Lyrical Remedy

Hazel Belle has only one cure to her problems...her many many problems. Life is tough for her, everyone in her life only comes and goes. No one truly stays by her side, they all leave sooner or later. School is hell for her she wakes up every morning prepared to have the mocking words pelted at her one after the other like bullets to the core of her heart, but somehow things slowly start to brighten up for Hazel. Music is her lifeline. Music is her remedy. Music is her cure. Music is happiness. Music is her comforter, her one thing that can talk to her. The lyrics are the answer to her problems. The rhythm is the flow to her life and the solo parts are where life isolates you and leaves you to fight for yourself. Something she has needed to do a lot. Kale is her bully the shepherd of the flock of haters, but he has a reason, what is it? And will he ever recognize how much he is REALLY hurting Hazel?

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4. Broken, hurt, fallen...

I'm walking through the school gates as I close my eyes for a few seconds telling myself over and over 'stay strong' before opening them again and looking ahead at where I'll  be spending the next 6 hours, praying life won't be so tough. I put my music up a little higher trying to drown out the people around me, but before I can take another step further something tripped me and I'm on the floor in agony. My arm is stinging in pain and I can see the blood and scrapes on my arm and elbow I have a rock that I fell on stamped onto my hip causing me to wince in pain, I looked upwards with the little energy I had in me and saw Kale and his group of friends standing over me. I looked Kale deep in the eyes, expecting better of him, I know he hurts me emotionally, I know he has insulted me a countless amount of times, but this? this I didn't expect.

He bends down to try and help me up, his touch giving me a shiver down my spine and goose bumps up my arm for some reason. I can hear his friends behind him saying, "dude what are you doing?" he tells them to be quiet before trying to apologize, but I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of being treated like rubbish. They think it's a 'joke'. They think it won't hurt anyone. They think the words, the insults, the hate isn't taken to heart. But it is. And they won't justly see that until somebody Is truly hurt.

I stand up in pain and brush myself off, practically the whole school now surrounding me, Kale and the rest of the 'popular' group, some smirking, some whispering, but all I can do is look at Kale and wonder what I have done to deserve this, for some reason I expected more of him, I never thought he would physically hurt me, I never thought he would be the reason for the grazes up my arm.

"I'm so sorry, that was an accident, I didn't m-" he began to explain but I cut him off by turning around and walking out of the gates, turning along the path but not without seeing the students gathered around Kale who had his hands in his hands talking to one of his friends. I run home as fast as I can, my hand over my hip and feeling the cold air hit my cuts, not even bothering to hold in my tears anymore that are now flowing down my face one after the other then wiped by the wind. I hate my life. Hate is a strong word and I know that, so that is why I'm using it. I. hate. my. life.

I get home and burst through the front door thankful for once that mum Is at work. I run straight to the bathroom looking at my horrid self in the mirror. Clothes torn and stained with dirt, an abrasion up my left arm, I slowly lift my shirt and trail my fingers over my fragile side, over the bruise that may eventually disappear from my side but will never be erased from my mind. I unlock my phone and play the song 'razor' by Foo fighters breathing in and out, will it release the pain? will it all go away? I slide into the shower fully clothed, and turn the water on, not caring that my clothes is becoming drenched, my light application of mascara is now running down my face and the water is ice cold. I slowly pull the string of black ribbon from my hair letting it fall freely onto my shoulders. The black ribbon represents mourning and I have worn it every day ever since Aubrey left me and I kept it in there after the things that happened to me at school. I look at the sink near me and at the small razor poking out of the drawer as if pleading me to do it, to slide into my skin, but why not? My life is already hell, it can't get any worse can it? I know that there are people out there who have so many more problems, ones that can never be solved, ones that have no remedy, but this is all too much. Three years. That's how long I've had to deal with all this. I have been teased for three years. Hated for three years. Mocked for three years. For what? I have no idea but all I know is that I can't deal with it anymore. I hold in the tears but I'm dying inside I'm not strong. I'm can't just ignore it, it's not that easy. I reach for the razor and slip back into the shower, they say it 'releases the pain', that it is an 'escape'. I slowly trail the cold metal of the razor along my skin, not pushing just getting used to its sharpness and once I have done that a few times I lay it horizontally along my wrist, taking a deep breath in, the water still running upon my drenched body. Gradually putting a little more pressure, I slide the edge along my skin and little by little see it slice open allowing the blood to seep out as I wince in pain, I'm rhythmically but still slowly, pushing the blade back and forth. It's like a very painful sensation, I know that I should stop, I know that this will leave a scar but it's as if all my problems are the blood. Slowly leaving me one by one. Escaping from me. Letting me live a life I don't hate. I stay like that for a few more minutes but then reality hits me . I can't do this. Not to mum, not to Aubrey and not to me. I'm better than this, I don't cut and I don't want it to become a daily addiction. I quickly grab a cotton towel and wrap it around my wrist stopping the blood flow. I pelt the razor at the wall, ashamed at myself for letting them do this to me. For letting them break me. For allowing them to make me fall apart. I fell, and I fell hard.

Hey guys tell me what you think sorry I hadn't updated in so long, busy week. Thanks for reading and I am open to suggestions of songs, plots anything. Hope you liked this chapter (:

SONGS

Razor by Foo Fighters (Chapter reference)

King and lion hearts by Of monsters and men

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