Bambi Tomlinson

Hi my name Bambi Tomlinson I am 16 and love Fruit Loops, I also have a thing for tattoos, and yes, Louis Tomlinson is my older brother, the type that would ignore me.
I have light blue hair and very odd purple eyes, although my natural hair colour is oak brown.

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26. chapter 25

'wasn't that Harry and the boys?' Darcy asks me, I guess she saw them

'yea, that’s Niall's house, we were ment to stay here but I have to get home before 11:00 although I doubt that's gunna happen any time soon' I frown and Darcy glances at me

'sorry love but I'm doing the best I can' I nod and look out the window, I see the houses pass like I was travelling through time

'if only' I sigh to myself. The trip back was quiet with the exception of my brothers voices in the background and every word they sang felt like they were asking me to come back, begging me to go back. But instead I sit with my head resting on the window and my eyes drifting past the houses.

When we turn the corner into my street I sigh as I see my house we got there at 11:30 and I could see the front porch light on but I think Mary has given up on my curfew 'thanks so much Darcy. You're a life saver' I smile at her and pull myself out of the car, exhaustion settling over me 'I’ll see you at school tomorrow?'

'yea, if you decide to show up' we share quiet laughter before I sigh

'I should get going, mums probably given up on me by now' I straighten up and shut the car door, it sounded like a thunder clap in the dark and empty streets.

I wave at her as I cross the road and I turn to face the door to my family, the only thing between us. Soon I hear her car zoom off down the street and yet I still stand there, if I go in I'll go to bed and the next day will come too soon and I'll have to face the boys again. And talk to them. I dread the look Harry will give me for leaving them again.

As I stand there I hear sirens in the distance reminding me that this city is still dangerous and I should probably go inside even if it does mean sleep. The walk up to the door felt like seconds when I wanted it to last hours. I reach for the door and figure that it's still locked, I reach up and grab the key from the top door frame and jiggle it in the lock. I open the door and I'm greeted by darkness that looms over me and awakens my childhood fear of the dark.

I feel the wind change and see shadows move from the corner of my eye as I creep inside and shut the door, the only source of light in this empty house that I call home gone and with it the chance of running away again. I seemed to run away from most of my problems, physically and mentally, I ran from Cody, I ran from the boys, I ran from the thought of having a future. And I'm still running from being the lesser child, the underachiever, the disappointment. But I'm going to try this time, I want to be able to face my parents and say “look what your little girl has done, look at what she has become after you said she couldn't do anything worth while” I want to look at them with a smug smile on my face just as my brother had when he left.

I want to prove them wrong.

Suddenly the darkness didn't seem so scary and I moved about slowly with my hand on the wall to guide me through the maze of a house. I feel the banister for the stairs and I follow it up and I feel like it will never end and when it does I trip on air because I thought there was going to be just one more step in front of me. I creep to my room and open the door, when I close it I turn on the light and I'm startled to see little Sophie and Travis laying in my bed. They move a little because of the light but I rush over to my lamp and turn it on so I can turn the light off. They looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake them so I slide a pillow off the bed and lay silently on the ground.

I decided that I wasn't going to be afraid of tomorrow and that I wouldn't run any more.

************************************************************************

the next morning I wake up and feel Sophie laying in my arms 'I missed you' she says in a small voice, I wonder how log she's been up

'I'm sorry' I tighten my grip on her and sigh 'I was with Harry again' she nods and I smile, thats all I need to say.

We lay there for a second longer until I hear the door open and see Travis jump on me 'it's about time you woke up, Harry's here with the other boys' Travis laughs 'and they're making a mess!' that wakes me up

'I'm up' I say rolling away from Sophie and standing up 'tell them I'll be right down, I just have to get dressed' I start pulling out a pair of grey tracksuit pants and a loose blue top that slides off one shoulder when I feel Sophie slip a hand into mine 'Sophie, I want you to go down and meet them, I know how much you like them' I smile at her small face

'okay' she lets go and skips from the room with excitement. I start pulling my clothes on, not bothering to have a shower because I was only going to see the boys and it's not like I'd be going anywhere today. I push my hair out of my face and shove it up in a bun that sits at the top of my head. I catch a look at myself out of the corner of my eye and I stop, I look into the full length mirror in my room and study my body, I pinch the fat that I can see on my stomach and sigh. I take a deep breath in and turn sideways to see how skinny I could look but when I exhale I feel all hat fat flow back onto me and I feel repulsed, how did I not see this before?

