Living Short in Bel AIr

I hated it when people thought small people couldn’t do anything. Just because I was short, skinny, and flat all over, it didn’t mean I had no muscle. Hey, 100lbs wasn’t all skin and bones.

He smirked at my threat, and sucked on his finger before he popped another chocolate in his mouth. He thought this was funny. Aw hell no. This wasn’t funny. This was war.

I made a Sparta war call and tackled the boy on my bed, pinning him down. His eyes widened at me---the crazy chocolate lady---as my face was burning with fiery. I snatched my Minnie Mouse pillow and started whiping it at his face, nailing the Satan in the cheek.

“Take!”
BAM!
“That!”
BAM!
“You!”
BAM!
“Mutha!”
BAM!
“F*cking!”
BAM!
“Chocolate!”
BAM!
“Stealing!”
BAM!
“Wh*re!”

The sound of a whistle came barrelling into my room, but that didn’t stop me. I continued to nail the bastard as the voice of Ruby was heard first. Tweet! Tweet! Tweet!

“Okay, who’s being raped?!”

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3. ChapteЯ 3: S.O.A.B.S

Ello dear awesome humans!  I just wanted to say thanks, and it really means a lot how many of you want me to update!  It makes me feel like I’m doing something great in the world and how all the hours, sweat, and time I’ve put into this story had paid off.

And please, continue to VOTE, FAN, COMMENT! <3>

Don’t be afraid to include your honest opinions on this story too.  I value truthful criticism more than false comments, so please, don’t be afraid. (But if you love the story, you’re welcome to say that :p)

CLARIFICATION:  Ly-a Monroe is actually pronounced LEE-DASH-A.  BUT people usually call her LEE-A as a nickname.  Hope that helped!  Now enjoy! <3>

ChapteЯ 3: S.O.A.B.S

Ruby geared the engine, and soon, we were on the road, the silence of the car a little too quiet.  I faked a cough, and peeked at the corner of my eye to see what that S.O.A.B. was doing.

And unfortunately, I wished I had never looked.

Sitting beside me was a tall, lean, broad shouldered, sexy thing.  Perhaps the anger had blurred my hotness radar because at this moment, it was off the charts.  His eyes were more of a dusty hazel, and it even glinted a speck of gold when gazed in the light.  His square jaw framed his tanned cheekbones, and his dirty auburn hair fell above his arched brow.  The blue button-down was now all the way open, exposing the expensive white golf shirt that hugged his biceps.  My gaze finding his full, lush lips, his eyes began to drift down to my direction---Good god.

Immediately casting a frown over my face, I hoped it masked my heavy rising chest as my heart skipped a beat.  Feeling the heat emerge from my cheeks, I cleared my throat and scowled.

“What are you looking at?” he cockily smirked, turning my insides.

“You had a little something,” I smoothly answered, and pointed to his nose.  He glanced down and I flicked my finger up, hitting his nose and I laughed as he blinked in surprise.  “You’re such an idiot.”

“No I’m not,” he glared, elbowing my side.

“Oh right,” I sweetly smiled, and harshly pinched his cheek.  “You’re not a complete idiot.  Just some parts are missing.”

He mumbled something under his breath, but I was too busy in relief as I was nearly caught checking him out.  Whatever, there were tons of hot boys in Bel Air.  He was no different.  “Just more of a smart-ass,” I spoke, and he frowned at me.  “What?  Am I not allowed to talk to myself?”

“I wouldn’t even give a damn if you jumped out of the window.  Not that I’m stopping you,” he grinned and I rolled my eyes.  Ass.

“You kids doing fine back there?” called Ruby, checking behind.

Clint flashed his set of pearly white teeth, but I bulged my eyes, looking much less attractive.  “Help me!” I mouthed.  She snorted, and flicked me off as she turned back at the road.

Oh how I wished Friday was here.  He was so sad when I left him back home, a mug of bacon and bowl of water his only companions.  I could just imagine it now.  Friday taking a nice big bite off of Clint’s face. . . The beauty of morbid thoughts.  Now if only I could play them out into a movie.

“. . . Ly-a?”

“Hm?”  I glanced up; my eyes still a little dazed.  “Yeah?”

“I have something to tell you.”

