Small stories

These will be little oneshots/stories, posted once in a while :)

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14. Connor Ball oneshot

Warning: Might be slightly triggering.

                                                 

                                                  Connor Ball

                                               Dearest Connor.

I hope everything is alright. I’m so sorry I never told you how I felt. The pain was too much, and I didn’t want to worry you. I promise when I’m out of here I’ll do everything to find you. If you don’t want to see me, I understand, I wouldn’t want to either. You see, I’ve got this problem.. It’s called me.. I know I should have told you, but would you really understand? Would you understand why I cry when I look in the mirror? Would you understand why I can’t get myself to eat? Would you understand why I hate myself with a burning passion? You probably wouldn’t.. Heck, I don’t even fully understand, and I’m living in this hell. I’m living with the demons inside my head. I’m living with the pain everyday. I wouldn’t actually want you to fully understand, because that would mean you would know what it’s like. To wake up everyday hoping you were dead. To starve ‘till you’ll finally feel beautiful. Sometimes I wonder if there really is a life after this, and even if I’ll make it out alive. You see, everything is so dark? I know you’ve always said that you wanted to know what it was like in my brain, and then laughed when I said you shouldn’t want to. I hope you understand why now. Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault. If anything it’s my fault. I let it get this far out. Just know that I will always love you, and if I make it out alive, I hope you’ll wait for me. I’m getting help, which is why I’m leaving you. Know that it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Leaving you behind without anything but a letter. But if I don’t make it, I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to stay happy. I’m gonna go now, I love you. Stay strong, baby.

                                           Yours truly

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