Loved You First

"Was it possible that all the signs, I had convinced myself were just my imagination, actually were real?

I just couldn't help but wonder how long she'd had feelings for him, even if they were subconcious.
I was sure that I loved her first, but at this point I actually didn't know who she loved first."

*WARNING*
A few slightly sexual references (not smut, I don't do that)
A few slightly violent scenes
Use of strong language at times
SELF-HARM references in a couple of chapters

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63. 'Help Needed'

Chapter 56

"Help Needed"

Mag's P.O.V.

"Hey Mag. You got in rather late last night?" Skye said, as soon as she stepped through the door after work.

"Yeah, Calum and I watched a movie after talking about stuff."

"What stuff?" Skye asked, with a confused, and slightly suspicious look. I had no idea if Skye knew about his story , or if he wanted anyone to know, so I decided it best to keep it a secret for now,

"Oh, just random things you know... I went shopping." I said with a smile, and Skye rolled her eyes, walking into the kitchen followed by me.

"How many times did I tell you not to spend your money while living here?" She slightly scolded me.

"I know, I know but," I replied, digging a pack out of the closet, "I bought your favorite chocolate chip cookies and," I then retrieved something from the freezer, "the best mint chocolate ice cream!"

I had the cookies in one hand and ice cream in the other with a huge enthusiastic grin on my face, and Skye finally smiled,

"Well, you've proven yourself worthy! Did you have dinner? Sorry, I grabbed a bite with Stace."

"Yeah, I made a couple sandwiches an hour ago."

Skye tapped her chin thoughtfully before finally saying,

"That could count as dinner... So let's get these bad boys open!"

She grabbed the cookies and ice cream, a couple spoons, and patted the seat next to her on the couch.

"Have you talked to Louis?" Skye asked, halfway through the ice cream, and I frowned,

"No... I haven't talked to any of the boys since that morning. My phone had no service, and I have no idea why."

"Weird," Skye replied grabbing my phone and scrunching her eyebrows,

"We'll check it out tomorrow, I get off early."

I shrugged, crumbling a cookie into the ice cream.

"Liam told me they tried to get a hold of you through Facebook."

"Yeah, I hate Facebook!" I replied, narrowing my eyes.

"I know and so does he," Skye said turning to look directly at me, "which means they must have been desperate to talk to you if it couldn't wait till I got home. Did you reply?"

I remained silent, faking interest in "The Kardashians". Wow Kendall and Kylie were so small, it must be season 1!

Skye sighed, and I noticed her pulling out her phone, in the corner of my eye.

"Here, talk!"

She shoved her phone in my face, and I saw it was already calling Liam's number. I took a look at Skye's face and realized I had no choice as I took the phone, and held it up to my ear, just as I heard Liam's voice,

"Hello beautiful!"

"Hey handsome!" I replied, chuckling.

"Oh, Mag! I thought you were Skye..."

"Obviously!"

"Are you alright? We haven't heard from you since yesterday morning? Were you out with Calum yesterday? Why is your phone off..."

I interruped Liam's rambling,

"Slow down there Payno! I'm fine, sorry I haven't called, yes I was out with Calum - it wasn't a date - and my phone doesn't have service but I'll check it tomorrow."

"Oh great!"

"How is everyone. I really miss you guys!" I said, realizing how much I meant those words.

"Alright! We're leaving for Australia the day after tomorrow, I can't wait to hit the waves! Harry is counting down to Christmas and seeing Lauren. Niall and Tally really miss your cooking, because you would always "put cheese in everything" as they say. Zayn's been talking to Ada a lot and I know he's also looking forward to seeing you for Christmas. But of course we'll all going to meet up during our Christmas break... right?"

"Yes of course!" I replied, for the first time realizing, that I would see all of them before the end of the tour. All of them, including Louis. Louis, who Liam hadn't mentioned.

"How's Lou? You guys said he was sick?"

Liam hesitated for a second, and I bit my bottom lip nervously.

"Louis is... yeah you could say he is sick."

