I Knew It Then

*Shortlisted as one of Movellas top 10 1D fanfictions* "I promise you, I will be worthy of you one day". One day. ︱Isla never believed in love. Much less that it would come to her, a size eighteen curly headed nervous wreck. So when Harry Styles enters her life abruptly, a true believer in love and its beauty, Isla must learn to accept all the things love entails, but the journey is not easy. Along the way she must learn to overcome the venomous voices in her head telling her that she is not worthy. In this vicious cycle of finding an even ground in the battle that is her self image, Isla must learn to love herself again. This is love story yes, but not only about the love between two people, Harry and Isla, but the love she must regain for herself. Because before she can love him entirely, she must learn to love herself.
©Ohhipstaplease 201


9. Why Isla?


Why Isla?

Isla's P.O.V

"Isla? You've lost some weight haven't you?"

I nod discreetly, silently imploring my mother not to continue.

"Wow honey, it looks like you've lost about ten pounds." She walks around me, pinching my waist like when I was little.

"Thirteen, actually." I respond with a fake smile, moving to sit at the table across from Zooey. 

I sigh as I push around my dinner, mixing in my vegetables into my potatoes. I've gotten quite good at it actually, learning to fool my mother into thinking i'm eating. Rearrange my food a bit, take a nibble or two, and suddenly it looks as if half the plate is gone. 

"I'm done." My mother looks at me inquisitively.

"Sweetie, it's your favorite."

"I ate half." She says nothing and silently takes my plate. 

"Are you excited to see Harry in two weeks?" I nod.

Zooey looks at me excitedly, I had promised to take her with me. I smile at her sweetly.

"Alright, who's up for desert?" 

"Not me, I have some stuff to do." I say quickly, getting up and pushing my chair in. 

"Oh." My mother says setting down a plate she had pulled out for me. "Alright, be back by ten." 

"Always am." 

I head up the stairs and quickly go into the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, making sure it silences the minimal sound i'll make. The tile presses into my knees, leaving a reminder of what I keep doing. But it's the only way, the only way I can reach my goal. I quickly get up, rinse out my mouth and get ready to leave. The only time I can actually go out is at night, the paparazzi are always somehow trailing me in the day. They want to know, where I go, who i'm with. It's sickening. But not as sickening as the headlines they've made out of me. I grab my keys and walk out to the car, gym bag in hand. A few hours on the treadmill and maybe, maybe I'll be able to burn off the dinner I ate.


Hours later I lie awake, my stomach growling violently. But I ignore it. I was finally starting to see the results of my hard work. Maybe by the time he sees me, maybe he'll think i'm beautiful.

Maybe he won't be ashamed.

I think back to the years upon years I had spent accepting that i'll never be beautiful. Learning to be charming instead. 

But it turns out, the world doesn't like charming. 

Harry doesn't deserve charming.

He deserves beautiful.


"Only a few more weeks!" Harry says excitedly as I answer the phone. I smile and can't help but laugh.

"How have you been Isla?"

"I'm good. Just keeping busy."

"How about Skype tonight?"

I look at myself in the mirror and shake my head, knowing that if he saw me he would know something was wrong. 

"Um, I can't, the app on my phone is acting out."

"What about your laptop?"

"You know Zooey always takes it."

"Alright then. I guess another phone call will have to do."

I breathe out in relief, "Yeah. After your show?"

"Yes, I will call you then, love."


I lay back onto my bed as soon as he hangs up. If I wanted to surprise him, I would have to keep myself hidden until we see each other again. 


Harry's P.O.V

"Mate come on now."

I wave Louis away and continue watching the television in our suite.

"Harry." He calls again. 

"Hold on damn it." I turn the television on louder and watch as images of Isla resurface.

"It seems that Harry Styles' current flame Isla Maheras has been out and about to the gym. As we can see in pictures taken a few weeks back, she has lost a considerable amount of weight in a short time."

"Damn." Louis mutters under his breath. I look at her closely, disbelief running rampant through my mind. 

"Fuck." I mutter. How could she...She looks completely different. Dark circles under her eyes, pale skin, tired disposition. What was she doing to herself? "Why Isla?" I whisper. Louis looks at me and shakes his head.

"She's lost a lot of weight, that's mad it's been a little more than a month hasn't it?" I nod, still in disbelief. She must have lost about twenty five pounds. But, her face was sunken in and her collarbones jutted out too much. 

"How do you think she did it?" Louis says quietly.

I shake my head."I don't know, that's what worries me."

"Haven't you spoken to her?"

"Just phone calls, she refuses to skype me."

"That should've been your first sign mate." 

I sigh loudly.

Why would you do this to yourself Isla?

One Month Later

Isla's P.O.V

I finish packing my suitcase, closing the top lightly. I pull out my scale one last time and stand on it. I close my eyes tightly, willing for a good number. 

"214" I whisper. Twenty seven pounds. I smile lightly to myself, knowing I still had much more to lose, but proud I had held on that long. I put the scale away and turn to look at myself in the mirror. My dress was falling off of me, and my cheeks were a bit sunken in. Yet, all I could focus on was the belly that still managed to pudge out a bit. I sigh, utterly defeated, and grab my suitcase. 

"Zooey, come on we have to go to the airport." 

"I'm coming." She says cheerily. She quickly comes out of her room, bumping into me in the process. "Oh sorry Is-" She takes a step back and looks at me up and down, carefully and meticulously. 

"What Zoe?"

"Are you eating?"

I look at her nervously, "Of course I am." 

"Then how, how have you lost so much weight in such a short time?"

"I work out."


"Drop it Zooey, we're going to be late."

She grabs my hand and pulls me towards her., "Isla you don't have to do this." she looks at me sincerely, worry in her sweet innocent eyes. 

"I'm not doing anything" I say quietly.

"He loved you before you did this, you have nothing to prove." I nod and embrace her. She pulls back, the worry still in her eyes. "I loved you as you were Isla. Don't change." I avoid making eye contact with her and swiftly turn to pick up my suitcase, fixing the strap of my dress in the process. 

"Zoe, are you sure you're eight?" she laughs as I unwrap myself from her embrace, "Let's get going sweetie, the boys are waiting for us in LA." I smile slightly and make my way down the stairs, hearing her sigh lightly and follow. 

She didn't understand, she wasn't old enough to comprehend the harsh realities of the world. 

Sometimes we have to change, because the world won't change for us. 


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