Feel Again (Louis Tomlinson)

{Book 3 - COMPLETE} All Marley Pennington wanted to do since her freshman year of high school was to turn her life around. To be someone she always wanted to be, and when she gets her dream job, everything seems to be headed in the right direction.
But Louis Tomlinson is another story. He's alone, afraid, and just wanting everything to go back to normal, before everything was ruined. Marley, a well-liked and cheery person tries to change Louis' look on life and love.

"Yeah with you
I can feel again
I'm feeling better ever since you know me
I was a lonely soul but that's the old me"

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36. Louis

Chapter 36 - Louis

I have smiled more in the past 10 minutes than I have in my entire life. She's here, she's sitting in my car and I can't wipe the grin from my face.

At the airport I was more upset than angry when she didn't show up. At first I thought that she wasn't going to come, but then Harry told me that she was on her way and I began looking at the front door every twenty seconds. But finally she came and it's like whatever I was missing, I found it again. As soon as she left I realized what I was missing and how stupid I was this entire time. I guess that I had to go through hell before I found my light...her.

I want to touch her, to hold her hand or something like that but I can't find myself to. The tension in the car is maddening, but I don't want to rush into anything without telling her how I feel. Now that I know what is it that I'm feeling, I am eager to tell her, to show her that I've changed? A part of me is terrified that she won't believe me, that she'll tell me it's too late but I refuse to admit that.

I have fucking hurt her way too much. I know I was kind of stringing her along, but I was a sodding fool for thinking that I didn't love her. Of course I loved her, almost from the moment we kissed the first time. The thought was just too scary to admit, but when she left it was like a fucking rock hit me in the head and now everything is as clear as day.

"Where are we going?" She finally asks as we sit at a red light.

"To our hotel. We got our rooms as soon as we arrived," I reply, looking over at her. I still can't believe she's here. It felt like she was gone for a month. Her face is even more beautiful than I remember. She gives me smile and I return it.

Five long minutes later I am pulling into the parking lot. People are crowded outside and since I don't want to lose her -metaphorically and literally- I tangle our fingers together. Lights from flashing cameras make me squint and I mentally curse. These photos will be spread within the hour and the last thing I want is for her to be exposed to this shit. It's terrible and I love her so much that I won't let anything or anyone hurt her in any way.

When we get to my room I dig the room key out of my wallet and unlock it. The room is spotless; it's the first time I have been in here. Paul just came in and got our room keys, and then we went straight to dinner to wait for Marley. The lights are switched on and I turn around to look at her. She's taking in the fancy interior and I walk over to lead her to the bed. She sits about six inches away from me.

Marley's blue eyes meet mine and in them I see not only love but also the pain I have caused her. I know she is still uncertain about my feelings for her. Why wouldn't she be? "I have a lot to talk to you about," I tell her.

She just nods and I take a deep breath. It's going to be really hard to say this, but at the same time, it's going to feel so fucking amazing considering I have been holding it in all this time.

"You have really fucked me up," I begin. Her face twists in confusion. Why the hell did I have to say that? I sound like a dick. "I mean, when I first met you, I'll admit I didn't like you. But that was only because you were so...happy, I suppose. My anger towards Eleanor just rubbed off on everyone else. I made everyone pissed off at me, so when you showed up, it was strange having someone actually smile at me. I was used to people either frowning or not giving a shit about me anymore. I was a dick when I didn't need to be, but you changed me, Marley. I don't know how you did it, but you did."

She takes my hand. "Continue," she says quietly.

"The reason I didn't tell you how I felt earlier was I was scared. I was scared because I didn't know if you really liked me or not-"

"How could you think that?" she interrupts.

"I don't know," I sigh. "because I'm an idiot. You scared me, honestly. You cared about me like no one else has and I soon became addicted. After you told me about your ninth grade I knew I was falling in love with you, even if in that moment I didn't realize it. I know there is a part of you that hates me for reading your journal, but the only reason I did it was because I was desperate, Marley. I was desperate to get to know you, for you to love me -anyone to love me really- that I was willing to break your trust in order to prove to myself that I wasn't a waste of space. I thought that since she cheated on me she had a good reason and that you would find that same reason and cheat on me too. I know it's fucked up and weird but at the time it made perfect sense to me."

"Louis..." she trails off but I can't stop now.

