Confessions of a Broken Heart: A Collection

This one is collection of my writings, specifically one-shots which just popped out of my mind from nowhere specific mostly based on my emotional feelings.

This one is a part of my soul, my heart, and my mind. This is a figment of my imagination. This is how my mind works.

This one is going to be a lil bit complicated, too dull, too sad and too much. I know, this collection is a mixture of too much, so welcome to my world.

This doesn't intend to offend or to hurt or to put someone into shame. So in case you felt that you are have a certain characteristic related to one/more characters of the story and you felt offended, shame on you.

That's it! I hope you'll like it. :)

P.S.:

This is a mixture of everything so don't be surprised if you found rated-PG, rated-13, or even rated-R. I just can't help it. *insert evil smile here.

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2. Farewell

My day started out normal. When I say normal it involves the light emanating softly from the window and my mom screaming for me to wake up if I don’t want to be late for school. So instead of making her say something more, I stood up like a walking zombie and took my towel and went straight to the bathroom and took a bath.

After doing my daily rituals for the morning, “Why do you have to be at school? It’s almost June!” mom said.

“Mom, my summer class just ended last week and besides we have an org meeting,” I explained.

“K, fine.” She said and gave me my allowance for the day.

Actually, my reason was partly true. Yes, we do have an org meeting but I am also meeting my boyfriend. I do not know how come I miss him so much in just little time. I just wanted to be with him every now and then.

After hailing a tricycle, I was off to the main campus. After 10 minutes, I was already at the back of the main campus and now ready to board the shuttle that would bring us into our campus. After another 10 minutes I arrived at my destination.

“Good morning, baby.” I turned around and saw my boyfriend smiling widely at me.

I walked towards him and greeted him good morning. We do not do PDA’s like kissing, not even on the cheek, holding hands, and hugging. I know, it might suck but hello? We are in a school. And we definitely know how to control ourselves.

Misty, the meeting’s about to start now!” my friend Michaela shouted when she saw me still standing outside the campus area.

“Thanks,” I shouted back and we went inside.

After discussing different matters on our organization which ended at 4 o’ clock in the afternoon since it also involved the orientation of the freshmen, Kenneth and I decided to go for a little walk by the park.

“I think I’m craving for some egg pie,” I announced as soon as we passed a bakery on our way on the park.

“Why are you always hungry?” my boyfriend asked.

I shrugged. “I guess, that’s life.” And he laughed at my response. Nevertheless, he bought two pieces of mini egg pies.

“Thanks,” I said when we arrived at the park and while taking a little stroll on the park.

“Thanks for what?” he asked.

“For everything,” I answered simply.

“Every girl’s a princess and you deserved to be treated like one,” he replied.

I stopped which made him stop on his tracks and faced him. I leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you,” I whispered against his ear.

He was about to reply when I put a finger on his lips to shushed him. “I am thanking you for giving me a chance… for loving me and all,” I whispered.

He removed my finger and kissed me on the forehead. “You know that I would do everything just for you, right?” he asked as he hugged me. I nodded my answer.

After two and a half hours of dating and I am already on my way in finding a tricycle, I received a text from my mom saying that I buy some canned goods. And so I went to the grocery to buy the said goods. It took me almost half an hour in buying and the line on the cashier was too long. I do not know why the other cashier terminals are shut.

“Bye,” I bid my boyfriend good bye as I board the jeepney on my way home. He waved his hand as a sign that he heard me. I didn’t let him to accompany me at home since it he is already late for his family reunion.

After the 10 minute ride, the jeep dropped me off at a few meters away our subdivision. The jeep couldn’t travel any further since it is their last stop and their terminal area.

Walking down on the sidewalk, I hugged myself as I felt the cold breeze of the night against my body to somehow keep me warm. The cold temperature also somewhat slowed me since it was a beautiful night and I can’t help but admire the dark sky above as the stars shimmer against darkness and wonder how come they are so far yet they managed to enlighten the night with their twinkling glow. I smiled at the thought. Someday, someday I will be as bright as a star.

I lowered my head a little bit as the wind carried debris of dried leaves on its way. There must be a storm coming, I thought. When the wind toned down a little, I lifted my head again. But as I lifted my head a hand covered my mouth to prevent me from shouting while a knife was pointed on my side.

