My Hopeless Hope - A One Direction FANFICTION

Three years after her family tragedy, Jamie battles more than her own guilt. With no one to fall on but her abusive boyfriend, her problems get worse. After she escapes, will she find someone to protect her? Or will her boyfriend find a way to snake her way back into her life? (Based off of One Direction) WARNING: Contains self harm, eating disorder, language, and cases of rape.

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10. Grapes

Jamie POV

I sat at the breakfast bar while Liam made breakfast for all of us. We chatted casually about what was happening today, and I could tell how hard they were trying to keep my mind off of the events from last night. Harry sat the plate in front of me, and my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.

Not only were there three different kinds of meat, but there were a good four eggs, two pieces of toast, and a large variety of fruit. I stuck with the fruit. Niall glanced over almost every time I took a bite of something. I played around with the rest of it, making it look like I ate some of it. "Now Jamie, you have to eat more than that! I didn't slave away all morning for nothing." Liam joked, but everyone turned to stare at me. Niall just rubbed my back.

You can do this, I thought. It's just food. And fat. And calories. And sugar. But food. I picked up a sausage. My stomach turned. Deep breath, just think about Niall. I then rapidly started piling food in my mouth, and finished first in the group. "Woah." Harry looked at my plate wide eyed. "She even beat Niall!" Everyone laughed.

I patiently waited til everyone was done and left to get ready. Zayn still remanded, watching TV while keeping an eye on me for Niall. I lifted up my shirt and saw the large bulge in my stomach from all the food I ate. I ripped my shirt down, and almost started to cry. I look like a whale!

"What's wrong Jamie?" I turned to look at Zayn, who was leaning forward on the bar towards me. "I just- I can't keep this in." I put a hand over my mouth and made a fast exit towards the bathroom. I had barely shut the door when Zayn pushed it back open. He stood in the doorway while I fell to my knees in front of the toilet. "What are you doing?" He asked concerned as he came next to me. The churning fat in my stomach suddenly meant more than my ego. I weakly tried to push him away, shoving my other hand down my throat.

I felt him grab fistfuls of my hair out of my way, as I plunged my fingers repeatedly to the back of my throat, letting my breakfast splatter into the toilet. After a while, Zayn shook my shoulder, trying to pull me up. "Jamie, there's nothing left. Come on." He effortlessly lifted me to the sink where I cleaned up and brushed my teeth.

I then looked at myself in the mirror, degrading myself with my eyes. I pulled on my cheeks and made sure my stomach was flatter now by squeezing and pressing. "Look at me Jamie." I glanced up. His eyes where burning, but I couldn't place the emotion behind them.

"You have to stop doing this to yourself." He ran an aggravated hand through his hair. "I always thought something more was going on when you turned down meals. This morning, I couldn't believe it when you started eating all of that. But when I really looked at you, I could see your pain and determination to get that food in your mouth as quickly as possible." He sighed heavily. "You're already so skinny! I know you don't see it, but you are. And now," he took a hold of my hand, "You still have to eat something else."

We walked back to the kitchen, and he opened up the fridge. "Hmmm." He looked back at me and then to the fridge, making me smile and roll my eyes. Finally, he pulled out a bag, and counted something I couldn't see into a bowl. "One, three, five,…" He turned back with a huge smile on his face, placing a bowl of very large red grapes in front of me. "Fifteen grapes. You can do that, right?" I looked down them, and picked one up, placing it in my mouth, chewing slowly. The cold liquid covered my mouth, it tasted good, but I know fruits just equal sugar.

I took two more out and placed them in front of me and pushed the bowl back to his side. He pouted. "How about you have to eat a grape for every question you don't answer." I sighed, but agreed.

"How old are you?" "Nineteen."

"How old is your…boyfriend?" He spat the word at me. "Twenty seven." He raised his eyebrows, but moved on.

"When did you start dating?" I took a grape and ate it angrily. He laughed loudly at me. "Okay, I take it as you skip that one." I nodded.

