Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"

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17. Marley

Chapter 17 - Marley

As it turns out, all Lou needed me for was an opinion on her hair, and that only took a minute, but I stayed a little longer and talked. But eventually I had to leave and change, since we are going out to dinner tonight. I don't think jeans and a sweater is appropriate.

Once I have on my white skinny jeans, I walk over to my suitcase, looking for a shirt. A knock on my door interrupts me, so I answer it, thinking it is Amabel. She was looking to borrow my eyeliner. Maybe she could run to the store and get some more? "Hey, Am, I was wondering..." I start, but it is not Amabel at the door.

It's Louis. His eyes widen when he sees me and I almost want to cover up my chest but I am frozen with shock. What is he doing here? His eyes rake my body and just as I am about to speak, he does something I never thought he would do. Louis Tomlinson kisses me. Really kisses me.

To say I am surprised is an understatement. I am so taken aback that it is only his lips working on mine, but then I realize what is happening, and my heart flutters and I kiss him back. Why is he doing this? I want the answer and I want it now but all I can think about his how his mouth opens mine and the fact that our bodies are pressed together. His lips are soft and they work so well with mine. I have imagined this plenty of times, but I never knew he would actually kiss me, and I didn't know it would feel this good, this sensual.

When he pulls away he says the words that make my heart melt, "I don't want to need you, but I can't help it. I just do, and I am an idiot for it."

What? The smile grows on my lips until it can't get any bigger and I meet his blue eyes. I want to kiss him again, but we have to go and I don't want to be late. I am never late for anything. My arm snakes around his neck and for a moment I think he is going to pull away, but he doesn't. He stands his ground and stays put.

"I never thought you would do that." I admit, chuckling.

"Why's that?"

I shrug. "I don't know." The silence that follows after has some unspoken words lingering in it, but I don't want to ruin the moment we just had so I don't say them. "We have to go, all of us are going out for dinner." I step away from him and walk over to my suitcase, finding a black tank top and denim jacket, putting them both on before tying up my combat boots. Louis watches my every move, and when I look at him, he smiles. "You should go get ready." I tell him.

"Sure," he says, then gives me another smile before leaving the room.

As soon as the door closes I squeal in a high pitched manner and flop down on the bed as I wear the biggest smile possible. My lips are still tingling from the kiss, and my fingers trace them. Louis' lips were so soft yet forceful. I could tell he wasn't sure about what he was doing, yet he kissed me like no one else has before.

I am falling in love with him, there is no other way to say it. My feelings for him are deeper than I thought they would go and I knew it was true the moment I wrote it in my journal. My journal! I sit up, going over to my dresser where I left it. I frown, it's not where I left it. After I unpacked it was sitting next to my phone, now it's by the clock. I suppose I bumped it or something. I shrug, putting it back where it originally was and smearing some lip gloss on my lips before leaving the room, remembering to sneak my room key in my purse as I go.

When we get to the restaurant, I try to get a seat next to Louis, but it doesn't work out. I am stuck sitting between Harry and Parker. But that's not so bad since Louis takes a seat directly across from me. I try to hide my smile but I don't succeed.

"What's got you so happy?" Harry asks me.

"Nothing," I reply and look down, biting my lip. My eyes search for Louis' but I come up empty when he doesn't look up from the menu. I lightly kick his leg to get his attention, but he ignores me. I frown. That didn't last long. This is what I was afraid of: Louis doing something, like kissing me, and acting like it never happened. It's his specialty.

All throughout dinner Louis does not say a word to me, but our eyes meet many times. I silently ask him why he won't talk to me, considering we kissed before we came here. Unfortunately, I am unable to get any reaction from him and he just looks away, and I tell myself some lame excuse over and over.

A little while later we leave and head back to the hotel. It's getting late, we stayed for a long time and talked after we finished our food. Ten thirty is soon approaching and I am exhausted. Thankfully the drive back does not take long at all and before I know it, I am unlocking the door to my room and collapsing on the bed. I avoided Louis on the way up here, if he didn't want to talk to me, for whatever reason, I am not going to push him. Once I am changed into my pajamas, I wash the makeup from my face and put my hair in a bun on top of my head. A few loose blonde curls fall out and hang on my forehead.

I pad back to bed and just as I am getting under the covers, the shiny hard-covered book catching my eye. Even though I am alone in this room, I glance around before grabbing it and taking it to bed with me. I open it and flip through the pages of it, reliving my high school career. I never really liked yearbooks before, but my senior year wasn't something I wanted to forget. A smile creeps it way onto my lips at the memories and I close that one, putting it aside.

