Forever & Always


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1. One

I read the dairy that I kept hidden under my bed

'When I was 18 I met a boy named Harry

His smile was so sweet his eyes shined like a fairy

He bumped into me completely unaware

That he melted my heart with his deep green stare.'

I remember those first words we said to each other. I said, "Oops." And looked up from my phone. He replied back with, "Hi."

'When I was 19 I kissed a boy named Harry

His lips were so soft and tasted like cherry

He told me he loved me and proved it was true

He always sang, "You're perfect Lou"'

I smile as I read over the words I wrote, remembering his lips on mine. It always felt right when we kissed.

'When I was 20 we became stars

That's when I found his hidden scars

I promised him he would always be in my heart

They gave me a girlfriend to keep us apart.'

I remember the first time I say his scars, we were only messing around. I pinned him to the floor and saw a little red mark on his wrist, I pulled down his jacket sleeve only to be greeted with cuts and scars. I asked him, "Why?" He replied, "It makes me feel better." I knew it was also because management wouldn't let us be together. He is still in my heart, forever and always will be.

'When I was 21 I barely talked to Harry

His green eyes and shining smile became wary

He spoke his words on his body with ink

He washed away his tears by having to many drinks'

After reading I noticed a couple tears had fallen. I remember sitting on the tour bus with the other lads, waiting for Harry to get back from the club. He would always stumble in, tears in his eyes. He would walk past all of us, not wanting to talk. He wore sunglasses a lot because of his hangovers, horrible headaches.

'When I was 22 no one talked to Harry

He lived alone while I was forced to marry

His hurt grew and he kept his feelings hidden away

Although he smiled for the camera each and everyday'

It was horrible, me and Eleanor had to fake everything. They let her have a hidden relationship with people but never let me and Harry have a hidden relationship.

'When I was 23 there was no Harry

His green eyes no longer shined like a fairy

He always did love me and proved it was true

His final words he wrote were, 'You're still perfect Lou.''

That's when it hit me. Tears poured down my face, I wrote that part yesterday. I still can't believe it was true, it hit me like a ton of bricks last night when I saw his lifeless body on the floor, surrounded in blood from his wrist, he cut deep, lost too much blood.

Were still a band though but it's not complete, not without Harry. Were still called One Direction even though there is no more Harry. All the fans have been depressed and so have the boys but it hurts me more. I turn to a different page in my diary and grab my guitar.

"Lou, what are you doing?" I hear Niall asks.

"I'm writing him a song." I reply.

"But he's de-"

"I'm writing him a song." I argue.

"Okay! Okay!" Niall replies as he walks out.

I let my salty tears hit the paper and guitar and I write a song. "It's beautiful so far." I hear a familiar voice say. I look up, confused when I see Harry right next to me. I set the guitar on my bed and rub my eyes, am I seeing things? "I know you can see me."

I squint my eyes, "Harry?"

He smiles, "Hello Lou."

I run to hug him but I only fall onto my bed, face crashing into the mattress. I quickly stand up, my eyebrows turning into a frown as I become even more confused. "What the hell." I mumble as I look at Harry, right in front of me, the one who died yesterday. I'm going fucking mental.

"Your the only one who can see me." He replies.

"Why?" .

"Cause I will only let you see me."

"Why did you commit suicide?"

"I couldn't take the pain anymore. I kinda became invisible too."

I let more tears slide down, "I already miss you."

"I'm right here."

"No, I can't hug you. I can't do anything but look at you."

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