Let Me Go (Harry Styles)

“I just want you to be happy again, Harry.” I heard her say. I looked at her. “But I am happy.” I told her. “I know you’re not Harry, you don’t have to lie to me” She sighed. “I’m telling you the truth, Em! Being with you makes me happy. I love you !” I said to her. “But you always break down every time I disappear again” She said. “Then don’t, just stay with me.” I begged. “I can’t and you know that! You also know that one day, I won’t come back anymore and...” “No please don’t say that!” I cried. She sighed. “I’m sorry Harry, but you just have to let me go.” She said before she disapeared again.

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5. Just go

It’s been a month since I was released from the hospital. A month since I saw Emily. Correction: Since I THOUGHT I saw her. Back then I really believed she was there, that she was the one who healed me. But the longer I thought about it, the less I believed it. I told Niall about what happened at the hospital – I had no other choice, I was losing it and I needed someone to give me a proper explanation since I couldn’t find one myself. It took him a lot of time to convince me but eventually I believed his explanation: It was just a side-effect from the medicine they gave me. However, he nor the doctors could explain me why I healed that fast. They just called it a miracle. A part of me still believed that it was because of Emily. But no matter how hard I wanted to believe that, deep inside I knew that that was impossible.

 

Anyways, a lot has changed since I told my band mates about her. I became very close with them. They moved in with me and helped me get over her. At first, I was against it and tried to convince them that they’d be wasting their time. But they insisted. And the longer they stayed here, the better I felt. Under their watch, I allowed myself to grieve properly. It was hard. Really hard. But I survived. I’m not over her yet. Far from it. But the pain is bearable now. I’ve learned to live with it. I’ll be forever thankful for what they did for me.

 

Obviously they couldn’t stay with me forever. Eventually they had to move out and go back to their own place. They felt bad for leaving but I reassured them that it’s okay and that I’ll be fine. They didn’t really believed me though. I guess they just didn’t trust me yet. They’re still afraid that I’ll fall back into my old habits. Can’t blame them. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for them to see me like that. But I’ll do anything in my power to win their trust back. That’s a promise!

 

So here I am. All alone. I have to admit that I’m a little bit scared. I don’t know what I’m capable of now that nobody’s watching over me anymore. I decided to keep myself busy before I do something stupid. I looked around. “There must be something here that could keep me busy for a while” I mumbled. The first thing that caught my attention was the bookshelf. Maybe I could read a book? I shook my head. Nah, I’ve already read all those books.  Suddenly I got an idea: I could clean my house. I never had the time to properly clean it since I moved in here. It was a mess. I still remember the look on my band mates’ – I think I’m going to start calling them my friends from now on - faces when they first came here. We were planning to clean the entire house but as soon as they saw how big my house was and how much stuff I had, they changed their mind. Instead, we only cleaned the important places: The kitchen, the toilet and the living room.

I stood up. Alright where will I begin? I decided to challenge myself and start with the attic. It was there where my friends have stuffed all the things that were related to Emily. Pictures, photo albums, letters, everything.

There I stood. In front of the door. Behind that door lies my past. I took a deep breath and opened the door. As I walked in, I saw a lot of boxes. So apparently they had decided to put everything in a box. I sighed with relief. Knowing that I wouldn’t have to deal with those things, made this a hell of a lot easier. I started to clean the place. It took me half hour to finish it. I was about to leave when suddenly a box caught my eye. It wasn’t closed properly. “Don’t do it Styles! Just leave.” I ordered myself. I took a step the door, not taking my eyes of the box. Just a few more steps and I was at door. “Just keep walking Styles!” But instead I rushed back to that box. I couldn’t help it. It was stronger than myself. I opened the box and saw it contained a lot of pictures. I sighed. Okay, I had two options: I could either close the box immediately and go away or take a look at those photos. I chose the last one. I took the picture who was lying on top. It was a picture of us at the playground when we were 5. She was sitting on the swing and I was pushing her. I sighed as I put the picture down and took another one. On this picture, we were 8. We were at my house, painting. I smiled. I still remember that day. She didn’t want to show me what she was painting until it was done. I asked her what she painting and she said: “Someone special.” “Santa Claus? ” I asked, knowing how much she adored him. She laughed “No!” “Your dad? Your mom? Your teacher?” I tried. She shook her head. “No”. She showed me her painting. “Who’s that?” I asked confused. She smiled. “That’s you”

 

I put that picture down. You’ve probably guessed it by now: I grew up with her. That’s the reason why it was impossible to forget her. ‘Cause how can you forget someone you’ve known your entire life? You can’t! I put the pictures back in the box and closed it. I didn’t want to see the other pictures. I wasn’t strong enough for this. I stood up and walked to the door. I already had my hand on the doorknob when I suddenly heard someone say “I was an amazing painter, wasn’t I?” I froze. No way. Impossible. You just imagined it. I took a deep breath and turned around. My face went pale. I was wrong. There she stood. Right in front of me. “What’s wrong, babe?” She asked me. I was too shocked to say anything. All I could do was stare at her. She looked so real. It was almost as if she was really standing there. I started to walk towards her. I know this was a bad idea but I just couldn’t help it. It was stronger than myself. I was so close to her, I could touch her if I wanted. But then reality hit me. She’s just a hallucination. If you touch her, you won’t feel anything but air. She may look real, but she's not. I backed away. “Harry” She whispered. I lost it. “Go away!” I screamed. She was shocked. “But Harry...” I closed my eyes. “Stop it! Just go away! You are not real! Go away!” I cried. “Harry! Just listen to me. Please!!” She begged. “JUST GO” I yelled. Tears were streaming down my face. This can’t be happening. Not again. “As you wish.” She whispered. She sounded hurt. When I opened my eyes again she was gone. I left the attic immediately and went to my room. I wiped away my tears and tried to breathe normal again. It took me a few minutes to calm down. I sat on my bed, thinking about what just has happened. I saw her again. How could this happen? I haven’t taken in any medicine this time. I was so confused. Am I really losing my mind or is there something else going on?

Author's note

Now I know why I wanted to stop with this story: I'm a terrible writer. But I really did my best this time and I hope you like this chapter (:

 

 

 

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