With Love,

Earan Edwards; your 17 year old typical girl, had just moved back to her Texas small town from the Philippines to enter another journey, 'college life'. Her life honestly was a bit of a bumpy road; a long list of trial, let's just say. But suddenly, after her rough teen years, something lightens her. A weakness; A secret admirer. Extreme secret admirer. Months after the mystery , she realized she's possibly in love with this guy.. Not having a clue on who he is. Think about it, when it comes to the time where she finds out, what'll change?

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9. Confessions of a Jerk

*Josh's POV*

This was quite a difficult task.
I've never told a girl my feelings for her, not once in my whole life. 
For crying out loud, I haven't even been in love before. 
This was the first time, Earan was my first actual love. 
I made a great choice. 
Earan was so ... Her. 
I love her because she's herself. 
She rather quiet and shy. 
She doesn't do much, she's quite the innocent one. 
She's simple and plain, she doesn't over act about everything that's minor like most girls would. 
She's strong, physically and emotionally.
I know what's happened to her, she's tough because she knows what tough is.
She always seems to have a smile or laugh carried with her, no matter what's going on. 
My list about her would continue for days.

It's hard to get her though, but it's better than the easy girls I usually hook up with. She has dignity and self respect.

Yeah, truth me told, I'm one if those guys who screws around and then leaves. 
All girls know what they're getting into when they come around me. 
Although, I don't want lust from Earan. 
I want love, I want affection, I want something real.
I'm getting older, and I need to mature. 
I'm not using her for anything whatsoever, which would shock most people if they heard. 
The question roamed around in my brain;
Why her?

I step out of my thoughts to answer her. 
All I had to do was be honest, without being the usual cocky me. 
I'm really serious about her, she's really nothing like the rest. 
I let out a deep breath and begin my explanation on what I feel for her and why I want her so badly. 

[FREEZE READER! Play "Little Things" by One Direction (or Ed Sheeran if you don't really like the 1D version) RIGHT NOW while reading this next part. You have do it. You just HAVE to. Be like Nike, JUST DO IT.]

I rest my hand upon hers.
"Everything. 
Earan, I feel everything for you. 
There's no feeling to describe what I even feel about you. 
Look, I know we weren't always hanging out and stuff like that, but I know you better than you think. 
Dylan's always reporting about you to me. 
I never really knew you in junior high, and I cared less about who you were. 
When you came back a few years ago, that was what changed. You were a big mystery to me. Everyone kept talking about you and stuff, it made me more curious. 
I noticed Dylan was one of your best friend.
Small world, he was mine too. 
That's how I 'got to know you so well'. 
At first, he was hesitant to tell me about you. He thought I wanted to fuck you and leave like I did to most girls. 
I explained to him that you were special to me, that you made my heart hammer. 
He believed me then because I'd never said anything to anyone like I did to Dylan. That's how much you meant to me. 
Before you start asking, I'll elaborate on why you mean so much. 
You know, you're not like most girls. Seriously. 
You have dignity and respect for yourself.
You're so kind to others, you find it rather hard to say no. 
You want to make sure everyone is always happy and in place, you're a 'people pleaser'. 
You haven't fallen in love for a while due to your ex in 8th grade. 
I'll make you believe in love again, I promise. 
You try hard to be the best you can be. 
You're simple, not like most girls who make every detail if their life like a soap or reality show. 
I know you're a little insecure about yourself.
You wish you were popular and Megan Fox's twin. Your thighs and arms aren't a stick like you'd like them to be, your hips won't take a size 0 in bottoms, you wear loads of eye make up because you think your eyes make you look Chinese and you always straighten your hair because you think it's too short. But really, you don't need to be caring about all of that, you're stunning. 
I love that you're sarcastic. 
That you have that night habit of drinking water after your brush your teeth. 
That you always make music out of anything no matter where you go.
That you always feel like eating and sleeping, like a baby. 
It's everything about you. 
It's the way I feel when our eyes lock together. 
Just one look or thought of you and I automatically melt. You make me absolutely weak.
Now, I know I come off to you as a huge jerk who doesn't care about girls worth a shit, but you make me curious on true feelings.
I just want to be with you. That's all."
It really felt good to finally confess to her. 
I'm just hoping she'll give me a special spot in her heart. 

