It's My Life

"It's my life, It's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I just wanna live while I'm alive, It's My life; My Heart is like an opean highway, Like Franky said i did it my way, I just wanna live while I'm alive, IT's MY Life." These words I kept saying to myself as I was packing my bags to move out. Ever since my rash decision my world has turned upside down.

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3. Torn

Junior year, this is the year when you feel like you're almost the big kid on campus and can take anyone on. You don't have to worry about applying to college yet. This is supposed to be a prep year. I became pregnaunt in July and school starts August twenth. I am not looking forward to school this year. As I walk in the doors I feel all eyes on me. It's as if everyone already knows. I am so self-conscience right now. I make it my lititure class and sit down. By the time of the bell everyone is calm and the atmosphere is diffrent. I walk into the cafeteria to get lunch and I see my friend Elena. I love her so much, it's going to be so hard to tell her. I get my lunch and walk over to her. Thankfully she is alone at the table.                                                                                              "Hey, enjoy your holiday?"                                                                                                                         "I've had better."                                                                                                                                          "What happened?"                                                                                                                                                "Liam and I got into a fight, and *I lower my voice* I got pregnant."                                                                                                                                  She gives me a blank stare and shakes her head. "By him?"                                                           "Yea, and I feel horrible."                                                                                                                         "Well James and I went on holiday and *she acknowledged my belly*"                                                                                                        "You too?" "Sadly, but my parents are okay about it all. "                                                               "Lucky I'm living Sera since my dad kicked me out."                                                                                       "Well at least you have her."                                                                                                                               "True promise me that you will not tell anyone."                                                                                                                "I won't if you won't."                                                                                                                                      "Deal," I say while eating my cheeseburger  The day ends and I come home. Sera is in the doorway waiting for me. I do my homework and eat dinner. I am about to take my shower when Sera comes in and tells me that x Factor auditions are on. I change into pjs and watch them. It is amazing and everyone is so talented. Then I saw Liam and I started crying. Of course he got thorugh his vocals are amazing. I take my shower and head to bed. A few weeks go by an now I am a month and a half. School is going terribly. Everyone is buzzing about Liam and making it through to Judges house's. I try to stay happy, but a part of me is torn.                                                                                                                                            

How does that song do again? I believe something like this:

“I’m all out of faith this is how I feel. I am cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusions never changed into something real. I’m wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. You’re a little late , I’m already torn, torn.”

 

How appropriate is the lyrics right now.  If only Liam know the truth about the whole story. He only thinks it was a scare.  How do you tell the one you love what happened?  My parents kicked me out and now Liam is off on X Factor and unreachable.  This is horrible and and now I feel all alone with no one.  Seraphina is only reachable when she is not working. I wish none of this would have happened.

   I make it home in hopes that I can find some peace. I lock the door and sit on the couch trying to figure everything out.  I have no idea what is going on right now. I just start crying my heart out. I have no idea about whether or not if I am doing the right thing.  I am so tired and upset. There is no feeling worse.  


    I only can wish that this whole thing goes well and that in the end I have a healthy baby.  There is no feeling worse then the regret going through my mind right now.  I turn on the tv and there is Liam singing in boot camp.  He does wonderfully.  It makes me so sad when he doesn’t get through. There sadness in his eyes is unbearable. However, whe.  this point I am about three months pregnant.  The stares at school are starting to make me feel not at peace anymore. No one knows who the dad is.  Why does this have to be so annoying. I am thirteen weeks along and I am not showing yet thank goodness. However, once the X Factor is done I will be five months.  It is crazy to think of it that way.

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