Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"

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19. Marley

Chapter 19 - Marley

I am an idiot, a complete and utter idiot. Sleeping with Louis was probably not the best thing to do right now, but with the alcohol in my blood and him looking so damn sexy, I couldn't resist much longer. I remember most of the night, I remember him coming into my room and my sharing of my freshman year of high school. Louis handled that so much better than I thought he was going to. I had half expected him to run out like in the movies, but he didn't. He stayed, and I thought my heart was going to burst.

Now I feel like he understands me. Before, it always seemed like he didn't like the way I was, or he was thinking of how annoying I was. Now that he knows why I work so hard at what I do, the look in his eye is different and makes me fall even more in love with him. I am not fully there, officially in love with Louis Tomlinson, but if he keeps making me feel this way it will happen in no time at all. I wish to put that date as far away as I can to make sure this is what I want. I don't want to repeat my mistakes.

When I wake up, my heart sinks even further into my chest as I realize I am alone in this bed. Did he really leave me here? Tears brim in my eyes at the thought of Louis bailing on me after...last night. It's cold in the room, and I tighten the blanket around myself. It's eleven thirty in the morning. One Direction has an interview, then a show tonight. Today is the last day in Indianappolis. Once we leave here, we are headed to Detroit, Michigan.

I get up, and since I am naked already, I immediately jump in the shower. My hair and body are washed within twelve minutes and I try to push the images of last night out of my head, but it's difficult. I can't forget the way he kissed me, his lips holding onto mine desperately. I can't forgot the way our fingers intertwined, the way he nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck as we fell asleep. My fingers run over my wet lips, then I shake my head and turn off the water.

I dress in black leggings, two inch grey ankle boots and a white tank top with a grey cardigan on top. My eyelashes are swiped with mascara and I draw a thin line of eye liner on both the top and bottom of my eyes. Once I am satisfied with my appearance, I pack up my two small bags and leave the room. When I arrive in the lobby, I see that everyone is there...except Louis.

"Am I late?" I ask them, sitting down.

"No, we aren't leaving for another ten minutes," Liam answers me.

Time seems to drag on forever, and I glance at the elevator at least twenty times as I wait for Louis to get here. My pulse quickens when the doors open, but I sigh in disappointment as a middle-aged man in a suit and tie steps off.

"So you were busy last night, hu?" A voice says from my side, and when I look over, I am met with both blue and brown eyes.

"W-What are you talking about?" I ask Niall.

"We saw Louis leave your room this morning." Zayn says.

"Oh," I stutter. This is embarrassing. "Yeah, well..."

"It's alright, he seemed pretty satisfied." Niall snickers and I whack his arm.

"You don't need to tell anyone else this information, correct?" I whisper harshly to them.

"Sure," Niall says. "I made Harry and Liam promise not to tell anyone."

"You told them?" I hiss. He shrugs, and I sigh. "Whatever."

Just then a figure comes into my sight. "Are we leaving or what?" Louis asks, and my head snaps in his direction. I smile, heat rising to my cheeks. How am I supposed to act? Are we together, was it a one-time thing? I don't want it to be a one-time thing at all.

"Yeah, the bus is out front." Harry says.

We all stand and gather our things, prepared for a busy day and an exhausting night on the road. As I am loading up my things into my bunk on the bus, I remember today is Lou's last day before she flies back home. I frown, I am going to miss her.

"Need some help?" Parker's voice startles me.

"I'm fine," I chuckle. "Just getting ready for tonight."

"Me too." She sighs. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Did you...what happened last night?" She whispers, getting closer. "I heard Harry and Niall talking about something to Liam, is everything okay?

Last night, everything was more than okay. "Yeah, nothing's wrong." My cheeks are warm again. "I'll tell you later, now isn't really the best time with Louis here."

"Louis?" She asks, eyes wide. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you later." I repeat.

"Fine. If you think you're getting out of this one..." Parker trails off, giving me a stern look as if to finish, you're wrong. I just raise an eyebrow and laugh as she walks off.

*****

"You're ready." I finish Niall's hair and he gives me a fist-pump before getting his mic.

The boys just start their interview and I take a seat and chat with Lou. I am going to miss her after today. Her flight is at eleven in the evening, and we are throwing her a going away party after the show tonight. I'm excited, but a little nervous, I won't have someone holding my hand anymore. I won't be completely alone either, but Lou and I have grown close and she is just starting to become like an older sister to me.

I find it hard to pay attention to what she's talking about. When I was getting the boys ready Louis insisted on Lou doing his hair and not me, I had to do Liam's, Niall's, Harry's and Zayn's all myself. It was alright, it gets easier the more you do it, but I tried to talk to Louis many times, but he just started a conversation with someone else about something completely irrelevant. I thought he enjoyed last night? I did, and although he was highly intoxicated, he seemed so sure about his movements. The more I think about it, the less I regret it. I am falling in love with him and my mind is running at a million miles an hour trying to figure out what is going on inside Louis Tomlinson's head.

