I Knew It Then

*Shortlisted as one of Movellas top 10 1D fanfictions* "I promise you, I will be worthy of you one day". One day. ︱Isla never believed in love. Much less that it would come to her, a size eighteen curly headed nervous wreck. So when Harry Styles enters her life abruptly, a true believer in love and its beauty, Isla must learn to accept all the things love entails, but the journey is not easy. Along the way she must learn to overcome the venomous voices in her head telling her that she is not worthy. In this vicious cycle of finding an even ground in the battle that is her self image, Isla must learn to love herself again. This is love story yes, but not only about the love between two people, Harry and Isla, but the love she must regain for herself. Because before she can love him entirely, she must learn to love herself.
©Ohhipstaplease 201

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20. I'm Proud of You Isla.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

I'm Proud of You Isla

Isla's P.O.V

"You don't have to say anything if you feel uncomfortable."

I stare into her chocolate brown eyes, finding a strange type of comfort and understanding in them. My eyes slowly shift towards the door and find the plaque with her name on itChristine Moore M.D. in golden font. She allows me to sit in a comforting silence, but I know time is ticking slowly. I came here for help, not to shy away. I clear my throat and look down at the table between us, I had to start somewhere. 

"I've always been overweight." I say studying the intricate designs carved into the wooden table. "But I didn't really pay it much attention until I was ten."

❇❇❇

"Isla come sit with me." I nodded and brought my tray over to the lunch table. Excited with the prospect of being invited to sit with Cassey and her new friends. She hadn't talked to me in such a long time, but I understood. She wanted to make new friends, but I knew she wouldn't forget about me. She had promised that she wouldn't. 

I breathed in and made my way across the packed lunchroom, giggles and laughter all around me. Cassey smiles as I sit across from her. I look up shyly and see four pairs of eyes gawking at me. 

"Hi." I manage to say looking up at Cassey. 

"You're going to eat all of that!?" Crystal blue eyes stare at me accusingly, almost in complete repulsion. All the girls turn to stare at what now looked like a massive amount of food, compared to their petite meals. 

"Of course she is, you don't get that huge by eating like us." Cassey says smilingly, almost innocently. I look up at her in disbelief, my mouth agape. 

"What?" I whisper. My voice quivers and I feel my throat close up. 

"What Isla? Did you think we were friends again?" Cassey says from across the table, her gray eyes piercing mine. The girls around us burst into bubbly laughter. The one next to me pokes my side roughly. 

"What's the matter fatty? Can't take a joke?" 

Cassey smiles, that innocent look never falling off her face.

"Danielle." Cassey giggles, calling the attention of the girl who had poked me. "You want to know what the joke is here?" Danielle nods, awaiting an answer. Cassey looks at me, her eyes narrowing. "The only joke here is the whale sitting across from me."

Laughter erupts once more around me, at my expense. Heads start to turn in our direction. The boys at the table next to ours come over and upon hearing my new nickname also erupt into laughter. I felt the walls closing in as they taunted me, calling me things I had never before believed could describe who I was.

"Whale!" One screeched at me.

"Fatass!" said another indistinguishable voice.

"I can't believe I was ever friends with her." Cassey says loudly. 

"No wonder you're so skinny! She probably always took your food didn't she?" Says some boy next to her. 

I get slowly, defeated. Tears stream freely down my face as I run to the bathroom across the lunchroom. Locking myself inside I looked at my reflection and realized I had no right to cry. I had no right to make myself the victim, because they were right. I gently lifted my blue polo and stared at the large mass around me. I hold back a sob as I trace the newly erupted marks across my stomach. I roughly pull my shirt back down and look at myself once more. 

"They're right." I whispered to my reflection, no more tears were falling at this point. 

"They're right."

❇❇❇

Dr. Moore looks at me as I finish my story. I did not once look up from the wooden coffee table, I didn't dare look at the sympathy in her eyes, or the sadness in her glare. I knew it would only break my strength. 

"Oh Isla." She says quietly, almost calling me to look at her. I finally do, and her eyes reflect a genuine sadness. 

"Cassey told me she was sorry when we got back to our classroom." I tell her in a rather melancholy tone, pushing a strand of hair back behind my ear non chalantly. "She told me she didn't mean it, but the only way she would ever be friends with those girls would be to leave me behind and prove her loyalty to them." Dr. Moore nods in understanding. 

"What do you think about her apology now?" 

"It's bullshit." My brow furrows as I spit out the words. I sigh and take a breath. "But I guess that's just life."

"How would you say this affected your life Isla? You chose to tell me about this one particular incident, what makes this memory so important?" Dr. Moore uncrosses her legs and crosses them back together. 

"It opened my eyes."

"To what Isla?"

"To how worthless I am."

 

Harry's P.O.V

I pace the waiting room, hoping that everything was going alright. 

"We'll see you Friday Isla." says a soothing voice. And as I turn to look around the corridor I see a blonde woman wrapping a comforting arm around Isla. She smiles at the woman and nods. They say goodbye and as soon as the woman goes back into her office I come out from behind the wall and walk towards Isla.

"Harry." She says with a half-smile. 

"How was it?" I wrap her into my embrace, her flowery perfume wrapping around my senses. 

"I was able to talk to her." She mumbles into my chest.

I smile widely, knowing this was more than either of us had expected.

"That's good, love." I tell her soothingly. She steps back and takes my hands in hers. 

"Do you think i'll get better?" Her brow furrows as she struggles to ask the question.

I lift her small hands in mine and kiss them lightly. 

"I know you will Isla." She nods, looking down shyly. "Alright, well what do you say to picking up some lunch and heading back home?" I wrap an arm around her waist, leaning towards her ear. "I'm proud of you Isla." I whisper. 

"Why?" 

"Because love, you're opening up. I know you can beat this. And i'm proud of you, I truly am." She smiles up at me widely, tears gathering in her hazel eyes.

"Thank you."

I kiss her cheek and she giggles lightly swiping at a fallen tear. It was going to be a long journey, but as long as I could make her smile, as long as I could prove my love to her,

I know i'll be helping make the journey a bit easier for her. 

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