Undone LEGO

about love gone wrong, how a miniscule misunderstanding mars a love once so divine

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1. It's over


She said “It’s over, we’re through” just like that… In an instant, it was all over, after all those wonderful times we’ve been together… two years and now it’s all going down. All it took was two words…

Usually I wouldn’t cry, but tears ran down my cheeks as I threw my cell phone after hearing her say those two most painful words and hung up without a word. All I could think of was her, everything about her, her heart-melting smile, how she would crinkle her nose and make stupid faces just to cheer me up whenever I was down, and how she used to kiss me and (with her eyes set into mine) she would say “I love you” in a voice like some kind of magical melody swimming through the air that you wish to keep listening to over and over again.

 I remember once I asked her, “Why do you love me?”… Then her ethereal breath floated about mesmerizing the air and everything around while she said “Loving you is the only thing that makes my blood running, keeps my heart beating and I feel life”. I couldn’t say a word enchanted by what she had said. I closed my eyes, wrapped her tight into my arms and told myself that, “She is the one that I would love to see the sunrise with for every morning for the rest of my life, I can just die in her arms right now and still feel like I’ve had a worthful life.” I opened my eyes to see if I was dreaming but it was all happening, she was there and I was there, we were there, the ineffable moment.

I always wondered back then, why she chose me. I wasn’t much popular around college, I didn’t have much friends, cos I just don’t want those freaks, posers, clean cut douches looking for chicks to dig, pretentious jerkoffs to be anywhere near my shadow. They belonged to a world different from mine. Yeah, I had a few friends, genuine and befitting though they didn’t look as smart as they were. We always had each other’s back. I wasn’t quite easy around girls, had some sort of nervousness which I had always willed to rid of one way or another. My friends say I am fun and I remember jotting down jokes I hear on the radio or wherever, creating a few jests as well and spilling ‘em out among my buddies.

I have a strong memory of the day we met. Actually we took History together, but I hadn’t given her much thought. I used to stay in the front rows most of the time, so the back of the class was much of a story to me. So, that day after the History class was over I was heading to the cafeteria.

“Hey, Dave” I heard a voice call

I looked back to find the source of the sound. It was her.

“Hey,, ummm…Al….” I said, feeling awkward for not quiet knowing what her name was ( Alice or Alex).

“Hi I’m Ellis, you left your note on your desk, here it is.”

I was quite stunned at that moment, dumbstruck by her charm… and her impeccably gorgeous skin glistened in the daylight and surprisingly, I was standing still staring at her as thoughts ran across my mind. "How did she know my name? Is she that girl everyone’s talking about all the time around her?..."

“Hey, are you alright?” her voice bringing me back instantly.

“Oh, I’m fine. Thanks” I managed to say as I took my note off her hand. Her fingers stroked mine gently as she let go off the book. The touch induced a sudden surge of warmth to the blood, rush of the heart, something that I never had experienced before.

“Thanks… I’ll see you around” trying to sound cool, I waved goodbye to our first encounter.

Back at home, at night I had this feeling, the everlasting vacancy in me was not there to be found. It seemed like I finally discovered something that would end this chronic spell of loneliness. A score of solitariness finally coming to a dead end marking the beginning of a new era, an era of maybe love.

As days went by, we became closer and closer.

Routine coffee at Joe’s cafe, movies during the weekends, late night calls and all that. We began sharing almost everything about each other, everything we knew. Being around her wasn’t just fun anymore, it was like being complete.Her presence around was a breath of fresh air. I was falling for her, I was in too deep to even think of a way out. It was beyond my control, she was all I can think of. She was the meaning to my life. And so I found I was to her. There we were contrary to everyone’s imagination, together like one, together in love.

How can I forget that cold December night?  That cold and dead night. It’s all fresh like a picture in my mind. I was trying to hold myself up, after the colossal loss in my life. My beloved father who had always inspired me and gave me everything I needed. I had hardly slept or ate anything for a couple of days.

