Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters


45. 'Kiss'


Heey lovelies!!

I was gonna update yesterday, but had technical issues soo :b

Anyways, I know the updates are a bit irregular but it's the holiday season and I'll try to update again during next week or else the next chap will be Tuesday the 7th and I'll try to make it extra long and good for you then ;)

Soo sorry to leave you hanging at the end of this chap but a bit SUSPENSION is always good yeah? ;)

Anyways I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and I would like to wish all you darlings a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

You're all great, and I love you! Btw my resolution is the same as the last three years : to meet the boys :D hah not gonna happen, but one can dream right?

So I've been rambling to long, just remember to comment!!!!

Enjoy, xoxo M. ;)


Chapter 39


Maggie's P.O.V.

I walked back into the party, where they had started on karaoke, and I stood a while laughing at Harry singing "It's Raining Men", before I stepped into the crowded kitchen to grab a coke.

I spotted Liam by the fridge, and walked over to him,

"Hey Lili! God I feel like I haven't talked to you all evening! Enjoying the party?" I asked grabbing a icecold can from the fridge and he had a big grin on his face, as he replied,

"Definitely! I love having all my best friends here at once, doesn't happen that often you know? And Skye is here, so what more can I ask for?"

"That's good to hear, and she is a really great girl", I replied opening my can and looking over at Skye, who was laughing at something Tally had said,

"Once you get past that tough-girl, grungy facàde."

Liam chuckled, and then Tally caught my eye and quickly joined us,

"Mag, just the girl I was looking for!" She exclaimed, and I gave her a questioning look,

"Oh, why is that?"

She suddenly looked a little nervous, but quickly regained her cool and replied,

"Oh you know, just to hang out... Cause we haven't really hanged tonight... Let's sing a song!"

Without any further notice she grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the living room in front of the karaoke machine.

"No no no... I am not singing!" I protested.

If I had had a few drinks, it would probably have been easier to sing in front of so many people, but painfully sober, there was no way!

"Oh c'mon Mag! Live a little! I'll get Skye, you two both have that edgy-retro-80's-90's type of voice."

Within the blink of an eye, Tally had left me and returned with a slightly confused looking Skye.

"So what will it be?" Tally asked, flipping through songs, and Skye and I exchanged glances before I sighed,

"Okay fine! There really is no arguring with you." I said to Tally, and went to pick a song before she picked Whitney Houston or something else impossible.

"So I think either 'What A Feeling' or Blondie's 'Call Me'." Tally said and I looked at her with wide eyes,

"Are you crazy? Those songs are way too big for me!"

"Listen Mag, I have heard you sing, and you are way better than you think, these songs are perfect for your voice!" She said, and Skye stepped up to us,

"Tally's right, you can totally pull this off!"

I bit down on my lip contemplating it, as I looked around the room.

Great, now people were moving in from the kitchen!

Then my eyes settled on Louis, sitting in the couch next to Niall, and out of nowhere he shot me a huge smile and I felt all my nervousness and anxiety fly out the window.

Suddenly he winked at me, and with that I was a different person. I could do anything, I could conquer the world! Okay, maybe not but I could sing a song.

"Okay, I'll do it, but as a duet, not a battle!"

"Yes!" Skye and Tally exclaimed in unison, highfiving each other.

"So a duet is usually two people, and you guys are way better than me so yeah... I'll leave you to it." Tally said, and I didn't even want to argue.

We decided to let Liam pick the song, since it was his birthday.

"Hmm... I think I'm definitely in the mood for a little 'Blondie'." He said with a smirk, running his hands through Skye's hair and pulling her in for a kiss.

"Okay then..." Skye said, after the kiss, clearly a little giggly, and I flipped to the song preparing myself.

Skye quickly ran up to Lauren, grabbing the blue bowlershat, scruffing her hair and placing it on her head with a smirk as I started the song.

Was I really going through with this?

I then remembered Louis' smile and the way he winked at me, and I felt confidence surge through me as I closed my eyes while the familiar beat of the song sounded through the room and flowed through my body.