What was that supposed to mean.

"Would you care to elaborate Liam?"

"Well, we all agreed not to tell you the details..."

"What details?" I interrupted.

"The details of Louis'... condition..."

"Liam James Payne!" I almost yelled at him, "Tell me what is going on with Louis right now!"

I didn't want to yell at him, but he was getting me really worried.

"Okay, fine!" Liam finally sighed, "Louis is feeling awful! He's gone into his worst depression state and won't talk to any of us! Apart from going to the show today, he stays in his bunk all day long, hardly getting up to eat, drink or even use the loo. Zayn caught him crying in his bunk last night, and tried talking to him but there's no sign that he took any of it to heart. If it goes on for much longer, I don't know what to do. We're all worried about him.

Skye told me that he tried calling you last night, and when he heard you were out with Calum he hung up. That's when we heard him break his phone. He broke Harry's phone earlier after talking to you. I saw on my phone, that he had tried to call you again this morning but, well of course he didn't get through. All he does is lay in his bunk, listening to music and crying every now and then."

I had no idea things were that bad with Louis. I knew he didn't take it well, when he found out that I spent the night at Calum's, and I should have figured that it would get worse when I was out of reach, but I hadn't expected this. Maybe I should talk to him? But I was still upset about the way he freaked out for no reason, and that he accused me of sleeping with Calum.

I promised myself not to talk to him, until he was ready to give me an apology. The fact that he had tried to call me, could mean he wanted to apologize, but would he really mean it? He had serious jealousy issues, and I couldn't deal with it, if he went crazy every time we were apart, and listening to apologies again and again would get so tiring. He had to prove that he could trust me, before we were able to take this any further.

I told Liam to say hi to everyone, and went into my room, to think everything through. When I decided to take a break with Zayn, it was because I didn't fully trust him, and I knew I had always had trust and jealousy issues, but not as bad as Louis.

How would things go in a relationship with two people constantly doubting each other and getting into arguments whenever one of us would even look at another? It could end up with both of us going insane and pulling our hair out! Nothing could ever happen between Louis and I, until we were both ready to trust each other, no matter how long it would take, and how hard it would get. I loved Louis enough to wait, and if he really loved me, he would accept it and wait too.

Zayn's P.O.V.

Tally, Niall and I were spending our evening shopping online. Meaning Tally and I with each of our laptops, fighting for Niall's opinion on jeans, t-shirts and shoes.

"Pumpkin, look at this dress!" Tally screached, "It's so cute!" She pointed out a short dark blue dress with flowery print, and it was pretty cute but I needed his opinion on a new denim vest. I eventually gave up, and closed my laptop, searching for Harry and Liam. Of course they were both talking to their girlfriends! Harry was sitting across us, currently filling Lauren in on the Louis' situation while Liam was across the room (could you even call it a room, when it's on a bus?), with a serious expression.

I was starting to get bored, and pulled out our special notebook. A while back, we all decided to write down a bunch of ideas of what to do when bored, and asked the fans on twitter for ideas, which meant alot of it involved followsprees or tweeting fans.

Besides that we had things like watch a movie, play a game, take a long bath, do some workout, make snacks for everyone (Tally's idea) and a lot of other meaningless stuff. I always laughed at Louis' suggestions "Get a haircut - yeah I'm talking to you Curly!" and "Shave! Seriously Zayn, you starting to look older than me!".

I chuckled at Mag's statement that it was impossible to be bored, if you had enough apps on your phone. That girl had more apps and games than all of us put together, and I dreaded the day, when her iPhone would be full, even though she had 64 GB. Of course someone who loved music, movies, games and taking photos as much as her needed that amount of space.

I wasn't really in the mood for anything, but I decided to go on twitter and follow some fans. They were always complaining about me never coming on and hardly following anyone, so I decided to change that. I took a random selfie, tweeted it and waited a few minutes before scrolling through the thousands of fans.

