldn't be the same.

"Heys guys, well we definitely got showered."

We all turned to Harry, who had just stepped in with Louis, both dripping wet, and it took about 5 seconds for them to realize that we were all staring at them.

"Is there something wrong here?" Harry asked, and Louis was almost hiding behind him.

None of us replied, but just looked at them, until Liam finally got up, and walked over to Harry, saying calmly,

"Can I just borrow your phone Harry?"

Harry looked at him confusedly, but took his phone from his pocket, and handed it to Liam, who stared at him intensely before looking at the phone, and tapping around. After about a minute, he handed the phone back to Harry. It only took a second, before the shock arrived in Louis' and Harry's eyes, and they looked at each other, and then at the rest of us.

"Care to explain, why you two decided to throw away years of hard work, the night before our tour?" Liam said through gritted teeth, and it was lucky all the boys had already packed, and brought their bags here. It was going to be a long night.

 

Louis' P.O.V.

"Care to explain why you two, decided to throw away years of hard work the night before our tour?"

Liam was very upset, there was no doubt about that, but I couldn't bring myself to regret the kiss, it had been perfect.

"Hard work for who Liam? I don't see any of you been hiding your true feelings, or being pressed by management." Harry said angrily, and Liam was quick to reply,

"We all know what you two had to go through Harry, we were all at those meetings, when they started to suspect. We know that you were forced to hide even more, but they were doing what is best for the band!"

"You mean best for the income? You know management don't give a shit about our feelings, they only think about the money! And you know what they made us do, but you don't know how it felt! None of you understand how it is to love someone so much, and have to pretend you don't!" Harry looked furiously at all the boys, and I remained silent, as he defended our cause.

I wanted to help him, but I didn't know what to say.

"I didn't see you hiding with Danielle... Or you with Perrie," he turned to Zayn, who flinched at the name of his ex, "so don't you dare come and judge us, when you have no idea what we've been through!"

"We're not judging you Harry," Zayn spoke up, leaving Mag who moved over to Niall, both looking worried, "but desicions like this, should go through all of us first..."

"We don't need your permission to kiss, if we want to!" Harry interrupted, and I really should be saying something.

"This isn't just about kissing, this is about every single choice of ours affecting the whole band, and about you being selfish, and only thinking about yourself and what you want!" Liam yelled, and now I had to speak up,

"How could you say that about Harry? He is the least selfish of us all, and you know that! Yes I know he told you how he's been feeling, but that doesn't give you the right to think you understand how it feels. 3 years Liam! For three years, we've been holding it in, but we have both had enough, it was a mutual desicion, and to be honest, I would expect this from management but not from you!"

I was furious for Liam, to say what he did to Harry. Harry had been feeling awful lately, and it was like Liam didn't care. Like he had never understood true love.

"Listen, the whole point is that we are going on tour tomorrow, and we should not be doing anything that will make the media blow up! Kissing on open street, what were you thinking?" Liam said crossing his arms, and Zayn joined in,

"Why don't we just say it wasn't them? There are tons of fake "larry kissing" pictures that people don't know when it's real. We'll just deny it like usual!"

"No we will not!" Harry said stomping his feet like a todler, "we don't want to hide anymore. I'd rather go online and tell the world everything about me and Louis!"

"Even think about doing that without talking to management, and they could cancel the whole tour!" Zayn protested, making Harry finally start yelling,

"I'm tired of them controlling our lives! I have the right to be with anyone I want, and I don't care about management and the press! It was the fans who made us big!"

"I'm with Harry on this one," everyone looked shocked at Niall, "I'm just saying there are millions of Larry shippers out there, and they didn't leave when Louis was with Eleanor, just like Elounor shippers didn't leave when they broke up. The only fans who will be affected are the Larry shippers, and they'll love it! Our fans will never fail us no matter what. But I do think you should TELL management, not to cause any problems. Not ask for their permission, but tell them before you do anything."

I smiled widely, followed by Harry, and at first Liam glared at Niall, but then softened up, like his words had sunk in,

"That's exactly what I've been trying to say. We have to run this by management. We can't redo the kiss, but we can avoid it until you've figured it out."

"Well, then let's call them now!" Harry exclaimed, and we all looked shocked.

"Now? Are you sure?" Zayn spoke for all of us

"But why wait?" Harry piped up, "they would probably call soon anyways about the kiss, so let's beat them to it! Then we don't have to avoid anything."

"Harry, it's 10PM and that conversation could go on for a while, we're leaving early tomorrow, call them on the bus." Zayn suggested, but Harry just shook his head, starting on his "no more hiding" speech until I interrupted him,

"Harry maybe we should wait? Until we're sure this is what we want to do, with us, and coming out and stuff."

I saw the hurt in his face as he replied,

"Sure Lou? You're not sure about us? We just had a whole discussion, and now you're doing it all over again. What is wrong with you?!"

 

Maggie's P.O.V.

"How long do you think they will go on?" I asked Niall, who was sitting next to me, as we listened to the heated argument in Harry's room.

