Upside Down and Inside Out

I am supposed to write a blurb for my story. Maybe I can't, I don't know. My mind draws a blank. Is it because my story is not yet written? Because it still has yet to unfold?
Sometimes life feels upside down and inside out. It feels like the sky is green and the ground isn't there. Sometimes we all feel like we don't belong, like the world doesn't want us there stinking up the place. Maybe, just maybe, I want to hold on.

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2. Diseased.

I was not bullied as a child. I don't have an abusive father or an alcoholic mother. I don't have a sibling who has died. For these reasons, why should I feel the way I do? I have no reason to. 

Yet I cannot help myself. Someday's I cannot even force myself to smile. I have to hide what I am. It is an ugly monster that holds power over me. He decides when to come out. He ruins my life. His poisonous claws engrave my skin with toxic thoughts and self doubt. 'You are not good enough'. 'You will fail at everything'. 'How do they stand to be around you?' 'Why don't you di---'. I will not finish that particular thought. It is one of my monster's nastier insults. One he used often to force me to succumb deeper into his maddening grip. The thing about my monster is, he holds tight. He refuses to let go.

I will fight him though. If there is one thing I can do it is fight. I will kick and scream until he lets go but I know it is not a permanent solution. If only I wasn't so scared of the permanent solution.

The solution that proves I am crazy. The solution that means people won't look at me the same way again. 

S no I won't find the solution. I don't need someone else to tell me what I already know. I can fix myself. That is what I have been repeating these past few years. Yet my monster is as strong as ever. I never now when he will appear or when he will leave. 

 

Don't be like me. Get rid of your monster. Don't follow No One in Particular. Be stronger than I was and seek the solution. I hear it's worth it.

 

 

If you do not understand then you can never truly know.

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