"Oh."

I went blank. 
That's all the repeated in my mind. 
Dear God, please don't tell me she's changed her mind about me. 
Dylan told me about William, how he lead her on and then completely left her. 
If I could, I'd punch that sucker straight up. 
Why would he do that to someone such as her? 
It doesn't matter anyways, I'm here to make her forget about that douche. 

"Really?"
She smirked and finished what she had started. 

I remembered that smirk she made, especially after the kiss. 
Speaking of the kiss ...
Holy fucking shit. 
Did I mention anything on that?

Finding the urge to not screw her was rather difficult. 
But I couldn't treat her like that, she's really dear to my heart. 
Usually when I kiss a girl, it feels the same; dull, numb, lifeless, meaningless. 
But kissing her was way beyond compare. 
It was like I had been taken away from Earth and sent to Heaven just for a moment. 
There are too many adjectives for such a description. 
Although, I would never picture myself with someone like her. 
Neither would anyone else. 
Everyone sees with Alexis Peters, the school's most popular girl, just because we were prom king and queen. 
Julia knew all I wanted was lust, even though she wanted to take things to a higher level, I just couldn't. 
Earan was never the popular one. She always got judged, she has only two friends and she actually cares about herself. I never understood why people didn't like her, she's really special. 
She's not just your average, everyday girl. 

"Honestly?"
I ask hesitantly, I'm afraid of what she'll say about me. 

She huffed out a breath. 
"Honestly...,
I use to absolutely HATE your guts. I couldn't stand you. You were such an arrogant jerk, you knew you could get anyone you wanted and always teased me on how I'd be forever alone, you always crawled under my skin somehow though.
You really didn't have a good first impression on me. Sure I thought you were smoking hot and all, but hearing about you is what really caught my attention to keep clear from you. 
I knew from just observing you, that your lifestyle was your sort of drug. I knew you didn't have actual feelings, only fake ones. 
Then when you invited me to your par- well, Dylan really invited me. But whatever. 
It seemed so weird to me, I thought you didn't even know who I was, or that I even existed. 
Especially these past few days and right now, I see that there really is something under that thick chest of yours."
She poked me where my heart was. 

I really wish I knew how she could repeatedly keep stealing my heart by just one breath. 
There's another thing to my list of mysteries. 
Her.
She was a mystery. 
Why is she playing so hard to get? 
One minute, she likes me. The next, she's undecided. 

"What's that's suppose to mean?"
I was a genius, but I still can't read her. 

"I'll never tell you in your wildest dreams."
She smirked again, she always gets me with that.
She got up and walked towards my door. 

"Earan?"
I questioned her name. 

"What?"

I totally wanted to invite her to my sister's birthday party tonight.
Yes, I have a sister, Jenny. She's also studying at Stanford and tonight's her 21st birthday party. 
"You wanna go to my sister's birthday party tonight?"

"You have a sister?"
She asked me, completely neglecting the question. 

"Yeah. Now would you like to go to her party?"

She stood still with her hand on the doorknob. 

*Earan's POV*

I stood still with my hand on the doorknob. 

I can't believe Josh had just asked me to go to his sister's birthday party. 
I knew his sister was probably similar to him, a bitchy, popular - genius. 
She's probably much more gorgeous than I would ever be. 
Even if I was to fall in love with Josh, I'd probably never have her's or his parent's approval just by being myself. 

I remembered the first party I'd been to and swore it'd probably be the last. 

I remembered William; the night, how great it was. 
We spent hours just talking instead of getting wasted and hooking up. 
He asked for my number and took my picture. 
He called, texted and we even went out on two dates. 
Then in the blink of my eye, he was gone. 
No calls, no text .. Nothing. 
Just gone. 
But why you ask?
I couldn't say, I myself don't know. 

Now I'm invited to another party?
I'm not so sure if I can go.
I know Josh is nothing like William. 
Josh wants to enjoy the party. 
Josh wants to drink. 
When Josh is drunk, it's a very big problem. Especially because he's about a head and a half taller and I. 
Since he crawled his way under my skin, there's no way I'm saying no.

