Twelve Years Before (prequel to Journey of the Star Bearers)

Fantasy story about a girl who lives on a planet called Starre. This is her life before the War...

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21. My Destiny Begins?

At that point I was at war. My heart wanted one thing while my mind knew that I needed another and it was putting my body under so much emotional strain that I wouldn’t have been able to hold off a butterfly and my friends could feel it. Within an hour, they were flocked around my bed to see what was wrong, like they could feel my strain emitting around the whole world which they probably could and so could the rest of the planet by the look of things for when I looked out of the window, there were people sitting on the ground outside of the house, not entirely sure why they were there in the first place. Slowly, I worked to reduce the waves of emotion emitting from within me and the people went back to there lives.

It took me a minute to realise that I wasn’t where I had been when I fell asleep and I looked at Danny expectantly.

“We brought you here after you collapsed.” She proceeded cautiously “You’ve been out for almost a day; I was beginning to wonder what was keeping you from returning to the land of the living. Was it…was it him?”

Danny could read me so easily. I nodded silently and

she pulled me into a big hug which I returned with enthusiasm crying into her arms. I knew I should be happy now that I knew that he was safe but somehow the fact that he was safe and enjoying life without having me present made me want to curl into a ball and never talk to anyone again but somehow I managed to pull myself together when I reminded myself what rested on my shoulders but at that moment, for the first time, I wished that I was just a normal girl, not Camilla’s champion, her gift to protect this world. That I didn’t have this destiny of which I knew nothing about, just a future with promises of a peaceful life of love. Why did it have to be me who saved the world? Why couldn’t this big evil                                                                                                                                                          wait a few generations and let me live my life?

Of cause I knew I wouldn’t exist if the big evil wasn’t coming but at this point rationality had no place in my mind. I knew that I would do anything for it to just disappear even though that wasn’t possible. In that moment the world seemed to suck itself in and rap its arms around me, making everybody else’s problems seem tiny in comparison to the massive one that I had to face. Everything seemed so unfair, like I had been late when they were handing out luck and got left with the tiniest piece in the barrel. I just wanted to curl up small and ignore the rest of the world until the figured out that I didn’t want to play, that all of this had just been handed to me with no background info on what the hell was actually going on.

Why did my life continue like this? I wanted to just stop it all, call a ceasefire and try to negotiate and find out what the hell it is that we’re all fighting over but, in my heart of hearts, I knew that it couldn’t, wouldn’t, happen. So instead I just sighed dejectedly and eased myself precariously out of bed. As soon as I had stood up on my own two feet, a furry shape sped towards me and I was knocked back onto the bed by Zeeva and my face was given a very thorough cleaning. That finally made the muscles in my face move and I started grinning and laughing.

“Sure,” said Danny in bewilderment, “the dog can make her laugh.”

Of cause, that then made me grin even more, causing Danny and all of the others burst out laughing as well. This carried on for several minutes until I sent them all out on the grounds that I needed to get changed. Once they had all left, I took off my nightdress and drew from the wardrobe a long deep-blue chiffon dress over a deep-blue knee-length under dress. Next I drew out a pair of deep-blue strappy high heeled sandals and fastened them haphazardly. Finally, I put on a gold chain choker with a sapphire pendant and went to look at myself in the mirror. I let my hair out of the ponytail that it had been in and let it fall about my face. I inspected myself for awhile, ultimately deciding that the unsure stranger and been adequately hidden by the glamorous look that I was going for. Even so, for me, the stranger still glared out, reminding me of how much I had missed, a body that was so much older than the experience of my mind. You are so mistaken my dear, whispered a voice in my head, so soft and familiar, yet it didn’t come from my mind, your mind has millions of years of experience, it’s just getting your young body to channel that. One day, you will understand. Yes but when, was my response, but the voice stayed quiet.

My head ached from all the unanswered questions which circled around it but I knew that for now no one was going to answer them so the best that I could do was go to school looking confident and learn. There was no impending doom (for the moment anyway) so I knew that I should grasp this opportunity with both hands to learn as much as I could about Starre and the universe and, hopefully, why we all had to fight.

I walked out of my bedroom door only to hesitate at the top of the stairs. What would be worse? Not going to school and the possibility that people would worry about what had happened to me or go in and have to face the fact that they’d all seen me collapse in the middle of class. It was so humiliating. Here I was, trying to pretend I was all strong for my classmates when they already knew that I was weak. Somehow, I would have to make it as I knew that it was the right thing-even if it wasn’t the easy thing.

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