In Your Shadow

Not only are Taylor and Louis twins, they're also best friends.
But with Louis getting even more perfect everyday, will Taylor manage to escape his shadow?
Or will she always be known as just 'Louis' twin sister'?


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9. The Fresh Start

8. The Fresh Start

 

A silence filled with awkwardness and regret settles between us, and I find myself doing everything and anything to avoid the voice in my head that wants to point out how everything is my fault. But eventually looking around the room isn't enough to overpower my jabbing thoughts, so I give in and think about how everything has lead up to now, to this moment, to the breaking of everything between Harry and I.

 

Looking back it was so obvious he liked me, and it seemed obvious that I liked him too. So many moments we shared that caused a weird, unfamiliar feeling to erupt inside of me, I ignored and then moved my focus onto Niall, and I have no idea why.

 

Why couldn't I just realise how I felt about Harry? And why couldn't I realise that he felt the same way? Why did I always move my attention to Niall whenever I began to feel something between myself and Harry? None of it makes any sense... And then it hits me.

 

“I was scared!” I blurt out, causing Harry's eyes to open and land on me. “I pushed away all of my feelings about you because I was- because I was scared. I thought that it was all in my head – just another stupid daydream that would just leave me broken-hearted. Because why would you – probably the most wanted boy in our school – like me? So instead I just focused all of my thoughts onto Niall because, even though I had absolutely no chance with him either, it hurt less. I don't know why. I guess there was a lot more to lose if I liked you.

 

“I wouldn't be able to look at you the same, or hang out with you the same, or be not as awkward with you. I wouldn't be able to be myself, or really talk with you because I'd only be freaking out about how I can't mess up or do anything stupid.

 

“So in my head I stupidly thought that liking Niall meant that things would stay good between us, that our friendship wouldn't be ruined. Because that was what meant the most to me. I didn't want you to suddenly feel weird around me, knowing that I liked you. And I didn't want Louis to feel awkward because his sister daydreamed about kissing his best friend. I ignored it all because I didn't want to ruin anything, but that's exactly what I have done. I've hurt you, and I've hurt our friendship, and I've hurt any chances of things happening between us. So I just want to say I'm sorry. For everything.” I take a deep breath and hold it. When I look up I see Harry's eyes still firmly trained on me as I wait impatiently for his response.

 

But it never comes. Harry tightens his jaw, re-closes his eyes and seemingly blocks me out.

 

I feel everything inside of me collapse. I know that it's going to take a lot more than the word 'sorry' to fix this, but I really thought that admitting everything and getting it all out in the open would be a good start. But apparently not.

 

I try and blink back my tears, despite Harry's eyes being closed. I don't want to show him how disappointed I am. How weak I am. How broken I am. I don't want him to feel any sympathy towards me or to forgive me just because I'm crumbling. I don't deserve it. Not his forgiveness, or his love, or even a response to my ramble. I don't deserve any of it.

 

I move away from my seat, no longer wanting to see Harry because he's so out of reach, and he's just a reminder of everything I have messed up. Banging my fists on the door, I once again try and get Louis's attention.

 

It's really not funny now. I've tried to solve it, and Harry clearly doesn't want to which is understandable. So Louis needs to realise that he isn't going to get whatever it is that he wants; Harry and I aren't going to come skipping out of the garage, hand in hand, and more in love than ever. It will be a miracle if I make it out in one piece, seeing as my thoughts are eating away at me more than ever.

 

“Louis!” I yell. “Please open the door. You've had your fun. You tricked me into getting locked in the garage, har har. I'm freaked out by all the spiders and the one-eyed dolls, and I'm starting to go crazy just like you wanted. So please. Just open the door!”

 

When no reply comes, I accept my defeat. Sliding down the wall until my bum lands abruptly onto the cold stone floor, my head falls into my hands and I once again try to do everything in my power to stop my thoughts from putting me even further down.

 

After a couple of minutes, Harry suddenly speaks up. The sound of his husky voice sends all of my emotions and my body into overdrive; my heart starts racing until I think it's going to leap out of my chest, my ears hang onto every word he says and my whole body instantly rises with hope.

 

“You messed up,” He says bluntly, causing my heart to sink even further down.

 

I was so stupid to believe that my rambled speech that pieced everything together in my mind would fix any of the damage I have caused.

 

“You messed up,” He says again, as if it hadn't hurt the first time. “But I messed up too.”

 

Wait, what?

 

“I shouldn't have avoided you. I should have just spoken to you about it. But part of me couldn't see you because I couldn't face the disappointment if you told me that you never liked me in the first place. Because all this time, I knew that there was something there. I knew that it couldn't have just been me who felt that charge between us. But then I started to doubt it, and I felt stupid, and I felt like I had made the whole thing up in my mind... So then I got annoyed, and took it out on you. So I messed up too. And I'm sorry for that.”

 

Please don't apologise.” I manage to choke out. “None of this – none of it is your fault.”

 

Harry simply shrugs, and I feel all the hope that had once again built up slowly disappear. He's still going to block me out. Everything isn't going to be okay. I still haven't fixed everything.

 

Can you come cuddle me now?” He whispers, barely audible over the sound of my beating heart.

 

He doesn't have to ask me twice. I'm by his side the second the words have left his mouth, my arms firmly wrapped around his waist and my head leaning back onto his chest in relief.

 

I've been craving the feel of his strong, protective arms around me ever since they last held me.

 

He places a kiss on the top of my head, and I smile instantly.

 

Maybe everything will be okay after all.

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