"On one condition,"
I need to make an offer. I'm not getting into this so easily. 

"Alright, what?" 
He willingly questioned.

"Sarah and Dylan HAVE to join too."

"Of course they will! I already invited them while you were still asleep."

That was easier than I thought. 
I didn't reply, I simply walked out instead. 
I went to my room and just laid on my bed, thinking about everything. 
I mean everything. 
From when I was a infant, small child, pre teen, teen and now almost adult. 
All the trial and events in my life, it all seemed to fly by so vastly. 

"Hey,"
Josh came into my room, only sticking his head in from the hallway. 

"Yeah?"
I questioned, wondering what he wanted now. 

"Party time is 5. It's nearly 2, better start preparing.  
She'll be having a backlight-club kind if party, just make sure to be hot as always."

That's the Josh I knew.

"Alright. Thanks."
I smiled at him, then he went off to wherever. 

Sarah stepped out of the bathroom.
"Well, hello to you too."
She said with her voice full if sarcasm. 
"What are you planning on wearing?"
She asked. 

Dylan's mom got us a little wardrobe. Knowing Dylan's mom, the clothes are probably super cute, I'll dig something out of there. 
"I don't know, I'll see."
I shrugged. 

"You gotta help me too!"
Typical Sarah.

"Of course I will!"
I stepped into the heavenly closet.

Hours after my search, I did it.
"I got it!" 
I yelled from inside.
I held in my hand, Sarah's outfit. Quite simple, but I know it'll look amazing on her. 
A thin, white loose tank top that had a light grey cross.  
Along with the galaxy leggings and shining black heels. 
Sarah was more of the conservative type most times.
Plus, she had a boyfriend; no need to empress anyone else there. 
I still made the outfit cute, I don't want her to ever feel that she's ugly. On the bright side for her, anything looks good on her because of the fact she's got the body of a model.

Then there's me, unlike her.
I like to be revealing and mysterious.
My outfit was plain, but that's okay. It was tight and showy, just what I needed for the night. 
A skin clingy tank which was a crop top actually, an elastic-high waisted, comic themed mini skirt and some bright red flats. 
If anything was to spring out his sister's eyes, it would probably be tonight's choice of clothing. 
I just cannot go there looking horrid, I just can't. 
I decided soon after to curl my hair, Sarah with her's straight. 
Just having girl time, doing hair and make up with her was peaceful. I always loved our downtime, no doubt. 
We went with a light amount of makeup, just some liquid eyeliner and mascara. That's all.

Time was ticking and I got more nervous by the minute.
"Sarah?"
I questioned her name.
"You don't think something will happen to me like at the first party we went to, do you?"

She paused, she was probably surprised I was thinking about William again.
"I don't know, but I hope not.
Honestly, I'd rather you get drunk and messed up than stay safe and heart broken.
A hangover is shorter than a heartbreak."

Everything she said was SO true. 
"Yeah, you're right."
Is all I answered. 

"Of course I am!"
There's my Sarah.
We giggled as we finished our final touches. 

"You girls ready yet?" Dylan banged on our door. 
"No, give us thirty more minutes to sit and discuss how fucked up we hope to get."
I was always such a bitch to Dylan, he never took it too seriously. 
He was silent, I guess he must've went away. 

Sarah and I stepped outside to see that the boys had just done the same.
Josh's eyes widened, I guess I did a pretty good job on myself. 

"So this is what I get tonight?"
His husky voice whispered in my ear. 

"Nope." I answered him, popping the 'p'.

Dylan and Sarah already began to go downstairs, I followed behind them as Josh followed me. 

"Just stay in the living room guys, I'll call up some sort of transportation."
Josh stepped out the front door. 
The rest of us slouched around on the sofas while waiting for him.
We weren't so pumped on the outside, but there was so much more within waiting to explode out. 
We heard a horn honking from outside.

"Let's go!"
Dylan ran to the door. 
You see what I mean? We're all secretly extremely excited. 
 We ran out, getting into the taxi.

Around 40 minutes later, we arrived. The drive was pretty long, the party was held at some reception hall.
We all paid our share of money and got out of the taxi.
The place looked amazing. 
Dark, but with lights everywhere. 
I'm pretty sure there were hundreds of people, it seemed as packed as a can of sardines. 
I went over to Josh. Great, another first move thing.

