To Write Love on Her arms

Aspen is a girl who has the world at her feet. In school she's a cheer leader, hangs out with all the popular girls and always gets lucky enough to date the hottest boys in school. As for Dakota hipster wallflower he doesn't have many friends and doesn't go out that much and didn't have any chance at getting with one of the girls hottest girls in school...or so he thought. It all changed for both Aspen and Dakota when they went out on a date on Valentines Day and they both fall in love with each other.

Aspen thought she'd live happily ever after with Dakota and as we all know all good things come to an end. For Aspen, an abrupt out of the blue horrifying end. Dakota went missing, and then she lost herself. Aspen became depressed and started self harming. There was one problem...Aspen knew who out of anyone that would know where her love had gone off missing to. To bad they both hate each other.

Will Aspen ever find out what happened to Dakota and will she ever love again?

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6. Die

                There was a knock on my door early this morning. It was Tanner, the night before at group he asked me if I wanted to get a coffee with him today. I accepted but didn't think he'd show. Guess I was wrong. I went down stairs as I pulled on my pea coat. I opened the door and there he was, tall , dark, and handsome as he could possibly be. 

 

                 "Good morning," Tanner says with a bright smile his deep dimples piercing through his cheeks. He stands in my door way wearing a white t-shirt with dark denim jeans. I starred at him in awe. A boy this beautiful standing here in front of the hopeless depressed sometimes suicidal washed up cheerleader whose boyfriend went missing. 

 

                   "Hi," I say stepping out of my house and closing the door behind me. Tanner pulls a flower from behind his back. A small white daisy. He holds it in front of him and I can't help but picture Dakota that night we went for our first date on Valentines Day. I take it in my hand and give him a hug.

 

 

                     "My mom used to grow these in the garden...they stopped growing when she died, but I found this one today." Tanner says.I tilt my head and stare into Tanner's cold gray eyes. There was still so much more to Tanner that I didn't know but wanted desperately to know. There was so much more to the beautiful boy that I didn't know. His persona screamed sexy bad boy. I could tell that he was type of boy in school who all the girls fell over for but he wanted nothing to do with them. But his eyes told a different story. He was hurting, no one knew what it was and he had to much pride to let anyone know, but it was my job to find out.

 

                        "When did your mom die?" I ask as we start walking down the street. The October wind was chilly. Sixty seven degrees with wind making it feel like fifty. Well let me tell you, the news didn't lie this time. It's still beautiful out through, the sunset overcasts the mountains in the far distance in Los Angles. 

 

                           Tanner looks down at the side walk. " At the height of my modeling career a day after my seventeenth birthday." Tanner says looking at me. I frown, feeling my face scrunch. 

 

                            "I'm really sorry to hear that...maybe you should take this daisy back then," I say handing the daisy back to him but he shakes his head no.

 

                             "I want you to have it," Tanner says looking deep into my eyes. His gray eyes were glossed over, "She'd want you to have it anyway." Tanner says, his eyes shying away from mine. We continue the walk down the road. Beautiful mansions line the streets of the road that I call mine. Lynnview Road.  Where celebrity nannies raise their kids away from the harsh L.A paparazzi. Kylie and Kendall Jenner lived down the road when they were kids, we were best friends but then they moved to L.A around the time when The Kardashian's started to be recorded. I looked at Tanner who walked with his hands in his pockets while he looked down at the ground. We walked for ten minuets down the same road and then stopped at one of the smallest homes on the street. 

 

                            And there it was. A small little cottage tucked into a small property hidden by ivy and rose bushes. It was really the most beautiful home I've ever seen. It looked like it was ripped right out of the pages of a fairy tale. Tanner opens the gate and holds it open for me. "After you," he says. I look at him and smile, looking to see if the pained expression was still lingering there and it was he missed his mom, I missed mine too so I understood. He finally smiled back which made made me blush. He had such a great smile. I stepped through the gate and stepped through the gate. I looked at all pretty flowers. I seen that there was a mature orange three in the yard which was almost non existent because it was covered with flowers. There were watermelons on the ground still on their vines, beautiful tall sunflowers sprouted from the ground. I look at Tanner's yard amazed at everything that has grown to life. 

 

                       "My mom planted all these," Tanner says. He places a gentle hand on my back and points to a brown patch in the yard, "That's where I picked that daisy. Even though they were the easiest plants to grow they were her favorite for some reason and they all died when she passed away...my dad has been trying to nurse them back and he finally did." Tanner says with a smile. Then the front door creeks open and an older man, at least in his early 40's walks out the house in dirty overalls with a gray undershirt. His hair was graying, at the tips and I could tell it was Tanner's father by his smile. Now I knew where Tanner got it from. 