A frown takes place of my smile as my eyes scan the year on the next one. 2010-2011. My freshman year. My chest tightens and my eyes begin to water but I open it anyways. Now, as it is June 2014, it seems like a million years ago. I look at all the pictures of groups of friends, and it angers me that I don't remember a whole lot from this year, it was almost a blur. That's a shame, freshman year is the year that most people got comfortable and made new friends. For me, it seemed like I was going to a new school when I started Sophomore year.

Warm tears stream down my face at the things I do remember, which also happen to be the things I want to forget. How could I have been so stupid? I was fifteen, and thought what I was doing was okay, although it wasn't entirely my fault. Looking back all these years, I want to scream at myself to prevent myself from making all these mistakes, but it's too late now, the damage has been done.

A knock on the door makes me close the yearbook, and before I get up I slide it under my covers, hiding it from view. "Marley?"

"Louis," I say when I open the door. My eyes are no doubt red and my cheeks pink. I avoid his gaze, just wanting to be alone.

"Are you okay?" He steps towards me and our eyes meet. "I heard you crying, what's wrong?"

I sniff and look down, Louis' hand finding themselves to my waist, hugging me. "I'm sorry." I am not sure what I am apologizing for but I don't want to annoy him.

"What for?" He chuckles. I shrug in response. "Come on." Louis leads me over to the bed and I sit down, Louis not noticing the yearbooks by the headboard.

I grab the one from my Freshman year. "Do you really want to know?" It wasn't something I talked about, but that is why I am so focused on my work, I have something to prove and time to make up while I was off ruining my life.

Louis nods and grabs my hand. "I want to know."

"Okay," I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "When I was in high school, I sort of had a reputation, and it wasn't something that made me a lot of friends." I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "It started around Halloween in 2010. I was at a party at some guy's house, and some senior guys gave me a drink and we started talking..."

Louis tenses next to me and I give his hand a squeeze. I can tell he is trying not to say anything. His eyes try to meet mine but I look anywhere to avoid his stare.

"I guess they slipped something in my drink. It wasn't enough to knock me out or anything, but it made me really tipsy and I just went along with it, even when they took me upstairs. They...they wanted to have sex with me and I...I did it with them, all three. The only reason I did was because I felt special because they were seniors who wanted a freshman like me. I thought they weren't going to tell anyone, and I even thought I could date Devon, one of the guys that I...slept with. But he and his friends told everyone they knew and I was called a slut, a whore, and even the teachers treated me like I was a disease." I hiccup and Louis takes my other hand.

"Marley..."

I ignore him. "Other guys asked me to sleep with them, too, some even offered me money. I wasn't that popular in middle school so I said yes to all of them, I liked the attention. The attention made me feel...wanted. I went to parties and got drunk, I smoked pot more than a few times. I was fifteen, fifteen and I didn't even know which way was up. People who I thought were my friends stopped talking to me, not that I can blame them. They tried to help me and tell me that I was making a mistake, but I just said, fuck you and basically sold myself over and over, it gave me some sort of sick satisfaction, I hate it now. My grades went in the toilet and it was a miracle I wasn't held back a year."

Silence fills the room and I take another breathe. "What...did your parents say?"

I lace our fingers together. "They were...angry and disappointed and confused, but I was too. My mom and dad were so caught up in my sister and her behavior and college, I felt like no one was paying attention to me so I did something that I knew would get that attention. Of course I went about it the worst way possible, but it worked. I am not proud of that time, I wish it didn't exist. I can't remember most of it, actually, but that doesn't ease the guilt."

Once again it's silent and I have said all I needed to. Louis asked, and my feelings for him only deepen as he holds me, telling me it's alright after I just told him the thing I despise most in the world.

"So is that why you work so much?" He asks.

I am a little surprised by his question, but reply, "Yes. I have something to show my parents, I have to prove to them I am not a complete failure."

"You're not a failure."

I give him a weak smile. "I started to finally realize that what I was doing was going to get me nowhere in life so second semester sophomore year I started to turn things around."

Louis gives my hand another squeeze. "I am so glad you did."

"Me too."

He stands up and gives me a just a minute signal and disappears from my room. A minute later he returns, but with a bottle full of clear liquid in his hand. "I think you could use this."

You would think that after what I just told him, I would pour that vodka down the drain, but I have managed to control my drinking. I wasn't a fifteen year old alcoholic, but I did get wasted a lot. I smile, grabbing the bottle and opening it. The familiar burn of the drink ignites me, and I immediately feel warmer inside. 

Is it the vodka, or is it Louis?

:-:-:-:-:-:

Now you know about Marley's past and why she is the way she is. It's very important, as you can tell. Don't you just love Louis though?...Despite the fact that he may be an ass sometimes haha!

Alli, x

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