My Hopeless Hope - A One Direction FANFICTION

Three years after her family tragedy, Jamie battles more than her own guilt. With no one to fall on but her abusive boyfriend, her problems get worse. After she escapes, will she find someone to protect her? Or will her boyfriend find a way to snake her way back into her life? (Based off of One Direction) WARNING: Contains self harm, eating disorder, language, and cases of rape.


8. I Tried

Niall's POV

It's been a week since Jamie started staying with us. Ed was right; you could really see her start to bloom. She still had her moments, flinching or whimpering when someone moved too fast or accidently scared her. But we learned to adapt to her quirks. Throughout all of this, she still has a strong front about her, swearing she's fine. Some nights, I'd see the pain behind her eyes and catch the dry lines of left over tears on her face in the morning.

She still alternated sleeping with the boys, which didn't bother me. I don't want to push her too far. I remember the night she slept with me, God, she was heaven in my arms. She whimpered in her sleep that night, and I'd sing until she was still again, sweeping her hair from her sweaty brow.

We didn't really touch each other after I kissed her that night in the dining room. I wanted her to concentrate on helping herself. But I wouldn't let her go unnoticed without several side smiles and laughs during the day. I would notice the glares I got from Louis every time I had any contact with her. He has become very protective of her lately, leaving me to stomp off to play guitar whenever he would hold her too tight or too close.

We now sat cross-legged on my bed while I strummed the guitar. She casually hummed along, carrying the tune perfectly. I sang along and stopped abruptly when she softly sang in harmony next to me. Her singing, just like her voice was so clear and fit her perfectly. I looked up at her, and she moved away. "I'm sorry," she apologized, "I didn't mean to ruin it." She bowed her head in shame.

I placed my hand on her leg and smiled when she didn't back away. "No. Do that again." Confusion clouded her eyes. "What?" I laughed at her deer eyes. "Sing again, it was beautiful." I saw red creep onto her cheeks. She's blushing! "Oh no, I can't sing. I used to, but not anymore." I thought about that. Instead of asking more questions she was obviously uncomfortable handling, I simply started to strum again.

Disappointed the song was almost over, and she hadn't made a peep, I was surprised when her voice softly rang around the room. "Cause we're just under the upper hand and go mad for a couple of grams, and she don't want to go outside tonight. And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland, or sells love to another man."

I faded out, as she took the next line, ending the song. "It's too cold outside for angels to fly. To fly, to fly, or angels to die." Before I could compliment her, she bounded up from the bed and headed out of the room. I quickly set down my guitar, jogging down the hallway to try to find her.

"Jamie?" Liam's door opened. "What's wrong mate?" He leaned on his door frame looking around. "Jamie just ran out. I don't know what happened." He placed his hand on his chin thinking. "I think I know, come on." He turned and walked down the stairs.

Liam stopped when we reached the bathroom door. "She was in here yesterday too" Looking at me, he shrugged, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

I knocked softly. "Jamie?" I could barely make out a sniffle. "J-just a minute." Her voice came out choked. A part of me wanted me to break down the door and wrap her in my arms, pouring out the love I've been holding in.

"Can I come in?" She didn't respond, so I slowly turned the doorknob, letting myself in. When I stepped in, she angrily wiped her tears away. Someone so wonderful shouldn't be so broken. I slid down on the wall next to her, close enough that we were lightly touching.

I noticed that she was fiddling with something in her hands, and when she turned them, I saw a piece of metal in her fist. I grabbed her hands placing them in my lap. "Talk to me Jamie, don't hold it all in."

"I'm so weak. I can't deal with it and it makes me so angry, that I'm not stronger." She said on the verge of another round of tears. "I'm sorry, I should have talked to you instead." Bowing her head, she looked down at her wrists. I pulled them up, confused.

"But you didn't hurt yourself. You did well, Jamie!" I smiled at her. She laid her head on my forearm. "You will hate me for disappointing you." She sobbed. "But not nearly as much as I already hate myself!" She rolled up, placing her head in her hands.

"Jamie, I couldn't hate you. Why would you say such blabber?" I stroked her brown silky waves, losing myself in their softness. She frowned and reached her hand over to her sweatshirt, pulling it up. She revealed three long cuts across her hip. "I tried." She mumbled.

"You didn't disappoint me. It's okay. It just hurts that you would turn to that," I said, pointing to the razor in her hand, "instead of coming to me." She wouldn't meet my gaze, so I tilted her chin up. "Promise me, next time, you'll come to me." She nodded. I bandaged her side, gave her some pain medication, and then carried her to my bed.

Thinking she was asleep, I started to leave when I felt her small hand desperately clutch my shirt. "Thank you." She choked out, "for being there." Two small tears floated down her face. My heart broke for this girl. "Anything for you, Jamie." I said, before wiping away her tears, placing a kiss on her forehead, and closing the door behind me.

Jamie's POV

I woke up to the bed being empty. I frowned in disappointment, but when I thought how kind Niall was today, I smiled. When I rolled over, I could start to hear chatter coming from downstairs. The harder I tried to listen, the more I realized there was probably more people here than just the boys.

Curiosity got the best of me, and I made my way to the kitchen. I was barely down the stairs when I heard, "And thereeee she issssss. Jaaaaaaaaaaaamie!" Louis practically sang. There were about four more guys standing around, and I saw two girls chatting with Liam and Zayn in the corner.

Louis bounced over, and came in for a kiss, which I had to quickly turn my head so he didn't kiss my lips. I backed away, feeling uncomfortable, even though I know he was just wasted. I made my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Hey baby, can I get you something?" A muscular bronze man said, stepping closer. Breathe, I reminded myself.

"Sure, just water." I said calmly, trying to smile. Just then Niall rounded the corner, laughing loudly. "Oh, hey! Everything okay?" He asked, eyeing the man who turned and gave me my water and left in a huff. I let him wrap his arms around me. I felt much safer. "Yeah, I was just thirsty. I'm going back to bed." I turned and ran my hand through his blonde locks. "Have fun." I whispered in his ear. He laughed and kissed my cheek.

As I made my way back to bed, I started feeling very sleepy. Something felt wrong. I looked down the stairs in the direction I came. I held my head and I saw Louis pass the stairs with glasses in his hands. "Louis, can you come here?" He smiled up at me. "Sure thing, darl. Let me pass out these drinks, and I'll be up in a few." I started to, what felt like, drag myself up the rest of the stairs to my room.

I had just stepped in, when arms wrapped around my waist. I jumped, then laughed. "Niall, you scared-" I started, but when I turned around I found Niall wasn't the person holding tightly to me. I screamed, but it got cut off by his large hand holding my mouth. "Hello love" he spat before throwing me on to my bed.

I tried sitting up, but I was too dizzy to even see straight. I heard a familiar clink and clack, and tried wrapping my foggy brain around it. I started to shake with fear when a placed the sound.

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