My Hopeless Hope - A One Direction FANFICTION

Three years after her family tragedy, Jamie battles more than her own guilt. With no one to fall on but her abusive boyfriend, her problems get worse. After she escapes, will she find someone to protect her? Or will her boyfriend find a way to snake her way back into her life? (Based off of One Direction) WARNING: Contains self harm, eating disorder, language, and cases of rape.


15. Loved

Jamie POV

The tears wouldn't stop coming. The ripping pain in my chest I've tried keeping at bay for years overflowed, and my strong façade finally broke down. I clutched onto Niall, my hands shaking from holding onto his shirt so tight. I felt his tears mix with mine and I wanted to help, but I couldn't move, or think. I just needed time for me for once. "I can't watch this anymore." I heard someone hoarsely mumble. "Liam, don't you cry too. Come here, come here." Louis said. I heard the hard thump of Liam running to Louis and smiled. My chest was still hitching from the air that refused to fully come into my lungs. I pressed a kiss to Niall's chest where my head was still buried and felt him shift under me. I pulled my head up to look into his red eyes.

"S-s-sorry for-" He started shakily, but I shook my head, stopping him. "I'm sorry, for not saying anything. To any of you." I added, after seeing Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Harry still looking at me. "It was just a chapter I was obviously not ready to turn." I said, pointing to my puffy red face. They smiled weakly at me. Liam took a step forward, as if testing his limits, before bounding over to me. He stopped infront of me before lifting me up and pulling me into a hug. "I'm so sorry." He mumbled into my shirt. I shook my head, pulling his face up and wiped away his tears. "Thank you. But don't cry. I'm fine." Louis gave a scoff, as if not believing me, before coming over to hug me also. Causing the rest of the boys to do the same.

I felt a pressure in my chest, a warm feeling that I almost had forgot about. Love. I was being loved. I finally remembered what it was like, those nights curled up watching a movie with Sam, or having a funny conversation at the dinner table with my parents. That feeling that was ripped away from me, abandoned and now found. A sob came out of my mouth at the feeling that I oh so welcomed. I looked up at the four of them through my tears and smiled.

The four of them? I tilted my head to see Harry walking back into the house.

Harry POV

It made it worse, this feeling. I kicked the grass at my feet as I saw Liam embracing Jamie. She still seemed so fragile. I ruined what we had. I shouldn't have been so stupid. She probably hates me now. How fantastic. She told me she heard everything I said to her that night. She knew, and yet every time her eyes flickered to mine, they turned into stone, and I had no idea what her mind was thinking. Zayn gave me that look once, then told me how upset he actually was. That's the exact reason I have been avoiding her. Niall was so protective, making sure she fully recovered, and here I am making it worse. I glanced down at the faded red line across my wrist and anger flowed through me. I was so stupid thinking she'd understand. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I turned to leave, stopping momentarily at the sight before me. They didn't even notice.

Stomping up to my room, my door flew open with a loud bang and I struggled to keep these angry tears at bay. "Don't." I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. "Harry." My voice was called on a whisper. I knew she was there. "What?" I barked, not trusting myself to face her. I felt her small hand touch my back, and I tensed. "Are you mad?" She asked, no emotion to her voice. I was about to bark another sarcastic remark when she added. "At me?" I felt my lips part as a gasp escaped them. Did she know how I felt? "I'm sorry, that I haven't said anything yet. I just honestly didn't know what to say. I was so upset when you told me, I wanted to cry for years knowing the pain I had caused you. The pain that you had caused yourself. Then I wanted to beat you til your skinny jeans came off, which would have been a long time." She laughed quietly at her own joke. I smiled at the happiness that had finally returned to her.

"I just.." She took a deep breath. "I don't want my actions to have any effect on you, Harry. You mean so much to me and for you to do that to yourself…" Her voice faded, as her emotions grew. "I noticed Harry. I noticed everyday how it was building up. Don't think I ever didn't." I didn't stop the tears this time as they freely spilled over my eyes. She knew. "I'm sorry that I broke my promise. But it was hard. So, so hard, Harry. And I didn't want you to see me like that. You must think I'm pretty pathetic to apologize now but-" I broke from my stance, turning and reaching for her "Stop!" I cried. Her eyes found mine, and her face contorted in pain as she watched more tears fall from my eyes.

"Oh God. I'm not mad, I'm just-" I lowered my head into my hands, emotions too high. "I couldn't lose you Jamie. I couldn't believe you were still suffering alone. I just didn't understand. I didn't understand at all." She wrapped her arms around me as I cried. She shushed me, rubbing my back. "This is my fault, not yours. Please don't put it on you. That's the last thing you need." We stood there for a moment before she moved. "Harry Styles, you are an extraordinary person." She looked up at me smiling. "So you forgive me for being stupid?" I sniffled. "You forgave me all those times when I didn't deserve it." She shrugged. "Of course I do." She hugged me again when her phone went off. She pulled her phone out, checking it, before quickly putting it away.

"Who was it?" I asked curiously. She fidgeted with her fingernail, taking a step back. "Old friend." She murmured. "You alright though?" She asked again, as she turned to leave, her demeanor completely different than before. "Yeah. What's up Jamie?" I asked again, following her. "Nothing, Harry. Just tired." She walked into her bedroom, shutting the door. I stood there a moment longer, my hands in their familiar pockets. Pressing my ear to the door, a muffled sob was all I needed before I turned the nob, letting myself in.

Jamie POV

Pulling the phone out of my pocket again, I looked at the multimedia message that was sent to me. It was a blurred picture of me and Louis at the entrance of the house. You're not safe anymore, my dear. Take care of yourself, or I'll take care of the ones you love. XO. With a sob, I realized I will never get away. It will always be a cat and mouse game. And I had pulled the only people who will ever care about me into the trap. Angrily wiping away my tears, I stood up, pulling out my old pink duffle bag. My chest was breaking as I threw my phone in, tears rolling once again down my face. The only way, I reminded myself. For Niall. For Harry. For Louis. For Zayn. For Liam. I had to hurt them to save them. It's the only way. As I turned to grab my shirt, I faced a shocked Harry. "What are you doing Jay-Jay?"

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