I look down and see a river of skin. Fat, disgusting skin and I close me eyes trying to block out the criticism that flows into my head “fat, ugly, whore, disgusting” I squeeze my eyes together harder and yet the words still flow through my head “wide, hideous, slut” I fall to the ground and throw my hands over my head trying to protect myself from the destructive words that attack me. I wipe the tears that had come to my eyes without my knowledge. I pull on a concrete face and stand up, I pull my shirt down and continue out the door and down to the stairs to see the boys.

When I see them they're all over each other, Harry was on Liam's back, Sophie was on Zayn's shoulders and Travis was mucking around with Louis. The only person that wasn't there was Niall but as soon as I thought that I heard a call from the kitchen 'do you have any chicken?' he called and I smile, that was same old Niall for ya.

I walk down and feel arms slip around me 'hey' Connor breathed into my ear. I sigh, I was still trying not to cause trouble so I just pull him tighter around me as a response 'we missed you yesterday' he nuzzled his head into my neck and I relax into him.

'Heya B' Travis calls while getting hung upside down by Lou 'did you have a good sleep?' he asks and I just nod as an answer

'B?' Harry asks Trav and I smile, none of them had bothered to give me a nickname yet so I just stuck with Travs nickname for me

'yea, thats her new nickname' he says with a proud smile, like her was showing his brand new sister off to the world

'yea, well, B has to come with us for the day to see Simon' Lou says, obviously jealous. I look at him with shock, I forgot that I have to go see Simon today!. But I don't want to go. I sigh, there was no way of refusing without talking so I go along with it and try to look happy 'don't ya B' I hear the sarcasm in his voice when he says “B”

In all the time we grew up together he never gave me a nickname, but then he never talked to me enough to figure out one for me and if he did call me something other then Bambi he called me “lil' sis” and I hated when he called me that because I always felt like he looked down on me like mum and dad did.

I nod and sigh to myself, I guess I should go up an change into proper clothes, I start to head up the stairs and Zayn calls out to me 'Bambi?' I look down to him at the bottom of the stairs, I try to tell him that I'm fine through my eyes and he nods, now I know that he understands 'I'll be down here if you need me' he tries to make it sound casual but I could see the tension in his eyes. I nod back and continue walking up the stairs, what am I going to wear when I see Simon Cowell? What will he think of me? Will he like me? What if I stuff it up? I do that pretty often now day.

I close the door softly behind me and search threw my clothes looking for a good top when Mary enters the room 'hey B, me and... your dad decided we would go shopping for new clothes for you a while ago and we were waiting for Wednesday to come to give them to you but I guess we didn't think about that interview thing. So I want you to have it now' she smiles and hands me a purple bag, I take each piece of clothing out of the bag and lay it on my bed.

Everything was so beautiful, there was 5 tops that were all cut down the back with a sweeping neckline. I saw one that I would definitely wear to see Simon, it was light purple with an open back and a cute dark purple bow tied into the bottom where it met again, there was studs hanging from the neck in stunning swirling patterns and the longest one reached my ribs.

There were a few pants and skirts, each a little different then the last, I notice a pair of stockings connected to shorts that would look really awesome with the purple top, the shorts were black denim and the stockings had bows all over them in black felt.

I let down my hair just to smooth it and decide against wearing it down, I pull it back up into a much neater pony tail and mum sighs 'I wish you didn't have to go'

'me neither, but I have to prove them wrong' I say gritting my teeth

'prove who wrong dear?' mum comes and stands at my side

'Louis' parents' I look at her and she almost looks shocked

'why would you want to prove something to them? Do you know them?'

'I use to be their daughter until they chose to ignore me, now they don't even care that I’m gone' I feel the fire inside me die down

'I'm sure they do hun. If not, I'm glad they disowned you because now you're mine' she hugs my side and I smile, she really knew how to make me feel better 'but I agree with you, you have to show them that you can be better then what they treated you' I feel the love and loss in her voice and I know that she really doesn't want me to go

'you know I'll skype you everyday' I smile to her

'whats skype?' I sigh and tell her to go downstairs and wait, I'll be down in a sec. I throw on my shirt and pull on my pants, struggling with the stockings, and I search for a pair of socks. I find a pair under my bed, obviously they don’t match but I wear them anyway.