Lou brings me back by asking if I'm alright; I must not have answered her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I force a smile back at her.

Before I know it the ten minute interview is over and I am throwing the boys' their regular clothes to change back in to. They quickly strip and I turn around and take a drink of water so I won't be forced to stare at Louis' body.

I turn back around and thankfully all five of them are fully dressed, and just as I am turning to face them I nearly crash into someone....Louis.

"Sorry, love." He says quickly, taking my shoulders in his hands and gently moving me out of the way so he can leave the room. My eyes never caught his gaze, a million unsaid words trying to reach him.

I am becoming frustrated, so damn frustrated that he won't talk to me. If he thinks he can just sleep with me and then never talk to me again, he's wrong, so wrong. My heart will not be able to handle that, I have to speak to him sometime. I miss his wicked smile and even if he's being rude, I want to hear his voice. Yes, I heard it just a moment ago, but it was a dismissal. My heart is still beating from the way he called me "love", that's got to count for something right?

I just gather my things in my bag and follow everyone else outside to the bus, we are headed to the arena for sound check. It is the last show in Indianappolis, and right after Lou's party we are on the road to Detroit.

*****

"Thank you Indianappolis, you were amazing tonight. We've been One Direction, and we'll see you all soon!" Niall says, the crowd erupting in screams.

The boys run off, sweaty and tired, and go to shower and change. Since it will be easier to just leave from here, we are having Lou's party here. Crew and everyone that has been with us on tour so far will attend to say goodbye to Lou.

A short thirty minutes goes by and everyone is gathered around, music is playing and people are already drinking. This party will only last an hour and a half, as Lou has a flight to catch. She is leaving an hour before her flight takes off, leaving us not much time to say our goodbyes.

I am talking with some crew members right now, and I see from the corner of my eye Louis and Niall speaking with Lou, laughing at something. I bite my lip and take another drink from my red solo cup. Inside it is coke with a shot of vodka. My tongue runs across my lip, collecting the taste of the alcohol. Vodka reminds me of that night with Louis, images and memories running through my head. My cheeks warm slightly and I look down at my shoes.

I want to go over there and give him a piece of my mind, telling him he can't just leave me after sex, anything to hear his voice in a conversation with me, even if it means we're screaming at each other. My breath hitches in my throat as his blue eyes meet mine. His are full of wonder and I can tell he is wanting to say something, but he doesn't. he just clears his throat and looks away. I purse my lips and try not to cry. I want him, but not in the way you are thinking. I want to be with him but I know he is still afraid because of his past relationship.

I don't like Eleanor. Not because she is a bad person, because I am sure she had her reasons for breaking up with Louis, but because she is the reason I cannot have what I want. As selfish as it may be, it is her fault and it is because of her mistakes that Louis and I cannot be together, that I woke up this morning to an empty bed. I cannot help but wonder that if Louis' relationship with Eleanor had ended on a good note, would we be together right now? Would he have his arm draped over my shoulder as he kisses my temple?

Knowing that the way he will react could go a million different directions is what is stopping me from walking over to him and demanding to know what the hell is goin' on. He could laugh at me and tell me it meant nothing, he could act like he doesn't know what I'm talking about, he could quietly ask me if we could talk and he would explain everything...

When I look over at him again I see Lou filling up her glass with some water. She must not want to be drunk when she is getting on her plane. Since I am not sure when I will see her again I walk over and bump my hip with hers.

"How's it going?" I smile.

"Just great. A little nervous for the flight though."

I frown. "Do you not like flying?"

"No, I love it actually," she explains. "It's just that I am nervous to go, knowing you'll be stuck with these five troublemakers."

I laugh. "I think I'll manage."

"I know you will. Call me if you need anything, I will be happy to give you some wise words of advice." She teases.

"I appreciate it."

"I'm going to miss them." Lou sighs. "As crazy as they drive me, I can't imagine myself doing anything but this."

I give her a weak smile. "It's not like you're going away forever. You have a family to take care of, I know they understand."

"Of course we do!" Harry smiles, appearing to my right with a wide smile.

I laugh. "See?"

"Dickhead." Lou chuckles.

"That's something I won't miss." Harry teases.

I smile and leave them to bicker back and forth. The party seems a lot shorter than it actually is, and sooner than I would like, I am hugging Lou goodbye. "Thank you so much, for everything. I don't know what I would have done without your help." I say to her and her arms tighten themselves around me.

"It's my pleasure. You're great at this and deserve to be here. Have fun and don't get into too much trouble, yeah?"

Tears sting my eyes as I pull away, nodding. "I won't."

We all wave goodbye to Lou and people give last minutes hugs. When the door slams shut and her taxi disappears from view, I can feel it. I can feel the responsibility being put on my shoulders, and it's damn heavy. But I can handle it, I have my dream job and no one, no one is going to take it away or ruin it, Louis knows that more than anyone.

Louis.

We haven't spoken all night and I turn to look for him, but he's gone and my face falls for what seems like the hundredth time tonight.

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