"When I used to kiss you and then ignore you it was because I realized what I was doing, so I tried to undo it by making myself not think of you, but it didn't work. Nothing did. Nothing could get you to leave my mind and it drove me insane. I promised myself that I wasn't going to have a relationship but you changed my mind. You changed my mind without even trying."

"So what are you saying?" Marley leans forward and it's then that I say it.

"I love you, Marley Pennington, with everything that I have." The moment I say it her eyes tear up and her arms around my neck and her lips are on mine. I can taste her salty tears but I just hug her tighter.

When she pulls away our foreheads touch still and she says, "I love you too, Louis Tomlinson, forever and always."

*****

"Why me?" Marley asks as I stare at the ceiling. I am laying on my back in the bed at the hotel. She is on her stomach with her head on my chest as I softly run my fingers up and down her spine. One of my arms is hooked around her waist, sure to keep her close and our legs are intertwined.

"What?"

"Why did I get under your skin? I'm sure there are many people out there that would have loved to annoy you," she smiles up at me.

I chuckle. "I don't know..." After a moment I say, "I'm sorry for leaving you that morning."

She stills and I know she knows what morning I'm talking about...the morning after we slept together. "I understand why you did it."

"You do?" I look down at her and she meets my eyes.

"Yes," she answers. "You were scared."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, kissing her hair.

"Why were you jealous of Zayn?" She wonders.

I sigh. "He makes you laugh, and I knew I didn't make you laugh enough, so I was scared that you would realize that I didn't give you what you deserved... I thought you would leave me."

"Leave you? We weren't even together."

"Exactly. I thought that if you were to spend more time with Zayn or Niall than with me then I would lose you." I admit.

Marley looks at me again. "You could never lose me." Her fingers tangle with mine and I love the way they look.

"Did you have a nice trip?" I ask her. I want to know how Violet is doing.

"Yes, it was wonderful to be home again."

"How is Violet?"

"She's great," Marley smiles. "I missed her terribly but she's back now and I don't want to miss her delivery."

"When is she due?"

"About two months now," she takes a deep breath. "And I saw a family friend as well."

"Who?"

"His name is Brandon."

I raise an eyebrow. "Family friend, eh?"

"Oh come off it," she giggles, sensing my jealousy. "We're practically siblings. We look like it, too."

"Good, or else I would have to teach him a lesson, show him he's not allowed to mess with the thing I love the most."

Her eyes widen. "I'm who you love the most?"

"Of course," I almost whisper. "How could you not know that?" She climbs on top of me so her knees are on either side of my waist. Her hands bury themselves in my hair and her nose brushes mine.

"You have your friends and family..." She trails off.

"Yes, but I don't do this with my friends and family." My hands sneak down to her ass and I give it a gentle squeeze, my lips planting kisses on her neck. Marley shrieks and falls off me, laughter coming from both of us.

"Louis Tomlinson!" she scolds me, but I notice the sparkle in her eye. I wink and her and then pull her close to my body again. Her in my arms is one of the best feelings, it's got to be.

After a few minutes of silence, I ask. "Why me?" It's the same question she asked me.

Marley sits up. "What do you mean?"

"Why did you have to love me, why not Niall or Zayn?" I have wondered this for a while, but only now have I gotten the chance to ask her.

"I don't know," she cocks her head to the side. "You were so... angry at the world and I didn't like seeing you like that, I like you much better this way."

"Me too," I breath, and she kisses my cheek, her hands cupping my face. Her thumbs caresses my jaw line and my eyes close. With one simple touch she calms me and I am once again reminded that this is why I love her. She treats me, talks to me, and smiles at me like no one else. She makes me feel special and important and everything I wasn't feeling after Eleanor. Now that she makes me feel all these things again, I have become addicted, not only to those things, but to her. The way her hips sway when she walks, the way her hair naturally curls on its own, the way her nose crinkles when she smiles, the way she is completely and utterly devoted to what she believes in.

Even if she may drive me absolutely insane, I am in love with this woman and for the first time in a long time, I can feel again.

:-:-:-:

I hope everything is cleared up now that Louis explained everything to Marley. This is the last official chapter but there will be an epilogue and I have to decided to make another "chapter" to share the Feel Again playlist with you all. I will post that after the epilogue. :)

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