Scrunching my brows, my lips dipped to a frown.  “What?”  He motioned me closer, and I leaned in so we were only about an inch away.  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach, and I wasn’t sure--- Buuurrrppppp!

I shot farthest as possible---which was pretty much nothing---and plugged my nose in disgust.  Clint threw his head back laughing, finding this amusing.

“That’s nasty!  Ew!”  I waved my hand in my face to air out the infuriating smell, but it was no use.  It smelt like freaking hotdogs in here.  “You’re so, ugh!”  Slapping his arm, he laughed even harder, clutching his stomach in pain.

“Y-y-you’re such an idiot!” he howled, his shoulders still shaking.

“That makes two of you!” sang Ruby, and I kicked her seat.  “Hey!  Don’t distract the driver!”

Sulking in my cushion, I continued to plug my nose, shooting death glares in his direction.  I hated this S.O.A.B more than anything.

Ruby playing with the radio a moment later, she cranked up the volume as she blasted her Reggae music, the soft seats shaking under my thighs.  “Ruby!”  The woman started to bob her head to her jams.  “Ruby!”  She shook her boobs like those Caribbean dancers.  Exhaling a long sigh, I didn’t give a damn as I stuck my ass in Clint’s face, leaning over to change the radio station.

Just as my fingers brushed the button, my hand was viciously slapped, and I winced to see Ruby’s eyes burning with anger.  “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Changing the radio station?” I explained.

“Never touch a black woman’s radio, ya hear?” she snapped, “You don’t want to mess with my jams, honey.  Now sit your ass down.”  Rolling my eyes, I obeyed and crossed my arms.

“Are we there yet?” asked Clint, peeking out the window.

Checking the time on the dashboard, I quickly answered. “We still got half an hour to go.” 

“Pit stop!” shouted Ruby, and killed the engine.  Looking out the window too, I frowned to see we weren’t at the studio.

“Where are we?” I asked, unable to recognize the 70’s looking gas station.  A tiny clothing boutique was at the side, the title board already hanging above the entrance.  I wouldn’t had been surprised if a hay ball just rolled along the road, maybe even a muskrat or two poking from the ground.     

“Your mom asked to get a couple of cosmetics because she forgot some at home.”  She climbed out, and tossed me a five dollar bill.  “Here, treat yourself.  I suggest you make a bathroom break, because I ain’t stopping after this.”

Not having to tell me twice, I quickly got out of the car, my body stiff as a board.  “Oh god,” I breathed, glad to inhale the fresh—ew.  Gasoline.  Holding my breath, I glanced towards the drug store and made my way in.  The shop smelt of old cigars and I coughed, gently smacking my chest.

After making a quick detour to the bathroom, I headed to cashier to purchase a nice cold ice coffee.  “Is that all?” the old man grumbled, one overall strap hanging down.

“Yea---”

Another cold cup of ice coffee slammed on the counter, and I turned to see Clint smiling.  “This is all.  Thanks for paying, Ly-a.  Glad you offered me a drink.”

I faked a sweet smile, “No problem, Clint.  I’m always generous and kind hearted when it comes to you.”

“Are you going to pay, lady?”

Spinning back to the man, I tossed him the money and took my drink.  “Keep the change,” I waved, and headed for the car.  Taking a large sip, I relaxed as the cold liquid sent a refreshing shiver in delight.  Sucking on the straw like a vampire, I almost dropped my cup as I stopped in my tracks.

“Ruby!”

The tiny woman took her head out of the car, “What?”

“What the hell is all this stuff?!”

“What. . . this?  Pfft.”  She flipped her palm up as if it wasn’t a big deal.  “This is just a bunch of stuff I found at the tiny boutique.  They were selling these awesome beach hats for only two bucks, and I couldn’t resist!  See!”  She flashed me a glimpse of different coloured fabrics from the bags, “I got one in each colour!  And I bought a bunch for your mother as well!  Thoughtful, aren’t I?”

I sucked at my drink and shook my head.  “Not really.”

“Why?”

“Where am I supposed to sit?”

Her lips dropped to a frown and she bit her finger, turning to the stuffed car.  “Oh right.  Forgot about that.”  Blowing a strand of my dirty copper hair, she brightened a smile.  “How about you sit on Clint’s lap?”

“His lap?” I said, like it was a foreign language.  “I’d rather sit on the roof.”

She snorted. “Please, don’t tell you don’t think that boy is fine.”