"Do you have any siblings?" I opened my mouth, but clamped it shut, remembering Sam was deadRemember, you have no family. I ate another grape. He cocked his head, thinking.

"What do you like doing? What makes you happy?" I shifted in my seat. "Well, I use to dance and play the piano. I also like reading and running."

"Why don't you dance anymore?" "I got fat." I answered. He pointed at me. "That's not the truth, and you know it." He said, almost harshly. "Fine." I took another grape and reluctantly put it in my mouth.

He leaned his hip on the counter. "You said you don't leave Dan because you feel guilty. Is it something you did that made you feel that way?" I felt myself tense. "No." I shortly replied.

"Why don't you like letting people in Jamie?" I lowered my eyes, from his searching ones. I raised my hand and put it on where my heart is. "It hurts." That's the best answer I had. "It hurts to let people in? Do you not trust people?" He asked again. I shook my head. "It hurts to tell them…about things that have happened." I blinked rapidly at the tears I felt looming in my eyes. "It hurts very much. I'm weak, I can't do it alone." I felt his warm hand cover mine.

I looked up into his dark gleaming eyes. "You'll never have to." He then changed the subject. "Are you well with music?" I was about to answer when Niall interrupted me from the doorway. "She can sing!" He exclaimed with a smile. I blushed. "Can you?" Zayn asked. I laughed, "I'm not good, at all. Niall is giving me way too much credit."

"Let me be the judge!" Harry suddenly exclaimed. "X-FACTOR AUDITIONS!" He bellowed and sat at the bar with Louis. "Up first, could they be the best musical partners, NIALL AND LIAM!" Louis exclaimed. Niall walked up and with his guitar, and Liam joined him singing a mellow song that I had never heard. But it was all the more beautiful. They both had such wonderful voices, and you could see how into the music they were. We all applauded at the end. Harry gave them a two, and Louis gave them a seven.

"NEEEEEEEEEEXT!" Louis screamed, his voice breaking. I walked to the adjacent room, sitting at the piano. After playing a few scales. I muttered, "You should have sold ear plugs before the show." I heard someone laugh, then a thump and a muted 'ouch!' I slowly started the intro before letting the familiar fire flow through my veins. How long has it been? The words started tumbling out of my mouth.

"I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart. But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start. You put your arms around me, and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go. You put your arms around me and I'm home." I continued to sing, thinking of all the times I sang at home. Enjoying every moment, every note, like it was a part of me.

"I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth. And I've never opened up, I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me. And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go. I hope that you see right through my walls. I hope that you catch me, cause I'm already falling." Those words rung so true, and I suddenly stopped, not finished with the song, and not turning to face the boys.

"Sorry," I mumbled. There was suddenly a rain on applause that filled the room. I glanced up to see them all standing, smiling and whistling, and Harry bounced towards me. "Beautiful, BEAUTIFUL I tell you!" He picked me up and twirled me around. When he put me down, I felt Niall grab ahold of my arms. "Hey now, not too much excitement Harry." Niall joked as the room spun. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "Told you!" He then said, laughing.

"Alright, let's get going." Louis checked his watch. "Well, we're already late." He shrugged. "Oh well, they can't fire us anyhow!" He laughed, before Liam elbowed him. Louis turned to me. "Put on your shoes love, you're coming with us." I was then pushed towards the door. Niall rushed to explain. "Me, Louis, and Liam have some work to do, so Harry and Zayn said they would take you shopping." Harry added, "Yeah, I hardly have any boxers left!" I laughed as his voice went up an octave from distress. Poor Harry had earlier expressed his hatred of doing laundry.

I put on my sunglasses, slipped on a sweater, leggings, and UGGS before coating my bruised face with make-up. Harry and Zayn hooked their arms in either side of mine as we walked to a separate car. I looked back at the house and Niall. I left my safe haven. No turning back now.

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