Harry had stormed in there clearly hurt, by what Louis said, and Louis followed right after. When we heard shouting a minute later, Liam and Zayn went to help. They had been in there for half an hour, and all we heard were Harry and Louis shouting, and Liam and Zayn's quieter mumbling.

"I have no idea. This was suppossed to be a nice quiet night before the tour, but then we get this. I hope they work it out." Niall answered, looking concerned about his two best friends.

"So tell me their story, when did it start?" I asked, very curious.

"Well I remember already in the x factor, they started being more... affectionate to each other, but they never really said anything to us. Along the way they started acting more and more in love you know, then one day, we walked in on them kissing.

They told us about their feelings for each other. Louis never wanted to go public, and he never liked the "larry" label. We have had many conversations with management, never actually admitting anything, but they indirectly threatened us to "keep anything there might be away from the public".

It's really complicated actually, and there's much more, but basically they've been in love since the start. Although I heard Harry talking to Zayn recently, about Louis not feeling the same anymore. Now with the kiss, I have no idea what's going on!"

Niall looked like he was about to give up, and I guess it had been hard for all of them in some way.

"So... You think they should go public?" I asked smiling slightly, because he had actually stood up for them, and went against Liam, which he usually didn't.

"Well I'm not sure if their finally together or something, but I think the fans deserve to know the truth, that they are in love with each other. You're a fan, how do you think people would react?" Niall asked, and I was surprised he would want my opinion on this, since I usually wasn't part of the "band talk".

"Hmm... Larry shippers will rejoice, probably have a followparty on twitter," i winked at him, and he chuckled, "but I don't think it would be a problem, Elounor shippers were never against "Larry" itself, just against the shippers that said Elounor was fake, you feel me? But I never actually experienced anyone that would be upset if they were together. Heartbroken maybe, but not angry.

Your true fans will always support you no matter what, you know. I know how the girlfriends always get hate, but when the "girlfriend" is another member, it would just be great. The press will have a field day, but you know Directioners are the best fandom, and we will always be there for our boys, supporting you and continue following you to the top!"

The fangirl in me had finally come out a little, but Niall just seemed amused. Suddenly his face expression changed, like he just realised something, and he looked at me seriously.

"Um speaking of hate, I don't mean to bring you down but haven't you been on twitter since you got here?"

I looked at him confusedly, and confessed I hadn't thought about twitter or facebook since I came to London. I was distracted by the five fabolous boys always around me.

"Oh okay, but as a fan, you know that some of them have the ability to find things out, and they notice everything. It only takes one person, to see something and then things get crazy fast..."

"What are you talking about Niall?"

"Well the day we went on that tourist guide thing, Harry posted a picture of you and Louis with the guards at Buckingham, the day after. It was only up for 5 minutes, then Zayn commanded he took it down, even though you weren't tagged. I guess he predicted what would happen; that someone would find you." The blood in my veins froze, but he continued, "I know you never told us your twitter, cause you didn't want the attention our follows would get you, and we've always respected that. But Harry forgot that a picture is enough for some people to find you. I mean they hacked my account, some of them are computer geniuses! Just don't take it to bad." He finished, and I was already logging on my phone. I had been logged off since I got on the plane, and I never saw this coming.

I had so many new followers, DMs and mentions, it was crazy. Some people wrote nice things, some people just wanted to know who I was, then there was the hate, but apparantly in the start people thought I was with Louis, because it had been us two on the picture.

"Um some people thought you were dating Lou, and we tried clearing it up, saying you were a friend of us all, and that they should leave you alone, but like usual, not everyone respected that." Niall told me, but I was still in shock.

It wasn't the hate, I had been used to that when I was younger. It was more the amount of everything!  The fact that people I didn't know told me I was beautiful or ugly, saying they loved me or hated me, tweeting their friends about me?

"How come noone has told me about this?" I asked, getting a little upset, that they had kept this from me.

"When it started, Zayn said that if you didn't find out, he didn't want us to tell you."

"He what?!" I exclaimed, standing up.

"He was just protecting you Mag, he didn't want you to get upset..."

I ignored Niall, heading to Harry's room angrily.

 

Zayn's P.O.V.

"Zayn!" The door slammed open, and Mag stood there looking pissed off, making Harry and Louis shut up.

I had no idea what she was mad about so I asked her,

"What's wrong babe?"

She walked over to me, handed me her phone saying,

"Why have you hid this from me for several weeks?!"

I looked down at her phone, and saw she was... On twitter. Shit!

"Babe, I can explain, it was for your own good.." I started, but she interrupted me,

"My own good? Thousands of people talking about me, and you don't think I have the right to know? Don't you think I can handle it?" She actually sounded truly offended. If only she would understand, but she stormed out of the room, and I followed after her.

 

Niall's P.O.V.

"Babe, please..."

"Don't you "babe" me Zayn! Not now!"

Mag had come out of Harry's room, storming to her own, Zayn right after. She almost slammed the door in his face, but he managed to slip in. Great! Two couples arguring, and a long ride tomorrow. It was going to be fan-freaking-tastic!

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