Totes MacGyver's Collection of Short Stories/The Totes Collection, vol. 1

Chapter 1 - THe RuMpas pUmpAs
Chapter 2 - Toopy the Tumbleweed del Truth and Wise Decisions
Chapter 3 - The Holiday of Regular Grass Gathering
Chapter 4 - Norman the (soon to be) Meatball Sandwich
Chapter 5 - George: Not an Ostrich
Chapter 6 - Ivana the Roast Beef Sandwich

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5. George: Not an Ostrich - Paul

     George was an emu living in a zoo in southern Louisiana. George was relatively happy with George's life, except for one recurring problem: everyone mistook George for an ostrich. Although this was the only problem with George's life, it made George extremely upset. George clearly remembers one day, when a small child pointed at George and said, "Look at that ostrich. Ostriches are so dumb. I am glad I'm a human boy and not an ostrich. If I were an ostrich I would have no reason to live anymore. All ostriches should just go jump off a cliff because of how dumb they are. I HATE OSTRICHES!" He then pointed at George and said, "I HATE YOU, OSTRICH!" This made George very sad. George doubts the knowledge of the human race because very few of them have any knowledge of emus.

     One day, George was minding his own business, eating George's emu food, when he heard a boy say, "Mother, take a picture of me with the ostrich." This made George so angry, he ran up to the fence protecting the civilians at the zoo from the emus and broke it down. George then began running around the zoo on a rampage. Everyone looked at George and said "Would you look at that ostrich!" George got everyone's attention and began to talk sense into the people. This is what he said:

     "People of the human race, I urge you to listen to my words of wisdom. For to long I have been mistaken for an ostrich. I am not an ostrich. It really hurts my feelings when people mistake me for an ostrich, because I am not an ostrich. I am an emu. Next time you are about to mistake an animal for another animal, please think, 'Hmm, should I mistake this animal for an animal this animal probably does not like to be mistaken for?' because it really hurts our feelings."

     George went on with his words of wisdom for quite a while, but unfortunately, George did not speak English, and none of the people at the zoo that day spoke emu, so they continued to say, "Would you look at that ostrich!" This made George so angry he began attacking people. Luckily, there was a large crowd of retired navy seals at the zoo that day and they all began shooting at George before George could harm anyone. George was severely injured and did not make it all the way to the hospital, but at least no humans were harmed. The zoo replaced George with another emu and no one remembered that George ever existed.

 

FIN

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