Then I heard a voice beginning to sing so perfectly in sync, that it took a while before I realized that it was my own,

”Colour me your colour, baby
Colour me your car
Colour me your colour, darling
I know who you are
Come up off your colour chart
I know where you're comin' from

And then Skye joined in on the chorus,

Call me on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me my love
You can call me any day or night
Call me

I went on to take the second verse, and once again Skye joined me in the chorus

Cover me with kisses, baby
Cover me with love
Roll me in designer sheets
I'll never get enough
Emotions come, I don't know why
Cover up love's alibi

Call me on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me oh my love
When you're ready we can share the wine
Call me

Then for the bridge, Skye stepped to Liam, caressing his cheek as she sang with, might I add, a very seductive voice,

Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, he speaks the languages of love
Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, amore, chiamami, chiamami
Ooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, appelle-moi mon cherie, appelle-moi
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any way
Anytime, anyplace, anywhere, any day-ay

And as if I was a total new person, I totally let loose and sang the rest of the song, as Skye stepped aside,

Call me my love
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me for a ride
Call me, call me for some overtime
Call me  my love
Call me, call me in a sweet design
Call me , call me for your lover's lover's alibi
Call me on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me
Oh, call me,
Call me my love
Call me, call me any, anytime

The last note of the song died out, and I opened my eyes as everyone applauded. I instantly felt a blush creep up my cheeks and I quickly bowed before I threw myself in the couch next to Tally who was sitting wrapped up in Niall, yes wrapped up, however that was possible!


"See, I told you, you could do it!" Tally said with a huge grin, and for once she was right.

"Yeah... That actually felt amazing..." I said drifting off, as I looked over at Louis who was talking to some guy and girl. Liam's cousins, I think? Whatever, I just didn't like the way she was looking at him, she was practically eating him up.

Come on, have some dignity girl!


Apparently Tally noticed, where I was looking as her voice snapped me back to reality,

"I couldn't help but notice, the way your face lit up when you glanced at a certain someone before the song started, and I could practically see you being boosted with confidence."


I suddenly felt nervous and shifted uncomfortably in my seat,

"Um... What d-do you m-mean?" I asked fighting the urge to look over at Louis, where I could hear an annoying high-pitched laugh.

Why did it bother me so much?


"Oh come on Mag, I noticed it too!" Niall replied, and I looked down quickly,

"Well, yeah I was looking around the room and I saw... Um... I saw L-Louis and he smiled at me, so he kinda... well... Encouraged me, what's wrong with that?"

Niall and Tally glanced at each other knowingly before she turned to me again,

"There's nothing wrong with it. You guys have been spending lots of time together lately."

I looked down, and started fidgetting with my fingerrings, sensing where this was going.

"Babe, fetch me a drink won't you?" I heard Tally say, and Niall left us, as Tally scooted close to me.


"So...?" She asked, and I looked at her weirdly,

"So what?"

"Let me just cut straight to the chase, is there something going on with you two?" She asked in a hushed voice, and I bit my lip nervously.

"Um... No?" I replied unconvingly, and she raised her eyebrow at me.

"Okay... I don't know! I mean it's only been a month since Zayn and I broke up you know?"

"Well, are you over him?" She asked.

"Um... I guess. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am, but I'm not just going to launch into a new relationship right away. It's not like I'm one of those people who has to be with someone all the time. Zayn may not be the one for me at the moment, but I have plenty of time to find the one and..."

Tally cut me off, by touching my arm and I looked up at her,

"Mag, babe. I'm not talking about finding the one. The question is do you like Louis, and you know what kind of 'like' I mean?"


I glanced over at Louis, who was still talking to that guy and girl, who was now sitting next to him, constantly touching his arm.

Seriously, could she be more obvious?


"Well, that look pretty much answers my question." Tally said, and I quickly turned my gaze back to her,


"Mag... If looks could kill, that girl would be lying on the floor right now!" She said with a laugh, and my face turned the colour of a tomato.

"Oh come on Talls! I was just... looking... Okay, so maybe it annoys me, but that doesn't mean I like him!"

She gave me an unmistakable "are you kidding me" look and took my hands in her own,

"You see Louis talking innocently to a random girl, who clearly wants him, and that annoys you, but you don't like him? So if some girl was talking like that to... Liam, would it still annoy you?"

"Yes, because Liam has a girlfriend!" I replied with a triumphant smile, and she rolled her eyes at me,

"Louis doesn't have a girlfriend, so if you don't like him, why does it annoy you?"


I had no idea what to say. Did I like Louis?


"Mag, I'm not trying to make you feel something you don't. I'm just trying to make you aware of something that I think already is there. If you say that you're one hundred percent sure that you don't like him, then fine I'm wrong! But it seems like you really do feel something, but you're just fooling yourself, and I really don't know why!"

"Well, I don't even know how Louis feels!" I replied, still not admitting that I liked him.

"There really is only one way to find out." Tally said, and I looked over at him, now sitting alone with Little Miss Sleazy.