Glancing back at the drug store, I saw him laughing with the old man, the two smiling like they were old friends. I simply shrugged.  “Eh. . . I’ve seen better.” 

She slapped her thigh in disbelief.  “Come on!  I know you’ve thought about it once!”

“Sure, he’s kinda cute, but definitely not my type.”

“Then what is your type?”

“Uh. . ."  I scratched my jaw, and ran my hands through my murky bed hair.  "Well, I'm, uh, into cowboys.”  She raised her brow and stuck out a curvy hip.  “Ok, I made that up, but Ruby.  Let’s get real here.  He’s a complete smart-ass and is a total neat-freak!  Although he might be good-looking, that doesn’t necessarily make him attractive.  It’s the personality.  Besides, I bet you he’s into tall, beautiful, country blondes whose legs go on forever and manes of straight, amazing hair.  Like Taylor Swift or Blake Lively.  Not short, flat, and dull brown haired woman with stumps for legs.”

“Ahhh, so you have thought about it.”

“That my legs are stumps?”

“Ly-a. . .”

“It all actually just came from my head.”  I raised my palm upwards.  “And anyways, he ate my chocolates, so that doesn’t even make him rank-able!”

Ruby shook her head.  “You sell yourself way too short.”

“I am short!”

“Ly-a!  I’m gonna be throwin’ something at you, if you don’t stop---”

“Stop what?”

“Oh you know what!”

“Being realistic.  Bitch, please.  That ain’t gonna happen.”

About to shoot another remark, the sound of footsteps approached and Ruby immediately shut her mouth.

“See you later, Ben!” Clint waved, and took a sip of his drink while spinning around.  He halted in comfy Moccasins that he switched to before we left, and coughed in shock.  “What in hell happened?!”

“Ruby bought the whole store,” I sighed, the reason sounding so inevitable.

She casually leaned on her convertible, “It was only six shelves.  It’s not like I was with your mother.  Me plus your mom plus JC Penny.  Worst formula to burn money.  Besides,” she flicked her hand in my face, “this is nothing compared to what damage I make.”  Not needing to duck while getting in the car, she cut off any response and slammed the door.

Walking past me, Clint closed the door behind him as well and took the only backseat left, smirking at my frown.

“Woah!  Woah!  What about me?!” I sputtered, waving my hands with confusion.  Ruby started the engine, and I slammed my fist on her roof.  “Dude!  You’re not leaving me.”

“Did you just call me a dude?”

I felt like dumping my entire ice coffee on her expensive suit.  “I don’t give a damn what sex you are or confused sexually!  I am still calling you a fucking dude!”

She grinded her engine louder.  “Aw hell!  There’s definitely no way you’re getting a ride now!”  Her hand released off of the gear, letting the car slowly roll down the slanted road.        

“You better not!” I screamed, picking up speed as I walked beside the Corvette.  She pulled out of the gas station and turned towards our headed direction.  Flicking on the Reggae music, she ignored me as I was swinging out curses.

Then the bitch rolled up her window!  She did not just do that!

Marching up to the front of the car, I balled my fists on my hips.  Narrowing my gaze, I darkly glared at Ruby who snorted and stepped on the pedal, moving forward.  I screamed and jumped out of my skin, as she threw her head back laughing as she instantly stopped the car.

“You almost made me piss myself!”

Ruby still howling with tears, hot steam bubbled in my chest and I could feel the smoke bursting from my ears.  Taking one small step, I kicked her front bumper and smirked to see Ruby gasp.  Take that, fucka!

Stomping to her window, I banged on it until she rolled it down with flaming eyes.  Cutting her off before she could talk, I pretended to zip her lips.  “If you drive one inch further, I’ll pop the tires and no one will be able to leave.”

Heaving a long sigh, Ruby grumbled something under her breath, and then unlocked the door.  “Get in.”

“Where?”

“His damn lap!”

“Who’s?”

“Clint’s.”

“Who?”

She wagered her finger in my face, giving a sexy grin.  “Oh, you know well who I’m talking about.”

I scrunched my nose, and peeked through the boxes to see Clint playing on his BlackBerry.  “Are you kidding me?”

“Just sit on his damn lap.  It’s not like he has AIDS.” Resting her hand on the seat, she turned around.  “Clint, honey, you got AIDS?”

