Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

*WARNING*
A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters

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65. "Loved Him First"

A/N

Hi babes, sorry for the kinda short chap, been really busy.. pleeease remember to COMMENT, like&fave !! LOVE YOU ALL

xoxo, M. ;)

Chapter 57

"Loved Him First"

Louis' P.O.V.

*~*~*~*

I walked into the apartment after a long day at the studio. Neither Harry or Mag were anywhere to be found. I decided to make a sandwich and sat in the livingroom, when there was a knock on the door. I opened up to a flustered looking Mag, in a dark red tracksuit.

"Um, hey Mag?"

"Hi Lou, could I have a glass of water?"

"Of course." I replied, slightly confused handing her a bottle from the fridge.

"So what do you wanna do today? We could watch a movie?" I suggested, but she gave me a weird look,

"Um, Louis... I just came by to pick up my last stuff."

"What?!" What the heck was she talking about.

"Yeah, Calum and I are really settling in the new house!" She said with excitement and a big grin, making my jaw drop to the ground.

Just then Calum appeared in the doorway, with a smile and matching tracksuit,

"Hey! Are we ready to go?"

It was at that moment I noticed the ring on Mag's ring finger, the matching ring on Calum's and the non-existing one on mine.

I watched in devestation as Mag walked up to him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and staring dreemingly in his eyes. The way she should be staring in mine..."

*~*~*~*

I shot up in my bunk, wide eyes, chest pounding. That was possibly the worst dream, I had ever had in my life! I took a quick look at the digital clock, 7.00 am. Perfect!

I quickly got out of my bunk, took a much needed shower, dressed in my casual travel outfit and packed enough clothes for a few days and my other essentials before waking up Liam.

"Liam... Liam, get up!"

"Wh... L... Louis?" Liam replied sleepily through half-open eyes, obviously shocked that I was up and about, and obviously alot more energetic than the past couple days.

"You have to give me a ride to the airport! I don't wanna wake up anyone else!" I said impatiently, practically dragging him out of his bunk.

"Airport?" Liam was still confused, scratching the back of his neck, before pulling out random clothes from his suitcase. I rolled my eyes at his failed attempt, as he had pulled out two pairs of jeans but no shirt.

"Yes the airport! I have to go to London and see Mag," I replied as he finally found a outfit consisting of jeans and a t-shirt,

"Before she ends up marrying Calum and wearing matching tracksuits as they go for a run, dropping by to..." Liam cut off my rambling,

"Mag... running? Calum wearing a tracksuit? Louis what are you talking about?" Liam asked in a hushed voice, trying not to wake up the others, but clearly frustrated that he had no idea what was going on.

"Look nevermind... stupid dream... The point is, I am going to London and we're leaving right now!"

Liam finally smiled, probably pleased that I was trying to solve my problem and also not beeing their problem anymore.

***

I arrived in front of Skye's building around 1pm, and double checked the adress, Liam had given me. Well it was technically not a double check, since I had checked it about every ten minutes since I got on the plane at 9.30.

I looked up to the loft windows, on 6th floor. Just knowing that Mag was up there somewhere, made me alot happier and more at ease than the last three weeks, but I knew I would only feel whole, once I set my eyes upon her.

I paced back and forth in front of the building, trying to get the courage to just go up there and face her. I was just so worried about her reaction. What if she yelled at me? Or slammed the door in my face... or both?!

I was so deep in mind, I bumped into a girl with short black/red hair, and tattoos covering her arms. I tried to apologize but she just glared at me, before walking into the café next door, obviously in a hurry. She seemed slightly familiar, but I couldn't place her, so I blew it off and finally walked into the building, taking the elevator up to the loft.

I took the few steps over to the door, and took a deep breath before knocking.

What seemed like an eternity passed, before the door handle moved, and I held my breath as the door opened to the girl of my dreams looking more beautiful than ever. Shock was written all over her face, but all I could focus on was the fact that Mag was standing here right in front of me. A few seconds of silence passed, and as I saw tears forming in her eyes, I pulled her into my arms holding her tight, as every bad feeling I had lately, left my body. Finally I was whole again.

I buried my face in the crook of her neck as she did the same, wishing this moment would never pass, but of course it did. Mag pulled away, and quickly wiped the few stray tears from her eyes.

"Louis... what are you doing here?" Her voice wasn't upset, as I had been afraid of, just surprised and confused.

"I had to see you," I said, caressing her cheek gently, "I've been feeling so... terrible lately, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I miss you so damn much and I am so sorry for blowing up and saying those awful things to you!"

"It really hurt, you know." She said with a soft voice, and I sighed as her words went straight to my heart,

"How about you invite me inside, and we talk about it?" I asked.