"Your parents aren't here, are they?"
I asked him. I'm really not into meeting his family.

"No. They're out for business trips, don't worry."

I tried to stay cool, but of course awkwardness took charge of me. 
"Pfft, I wasn't worried. I was just wondering."

I think he could read me sometimes. 
"Whatever, you little nugget."
He chuckled.
Yep, he read me.

When we reached the doors, I stopped myself from going any further. Dylan and Sarah already passed us.
"Earan, why don't you want to go inside?"

I seemed to be stuck for a while. 
I ran away and made my way to the back of the building, trying to hide while Josh chased after me.
I finally found a huge bolder to sit on, I placed my elbows on top of my knees and lean my chin and cheeks on my palms.

It didn't take that boy long to find me. 
I was surprised he didn't notice hotter chicks and ditch me.
Is someone like him really in love with someone like me?

"What's the matter?"

It took me a while to have words coming out of my mouth, I didn't want to end up crying again.
"I remember your party. 
How I thought something whole had come into my life, but then in the end it just all turned out to be broken."

He questioned, 

"You mean William?"
I guess when he said he knew everything of my past, he did. 

"Yeah.."

The moment was still.
"What do you mean?"

I really tried my best not to cry,
it just made me so mad that William almost made me believe in love again.

"Listen,"
He started, cupping my cheeks with his hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you like he did, okay? I know you might think I'm crazy, but I will prove it to you in every way that I can."

He leaned closer, having our foreheads pressed together. 
I shyly smile and relax myself.
Josh lightly kissed my forehead and stood up, taking my hand to lead me inside.

I was unprepared to get drunk and fucked up, but I just wanted to have fun tonight and be free. 
Surprisingly, me and Sarah had our first drinks tonight, vodka. 
We're such wusses though, we added Coca Cola to them so we didn't have bad alcoholic breath like everyone else did.
We only had 2, while the boys and one more than us.
I told them not to drink so much so they wouldn't run off and forget everything.

"Let me take you over to my sister."
Josh said as he got up from the stool at the bar, I following after him while Sarah and Dylan got up to dance to some lame techno song.

"Jen! Jenna!"
Josh called her from afar. 
Her hot girl friend signaled her to turn around.

"Baby bro!" She squealed, hugging him.
"Hey, this is Earan."
He introduced his sister to me. 

I shyly smiled,
"Hi."

"Hey doll, how are you?" She squeezed my hand.

She seemed super nice. 
We never know, she could be a plastic bitch. 

Her looks were like a Barbie, just like I suspected.
Her green eyes, perfect body, straight hair - platinum blonde, her cotton candy pink dress and her silver stilettos. 

"I'm great. It's a nice party you've got going on here, I'm really enjoying it!"
I gave her a thumbs up.

"It's nice to meet you, Josh hasn't introduced me to a girl before.
You must be special."
She said into my hear to where Josh couldn't listen in. 
"You seem like a sweet cheeks, have fun, doll! Thanks for coming by the way! Go on, have fun!"
She said as one of her friends dragged her away.

"Wanna drink some more?"
Josh asked, handing me a bottle of apple flavored beer.
I took it from his hand and had a couple more drinks.

[FREEZE THERE READER: Play the song, "Best Song Ever" by One Direction NOW before reading on.]

The introduction of One Direction's, "Best Song Ever" was playing.
"This is my jam! Let's dance!"

Two things. 
One, I know I'm 17 years old with a huge love for One Direction. Who couldn't? They're five singing angels. Especially Niall, the blonde and Irish. He's my favorite. I could go on all day about these five boys. 
Two, I can't dance worth a shit. 
I guess tonight I could care less though.
We went out to the dance floor, meeting up with Sarah and Dylan.
I tried, I don't think I danced poorly, but it obviously wasn't good. 
There was no grinding, making out or touching, just dancing the night away. Throwing every last care of the world completely away.
Sarah and I just bounced around, yelling the lyrics the whole time.  
No bullshit, just fun. 

God, was that all I ever asked for in life. 

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