I walk to my door and turn around. wow, all this has happened in a few weeks, I still can't believe it. I sigh and open the door to walk out but when I turn I see stripes and cotton..... I look up and see my brothers sad face 'what Lou?' I think 'whats wrong?' but I don't say it, I feel like I’ve forgotten how to talk to Lou, considering I hardly ever did anyway. I simply walk around him and pull the door shut behind me, I jump down the stairs and try not to imagine Louis' face and how sad he would be that his sister just ignored him. But I remember when I had to get use to that back in primary school, him snobbing me all the time and leaving me when I needed him, I swipe at the tears that threaten to come.

When I get down there I lead mum to the computer where I download and set up skype, it doesn't take me long and she isn't a complete idiot with technology so she understands it pretty well 'I just hope dad will catch on this easy' I say to her and she looks at me and we both laugh. I give it a test run and call her via my phone, she answers right away and I hang up

'I wonder who that could have been' she says curiously, I lightly hit her arm and Sophie runs into the room

'mum!!! one of the boys broke a glass!!' she complains

'Niall' I whisper and shake my head, I start to walk out and mum glances at me with a worried look but I reassure her with a smile. By the time I get out there Harry is telling Niall off for being so disrespective and Niall is sitting on the kitchen stool hanging his head low, I walk past them and start cleaning up

'Niall go help Bambi clean' he orders

'okay' Niall shuffles over and kneels down beside me, picking up all the big bits 'I'm sorry' he sighs, there's a silence for a second and I feel uncomfortable being this close to my ex 'I missed yo-- I mean we missed you yesterday'

I shake my head as if to dismiss the idea but Niall continues on 'my mum really likes you, oh and I'm sorry for the way she treated you yesterday but, I haven't had a chance to tell her that we broke up'

so that means that Niall's mum still thinks we're dating..

'she has this automatic thing where she assumes every girl I bring home is my girlfriend.. I mean not that I bring lots of girls home, although I do pull up a few' he looks shocked at himself 'I don't know where these things are coming from!' he says and I feel like I’m getting the interviewed Niall, the act he puts on while he's on t.v or on the radio. The Niall that I've known now is the impulsive yet sweet one, the one thats good with kids and likes to eat ALL MY FRUIT LOOPS!!

Anyways, I just know that Niall is acting differently now.. Maybe he's acting this way for me, probably not.

He looks at me and raises an eyebrow 'nothing? Really?' he chuckles 'I thought for sure I could get you with the “famous” me' he puts air quotes on the word “famous” I look at him questionably 'I noticed you dodging mum's questions, what's wrong?' I look down and continue with cleaning the glass, Niall puts a hand on mine and looks at me but I keep my head down and shift nervously under his gaze 'Bambi, look at me' he says in a sweet voice.

I look up into his endless blue eyes and I feel the angry words come up “whore, slut, he hates you, who wouldn't hate you? You're a fucking piece of shit, you should go die you fat cow, how can you live with yourself?, you're wasting precious oxygen, JUST DIE FAG!!”

I run through the words over and over until I feel the glass in my hand slice through my skin and I sigh. The words run out with the blood, Niall gasps and pulls his hands away, examining the red liquid on his hands for a second until his eyes flash in recognition 'Bambi' he says pulling my hand to him.

He pries my fingers open and pulls the glass from my skin, I gasp and look at his face, he was so concentrated as he touches and smooths out the skin on my hand 'we'll get you fixed up B, please just don't do this on purpose, it doesn't help anything' he stands up and pulls me up with him. I pull away and sit on the bench stool while he searches the cupboards for a first aid kit until he finds one, he comes close to me and takes my hand 'I’m sorry' he sighs 'this is all my fault'

I sit there thinking to myself, if I stay quiet this will only get worse.. maybe I should talk just this once to fix it 'if I was less of an ass-hole you wouldn't hate me so much and then I could actually talk to you and help you through all this' he starts shaking his head a little 'I wish you could just talk to me.' he sighed and looked into my eyes, I saw pain and worry replacing his usual carefree look.

I put my unhurt hand on his knee 'Ni- Niall? I'm sorry, none of this is your fault, I've just been struggling a lot lately' I say in a quiet voice so no one else heard me, he looks at me with compassion and smiles. I think he's glad to know that I don't hate him

'Thankyou' he says and pulls me to his chest, cradling my hand in his as to not get any blood anywhere 'now we should get this hand fixed up he smiles at me and grabs out the antiseptic and a cotton ball, when he wiped the pure alcohol across my cut I gasp at the sting and look up at Niall but he has his normal casual smile that all the girls fall for. He finishes up and smiles again at me, I sit there until Niall leaves and then I go back to cleaning the mess that he made.