There were the usual "follow me"s and "I love you"s, and I followed a few of those. Finally I found some fans asking how I was doing and being very considerate so I followed a few more, and then retweeted this one really funny tweet. After ten minutes, I got bored of that too, and decided to take a quick shower and actually take up Louis' suggestion of shaving, just a little bit. I liked having some stubble.

I passed Louis' bunk and heard him slightly snoring. Well, better than crying. When I got back upstairs, the others were in a serious conversation.

"Zayn! How's he doing down there?" Harry asked.

"Sleeping right now. What are you talking about?"

"Oh you finally shaved! Thank God!" Tally remarked, and I ignored her, repeating my question.

"I just talked to Mag," Liam replied, "I told her everything about Louis, and she went silent for a minute, and then just told me to say hi to you guys. I think she's having a hard time dealing with it..."

"That's why we agreed not to tell her, mate!" I groaned, running my hands through my hair and over my face. I knew Mag wouldn't be able to take it lightly when she heard about Louis, and she was supposed to be on London, having a break from all this drama. Now she got caught up in it again, and I knew it would be bugging her for a long time.

"She has the right to know Zayn," Harry sighed, "I never thought we should lie to her, and we don't know how long Louis will be like this... which is why we should follow Lauren's plan."

"What plan?" I asked curiously, hoping Lauren had a good idea, as usual.

"She thinks Louis should go to London for a couple days, before joining us in Australia."

Of course! Why did none of us think of that before?

"And we all think it's a great idea," Liam spoke up, "with one minor problem. Louis won't talk to any of us!"

"Then we force him to listen!" Tally said.

"What, should we tie him to a chair and hold his arms so he can't cover his ears?" Harry ironically remarked, but the look on Tally's face made him add,

"Don't even answer that!"

"I'll talk to him." Niall finally said after a few minutes of silence.

"But why would he listen, he won't listen to the rest of us..." Liam started, but I cut him off,

"No wait... that might work! Louis has never been able to get mad at Niall, even when he accidently turned all his clothes pink in the wash. Louis would never yell or snap at Niall, and Niall is the only one who has never tried talking to Louis at these times, because he's always too bubbly. I think you should go for it!"

"It's worth a try, and the only idea we have." Harry shrugged.

"But I'll need backup, just in case!" Niall replied turning to Tally, who nodded.

"The rest of us will wait by the stairs."

We all sneaked down the stairs, Liam, Harry and I sitting on the last few steps out of Louis' view while Niall sat on the bunk opposite Louis', with Tally next to him.

We all heard Louis yawn, meaning that he was awake and nodded at Niall to start talking.

"Louis?"

There was silence for a while, before a weak voice replied,

"Niall?"

"Yeah, how you doing mate?"

"I think you know how I'm doing." Louis replied, by there wasn't any hostility in his voice, proving me right.

"Um... I'd feel alot less awkward, if I could actually see you, while we're talking." Niall said nervously, and after a minute, I heard Louis pull his curtain back.

"Why are you here?" He groaned, probably adressing Tally.

"I won't say anything," she assured him, "I'm just here as moral support."

"Whatever." Louis replied, and Niall rubbed his hands together.

"So Lou, we all know you're really upset and we understand why... of course we all want to help you, but you won't let us and we all know only one person can help you... So since our next show in Australia is in like 5 or 6 days we thought maybe you should... um... go to London for a couple days?"

Silence. Unbearably awkward silence, with tension so thick, I could barely breathe. This was it. Our only plan, and if it didn't work, we were all doomed. Okay, maybe I was a bit dramatic, but Louis needed help!

"London? Why?" Louis asked, surprising all of us.

"Well... to see Mag?" Niall replied, in more of a question as if it was obvious, and it actually was.

"But she doesn't want to see me!" Louis said, his voice getting louder and more upset.

"You don't know that, mate..." Niall began, before Louis interrupted him,

"Well she hasn't answered my calls for ages or asked to talk to me, when she's called you guys cause I know she must have been calling, and she's obviously spending all her time with that band and that Calum... she obviously doesn't care about me anymore!"