"But even if I do like him, and he likes me.. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship." I said letting out a sigh, and surprisingly Tally didn't say anything. She just looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"I think I'll join the party in the kitchen a little bit." I said, and Tally nodded as I walked away.


Louis' P.O.V.

I kept on glancing over at Mag and Tally deep in conversation as this girl kept on talking to me.

I knew it was a good idea to get Tally to talk to her, and try to find out how she felt.

They looked pretty serious and then Mag got up and walked into the kitchen.

I looked at Tally questioningly, and she just shrugged, giving me a slight smile. That could mean anything, but I couldn't go and talk to her right away, it would be too obvious.

So I returned to the conversation with Shelly or Sheila or whatever her name was.

"... so then I just decided to get the pink one!"

"That's great Stephy!" I said, having no idea what "pink one" she was talking out.

"Actually it's Stella! But that's alright, all my friends call me Stephy, Lewis!" She laughed loudly, and I felt my insides churning.

"Yeah, actually it's Louie... and my friends call me Louie!" I replied with a fake smile, not mentioning the fact that my friends actually called me Lewis, just to piss me off.

"Oh I'm sorry about that. Well then, Louieee, I'm getting a drink, you want one?" She asked, and I thought about it for a second.

It's not as if Stella was bad looking. She had shoulderlength dirtyblonde hair and cute green eyes, but she was just a little... too much? And she wasn't Mag. But at the moment, with alcohol buzzing in my blood and the prospect of never making it with Mag, I might as well try to have fun and enjoy the party.

What the hell! I could get my mind off things, and drown my sorrows.

"Sure, I'll go with you!" I replied with a smile and her face lit up as we got up and went to the kitchen.

The somewhat small kitchen was pretty packed with people, but I managed to grab two beers from the cooler on the counter, and handed one to Stella, as my eyes wandered, landing on Mag talking with some guy, I couldn't quite recognize.

What did she have to be so damn hot tonight?

And why did that guy have to make her laugh in that adorable way?

Fuck this, I thought and turned my attention to Stella.

"Let's go sit in the livingroom!" I practically commanded, making my way out and she followed suit.

Stella was definitely the type of girl to "go somewhere quiet" with me, had I been another guy. But no, that really wasn't my style.

I'd rather just drink and talk with her to have some fun, so we joined Liam, Skye, Harry and a couple others who looked like they were quite enjoying themselves.

"Stella, hey! Glad you could make it!" Liam said getting up and giving Stella a big hug.

"Everyone, this is Stella, one of my cousin's best friends, who I've known for... God, my whole life almost. Stella this is everyone, my lovely girlfriend Skye, Zayn, Harry, you know the rest and I see you've already met Louis?"

Everyone nodded and smiled at Stella who gave a small wave before replying,

"Yep, Louis and I have been getting very well acquainted."

She snuck her arm around my waist looking up at me, and I played along flashing her a big smile, as I sat down next to Liam, Stella sitting next to me.

I noticed Harry giving me a look, but I couldn't be bothered with whatever problems he might have.

A few minutes later, I felt my phone buzzing and took it out to see, I had received a text message from... Harry?

From: Curlyy ;) 29.08.2013 11.51 PM

I see you already found a replacement for Mag. Given up already?

I glanced over at him, but he was talking to Lauren, who had also joined so I tapped out a reply.

To: Curlyy ;) 29.08.2013 11.53 PM

Its a party hazz, cant I enjoy myself ? ;)

A few minutes later my phone buzzed again.

From: Curlyy ;) 29.08.2013 11.58 PM

Just be careful lou..

I decided that he didn't need a reply to that, so I focused on Stella's very interesting monologue about shopping in Milan versus shopping in Paris. Note the sarcasm.

"Okay everyone time to get ON THE FLOOR!" Tally shouted blasting up the stereo, playing J-Lo and Pitbull's On The Floor.

A bunch of people crowded the livingroom floor, moving to the music and before I knew it, Stella grabbed my hand, pulling me up.

"C'mon, let's dance!" She shouted over the music, and I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to this spinning room.

How did Liall and Niam get their room to spin? That would be so cool to have at Barry and I's place.

Wait, did I get their names right?

Oh who cares, I was a great party dancing with a hot girl, although her name was quite strange. Who names their daughter Tella? Maybe they really liked Nutella? Ha ha, that was quite funny, I really do crack myself up!