Soon as she found out, she rushed to my house the next night. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she saw me sitting alone and cold, in that empty house which had nothing but memories left.  Memories of my father and my mother whom I barely got to see as she died just an hour after she gave me life. But I always felt that my mother was there all the time as a part in me, the better side of me.

She came into my room and embraced me in her arms, saying “It’s alright. It’ll all be fine.” She made me a cup of tea and got me some food which I barely had any.

Then you said “You need some rest. Don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay.”

She tucked me into bed,cuddled me up, held me tight. Her warmth only suggesting ‘I’m with you. I’ll be with you forever. We’ll make it through, together we will.’ Finally I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of forever with her. So blessed I was to have you in my life, to turn every moment into a happy memory, to give me what I needed the most, love…

Months passed. Silly arguments, little trouble at times prevailed between us, like it does in relationships. We had our moments of ups and downs, but we stood  as one and nothing could get between us, only love.

It  was a couple of weeks ago, the last fight we had was not like the ones we had sometimes. It was rumored that she and that new guy in college had been fooling around for quite some days. I saw her with him frequently, but I never doubted her for a second. But then every night I tried to call her, all I could get was a busy tone. I saw them getting on the tram together on several occasions. Whenever I tried to ask her she would say “Dear, I have this thing going on, I’ll tell u all about it later”. And a sudden fear was creeping in me, that she was getting away.

 Completely out of mind, driven by insanity, I went out with this girl next door. I knew she always had a thing for me. After we came back from the bar, we were both stoned real bad… We came back to my room and started making out vigorously. Ellis, on the other hand had been trying my cell earlier (I had left my cell at home). So, she drove to my house and flung the door open  to find me in bed with this girl. I jumped off the bed in shock, realizing that I had made a terrible blunder.

Perplexed by everything and realizing what I had done…“Let me explain. Oh, This is not… Wait.”  The door burst as she left yet again crying and regretfully that time, I was the reason and I knew I was in big trouble… that it could all end up right then. It all happened so fast.

I found out that this new guy and his group were here working on a project of “Mission for the Homeless”. They were here to learn about the whereabouts of the kids aroundhere and could help them get to foster homes back in town. She had this delicate, kind heart. She would give anything to help people especially children in anyway possible. She had always been in this group which they called“Social Union for People”. Of course, She did know a lot of places around, so they asked her for help. She would never say no to such things.

The following week after she left was hell for me, she went out of town her cell was unreachable and no one would tell me where she went. My world went dark, I stayed at home all day haunted by her memories drunk like a monkey, totally wasted. Nothing I tried seemed to work, she was the only thing in my mind.

I decided to send her a letter. Pages after pages went to trash, I could hardly write anything. I was embarrassed at myself, for what I had done. But finally I scribbled something on a sheet of paper.

“Dear love,

The house is quiet, it’s almost midnight. It’s pouring outside and I’m wanting to get out there and jump and dance like crazy in the rain but not without you. I need you to hold my hand and hurdle out in the rain. All I seek and need all the time is you.

Now the birds don’t sing mellows every morning, instead their chirping an omen.

 I know I’ve been such a fool lately and what I did was unethical and I don’t even deserve forgiveness. I never meant to cause any pain to you. But that night I crossed the line and I know I deserve this. But if there’s any chance that u have something left for me. I’m sorry.

I want to gather all these pieces and mend it all. We will build a lego house, fill each lego with our love. I can’t assure u that it will be perfect. If there appears any breaks, we’ll knock it down and build it one more time.

We may fall but we’ll hold onto each other. We’ll get back up and keep our feet.

I will understand if u decide to leave, but I hope I can get another chance.

To make it better. To love you more. With each breath I’m falling even more for you.

I love you

Forever yours “

The phone call was the last I heard from her. Maybe she felt it was for the sake of both of us. Maybe I deserve this.

 But I’m nothing without her. Just a lego that time toys with, a lego so weak that it falls every time it tries to stand.

Yet this heart is still somehow thudding against my chest, still my breath awaits for ur aroma, still my eyes look around to see you, still my arms hang in the air to feel your warmth, still I hope, and I’m clinging upon it till life is through with me.

I won’t stop loving you… forever and more 

 

 


 

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