“Try to do something stupid and you’re dead,” he whispered harshly on my ear and pushed the knife a little deeper on my side. “Do you get me?”

I nodded my answer. “Good,” he replied and licked my face.

I tried moving my head side wards but he kept my head locked with him to no avail.

He dragged me away from the main road all to the way to the nearest secluded area. I tried struggling but it was no use. His grip on me was too tight on me. I tried screaming. I squirmed my way out. I bit his hand but it was no use. He wouldn’t let me go.

He pushed me a little farther and stared at me like I’m a meat to be devoured by an animal. “What an innocent lady you look,” he said. “Such a shame you wouldn’t be after I fucked that sweet tight cunt of yours.”

“No, please…” I begged. He took a step forward which made me take a step backward. “Please…no…y-yo-you can take my phone…m-my mo-money…my bag i-instead…just do-do not hurt me… a-and I won’t tell anyone…”

“I don’t need that! All I need is a release! A pussy to fuck! And I got more than what I was hoping for. I got a fresh meat!” he said proudly.

When he took a step forward closing the distance between us, I kicked him in between his thigh which made him stopped a little. I was shocked at first but after a few seconds I ran. I ran as fast as I can, not minding wherever I am going. I just wanted to be away from him. Away from that worldly and selfish man.

As I was running, I took a look backwards to see if he followed me. When the coast is clear I stopped and took a deep breath. I also took in the environment that I am in so that I would know where will be my way out. I felt my pants for my phone but failed to find it. I tried pulling something my arm only to realize that my bag was left somewhere.

“Looking for this?” a hoarse voice asked.

I was shocked but I didn’t dare to turn around and take a look at him. Instead I ran again. I ran as fast as I can forcing myself to go even faster than the previous one I had. Fuck the phone, my life is more important than that.

I stopped at the crossing only to determine which way I have I to take. I heard footsteps behind me and I have no choice left. I went to the left where there is more light than the other two direction. I can ask for help when I found a house.

I ran as fast as I can hoping that I will find a house or even a person to help but I found none. I was already panting hard but I still followed the lines of lights hoping that I could find a help within a minute or two.

I ran as fast as I can. Only to be trapped in a dead end. I stopped and debated whether I will climb the wall. But it was three times higher than mine. I wouldn’t be able to climb it. I debated whether to shout for help, but the man would surely find me if I ever did that.

“Feisty, are we? That’s just how I like it,” a big hand from behind grabbed my hair. It is too late. I’m doomed.

I screamed and squirmed until I was free of his hold and was about to run again when he pulled my head and slammed me on the wall. “I am going to fuck your tight pussy with my big fat cock. Do you get me?” he said harshly against my face as he started touching me.

“No, please… no…” I begged.

“No?” he repeated.

“No, please…” I answered.

“I heard that when a girl says no, she means otherwise. Therefore, in your stupid fucking language, you mean yes,” he said and pushed me harder against the wall. And tore my white shirt away from my body and he started groping me. I struggled as hard as I can but it was to use.

“Feel this,” and he pushed his pelvis against my stomach. “Do you feel how hard my cock is? Huh? Do you?! Do you?!”

I didn’t reply instead tears started falling from my eyes.

“Oh come on,” his voice softened when he saw the tears coming from my eyes. He touched my face and wiped the tears from my cheeks and for a moment I saw hope blossoming once again.

“You are going to enjoy this,” he said and pushed his pelvis much harder than the previous one. What was I thinking when I thought that he would just let me go? “I’m sure you would enjoy this like any slut would.”

And he pushed more. I hate it. I hate him. I hate that thing between his thighs. And the next thing I knew he dragged me and slammed me against the cold cement and went in between my legs and tried kissing me. I struggled but like the other ones I did, it was no use. I tried kicking him between his thighs but he pushed my knees back and put all his weight on me. I almost suffocated on the impact.

He started touching my breast, roaming his hands against my tummy and my butt. After a little while, he put his hand between my legs against the seams of my pants. “Hmmm. This got to go away,” he said and unbuttoned my pants and unzipped the zipper and pulled it down along with my knickers while still above me.