The music pounded in my ears, blurring with the faint sounds of people's voices, as the beat reverberated off the floor, surging through my whole body as I held on to Stella's (right, that was her name!) waist, my hands travelling up and down her hips.

At that moment, nothing else mattered. All I cared about was the music playing in the room, the alcohol running through my body and the girl dancing in my arms.

Then, as if it was the only thing that could happen at this point, her lips crashed onto mine, and I didn't do anything to stop her.


Zayn's P.O.V.

I had spent almost all of Liam's party texting with Ada, so I decided to be social and joined Liam, Skye, Harry and a few others.

It wasn't long though until my mind, and eventually my hands wandered off to my phone again.

I really enjoyed texting Ada and would spend most of my time doing so, ever since I met her last week. She really got my mind off everything.

For the first three weeks after the breakup I would pour my heart out to Paul, or sometimes Josh, but no matter how much comfort and advice they gave me, I didn't feel any better.

The problem was, anything or anyone connected to the band or the tour, or even damn London, reminded me too much of Mag. Pathetic, right?

That's why I couldn't talk to any of the boys, they were too close, Paul and Josh were pretty much okay.

But Ada... She didn't even know who I was, before she saw my tattoos, and she wasn't exactly a fan of ours, she was as far from anything band-related as I could get, and that was actually a huge help.

We would talk, or text, about all sorts of things but mostly music and tattoos, and I never once would think about the others or Mag.

She was kind of like my safe haven. She knew that I had been through some sort of breakup, but I didn't tell her details and, thankfully she didn't ask. It was just have brought her too close, and then she wouldn't be too much of a help either.

No one knew about her either, as part of my plan to keep Ada and the band as far away from each other as possible. I hadn't showed anyone my tattoo either, but that had nothing to do with Ada.

That was simply because, I wasn't ready. It gave me some sort of "comfort" to have it, but I wouldn't reveal it until I was completely over her, and Harry was the only one who sometimes would beg to see it.

I had just texted Ada, but then remembered her saying that she was going to the cinema, so I decided to try to socialize for real, instead of just being physically present.

Louis appeared with a girl, I was pretty sure I had met before with Liam, and Liam introduced her as "one of his cousin's best friends". That could either mean she was THE best friend of one his cousins, or she was one of many best friends to his cousin, but to be honest I really didn't care about who she was.

I did find it kind of amusing that she was totally throwing herself at Louis, who clearly wasn't that interested, and somehow I found myself observing the two, simply because it was the funniest thing going on at the moment.

I noticed that the more Louis had to drink, the more involved he seemed to get, and at one point I considered "warning" him or something, but hey, it was a party. He could have a little fun if he wanted. It's not like they were making out or anything, yet.

Personally, I had already had enough to drink and I felt myself sobering up, but it didn't bother me. I could also have fun, without drinking.

Suddenly Tally turned up the music and alot of people moved to the make-shift dancefloor.

I don't know why, I found it so exciting to watch Louis and Stella and how close they danced.

I wasn't at all interested in any of the other people dancing.

I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with the fact that Louis and Mag were getting a little too close for my liking. Of course not!

See, this was what happened when I didn't have Ada to distract me. I got all these stupid crazy thoughts and ended up obsessed with my bandmate interacting with a random girl at a party.

I decided to have another drink instead and went to the kitchen, instantly regretting it.

Of course Mag was in there, looking perfect like always. I quickly grabbed a beer and walked out again, standing alone watching everyone dancing, until my eyes landed on two people, and my jaw dropped.

Louis was kissing Stella!

Louis, mr-longterm-relationships, was kissing a girl he had just met, who he was completely uninterested in, and who was totally not his type.

The only explanation was that he was drunk as a skunk and not thinking it all. He would definitely regret this in the morning, I should probably break them up. But it wasn't really my business or responsibility, why should I care?

This is what happened at parties, people made drunken mistakes.

Like letting their ex-girlfriends spend the night.

I definitely wished, one of the boys had been with me, to prevent that from happening.

But that was different. I had had a girlfriend and Perrie, who I hated, had spent the night with me.

Louis, however, was single and was simply kissing a girl.

As I stood there, debating whether I should do something or not, I saw the kitchen door, in the corner of my eye, opening and someone just standing there.

I turned and saw Mag, who had just come out from the kitchen, and now stood frozen, her eyes wide and staring straight ahead of her. Directly at Louis and Stella.


* * *

UH-OH!!! Just a little (not so) fun fact, the Blondie song is one that I lo-lo-looove and my friend once did force me to sing it at a karaokebar (and this will never be mentioned again lol !)

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