Lyrical Remedy

Hazel Belle has only one cure to her problems...her many many problems. Life is tough for her, everyone in her life only comes and goes. No one truly stays by her side, they all leave sooner or later. School is hell for her she wakes up every morning prepared to have the mocking words pelted at her one after the other like bullets to the core of her heart, but somehow things slowly start to brighten up for Hazel. Music is her lifeline. Music is her remedy. Music is her cure. Music is happiness. Music is her comforter, her one thing that can talk to her. The lyrics are the answer to her problems. The rhythm is the flow to her life and the solo parts are where life isolates you and leaves you to fight for yourself. Something she has needed to do a lot. Kale is her bully the shepherd of the flock of haters, but he has a reason, what is it? And will he ever recognize how much he is REALLY hurting Hazel?

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6. Different?...

Yesterday, I spent the rest of my night listening to music, It was my only comforter, I was going to message Livesformusic but he wasn't online, the time I needed him most he wasn't on. I don't want to go to school, I can't face anyone after the way I left and I  most definitely can't face Kale, but I'm going to have to sooner or later because we don't ever seem to be moving houses and I'm glad about that, but that means I'm going to St Divines, also known as school. But today is worse than ever, not only did I have my big dilemma yesterday, but today is Aubrey's death anniversary. I've been in a bad mood all morning and it doesn't seem like that's going to change any time soon, as I walked into the school gates I put my music louder to drown out all the so called 'whispering'. I finally had my music loud enough to block out everyone else and walked towards my locker only to find a burgundy rose there, who put this here? was this some kind of prank? I placed it at the back of my locker, if this was some stupid joke I wasn't in the mode for it right now. I had music first period, yes I loved music but that also meant he was going to be there. Kale.

I walked into class ignoring the staring, the pointing, the talking among themselves as if I'm deaf. I see Kale at the back of the room and sit in my normal spot but he hasn't seen me yet, he is doing something on his phone maybe I can finish this lesson without having to speak to him. But with just my luck one of the girls who was talking about me said my name louder than intended and Kale's head shot straight up, I acted as if I didn't hear them because of my earphones and fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.

"Hazel..." I listened to my name roll off his tongue and for some reason it felt good, he has never called me hazel, only loser, idiot and ever other possible insult, but just because he said my name doesn't mean I was going to forgive him like that, I acted like I couldn't hear him and began to pull on a string from my shirt, "I know you can hear me, I just want to sa-" he got cut off when Mr Ives walked into class silencing everyone, he let out a sigh and stopped talking. Mr Ives had told us he wanted us to play a song that meant a lot to us I let out a deep sigh and thought for a bit then I knew the perfect song for today. I begun to zone out into my own world, when I'm singing I zone into a whole other world, forgetting about everything around me. I closed my eyes and begun to slowly let the words leave my mouth singing 'wish you were here' by Delta Goodrem.

'They told me who was in trouble 
I couldn't breathe on the other side of the world 
And there was nothing I could do to help you 
And it's true today it'd be your birthday 
It would've been your 27th year 
And I miss you in the earth's atmosphere 
I wish you were here 

I go back, back, back at every memory you left 
But the clock ticks over every minute we shared 
On my knees begging for it not to be true 
But it was you, it was you, it was you, it was you 

They told me who was in trouble 
I couldn't breathe on the other side of the world 
And there was nothing I could do to help you 
And it's true today it'd be your birthday 
It would've been your 27th year 
And I miss you in the earth's atmosphere 
I wish you were here'

I ignored the laughter, screams and singing around me and now had tears forming in my eyes. This song was dedicated to Aubrey. I want her back. I need her back. I couldn't let anyone see me cry, no one from this school ever has except when the incident with Aubrey happened and I was on the edge of tears at the moment that I couldn't hold back any longer. I stood up and walked over towards Mr Ives "S-sir can I p-please go to the b-bathr-" but I was cut off mid-sentence when he just nodded his head, his face showing concern. I quickly jogged down the hallway towards the bathrooms until I felt someone grab my arm from behind, leading me to a halt. I turned around only to see Kale looking back at me, I was not in the mood for this whatsoever. So I spoke before he could say anything to hurt me even more, that may cause me to say something I know I will regret.

"Kale, you can insult me any other time, just please..." I stopped for a second feeling a tear go down my cheek and quickly wipe it away hoping he didn't see it, "please... not today" I finish off my sentence unable to look him in the eyes knowing if I do my emotional side will take over, but he lifts my chin to look at him which I did not expect,

"Haley, I'm not here to say anything bad or insult you I promise, I just want to say I'm actually sorry for what happened yesterday, I never meant for you to fall I had walked forward to get the soccer ball when I didn't notice you in front of me and next thing I knew you had fallen, I really-" he stopped in the middle of his sentence and I looked back at the ground but he just lifted my head up to look at him again, "Are you crying?" I quickly look away ashamed that he saw. "Oh my gosh, I never meant to hurt you like that Hazel, I promise it was uninten-" he continued but I cut him off,

"it's not that..." I whispered but loud enough for him to hear

"it's....it's..." but I couldn't continue the sentence, the more I think of Aubrey not here with me only makes me wish she was and that she hadn't ever left. I just collapsed onto the lockers and slipped down them onto the cold, dirty floor, my head in my hands and tears streaming down faster than ever. I'm not even going to bother holding them in anymore. I'm broken. I'm hurt. I'm in a horrible state. I feel someone hit then locker then come and sit next to me,

"Hug?" I hear Kale voice and the way he said it, it sounded genuine. My heart was telling me YES PLEASE but my mind just constantly reminded me everything he had done to me. It reminded me of the way that Aubrey used to text me saying 'hug?' when I was having a bad day, and that only wanted me to feel somebody's arms around me comforting me. I looked into his eyes and just nodded my head slowly, tears still streaming down my face wetting his ebony shirt. "Shh, everything is going to be okay" he said stroking his fingers through my hair, is this Kale? The one who practically abused me for 3 years and bullied me constantly? Does he have a sweet side? One I haven't seen before?

"What's wrong?" he spoke up,

"Everything..." I whispered,

"What do you mean?"

I had one way and one way only to answer him. I sat up and took my phone out, "let me show you" I told him.

I played the song 'Welcome to my life' by Simple Plan. This song explains my life so perfectly. It's how I constantly feel every single day, I clicked play and just listened to the lyrics of my life,

'Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life'

"Hazel I'm so sorry, I neve-" but I cut him off by placing my finger on his lips,

"Shh...just keep listening" I said weakly,

'No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy 
But I’m not gonna be okay!

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like
What it’s like!

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Welcome to my life

Welcome to my life 

Welcome to my life...'

The song finished and he did something I didn't expect. He took out his phone and clicked play to 'Fix you' by Coldplay...the same song Liveformusic played when I told him all my problems...

'And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you'

 

I look back up at him... has he changed? has he always been like this but deep down? Is he Liveformusic? Is he my comforter? My...friend? The person who listens to me...?

 

Song

fix you by coldplay (chapter reference)

Welcome  to my life by simple plan (very important chapter reference)

Wish you were here by Delta Goodrem

Let her go by passenger 

 

Thank you all so much this is a really long chapter agh ahah thanks all :)

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