"Yeah... good idea." She replied, and I took ahold of my trolley, just as we heard the elevator open,

"Um... Mag?"

We both turned towards the elevator, and I saw the girl I had bumped into outside.

"Stacey!" Mag exclaimed, hitting her forehead as if she had forgotten something, and I remembered where I had seen the girl before. She was the drummer in their band.

"Yeah, I thought we were meeting up with Skye?" Stacey said confused, eyeing me with an undefinable expression.

"We were," Mag replied, and nodded towards me, "but Louis just showed up... I had no idea."

"Oh... so you're Louis." Stacey said with another undefinable smile. Damn, she was hard to read!

"I'll tell Skye you couldn't make it." Stacey added, winking at Mag who gave her a look.

"Just don't ditch rehearsal at Jake's later!" Stacey called out, as she pressed the button on the elevator.

"Oh God, I totally forgot!"

"Do you have to go?" I asked Mag, and Stacey answered for her,

"Yes! Our next gig is in two days and we haven't rehearsed for a couple days. You're welcome to join, Louis!" Before either Mag or I could respond she gave us a smile and wave, before walking into the elevator.

"Well, come on in." Mag said, and I followed her into the apartment.

Mag's P.O.V.

I couldn't believe he was actually here! In London. With Me. Emotions rushed through my body, as did thoughts in my head, and I had to sit down right away.

Louis took the seat next to me, removing his beanie, and running his hand through his hair, which was getting longer every day. It actually looked really good. But then again, when did Louis ever not look good?

"I still can't believe you're here," I broke the silence, "I just spoke to Liam last night, and he told me... well, that you were having a rough time."

"Yeah," Louis said, with a weak voice, "I've barely even talked the past two days, apart from the show of course. At least I don't have to go through the details of my condition, since Liam has already done that for me."

I smiled slightly, not quite knowing where this was going. I don't know if I expected an explanation or an apology, but in a way I was just so overwhelmed that he was here.

"Here's the thing Mag," he finally said, looking at me,

"Ever since you came here to London, it's been hard for me. You know how much I love, and need you but I did my best to handle it, because I knew that you needed this. But then you joined the band, and the calls were fewer, the conversations were shorter, the skyping barely happened anymore. It just got harder and harder.

Then you went out that night, and stayed with that Calum guy, and everything I had been holding in just exploded. I couldn't take it anymore, and I realized what the real problem is. A part of it was missing you, but the biggest part was the fact that you were here... without me.

I've always had jealousy issues, and I've tried to deal with them, but sometimes they get the best of me. I know that isn't an excuse, but I'm not giving you an excuse because there is none for what I said to you. To some people it wouldn't be a big deal, but it is to me and I know it is to you. I know you would never sleep with a guy you just met, especially with whatever we have going on, but I was just so damn pissed off!

Ever since you left, I have been killing myself thinking about you falling for someone else, and it has been eating me up! I couldn't bear the thought, but it kept on popping up, and then when I heard about Calum and you said you weren't committed... it all just collided inside of me, and I completely broke down!"

Louis' words touched me deeply. I had been so pissed off at him, that I hadn't even considered my part in this whole thing. I had said something, that I should have known would trigger his jealousy. The one thing he feared most.

"Louis I... I'm sorry too. Neither of us are innocent here, and I should also have chosen my words more wisely. We both have issues we need to work on, which is one of the reasons why I wanted us to wait. Imagine if we had been together when this happened. We would probably have split up and everything would be ruined."

"I know, I know..." Louis said, drifting off and looking out the window, probably to conceal his disappointment.

"Louis," I tried but he kept his back towards me.

"Louis, look at me." I demanded softly, and he hesitated before turning towards me slowly, sadness in his eyes.

"I love you Louis, and I know you love me and that's all that matters. I just need time, it's hard to explain, but that's how I feel. I need you to trust me, that I won't go falling for someone else or forget about you. When I said I wasn't committed, I didn't mean that I don't care about you or us anymore... It was more of a, I don't know, technical term. My heart is all yours."

His eyes softened, the sadness slowly evaporating making my heart at ease again. I could never stand the thought of hurting him.

"You know, this was the first time you said "I love you" face to face."

I looked at him slightly confused,

"No, I've said it before?"

I knew that I had said it before a few times.

"Well you told Zayn before you left, but the other times you said it to me, it was just as a friend." He smiled slightly, and I did the same biting my lip,

"I think at this point, we both know that you were always more than a friend to me."

