I Knew It Then

*Shortlisted as one of Movellas top 10 1D fanfictions* "I promise you, I will be worthy of you one day". One day. ︱Isla never believed in love. Much less that it would come to her, a size eighteen curly headed nervous wreck. So when Harry Styles enters her life abruptly, a true believer in love and its beauty, Isla must learn to accept all the things love entails, but the journey is not easy. Along the way she must learn to overcome the venomous voices in her head telling her that she is not worthy. In this vicious cycle of finding an even ground in the battle that is her self image, Isla must learn to love herself again. This is love story yes, but not only about the love between two people, Harry and Isla, but the love she must regain for herself. Because before she can love him entirely, she must learn to love herself.
©Ohhipstaplease 201

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19. Live Your Life Isla.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Live Your Life Isla

Isla's P.O.V

"Baby why don't you come home with me?" My mother looks at me worriedly.

I sigh, lifting her suitcase and putting it in the spacious trunk of Harry's car.

"Mom I already-"

"Yes Isla, you already decided/" She says rather abruptly, but without a trace of resentment. I look up at her, a pool of guilt building in my chest. 

"Mami." I whisper as she closes the trunk.

I'm not able to look at her and she chuckles at my uneasiness, patting my head like when I was a child. 

"Isla, you have every right to want to stay." She gently lifts my chin so we could meet eyes "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself sweetie."

And I see it in her eyes at the moment, she was ready to let go.  It was a melancholy look, bittersweet to the very core. It was a mutual, unspoken agreement we were making in this fleeting moment. I was free to live my life now, she was letting go. But ultimately she was teaching me that only I could choose how to live my life, my happiness now depends entirely on me. I was taking my first steps towards the rest of my life. 

"Thank you." I manage to say to her without breaking into tears. She smiles widely, wrapping her arms around me tightly. 

"Live your life Isla." She says into my ear, her voice on the edge of cracking. "I believe in you baby, everyone does. Just learn how to believe in yourself." I promised myself in that moment that I would. I would learn to believe in myself, to love myself. Slowly perhaps, agonizingly, but that was the least I could do for the people who loved me. Who wanted so badly for me to succeed. Who already think i'm beautiful the way I am. 

At the very least I could repay them by learning to see in myself what they saw in me. 

 

Harry's P.O.V

I wasn't quite sure how to approach Isla about it, but her first therapy session was tomorrow and quite frankly I was not sure what her reaction would be to the prospect of having to go. 

"Hello love." I say to Isla as I kiss her cheek.

She's lying on the couch, her nose in a novel as usual. She looks up and smiles at me cheerfully. Isla sits up and faces me, still smiling lightly. Unexpectedly my heart skips a beat, she's changed so much in the past few days. We had all been anxious about her return and her recovery, yet it's as if she's learning to slowly heal herself. 

"What's on your mind Harry?" She says folding the corner of the page she was on and putting the book on the table in front of us. I sit down next to her on the plush couch and wrap her into my embrace. 

"Isla you are aware that your first-"

"Therapy session is tomorrow." She says calmly in an even voice. I raise an eyebrow in complete amusement. 

"You knew?"

"Yes, Zooey told me this morning." She says into my chest, I kiss the top of her head. Zooey must have told her to calm her down, to reassure her it would be alright.

"And how are you feeling about it?" I say as I trace circles on the soft skin beneath my fingertips. She nervously shifts underneath my touch, tensing a bit. 

"I'm not sure."

"Baby it'll be alright." I say kissing her cheek. I could feel her relax once more as my lips graze her skin. "I promise it'll be alright Isla."

 

Isla's P.O.V

"Dinner time!" Hollers Zooey from the foot of the stairs.

A knot forms in my stomach and anxiety fills my chest at the thought of having to eat another meal.The first night I was here I knew they wouldn't push me to eat anything, and I hadn't really. But tonight I knew they would push it, especially since my mother left them in charge. 

"Get a move on Isla." Niall screams interrupting my thoughts.

I suppress a giggle as I hear his thick Irish accent turn my name into a foreign sound. I quickly run a hand through my hair and walk out of my room, only to run straight into Liam. 

"Sorry, love." He says catching me by my waist so I wouldn't fall. He chuckles, perhaps at how flustered I was to have such close contact with him. He releases me, but continues blocking the staircase. "You're looking much better, almost glowing Isla." 

"Thank you." I mutter.

He steps aside, but grasps my arm gently before I descend the stairs. He leans in and whispers in my ear, "We're all rooting for you love." I smile widely and nod my thanks. It was nice to hear that. I just wish that I won't let them down. 

 

Isla's P.O.V

"We made lasagna." Zooey says smiling brightly as Niall carefully removes two rather large trays from the oven. Zooey looks at me and immediately understands the anxiety I am feeling faced with the current situation. "It's multi-grain pasta with low fat cheese and organic sauce." she says with a smile, knowingly. I nod in silent thanks. 

"Did Nialler cook all of this?" Louis says walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bread stick from the basket on the counter. 

"Zooey did most of the work." Niall says turning to smile at her.  Zooey blushes and averts her eyes from my gaze. This was madness, Niall should know better than to egg on a crush like this. She was only eight. She didn't need to get hurt. 

"Isla." Harry calls interrupting my rant.

"Yes?"

"Come sit down love." He calls from the adjacent room. I quickly walk to him and smile when he pulls out my seat for me. The boys quickly sit at the table, awaiting the meal and Niall and Zooey had so diligently prepared. As they start to serve the food, and a plate is set in front of me, Harry turns to smile encouragingly at me. And as uneasy as the sight of food was making me, I had to try for him. 

 

Harry's P.O.V

As I change into joggers and a jumper I notice that Isla has yet to come out from the shower. I zip the jumper up and open the door to my room to look for her. My bare feet slip across the wooden floor to the bathroom, and as I approach the door I notice that water is still running....but it's been about an hour since she'd left to take a shower. 

"Baby are you alright?" I call through the wooden door. I hear her clearing her voice and in a raspy tone she responds 

"I'll be right out."

Something doesn't sit right and automatically sets an alarm off in my head. 

"Isla, open the door." I knock roughly, my voice slightly raised with panic and uneasiness. 

"I said no." She utters in almost a whisper, it was nearly drowned out by the sound of the water. 

"Damn it Isla! Open the bloody door!" I step back as she unlocks the door and swings it open. Tears were streaming down her face, and a tooth brush laid on its side on the white sink top. "Oh Isla." I say wrapping my arms around her tightly. She bursts into sobs.

"Harry-" She tries to continue, sobs interfering now and then "What's wrong with me?" I gently rub her shoulders, trying to calm her. 

"Nothing's wrong, love, nothing's wrong." I say soothingly. 

"I didn't do it Harry. I wanted to so badly, I wanted to get rid of this feeling of just utter hatred. But something stopped me." I silently let out a sigh of relief, she was slowly starting to win this long battle. 

"Baby, you need to eat. You need to be able to let go." I kiss the top of her head and wrap her tightly to me. "You need to live your life love, and you know and I know it'll be trying. But today you took the first step." She starts to calm down, her sobs quieting. "Today you proved to yourself that you're stronger than this." She looks up at me, still teary eyed. 

"You really think so?"

"I believe in you Isla. I always will." She looks up at me, something suddenly twinkling in her eyes. 

"I love you Harry." She whispers to me, her eyes locked onto mine still brimming with tears. Tear streaks are apparent on her flushed cheeks, and her curly hair was plastered to her forehead. Yet, somehow I had never seen her as beautiful as she was now. 

"I love you too Isla. I always have."

And always will.

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