Staring up in confusion, he looked at Ruby as if she grew five legs.  “No. . .”

“You have hydrophobia?”

He glanced at me, and a spark of amusement sparkled in his eyes.  “Yes.”

“You bite?”

“No.”

She stuck her thumb towards the back, “You’re safe to sit on him.”

Opening the door, I paused and turned to Ruby, my brows scrunched along with my frown.  “Wait, what’s hydrophobia?”

“Rabies.”

I took a step back from Clint, shooting a disgusting grimace.  “You have rabies?”

“Yup.”  He popped his lips in hilarity, his eyes sparkling again.

“It’s all good, girl,” called Ruby.  “He says he doesn’t bite.”

Giving a, ‘you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me’ sigh, I bended to get into the car and tripped on a bag, falling face first on his lap.  Oh god.  What if his crotch had rabies?  Ew!  Then I’d have to wash my face with rubbing alcohol!   

Shifting my head up, I tried my best to cover the heat from my cheeks with my hair, and spun my back to him.  Slowly sitting down, I felt his rock hard chest press against my back.  The car rumbled as Ruby sped down the road, my seat shaking from the uneven pavement.

“I swear, if I feel your hard knee coming up my ass, I’m going to kill you.”

He laughed, breathing tenderly along my ear.  “I think that’s not the only hard thing you should be worried about.”

My eyes widened, and I realized I totally walked right into that.  Trying to relax, I eased farther back. And took a sip at my drink.  “Getting comfy, I see?”

“No, I’m just---Hey!”  Feeling a pinch on my rear end, I jumped and violently elbowed his ribs.  “Watch where you put your hands, mister!”

He threw his arms in the air, “I didn’t do anything!”

“I felt you pinch my cheek!”

“I never touched your face!”

My foot kicked the driver’s seat.  “Ruby!  He pinched my cheek!”

She rolled her eyes.  “Your relatives do it to you all the time.  You don’t complain.”

“Not that cheek!  My--”  I yelped out in surprise as he slapped my butt, smiling like an idiot.  “Ruby!  He did it again!  He slapped my cheek!”

Clint’s eyes widened and he shook his head.  “I never touched her face!  She’s lying!”

Oh what a bastard.

Ruby waved her hand back.  “You’re fine when your grandma does it.”

“But Ruby!  You don’t understand!  I’m not---”

“Ly-a!  There’s nothing wrong with Clint slapping your cheeks!”

Clint burst into laughter, and my jaw fell to the ground.  Turning to get a good look at the bastard, I found his eyes overflowing with tears, his shoulders shaking like a hyena.

“Ruby!” I snapped, kicked her seat again.  “I can’t believe---y-you just---ugh!”

“Whaaatttt?” She glanced at me in confusion and innocence, still not getting what she just said.  Great.  That makes three idiots in the car.  I was surprised none of us were growing blonde hair yet.

Crossing my arms with a huff of annoyance, I put on my best pout as Clint started laughing all over again.

۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞

“Uh oh.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking the empty plastic cup.  “What now?”

Clint set down his empty cup and uncomfortably shifted.  “I, uh, got to go.”

“Go where?”

“Go go.”

“Go go?  What are you?  5?”

He scowled, his chin grazing the back of my neck.  “I have to take a piss.”

My eyes widened, and I looked down.  “Can’t you just hold it?”

I felt something flick my side, and swatted his hand.  “Are you kidding me?  With something this,” he extended his hands, “big, I can’t hold anything.”

“Dude.  Unnecessary information.”

He shrugged, and wiggled his hips, his body turning a little stiff.  “Well you did ask for it.”

“Ohmigod.”  I spun my head around and narrowed my gaze at him.  “You better hold it in ‘cause I swear, if I feel something wet underneath me, I’m going to---”

A smug grin widened across his face, his eyes glinting with a naughty look.  My eyes widened as I felt something soggy grow below my butt.  “Eeewwwww!” I squealed, jumping up and ended up banging my head off the roof.  “Fuck!”

“What’s going on back there?” snapped Ruby, adjusting her rearview mirror.

“He peed on me!” I answered, uncomfortably bent in a squatting position.

Clint erupted in laughter, and held up his dripping plastic cup, the ice cubes creating condensation.  “Take a chill, Ly-a!  It’s just my drink I put under your ass!”