I tried kicking him once more and dug my nails against his hand. He let go of me and I took it as an opportunity to stand and run. But as I found a way to take a sit he pulled me upwards and slammed me against the walls once more and punched me twice on my stomach.”That is what you get when you’re too feisty!”

I almost vomited on the impact. I held my stomach hoping that the simple touch of my hand against my stomach would lessen the pain but it didn’t.

The next thing I knew is that he pulled me and slammed me against the cold concrete floor once more. I didn’t try to fight back anymore. I gulped. I just let tears stream my face as he started touching me to his content. I have no energy anymore. Lord, let this please be just a nightmare…please.

When he was satisfied with that, he spread my legs a little bit wider and pulled my panty away from my flesh. And positioned himself against my thighs. He then put his thing on mine. Please.

“Hmmmffpt..” he grunted and pushed harder.

I winced at the pain and fresh tears fell from eyes again.

“What a tight pussy you have!” he said hoarsely and did what he did to his heart’s content as I lay there motionless on the floor with never ending tears streamed from my eyes.

I felt an ejection of fluid against my inner walls and he pulled his thing from me and put on his pants. Maybe he’s done with me. He’s done raping me. He walked away but I still lay motionless on the road. I just heard a banging of a thing which I was pretty sure that was my bag and his footsteps against the cement.

It did not matter whether the cold breeze is taking its toll tonight. I do not care. I just felt like a crap at that very moment.

After a few minutes, I stood up and walked to my bag stumbling on the way. My core feels sore. It hurts like hell. And that very moment, the pain on my stomach was gone. It was all about my core and how dirty I was.

 I picked my bag and opened it. I pulled a white dress from it.

“You got to be kidding me? White?” and I laughed like crazy.

I put on the fucking dress and gathered my tattered clothes on the road and put it on my bag. When I was done cleaning the crime area and I looked up and realized that the stars are already gone.

“Just like you, I will be gone that fast,” I whispered and went home as the rain started to pour but I didn’t care.

 

“Why are you late?” my mom shouted as she heard the door shut.

I shrugged and walked away.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me when I am talking to you young lady!” she said but I didn’t care. I went straight to my room and put my bag down. After doing so, I went to the bathroom and took a long hot bath trying to wipe away the memories of what happened hours ago.

When I was done, I saw my mom sleeping on the couch.

I walked towards her and whispered, “I know you’re only concerned about me and you just wanted me to be safe… and I am so sorry…” I whispered and fresh tears fell again. I wiped my tears before I could even wake her up and went to bed.

 

A few weeks later, school’s back again and as usual I did my morning rituals and went to school.

“Hello, baby,” Kenneth greeted me as he saw me on the pathway.

I smiled. He put his arms around me and led me to my classroom.

“Hmmm… Ken…” I said as he took a step backwards to go into his first class which made him stop. He knows that there is something wrong. I never call him Ken unless something’s up.

“Yes, baby,” he said.

“Are you busy later? I mean do you have something to do after class?” I asked.

He shook his head and smiled. “How am I supposed to do something after class? It’s the first day of school!” he said cheering me up.

When he noticed that I wasn’t infected with his cheerfulness, he took a step forward towards me and cupped my faced in his hands, “Is there something wrong?”

Yes. Yes. Everything’s wrong. “Nothing,” I whispered.

“Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded. “O-kay, then. You sure you don’t want to talk about it now?”  he offered. I shook my head. “If that’s what you want then… I mean I can skip my classes, baby,” he said.

“It’s the first day of class and you’re willing to skip your class. What a good way to start the whole semester,” I said hoping that I sound cheerful and laugh afterwards.

He smiled and I pushed him gently telling him that he should go to his first class which he understood immediately and I was left baffled on whether to say the truth or not to him.

 

“Hey, baby,” I heard him say while I was sitting on the bench at the park. I smiled at him and he sat beside me. I gulped.

“What do you prefer?” I asked facing him. “A virgin or not?”

He was shocked at y question because I never bring something like that every time I am with him. “If you mean if I get married, I guess, every man wants a virgin wife. Bu I wouldn’t care if she is a virgin or not as long as I love her and she loves me. What matters most is that we love each other.”

He looked intently at my eyes and said, “You didn’t do such thing, right? I mean you’re not cheating, right?”