I was sure about that now. At first, I had thought that Zayn was the one for me, that it was supposed to me and him but that was because he was the one I met that day. The one who introduced me to the others, and changed my life. Naturally I spent most of my time with him in the start and it was pretty much inevitable that I ended up with Zayn. But it was also inevitable that we eventually broke up, because I belonged with Louis.

I loved Louis, from the start, before I even met him. When One Direction was formed on X-Factor, and their future global success was totally unpredictable, I thought they were pretty cute and good singers. Zayn had naturally caught my eye, because he was my type, at least my type at that time. But as the weeks passed, I suddenly found myself deeply in love with the hilarious, sassy boy from Doncaster, whose smile would melt my heart at every week's performance. So yeah, Zayn was the first one I liked... But I loved Louis first.

I still wasn't completely sure if he was "the one", but he was the one I wanted to be with at the moment. I just knew that we had to wait, no matter how tough it was, I knew it would eventually be for the best.

***

Louis' P.O.V.

"Hello!" We heard Skye's voice from the entrance, "I heard there was a little boybander in my apartment."

She entered the livingroom, and gave me a smile, as she sighed,

"Oh Louis. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away!"

I got up to greet her with a hug, and noticed Stacey was with her.

"Hello again." I said, as she was still looking at me with that look. It was like she was unsure about what to think of me being here.

"Hey... are you guys ready to leave?"

I took a look at the clock, and it was already 4pm. I couldn't believe, two hours had gone so quickly. Mag and I had been talking and joking around just like usual, and time really flew by.

"Well, I'm ready," Mag replied getting up grabbing her jacket and bag, "Louis?"

"You're coming along to their rehearsal?" Skye suddenly asked surprised, snapping her head towards me.

"Yeah?" I replied, confused about her question. Why wouldn't I go along.

"Um... I thought maybe you wanted to rest?" She said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing, "you know after your... long flight?"

It was obvious that even Skye doubted her own words.

"You mean the three hour flight from Madrid?" I said with a smile.

"What's the problem Skye, why can't he go along?" Stacey asked, crossing her tattooed arms, clearly getting impatient.

Skye looked at Mag for help, then at me and back at Stacey before finally sighing,

"No problem at all. Let's go!"

***

I had no idea why Skye had acted so weirdly, but I decided to ignore it, and just be happy about the fact that I was finally here with Mag. We spent the 30 minute ride just goofing around, teasing and tickling each other and taking stupid photos, while Skye and Stacey were talking about some work stuff. Apparently Stacey also worked at that designer lady with Skye, and I wondered if everyone who worked there were tough fashion-rock-chicks.

We finally pulled up to small house, with a sadly neglected frontyard and closed garage. I was almost sure they rehearsed in the garage, just like in all those high school movies, although none of them were even in high school.

We walked up to the door, but instead of knocking Stacey had her own key.

"Where is everyone?" I asked, looking around the very silent house.

"They're setting up in the garage... I'm gonna grab some drinks, you guys can go ahead."

I repressed a laugh, as we headed towards the garage, Mag leading the way in her very cool, and very hot, outfit.

"Hello, hello!" Mag said, opening the door, revealing two guys, a girl and a bunch of intruments set up with a few microphones.

"Hi Mag, Skye," the girl with purple hair smiled and then looked at me with wide eyes, "and who do we have here?"

"Louis Tomlinson!" Stacey said, before I could answer.

"Oh yeah, you're friends with Tally's boyfriend!" The guy, I presumed was Jamie said, looking at me with a weird expression.

I chuckled at his statement,

"Yeah Niall and I are good friends, and in a band together, which we have been for over three years now."

"Louis came to see Mag a few days, before they go to Australia." Skye said and they all looked at each other.

"Oooh... right." The three of them said in unison, and I had a feeling they all knew about our situation.

I had this weird feeling, that something was missing here or that I had forgotten about something. That's when I heard a voice from the garage door behind me,

"Hey guys!" I turned around slowly, and found myself face to face with a blackhaired guy wearing black jeans, a white tanktop and dark red hoodie, eyeing me confusedly,

"Who's this?"

"Calum... hey," Skye said, and I realized at then why she had been reluctant to me going along today, "This is Louis... you know from One..."

"Yeah, yeah I know who Louis is," Calum said his eyes never leaving mine, "What brings you here today?" He asked, walking past me and starting to set up his guitar.

"I decided to spend our few days off, to come and visit Mag."

I wanted to add "my girlfriend", but of course I couldn't because it wouldn't be true.

"Cool." Calum replied casually, as he started to tune his guitar.

The tension is this garage had gotten so thick, you could cut through it with a knife. Cliché, I know but so true. An awkward silence had spread over us like a blanket, and I was begging silently for someone to speak.

Luckily, Stacey heard my prayers,

"So, what should we start with?"

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