I gritted my teeth, my knuckles clenching as I mustered a deathly glare.  “Why you-you-you ass!  I can’t believe you!”

He stretched his arms behind his head, leaning back.  “What can I say?  I’m gifted with making girls scream.”

“In horror of your ugliness?”

“In lust and craving.”

I stuck my finger in my mouth and gagged.  “I think it’s more of your ugliness.”

He lifted his shoulders and played a small smile.  “I still think it’s because I’m f*cking hot.”

A smirk slipped out of my mouth.  “More like hot headed.”

“Ly-a!  Sit down before you attract the po-po’s!” shouted Ruby, slapping my arm.

Rolling my eyes, I popped a seat on Clint’s lap, and didn’t bother to lean back.  I could last without leaning.  I could do it!  My spine was strong enough!

5 minutes later.

“I see you’re getting comfy once again,” murmured Clint as my ear brushed along his auburn hair.

“Shut up.  I’m tired and lazy.”

“Yeah.  Sure. You just want---”

“You to shut up.  So do it.”

“Do you?”

“Do it!”

He grinned. “So you want me to do you?”

“No!” I shot up and poked his forehead in annoyance.  “I want you to shut up!”

“Suurreeeee,” he winked.

What a S.O.A.B.

۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞♀ͼӁ∞Ӂͽ♂۞

“Oh hullo, gorgeous!”  I made a break to the food table, and nearly drooled at all the food.  Grabbing a plate, I cut half of the moist marble cake and dropped it onto the white foam.  I took two red velvet cupcakes, three strings of liquorice, a portion of banana bread, five bite sized cantaloupe slices, and a cup of fruit punch.

Snatching my piece of cake, I closed my eyes and allowed it to melt in my mouth, letting out a lengthy moan.

“Did you just moan?”

My heavenly scene just ruined, I opened my eyes in dread to see Clint stare down with disgust.  Keeping my ground, I swallowed and took another bite.  “Yes.  For a matter of fact, I did.”  And not one bit was I embarrassed.

“Why?  It’s just food.”

Just food?!  What womb did this boy come from?!  “It’s not just food,” I rested my hand on his shoulder, “It’s free food.”

He scrunched his brows, still not understanding the concept.  “But you’re rich.  All the food you eat is pretty much free.”

I wiggled my finger in his face, and poked his nose.  “Nuh uh.  That’s when you’re W-R-O-N-G.”  An automatic frown cast on his lips. “My mama works her ass to get the money.  And money ain’t free.  This,” my arms widened as I faced the table, my smile big as my arms, “is the real free stuff because it’s open to the public.  You don’t have to work to get the food.  This is the way food should be shared.  Freely.”

Clint made a funny look like as if I was insane.  “So you think food should be open to the public and shared ‘freely?’  But why?”

I popped a piece of cantaloupe in my mouth.  “Because food just tastes better that way.”

Watching as I continued to stuff my face, he shook his head, looking enlighten by my whole philosophy.  “There’s never a dull moment with you, Ly-a.”

“That’s what they tell me,” I winked and tossed another fruit in my mouth.

“Places everyone!” shouted the camera man as he shifted towards the wooden platform.  I scurried behind the curtain like I always had done to get a sneak peek at my mom’s show.  Clint followed, clearly confused to where I was going.

People ran around, frantically moving things, grabbing things, ordering others to do things.  They reminded me of a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off.

My mom let the make-up ladies touch up her face, and a tall, lean, curvy blonde was standing beside her, dressed in an identical suit.  I smiled to think my mother was being replaced by someone well poised.  Working for over thirty years of her life, my mom put a lot of hard work, time, effort and plastic surgery for this show and I would hate for it to be ruined by some young airhead.

Then I watched in horrible fascination as the blonde looked around before sneakily stuffing some tissues in her bra.

On second thought, screw my mom’s career.  This was going to be too funny to see how she handles this chic.  Especially since she was angrily throwing muffins at Ruby once we reached her make-up room for the last time.  I even ended up nailing Clint in the head with a muffin.  Actually---with my terrible aiming skills---I threw it at his ass.  Still damn funny though.

“Five! Four!” cried the camera boy.

The blonde and my mother hurried onto their leather seats, and I could tell my mother was ready to trip the girl on the way.  Gee.  I really hoped my mother could keep her cool for the show.