I shook my head and laughed. “Why would I do such thing?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s like I’m talking to someone else.”

I laughed at him. “I’m fine,” I said but he raised his left eyebrow. “Really,” I said and walked to demonstrate that I am fine but I failed. I stumbled.

“I thought you are fine?” he said and help me to balance myself.

“I am,” I replied but there’s a hint in his eyes telling me that he doesn’t believe me. “Okay, I’m a little bit dizzy, that’s all,” I said and I jumped in delight when I saw a cotton candy vendor.

 “What?”

“Cotton candy!”

He shook his head disapprovingly but all he got from me is a puppy dog eyed me. “Alright, alright sweet tooth. I’m going to buy you a cotton candy. You stay here,” he finally said and I nodded and he turned his back at me.

As I saw him walking away from me, tears started to sting my eyes again. When I was sure that he wasn’t looking I opened my bag and left my notebook on the bench. That notebook contains a letter… a letter of breaking up with the most perfect boyfriend. I took a last look at him from far away, “It is better this way,” I whispered and when he wasn’t looking I ran away with tears in my eyes.

 

I cried and cried until my eyes are swollen and my nose is tomato red and all. I look ugly and I’m happy with that. At least for now, no one would even dare to be interested on me now.

“Kylie,” someone’s knocking at the door. I quickly went back to bed and covered myself with my blanket.

“Kylie! Kenneth is here! He wants to see you!” He wants to see me.

 baby. Farewell.

The doorknob moved. And then I heard a key being pushed on the knob. Click! It went. Someone pushed the door. Too bad, I’ve got a double lock on my door.

“Kylie, it’s me Kenneth. I just wanted to talk to you.” So, it’s Kenneth who’s opening the door. Still, I pretended not to hear.

“Kylie… I just want to know why. I never saw this coming on us. I just want a reason, baby,” he said softly. I cried. I wanted to open the door and fly into his arms but I can’t. he’s better off without me.

 

Days and weeks and months have passed and I’m still the same girl the fucking rapist left.

“Kylie!!!” my friend Michaela squealed when she saw me sitting at a bench in the Science garden.

I gave her a small smile.

“What are you eating?” she asked as she took a seat beside me.

“Mallows,” I replied.

She stole the pack from me and said, “What’s with marshmallows?”

“They’re soft and they melt on my mouth,” I replied.

“O-kay,” she replied not believing what she just heard. “I mean, you never liked mallows!”

“I like them now,” I replied. And she raised her eyebrow.

“Let me get this straight,” she said then took a sigh. “”Did you and Kenneth do ‘it’?”

“Did what?” I asked as I popped another mallow on my mouth.

“It,” she said.

I just looked at her.

“Fine!” she said. “Did you and Kenneth have sex?”

I shook my head. “What made you think so?”

“I don’t know… it’s just that you’re a different person now,” she answered. “Are you really sure―?

“Yes. Yes. I am sure,” I cut her off.

“I mean, I’m not going to be mad if you did ‘it’,” she said. I gave her my infamous tiger look. “Alright! Alright!”

“Are you pregnant?” she blurted out of the blue.

I choked on my mallows.”Excuse me?”

“Are you pregnant?” she repeated.

“Of course not!” I said defending myself.

“Defensive much?” she asked but I didn’t respond because I stood up and walked away.

I heard her shout my name and asking whether she did something and she said she’s sorry. Yeah, I am sorry.

 

“Miss, do you need anything?” a woman in her early 20s asked me at the drugstore.

“Hmmm… pregnancy test,” I whispered and when I looked into her I was met with disgust. If only she knew.

“Forty-five pesos,” she said.

I handed her the payment ad she gave me the tiny box and I went home.

 

“Why are you too early today?” mom asked when the door spat me.

“Professor Ben got a meeting to attend so he just gave us a assignment and dismissed us,” I lied which she believed was true.

I went pass her and up to my room and changed my clothes. After doing so, I opened my bag and pulled out the tiny box which would decide my faith and read the instructions. After reading and understanding the instructions, I pulled out the elongated oval shaped object from it and put it on my pocket and put the box back at my bag.

“Snacks?” mom asked when she saw me. I shook my head and went to the bathroom. I opened the tiny object and peed on it then close it again. I closed it on my palms praying that I am safe. Just one line. All I needed is just one red line.