 

                      "Hey, Tan!" His dad says walking towards him. He gives Tanner a big hug. "Glad you're back I just finished breakfast," he says. His dad looks at me and holds out his dirty hand. "Hi I'm Roger, Tanner's dad. I guess your the beautiful girl my son's been talking about. Well come inside I made fresh orange juice." I steal a glimpse at Tanner who blushes and clenches his teeth together. I follow Roger inside. The ivy cascaded onto the window, making shadows of leaves inside the house. There were no lights on in the house. The furniture was vintage, and the orange sun made the inside of Tanner's house look beautiful. It was fixed perfectly to the eyes. I followed his dad into the dining room. It was painted a light orange with a big window in there lighting up the whole room. Tanner pulled out a chair for me to sit in. I sat down and Tanner sat across from me. 

 

                       "Tea or coffee?" Tanner asks. I look at the table and stare at all the elegant silver wear and fine china thats set up in front of me. Only when we had family gatherings was when we'd actually set up the table. Not even then. For Thanksgiving we'd usually go over my Aunt Catherine's house in Los Angeles and her private chef would make all of us a grand dinner. The whole family would come from all around the world. Ireland, Canada, the United Kingdom, New York and Denver. Last Thanksgiving was the worst though. It was only a few weeks after Dakota had disappeared. It went a little a little like this.

 

      

 

 

                     "Care for some potato mash Aspen?" My aunt Claire offered. She starred at me her bright blue eyes looked right through me. I shook my head no.

 

                       That year I wore a long sleeved white shirt to cover that scars that covered my arms and olive colored pants with boots. That year I got more compliments than I usually got. They were all trying to make me feel better but nothing could help. I barley ate anything, and mostly filled my mouth my bullshit words that I didn't mean. My cousin Landon from London was talking to me. "Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked.

 

                        "I won't do it anymore I promise," I lied. I rubbed my arms and felt how sore they were. The night before I made a news cut on my wrist. It didn't heal so well. Actually up until that morning I finally got it to stop bleeding. But at any moment it could start bleeding again.

 

                         "Let me see," Landon said reaching for my arm. I jerked it away. No one has seen my arms but the doctor when I once cut too deep. He tried reaching for it again and this time he held my throbbing arm. He grabbed my wrist where the cut was. He pulled me towards him his strong hands rubbing against my cut. I socked him right in the nose and ran away. It was now time for the toast and desert. Wonder what they were going to make the toast to that year. I thought it would've been to our newest edition to the family, Sophia. We all made our way into the dining room where were sat at the 20 person seating table. Even that didn't seat everyone but some of the adults sat in the eat in kitchen. The chef came around and poured everyone champange. Even the children got full glasses. I was seven the first time I had a drink. 

 

                           "First I'd like to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone today"My grandfather says standing up holding out his glass. "I'm happy that we're all here together on this lovely California day. So much has happened in the family since last Thanksgiving. Congratulations to Claire for the birth to the newset edition to our family, it truley is a blessing...but I'm making this years Thanksgiving toast to Aspen. Honey, you've been going through some tough times latley," He kept going on. I looked at me wrist. It was bleeding again and there was a blood stain on my white shirt. I picked up a napkin and held it there but it stung so bad so I took it off. "We love you Aspen!" was the last thing I heard. "Cheers!" My grandfather said, his voice was booming through the house. We all stood up and clashed out glasses together. The teenage boys chugged down their glasses and rushed to the bar for whiskey. Then I felt it. The rich thick crimson was dripping from my wrist and staining my white long sleeve shirt. The whole family starred at me.  And then it was dripping on the table and my plate.  

 

 

 

                        And that's all I'm thinking about right about now. Even though I haven't cut in two or three days still. Roger served us pancakes and eggs with coffee. Then the phone started to ring. "Excuse me," he says standing up from the table. "Hello?" I hear him say into the phone.

 

                          "Whatever happened to taking my to a coffee shop?" I ask Tanner. He pushes his plate away from him and looks at me. 

 

                           "I want you to give me a chance...a fair chance. I know you've been through a lot but I want to try and make it better." Tanner says. I feel tears rush to my eyes. I push my plate away and go to stand up. I push my chair in and go to walk out. "Aspen please."

 

                             "Tanner don't you get it ?!" I yell. "I can't do this. I can't do this to you. You deserve better than me Tanner. Look at you and look at me," I say throwing my hands up. "I'm sick. I destroy myself, I hate myself, I'm not myself anymore. I used to be a cheerleader, popular I used to get invited to all these parties...and now look at me. I don't even go to school anymore," I tell him. He just looks at me.

 

                              " I can help you though Aspen!" Tanner yells. "Why won't you let me?!"

 

                               "You can't, I can only help myself...I'm not ready for that yet. I'm not...I'm sorry." I say walking out the fairy tale house with a not so fairy tale ending. All's I want to do right now is die.

                                  

 

                            

                        

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