“Three!”

“So. . . we’re just going to stand here?” hissed Clint, trying to take in what was going on.

“No, we’re going to strip down naked and start doing the Harlem shake in front of the camera.  Of course, idiot!”

He scowled and stole one of my velvet cupcakes.

“Stop stealing my food!” I whined, and I jumped up to snatch it back.  Sadly, he raised it up higher, making it impossibly unreachable.  Damn.  I wish I was taller.

“Two!”

About to shove it into his mouth, I smacked the cupcake and snickered as the icing went up his nose.

“One!  And we’re on!”

“Hello, Bel Air, Los Angeles, California!  I’m Mia Monroe, your Miss Virgin here on Talking with Virgins!”  Perhaps it was just me, but I could see my mother pinching a smile, a wrinkle appearing along her forehead.  “Today, we have Ky$ha Blonde!  Our new host!”

The blonde waved, and snuck a boob lift as she winked at the camera.  I rolled my eyes.  “It’s going to be hard to believe she’s the next Virgin.” 

Clint, who still had a bit of icing at the corner of his lips, frowned in confusion.  “Why do you say that?”

“Look at here.”  I giggled, and watched as she snuck yet another boob lift.  My mother’s eye twitched as her arms gripped the leather seat.  “I bet all my chocolates that the Ky$ha girl is not a virgin.”

“A-and now.”  My mother cleared her throat, her hand squeezing the armchair.  “Ky$ha.  How do you,” she adjusted her suit, pulling it down a little, “t-think about being the new Miss Virgin?”

She flipped her gorgeous silky strands, and puckered up her red lips.  “Actually, I was wondering if you could hand me an autograph later!”

“Really?” asked Mia, eyes growing wide.

“Totes.  My grandma is a big fan.”

“Oohh shit,” I breathed, unable to contain my huge grin.

“Well then,” my mother lowly breathed, cracking her neck.  She wobbled a smile to the audience, her lips twitching like blinking Christmas lights.  “Ladies.  Ky$sha is now going to sing her new thong.  I mean, song.”

Clint and I exchanged funny looks, and watched as my mother uncomfortably shifted as the blonde tart laughed, lightly punching my mom in the arm.  “Oh Mia, you’re too funny.  Thong,” she giggled, and pushed my mom again.  I think I saw a vain pop in my mom’s neck.  “Well my new song is called, Tick Clock.  And it’s off! The! Hook!”

Standing up, my mouth dropped as she stripped off her suit and wore a thin crop top that was held up by---literally---strings.  Showing off her belly piercing, she snapped her hips to the side, “Hit it!”  In bright flashy disco pants, back-up dancers randomly popped up on the cue.

Now where the fuck did they come from?

My mom was so stricken; she leaned back in her chair and sucked in a sharp breath from screaming.  The As the tart began to rap her first verse, I clamped my mouth from laughing as the blonde danced on the table in front of my mom.  She looked ready to strangle the singer and kick her in---as Oprah says it---the va-jee-jee with a steel toe boot.

The audience was going crazy, and I even spotted several teenagers jamming to the supposedly ‘modernized’ music.  To me, it sounded like crap, since I was more of an Ed Sheeran, indie, techno, and mash-ups kind of girl, but hey, we all have our tastes in music. 

I glanced to the side and saw Clint’s mouth twitch in amusement as well.  Turning back to the stage, I instantly gapped.

Ky$ha pulled a Pop-it, Lock-it, Drop-it, right in front of my mom.  And let me tell you, there was more to what was supposed to be dropped.

The skinny crop top fell off the girl’s chest, and onto my mom’s face, the thin cloth landing over her eyes.  Following right after was her stick-on bra and---ohmigod.  Thank the Lord my mom’s vision was covered because flashing before the whole world’s burning eyes was a pair of b@re naked ass br3asts.  

I instantly died on the floor along with Clint, the two of us griping our stomachs as we rolled like maniacs.

Choking on laughter, I managed to open my eyes and gasp for air, looking to see Ky$ha pose a Betty Boop, ‘Ooops.’

Not even covering her junk, my mom chose the perfect time to remove the cloth.

Her mouth fell in disbelief as the blonde didn’t bother to hide.

“Cover up!” shouted the camera man, but I knew better he thought otherwise.