I took a deep breath and opened my palm. The thing read two. Two lines. Two! The thing read two lines! Why? Why?! Tears stung my eyes when I saw it.

“Kylie,” I heard a knock at the door. “I need to pee.”

Immediately, I wiped my tears with my hands and washed my face so that it would look like the main cause of my red eyes is the soap and I washed the object with water and put it back on my pocket.

I opened the door and mom wasn’t there. Thank God.

I went upstairs and took an afternoon nap.

 

“Kylie!!!” a loud voice shouted my name and I heard banging on my door. It must be dad. But why would he bang on my door?

“Kylie!!! Open the door!” he said and I heard another bang on the door and the door gave way.

Dad pulled me out of the sheets and pushed me on the wall. I gulped. He wouldn’t touch me , right? He’s my daddy.

“Is this yours?” he asked in a voice so powerful almost frightening.

I took a look at the thing he was asking for and I saw the pregnancy test on his right hand. What was it doing with him?

“I asked you a question!” he shouted at me.

I gulped. I nodded my answer it was no use in denying it now.

He punched the wall and dragged me all the way and slammed me flat on the floor. “I fed you, I clothed you! I made you attend school! I gave everything you need and this is what I get?!”

I cried. I cried silently on the floor. “What?! Why are you crying now?! You’re going to say that this is just an accident?! That you didn’t want this?! That you didn’t expect that this would be the result?! For goodness sake, Kylie! You’re only 14!” and he slapped me on my face.

“Tell me! Tell me where I have gone wrong!” he shouted and when I looked at him he’s crying now. “Tell me!!!”

“Honey, stop it. She’s pregnant,” mom said as she pulled dad away from me while my brother pulled me into his arms.

“Ssssh. Everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry,” kuya comforted me as I cried into his arms.

“We’re not yet done, young lady!” dad boomed as he walked away with mom from the door.

I cried and cried until I fell asleep on my brother’s arms.

When I woke up, the house is quiet once more.  I stood up and went to my bag and pulled out pieces of paper. I wrote letters on them.

Dear Kuya,

I hate you! Well, in siblings’ language that means the opposite, right? Kidding aside, I just want to thank you for everything and for being there always for me. Thank you and I love you.

Your 24/7 rival,

Kylie

Dear Mama,

Thank you. Thank you for everything. I know that my thank you wouldn’t be enough to pay all your hardships and the time and effort you had spent on me. But I just wanted you to know that I love you. I love you with all my heart and my soul and with all that I am.

You’re loving daughter,

Kylie

 

Dear Daddy,

Hello, daddy, I love you. Thank you for everything.

Sorry I wasn’t the daughter you wanted me to be.  I’m sorry I got knocked up. I’m sorry I didn’t protect myself from danger. I am really sorry.

As you read this letter, don’t worry daddy. I am happy now. I have no regrets in doing this. I am somewhere peaceful and quiet now. So don’t worry. Don’t cry. I am happy now. I wish you are now. I love you daddy.

The daughter who didn’t turned out what you wanted me to be,

Kylie

When I was done, I stood up and went outside my room. It was dark and it was quiet. They’re fast asleep now. Since I do not want to wake up anyone, I just pushed the letter below the door and went back to my room.

I quickly yet silently gathered the rope that was hiding beneath my bed and made a loop with it and hanged it on the ceiling and I put a box below it. I stood up on the box and fitted my head on the loop and pulled my head again. I took a last look at my room. I took everything in. Memories started flashing back once again. Such a shame it wouldn’t be the same anymore. Fresh tears fell from my eyes. It just wouldn’t be the same anymore. No, no.

I put my head on the loop and took a deep breath and slowly pushed the box away leaving me hanging on there.

With one last thrust, I pushed the box as hard as I can and whispered my farewell and a piece of paper fell from my hands as the last air in me was extinguished completely.

The note read:

I was raped. And yes, I am pregnant. I am pregnant with the rapist’s baby. Farewell.

 

(COVER PICTURE is made by _Music_Matters of Wattpad.)

*I do not encourage rape or suicide in this story. If you have problems, talk to me or to an elder to some community or organization groups. Please. Thank you.

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