There were little droplets of blood on the tile and glass from my hand, I pick up a piece and wipe the blood off of it, the reflection glares at me and I shield my face from the sun in the glass. I sweep everything onto a tray and put it all in the bin and smile to myself, I'm glad that I could fix something with my words instead of breaking them.

I walk out to see the boys and Lou is there sitting on the couch with Sophie next to him, holding his hand. I wonder what’s going on? Sophie looks at me and I see anger flash through her eyes but its gone before I can question it 'you ready?' Liam asks and I smile, it was a small, nervous smile but it was there.

'lets go!!' Harry yells and I smile at his enthusiasm

'RAWR' Connor picks me up and throws me over his shoulder 'can't wait to see Simon's face when he hears you sing, he won't be able to keep his emotion inside himself' Connor really was exited, I think everyone is.. other then Louis, he just seems to be following without emotions, his face blank.

I feel like it's my fault and I don't know how to fix it so I wait at the door for everyone to clear and for him to show up, he looks at me and I see the sorrow in his eyes so I move forward and hug him tightly. He looks shocked for a second but soon he hugs back and puts his chin on my head 'why do you have to be so difficult?' he says laughing 'you can be such a pain in the ass sometimes' he smiles at me and squeezes me, I smile up at him and giggle at his big silly smile 'I love you sis'. I didn't know how to not talk but still say “I love you” so I jump around and point to my eye then my heart then I pointed to him and made a peace sign, I'm sure he got the message I was sending (eye love you 2)

He didn't ask why I didn't say it myself and he didn't make a move to tell me to speak so I just hugged him again and sighed. He let go of me but held my hand while he pulled me to the car, we got in and everyone was loud again. I sat next to Niall and Lou was in the front with Harry driving, there was only just room for the 8 of us. There was, Lou and Harry in the front, like I said, Me, Niall and Liam in the back/middle row, Connor, Natasha and Zayn in the very back.

Niall looked to me, smiled, and turned to Natasha. Niall said some things and moved around a lot but it all made Tash laugh, I could tell that Connor would be getting jealous soon so I turn around and smile at him. He smiled back but continued to glare at Niall, I could see Niall glance over at me and then Connor but met Connor's burning gaze so he turned around and started talking to me 'heya' he said in my ear

I sat there looking at him 'don't tell me your angry again' he pouted and I giggled 'so that’s a no?' I smile telling him that I definitely not angry at him 'then why aren't you talking?' I didn't want Niall to become his old grumpy self so I reached into my purse and grabbed out a pen

I'm just staying quiet for a little bit I wrote and passed it to him 'why?' he whispered in my ear 'you don't have to stay quiet. Did I do something wrong?' he asked and looked at me

No, you didn't do anything, I just want to be less... “loud” I pass the note back again ' you're not loud, you're nice just the way you were

Why am I not good now? 'because I don't get to dream of your voice' he breaths into my ear and the air around us becomes suffocating

Do you dream about me? I start to write but I cross it out My voice isn't anything special.. I show him the paper and he shakes his head 'yes you are, Connor just doesn't see it like I do' he places a hand on my thigh and I feel uncomfortable. I guess this was all just an act, I knew I shouldn't of talked to him.. I sit there in silence and look at the back of Louis' head, hoping something would happen for Niall to move his hand but it stayed there for a few more moments until he moved his hand up and started rubbing his thumb in circles on my upper thigh. Lou calls out 'sweet!' as he waves to the car next to us and Harry laughs, life goes on as I sit here uncomfortably with Niall. My ex. The asshole.

Connor suddenly reaches forward and slaps Niall across the backside of his head 'ow! What the fuck lad? He turns around, moving his hand as he does so and I silently thank Connor for saving me. Once again.

'don't look at her like that you pig!' Connor spits

'why? I think she likes it, don't you?' he looks at me and I plead with my eyes, asking him to stop making a fool out of me and himself

'No! I don't think she does' Connor answers for me

'Niall, just fucking stop it' Liam says in a simple voice

'why?! She was mine first and I want her back.. SHE WAS MINE FIRST!!' he calls and Louis looks back with fire in his eyes

'what did you just say about my sister?' he asks through gritted teeth

'I said, she will always be mine because. I. HAD. HER. FIRST.' he was practically yelling now.

I noticed that we had stopped and Harry was getting out of the car, he came around to my door and opened it, pulling me out and then Niall. He held Niall by the front of his shirt and he stood over him 'If she was anyone of ours, she'd be mine. I kissed her first, not you, now back the fuck off Niall.' I never even thought about the fact that Harry and I kissed.

