A Turn Of Events

This is a collection of Diary entries about different situations and happenings in a young girls life. Its part of a series where I will follow other peoples point of views.

Warnings of some scenes you may find upsetting

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6. What if?

"El? Do you ever think about what would have happened if Kevin, Charlie or...James didn't die?" Jack asked me.

We were sat on the bank of the lake having just had a water fight in the lake. "Jack I hate the subjunctive. The 'what if?'"

"Why?" Jack asked taking hold of my hand

"Because its me thinking about something that's not true, they did die, so there is no point in thinking about what if they survived" I looked into Jack's face to see tears down his cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" I asked

"Ever since James died, I always think of the subjunctive because that's the only I can keep him alive" He sobbed even harder so I moved over to him and lay my head on his chest he held my hands and kissed my head. I began to cry too.

"Jack I loved him too, and it's not fair, it should have been me" Jack held me closer.

James was Jack twin, who had died in a car accident about 2 weeks previously. We were all in the crash, as we got hit James wrapped his arms around me, saving me he died as a result.

"No baby, even though he was my twin, I'm glad you're here, I would never have had this conversation with James." I nodded slowly

 

"The sky looks pretty tonight." I said looking up. You could see the galaxies it was amazing.

"You know when I was little I always wanted a man to propose to me under the stars, in the middle of a meteor shower or something like that" I said smiling, Jack smiled too.

"well then, two can play that game. Ellie...?" Jack said laughing, I laughed too.

"will you marry me?" He finished. I knew he was joking but I decided to play along.

"Oh my god yes" I said throwing myself into his arms, we both fell back laughing, it felt weird. It seemed to be the first laugh since James died. I lay my head back on his chest.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Jack asked I nodded and he spoke again. "Did you love James? Like you loved Kevin and Charlie?" He asked and I cried harder.

"I don't know, I didn't realise I did until after he was gone, I knew I loved Charlie and Kevin but me and James never ever thought about it, I mean we were best friends and everyone thought we were going to get together but we didn't it's like everyone expected it. It annoyed me and I didn't want to do what I was expected to do"

Jack nodded and whispered into my ear. "I'm so sorry" he sat up and looked at me in the eyes.

"I love you el. And yeah I might be saying that because we've just had that heart to heart but I feel like I do, I mean we have known each other for 5 years. I know you"

I looked at him and smiled, I put my hand on his cheek and let our foreheads touch. He was my best friend, maybe even more.

He'd lost everyone, he was so alone and I needed to be there for him.

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