I exchanged looks with Liam and Harry, and it was clear that none of us knew, jusy exactly what had been going through his mind recently.

"Of course she cares about you!" Tally stepped in, since Niall had become speechless,

"It hasn't even been 48 hours since you last talked, it was yesterday morning and you both got very upset. Do you blame her for needing some time to cool down, before talking to you? And Calum is just a friend to her! I know Mag, and she wouldn't just fall for some hot guy, when she already loves you, and you have to realize that, dammit!"

I chuckled at Niall's face when Tally called Calum a "hot guy", and we all waited for Louis' response.

"You just said it, she needs time and time is what she'll get. I'm not going to London!"

Well, so much for the plan.

Mag's P.O.V.

It had been another late night, this time with my thoughts, so I was surprised when I woke up at 9.30, feeling fresh.

After breakfast and a very quick shower, I decided to spend some extra time getting ready. I was meeting up with Skye at 2 o'clock and I felt like prettying myself up today.

I opened the closet with all my clothes, trying to find something different. I was slightly changing my style to something a little more edgy, and if I could just match my clothes in the right way, I didn't have to buy a whole new wardrobe.

I decided on the slightly ripped grey jeans and high heeled biker boots, I had worn for that gig and matched it with my dark red plaid vest top and battered leather jacket. I silently thanked Skye for having a car, since I couldn't walk outside like this in the November weather, and for letting me buy the boots with a 2 inch heel, instead of the 4 inch, she had first suggested.

I set the boots and jacket aside with my red handbag, and decided to make an extra effort with my hair and makeup. I applied some eyeliner and a thin layer of greyish/black eyeshadow right above my lashes to accompany my usual mascara, and was reminded of my younger days when I used to go all out on the eyeshadow and eyeliner. I didn't look stupid or anything at that time, but I was still happy that I grew up to the more natural look, even though I always thought I would continue my makeup routine when I was younger. A little blush and lipbalm and I was done.

I took a look at my hair, frowning slightly. Another change that happened, when I grew up. I had always been fond of spending alot of time doing my hair in the morning, if you could say 15-20 minutes was alot. I never owned a straightener, curling iron or a blow dryer, nor had I ever dyed my hair so it was really healthy, but I loved to have a different style every day and was loaded with different colour and sizes elastics, scrunchies, pins, clips and hairbands. For a long time though, I had been wearing it loose, but not today.

I worked concentrated on making six small braids with only my front hair pulling it back, and then letting the rest flow in their natural waves down my back. I never liked using product, but I figured a little amount of fixing hairspray was needed for the stray hairs to stay down.

By the time I was done, ready and finished a sandwich it was already 1.30. Skye had left me a note, saying that Stacey would be picking me up at this time so she could join us, and so I didn't spend money on a taxi or get lost in public transportation. She cringed when I made a joke calling the subway "the tube", and I noted never to do that again.

I sat down with my jacket and boots on so I was ready, when Stacey arrived, and opened a quiz app on my phone. After answering a few easy questions on music, I finally heard a knock on the door. Stacey was one of the only people who knocked, because she hated Skye's doorbell, which went on for ages according to her.

I jumped up from my seat, grabbed my handbag and looked in the mirror next to the door before opening it.

But it wasn't Stacey standing in front of me.

I blinked a couple times, in case me eyes deceived me, and realized it really was him standing in front of me. I took in the whole sight in front of me, starting with the black vans accompanied by black jeans, the grey hoodie and darker grey beenie covering the brown feathery hair until I set my eyes on the thin pinkish lips, and locking onto his light blue eyes. Eyes that held so much emotion.

Eyes that looked like they had been crying for ages, making me weak in the knees, so all I could do was let the tears fall, as his strong arms pulled me into a tight embrace.

***

Soooo ta-dah!! guess who?! ;)

well am I the only one who was totally psyched abt the boys first WWA show last night??? eeek!

anyways, pleeeeease remember to COMMENT like&fave! thx, love you all!!

xoxo, M. ;)

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