'you fucker' was all Niall said as Harry pushed him back into the car, Lou climbed out of the front and sat in my old seat next to Niall and I reached behind Lou and gave Connor a quick peck on the lips to show him that I was grateful for what he did.

I sit in the front and plugged my earphones in, I played my music full bawl while I stare out the window. My fingers drum the beat to 5 seconds of summer “she's so perfect” and bob my head when I get fully immersed in the song.

Before I know it my head is laid back and my eyes are rifting shut, I know that we have to catch a plane but I don't think it will take more then a day for the whole thing to be over and me to be back in my bed. I lay still, not exactly sleeping but I'm not paying attention to anything that's going on.

Before I know it I'm being shouted at and I slowly open my eyes, feeling arms around me. I must be getting carried by someone, I look up at Connors shocked face, the screaming and shouting was still all around me and I see all the 1D fans around us. We were at the airport now waiting for the plane and the boys were clearly getting girls thrown at them because of their fame and fortune. We got herded into a small glassed room where we sat and waited. I stay awake in Connors arms without him knowing but Zayn soon comes over and tries to strike up a conversation with me.

'B?, are you alright?' I sigh and look at him, hoping he would go away soon because I didn't want to silently explain things to him just because he wanted to know “what was wrong”

I shake my head as a reply and close my eyes to go back to sleep and I feel Zayn lay a hand on my arm, silently agreeing to my statement. Harry says something to the boys but I'm too tired to notice the exact words he used and soon we start moving again, Connor still carrying me in his embrace even though he knew that I was awake.. well kinda awake.

We moved out into the crowd of teenagers that throw themselves at us as though they would gladly let Niall sleep with them just for the honour of sleeping with Niall, but they probably didn't know the real Niall, the complete asshole that treated me and the boys like we were pawns in his big game.. simply lining us up as strategy for getting the best out of us. Anyway, we all struggled to get out to the tarmac where we had to walk to the plane, the wind thrashed into my face and pulled us all in every way but we fought it just as anyone else would do.

The plane we got onto had “One Direction” written on the side of it and an old picture of the boys where Liam had his hair like Harry’s, this must be a personal plane because everything about this plane shouted “British Lads” even though the boys just acted like everyone else around here... other then the fan girling and all the followers.

Connor laid me down on a long seat and sat across from me, the other boys jumped around and cheered about getting to see Uncle Si so soon 'It's been so long' Harry said

'it's only been 2 months' Liam says with a smile in his voice

'well it's been an eventful 2 months hasn't it?' Harry replies

'yea. It was fun to meet your mum Lou' Zayn said and I sat up

'what?' Lou looked at me 'we went to see mum and dad while we were in Britain, we also went and saw he others mums and dads' he smiles at me and I frown, why would they not tell me that they went to see mum? 'oh and she said that she wanted us over there for Christmas dinner' he sighed

Niall nudges Lou 'you weren't ment to tell her about that, your mum said it was for us boys' Lou looks at Niall, shocked

'what?'

'um, yea, she told us as we were leaving to go to Liam's, you were probably talking to your dad' Niall whispers but I hear every word.

'fine, I wont be going. B, what you got for Christmas dinner?' he asked and I shrugged

'she'd be spending it with Mary and Robert' Harry said and he chucked me his cell 'text them, you got time before we take off'

I punch in their number and send them a text saying “hey, it's Bambi on Harry's phone, I'm sorry to ask so late in the month but I was wondering what you were doing for Christmas dinner..”

I got a text back almost instantly “umm. We don't know for sure, but we would be happy for you to stay here, if you're back before then. And the boys can join us for dinner too, if you want”

I sigh and chuck the phone back to Harry and he reads the text, he also replies “sure, we'll be back by then and thanks so much' he hesitates 'mum' then he sends it, I hear the phone beep but I don’t get to see what mum wrote because Harry looks at it, smiles and tucks the phone into his back pocket

'we're all good!' he smiles at the boys and they cheer

'umm, sorry Lads but I'm going home for Christmas' Zayn said and looked down

'thats alright Zayn, I just forgot to ask what everyone's plans are' Harry looks at all the boys

'I'm in' Lou says first

'so am I' Niall follows suit

'yea, why not? Mum saw me just recently and I want to get to know B's parents better' he smiles at me and I glow back at him

'and I think I’m good' Harry says. I guess Zayn's the only one not coming, aww.

I pout at Zayn but I shrug it off, silently telling him that its okay.

After the plane took off the boys went back to being One Direction and I went back to sleeping..

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