The girl giggled, “Sorry!  I just love the breeze!”

As if my mom’s jaw couldn’t drop any farther, I realized that all her hard work and life was being giving to this blonde.

“Uh oh.”

Clint somehow controlling his laughter glanced at me in confusion.  “W-what uh oh?”

“That uh oh,” I grinned and motioned to the stage.

Mia’s face twitched, first her eyes, then her neck.  The Ky$ha blonde flashed her white teeth at the camera a blew a Victoria Secret kiss, winking again.  My mom’s arms started to shake, and her jaw even twitched.

“Uh oh.”

Just as the staff were about to make a break to the stage, my mom leaped out of her seat and tackled the blonde down, nailing her to the ground.

Everyone screamed and took out their phones, except the crew members who rushed on the stage.

“Now I know where you got your genes from,” whispered Clint, and I whacked him in the arm with a scowl.

It took four large bulky men in black to rip my mom off Ky$ha, holding her by the legs and arms.  Wiggling with fiery, she immediately calmed down and let them carry her off the stage.  The blonde was a little limp as the back-up dancers helped the topless airhead up, and she quickly dusted herself off.

I raised a brow, “That was---”

“Aaaahhhhhhh!”  My mom came charging from the curtains with a bowl of muffins, stampeding in like a mad woman.  She started to pelt Ky$ha with the hard dough, the bulky body guards chasing after her.

Ky$ha screamed and began to run, but she was too late.  My mom tackled the blonde off the stage, triggering a bunch of screams.

“Thank god I didn’t eat your mom’s chocolates,” Clint chuckled, and I laughed.

Taking six muscular bodyguards, my mom was lifted by her legs, arms, and waist.  Harley even joined in, not surprising me a bit.

My mom continuing to scream, I watched Ky$ha slowly get off, still not covering up.  “This is just too f*cking hilarious.”

“Oh, you should wait till dinner tonight,” Clint smirked, stepping over the plate of food I dropped from our earlier laughing attack.

About to follow him, I immediately stopped in my tracks.  “Dinner?”

“Didn’t Ruby tell you when we got here?  She invited my dad and I to come over for dinner to talk about next week’s plan.”

I gulped.  “Plan?”

Clint turned around, amused how I didn’t know anything about this.  “I made a list for the tour you’re supposed to give me of Bel Air, remember?  I got a whole list of what I want to see.  I heard the library is amazing!”

My lips curled into a frown.  “We have a library?  Wait, the place where we actually have to be quiet?”

“Yes.  It holds things called books.  Have you not seen a ‘book’ before?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

“I’ve seen a book before,” I coldly snapped, “And a library.”

“Good.”  He gave a short nod, and stuffed his hand in his pocket.  “So I guess we’ll discuss that during dinner tonight.  Great.  I’ll add it to the list of to talk about.”

I snorted.  “You have a list?”

He stuck up his nose, stricken as if he were offended.  “Yes.  Lists are the things that help you succeed in life.  It keeps you organized.”

I shivered.   “Organization.  Gross.”

“Man, you still have yet a lot to learn, Ly-a.  Perhaps that will be added to our list for next week’s plans.”

Phew.  Thank god that was next week.  Still got this week to enjoy before my life would be turned into a living hell; dragging this smart-ass around for seven days.

TGIF!  . . . Wait, I didn't even know what day it was.

Reading the relief off my face, Clint smirked, slipping on his dark sunglasses.  “You do know it’s Saturday, right?”

“What?  Yeah. . .Pfft!  Of course I knew. . .”

Stupid weekends.  Why did they have to be so damn short!

“Like you?”

I glanced up at Clint who smirked, his eyes probably dancing with amusement behind those shades.  Ohmigod.  Was I thinking out loud?

“Hey Ly-a?”

About to shoot a snarky remark, Clint smacked a cupcake in my face, smudging the icing up my nose until it stuck to my face.

Slowly slipping down my chin, my eyes coldly snapped to Clint who held a smug grin.  “You got a little something.”  He smiled and pointed to my shirt.  Looking down, he flicked my nose and laughed, finding my stupidity too amusing.

My cheeks flushed a beat red, uneasy embarrassment and cold blooded anger the only cause.

Ly-a, girl, now it was time to bring out the big guns.  Because this was going to be one hell of a night.

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